My quest for sleep and motivation

[Tony Williams]

Drugs began 18, nearly 23 now. I will add too that I walk 4mi daily for my bupe, basic exercise. My food intake isn't bad but far from perfect - I want to start weight training.

So in short I've had a huge drug problem in the past 5 years, heroin, stims, shooting, benzos - the lot. Recently I cleared up my whole act. I am atm on buprenorphine for maintence (been opiate dependent 4-5 years). I no longer use drugs for fun for recreation - aside this I have 2 problems 1) SLEEP - I cannot for the life of me sleep I've used GBL for that, I have been addicted to GBL 24/7 dosing but right now I use it just for sleep and over anything else it works perfect. My maybe underlying problem is motivation, I am getting into Nooptropics (Aniracetam+Choline alone are mind blowing - starting anirace was how I stopped my drug use and saw the light) I've so much crap I need to catch up on so I use Ritalin/Ethylphen but the problem I don't want an addiction with them by binging or snorting them. Now my friend gave me his script of CONCERTA (RIT XR) and that works wonders!!! no abuse!!! For once I do feel great, my mind is super clean, no high just focus. However Concerta is hard to get unlike Ritalin for me.

So I went my doctor over sleep+concentration/motivation and within 10 minutes I was scripted citropram which is an SSRI, usually it's the first thing they prescribe to rule out depression, etc. However from what I know this wont motivate me, only numb me wanting to get stuff done. From what I read Citropram and SSRI's will decrease motivation that is unless you are depressed then obviously you come out of your shell. Doctors in the UK are guarded over medication unlike the US (ups and downs). My motivation/focus is an issue that Aniracetam helps nicely but if I had scripted concerta I would not need to "stockup" on anything. When I was 4-5yr I was diag'ed with ADD, speech problems and after my main problem of speech was fixed through ALOT of INTENSIVE THEOPY (I oly have to thank them as speech today is fine) I moved to a special school (10 people a class) till 15/16 when I left. My file was dropped when I went to second school and left at old school which is what I am asking my doctor to retrieve.

So nowadays I use either Concerta (non abusable RIT XR) or Ethylphen (pure rit powder sorta but high abuse risk maybe I might make some liquid form or pills)
and it was GBL to sleep but that ran dry 3-4 days ago so I have used Diazapam - I am getting some Etizolam to try.

I am happy that I have drastically improved having an idea what my problem is, I don't crave drugs but life - my current use is based on "medical" uses. So should I use/try Citropram? I can't judge these drugs because I do not have exp with them but if I was to, something called Cali rocket fuel may be of interest, I need to research it.

I have a list of things to try out.

CANDIDATES for SLEEP:

Sleep hygine (this works wonders but still I need that cling)
GBL - might melt plastic but so far it's the best thing for sleep I've used, it just WORKS (for me) but I know its addictive as messes with dopamine
GHB - Probably a smarter option than GBL in the long hual
Etizolam - Easy to get and hoping it works
Xanax/Alprazoram - Great KO'age
Midazolam - Super short and dose it's job
Z-drugs - now out of ALL listed these are probably the only thing my doctor would write but I am open
Diazapam - Wrong tool for the wrong job but atm it works but I am avoiding anything long
Alphabrain - Not readup but my mate loves it, it's some blend.

CANDIDATES for MOTIVATION:

MPH/RIT - works but addiction
Concerta same as above but little abuse potential
Caffiene+B vits
DMAA
Aniracetam (I am open to other ones too) + CHOLINE
Modnafil
Anti Depressents combo (something called Californian Rocket Fuel?)

I spent years shooting speedballs, bashing RC's, combining midaz+Heroin (both IV), 60-120mg shots of Methadone but I am "through" with that. Stable on bupe and wanting to taper soon.

I was doing good anirace,caffiene, gbl, bupe - smashing. Like a month back. GBL finshed, sleep went to hell and I fucked my DDU appointment so I dropped back into the gutter of Heroin addiction FOR 2 WEEKS, I was spending £40-£60 a day (prices are ok? rule wise? as it's not weighed to an amount of drug) for nothing, just to feel normal - IVing was getting harder and harder - if I was to get high for the day/night then alot more, smoke it for maintence, alot more!! - H was all I could get. The last weekend I managed to get more H, OXY and oh boy 3x 8mg Subs - finshed up the gear and OC. In the end I IMed the OC (160mg) then the day later subs then just a few days later I started again on bupe. So I am making dam sure I have a stockpile hehe. This was just to show how far I have came.

 

[RedLeader]

The problem with your sleep candidates is that nearly all of them carry both physical and psychological addiction. If you've had problems with addictive drugs in the past, chances are you're going to have problems with addictive drugs in the future. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's reality. I would take the medication that your doctor prescribed for you and see if that works on its own.

