My rock bottom.. My life... Just give it a skim...

[ShAYZoN]

A child is born happy giddy full of promise life.
As birthdays past he grows to long for love where is it he doesn't know.
Feeling for what he never got he turns to a dark and unforgiving life.
As he falls down a black hole that sucks his soul slowly out as he gets to the top he falls again but further.
His strengh depletes it's usless there is no top anymore the once lit tunnle full of promise is dark, clouded, unforgiving.
He takes his synthetic happiness as prescribed all day all the time non-stop.
As he slowly forgets everything and hates everyone he thinks everyone hates him.
He walks around pale white as a ghost no emotion but sadness he doesn't know anyother.
His skin is red his eyes are scared no confidence the tears drip slowly he miss's everything he onces loved.
Misses being able to enjoy the simple things in life.. Misses being able to go to a movie or a friends be sober And able to have fun.
He miss's the normal emotions the ones that make humans,human.
Where'd they go... Taking little pills that make him happy smoking a plant that coats pain.
Everything his parents, friends EVEN himself swore to never become, he became the addict.
This is my rock bottom this is me this is my life.
Welcome to my world.

-shayzon

 

[OpiYum]

Im no doctor, but it sounds kind of like anhedonia. You are not alone and I know life, addiction, depression, feeling like a loser/addict is like a living hell, but when u come out, u will be all the more wiser and more compassionate.

Some suggestions: eat organic and healthy, don't feel guilty, and forgive urself (I hope I am not making assumptions or am coming off as lecturing, it is just what works for me). U seem to have a great sense of humor and (washington state NIGGA - lol) and are able to express urself well. This is your world now, but your world will change.

Do u have a real doctor with whom u can tell the truth and who doesn't push antidepressants as the quick fix and who takes the time to get to know u as an individual?

I seriously laid in bed for years out of apathy so I can relate and I have only recently emerged. I believe u will too.

 

[rant*N*rave]

How bad are your drug problems? If necessary, get your ass to rehab! You've already done the hardest part and acknowledged your problems, so now you have to do something about them. If you want to be happy, go be happy! I'm the last person that should be saying that because I have a hard time doing it myself, but that's how it works. I eat much better these days, take my medications and supplements (I was born premature and am unhealthy because of it... wish I didn't have to take so many pills...), and I exercise regularly, and that alone has helped my depression A TON. And when you're happy and healthy, you won't feel the urge to do so many drugs. It also helps to have a therapist to help you get through all of this stuff. If anything, they're someone who can look at your life objectively and give you some ideas for how you can improve it. A lot of times we can't see some very obvious things in ourselves.

 

[ShAYZoN]

Yeah I have to fail out Paitent to get to in patient umm I have a family doctor whom i don't wanna talk to them about this stuff because he could write it down on pt it on my records.