I sympathise with you, though, as I struggle very much with insomnia. I'm no saint and will admit that I'll take OTC cough medicines sometimes, in small doses, to help me get to sleep. I'm not suggesting that you do this, but I will say that it's a lot easier on the system than benzos or z-drugs daily.

I think that you will find that your motivation will go up once you are able to start sleeping well. I would steer clear of actual amphetamines, again, under the assumption that they won't work out well for you in the long run. And amphetamine crashes can be triggers to go back to the hard stuff like heroin. I would suggest doing it the old fashioned way - a good ol' cup of coffee or tea. Better yet, get into the habit of doing some type of intense cardio in the morning. This is actually where I would like to get to, but I'm stubborn and like to wake up as close to the start of the work day as possible. I will confess that I do use DMAA for bodybuilding, and this stuff really does feel like an amphetamine at times, but I don't think it has any place really outside of a gym - I wouldn't take it to work or study better, nooo.

Have you exhausted all of the "simple solutions"? Comfortable bed, dark room, fan/music, no bright lights (i.e. computers) before bed, and so on? What about OTC products like valerian or skullcap?

 

[bluedom]

I am happy that I have drastically improved having an idea what my problem is, I don't crave drugs but life - my current use is based on "medical" uses. So should I use/try Citropram?

I am sorry to point this out man, but your entire post was a search for drugs. You're just replacing one set of drugs with another, and granted the second one is more benign, they're BOTH DRUGS.

 

[lars90]

Even though its really painfull I think you should ask your docter about quitting cold turkey. I meen this is redicilos. You are most probably gonna end up adicted to all of those medications if you arent carefull. I mean quitting like that I think is way harder than CT cause it takes allot of disiplin and it takes a long time. I mean sure you are very likely to find the urge of quitting for a few days may be even weeks but it gets harder from day to day.

I sympathise with you, though, as I struggle very much with insomnia. I'm no saint and will admit that I'll take OTC cough medicines sometimes, in small doses, to help me get to sleep. I'm not suggesting that you do this, but I will say that it's a lot easier on the system than benzos or z-drugs daily.

Oh my god you take DXM to be able to sleep? Small doses meens 1st pletau doses right?
DXM totally rewines your brain chemestry and I'm sure you'll find out if you go without it for more than 2 weeks. Oh gosh if your not able to sleep take some type sleep medicn that numbs your body. These really arent very adictive I have treid it my self before. But DXM, I really advise you quit with that cause its so dangerous. It's very unsafe! I knoticed the first sings of my anxiety disorder from a first pletau dose.

My with drawl was horrible and I stayed in the second pletau range. I belive in onleys theory cause I have been though it my self. Please be carefull. Benzos are more adictive but their for not as damging.

Did the docter perscribe you that or are you just self medicating?

 

[RedLeader]

The doxylamine succinate in these products is actually what puts you to sleep. Paradoxically, taking pure doxylamine succinate pills does not put me to sleep, so ya know...

Umm for my bodyweight, a first plateau (according to Erowid, I don't use this stuff for recreation) would come after about 110mg. One dose of something like NyQuil, which is enough to put me to sleep, contains 15mg of DXM. At these levels it's very benign and won't hurt you.

 

[Vaya]

OP,

I agree with others who have posted that your quest for sleep and motivation equates to a quest for good tranquilizers and stimulants.

My entire life I have struggled with deficits in both areas of cognitive functioning. I have also gone on fervent (and frugal) searches for pharmacologic interventions. I've also made use of them all.

So what do I take from my experience that I might pass on to you?

The bigger picture here appears to be your perception that when issues like these arise in your life, the immediate reaction is to use a chemical to alter your perception of the experience. But, wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish? Discovering ways to alter the fundamental states of being I experience every day, such those pervasive problems with sleep-onset and a lack of intrinsic motivation, was the most important event in my recent life.

Sleep hygiene (getting on a steady SCHEDULE, sleeping with no lights and no sound, reading before bed, taking melatonin to improve sleep architecture (which most of the GABAergic drugs disturb relatively severely), making sure I get out of bed at the same time each day and getting at least some moderate exercise have all contributed to my not needing sleeping medications anymore. I'm getting sleep, but it's real sleep, not sedation/tranquilization, which for the longest time I interpreted to be one in the same. Couldn't be farther from the truth.

Tackle your sleep issue first, because I guarantee it governs a large part of the causal factors related to feeling unmotivated each day. Integrating exercise and social interaction, as well as maintaining a healthy schedule of daily living and scheduled meals, will astound you when you realize the fundamental changes you're making to yourself. Otherwise, you're dooming yourself to a lifetime of reliance on chemical intervention which is vastly over-utilized these days and alternative (and more genuinely successful) interventions are overlooked.

My suggestion is thus to break your thought pattern that appears to be distorting your perception of what will ultimately provide the most lasting changes you're seeking.

~ Vaya

 

[lars90]

The doxylamine succinate in these products is actually what puts you to sleep. Paradoxically, taking pure doxylamine succinate pills does not put me to sleep, so ya know...

Umm for my bodyweight, a first plateau (according to Erowid, I don't use this stuff for recreation) would come after about 110mg. One dose of something like NyQuil, which is enough to put me to sleep, contains 15mg of DXM. At these levels it's very benign and won't hurt you.

Hmm I guess your right. 15mg is the perscribed rate which really doesnt harm you. You still have to be carefull if used to often this will happen as well. And belive me I know what Im talking of. I went though so many reports of DXM. Not only is the DXM in it bad but (I dont know what exsacly it is) other subtances like paracetamol are extremly bad for your liver if used daily remember their are cravings as soon as you feel any stop emediatly!

Oh and 15 mg is as much as your supose to take against a cough. Im guessing your waight to be around 60 to 70 kg correct me if I'm wrong. A first pletau dose would probably be around 90mg to 200mg.

You really dont know what your getting into!

 

[Tony Williams]

Sorry guys I know it sounds I'm being rude asking for advice and ignoring, etc, etc - I will actually TRY though so I've decided to drop out using rit/con daily (as I do need this but it's not like I will be fucked without) maybe just here and there. - Probably best sticking with Nooptropics, *racetams, DMAE - good stack - TOMORROW I am going somewhere for ADHD (not for medicating but group things, relaxation teq and I hope to learn how to focus and stay motivated better,

However to my sleep, I've pretty much had it bad the past years and the only drug I've been able to use as a last resort (After trying the lot) has been GBL/GHB - I find these are my only option,
I have had a serious add/concentration problems from 5/6+ yr old and 15+ yr old mild insomia. 18 I used and got into drugs, had a massive drug problem however after using Aniracetam supplements very recent I noticed the motivation I got, BROUGHT a high itself. This was when I noticed most of the drugs I took numbed my motivation - this was life changing to me and I kicked most drugs, stuck with bupe.maintained and something(GBL/GHB) for sleep I guess alot of my addiction I feel lately it's way more under control now. Anyone here who actually knew the true extent of my drug use and how bad it was would probably agree - it's just even though I've stopped abuse I am l still feeling problems.... *big snip*

<This.Is.All.Triggering. This type of information absolutely does not belong in TDS; Please take such commentary, if you feel the need, to both Blogs and Trip Reports where they belong. If you need clarification on what "triggering" means, please contact me or any of TDS staff. Aware as you are of the rules, they keep being faulted. If I have to remove content for a third time, a warning will have to be issued. - Vaya>

I am AWARE of triggering rules and hope I aint hit them as I aint showing/promoting combos - this was my normal day to feel that, normal.

Sleep hygiene (getting on a steady SCHEDULE, sleeping with no lights and no sound, reading before bed, taking melatonin to improve sleep architecture (which most of the GABAergic drugs disturb relatively severely), making sure I get out of bed at the same time each day and getting at least some moderate exercise have all contributed to my not needing sleeping medications anymore. I'm getting sleep, but it's real sleep, not sedation/tranquilization, which for the longest time I interpreted to be one in the same. Couldn't be farther from the truth.

~ Vaya

Mate, I've been down the route with sleep too much - about 7pm ish I "chill down off life" and turn off main lights, candles and dim lights I put on. My bed time aim is 12, there's no sound but a small indoor fountain that trickles to relax. I've drink herbal teas too, I have melatonin and used it but nothing much was 9mg - I may retry using it again. I've a fairly nice new bed and pillows and underheated blankets (awesome in winter). I have in my room too some house plants and incense. Now morning I usually lay there - I need to find some AAA batts for the remote because I could turn on my TV in the morning which may help wake me up better. Exercise - I brisk walk 4 miles a day however I need to get my road bike (£700 it was) serviced because I canuse that to travel to town that's 16mi rides and usually race about (not dangeriously. I need to get ontop of things more and I wanna get sorted weight training/muscle gain. - ok another thing is food that's probably were I am lacking - my appitite in the morning is poor till later so I force myself to eat of a morning so I kick start my metababolism. My sisters sleep (young baby) isn't good either so I've made a chart that's known as "sleepy tims (lulz)" and theres 1 sheet a month and it is on the wall with 1/03/2012, 2/03/2012 and right down and I log when I goto sleep+wake. I've tried my hardest with this and it feels drugs are the only option ....... one being GHB - I like GHB for sleep (well it's GBL I've used). I find with it I feel more awake in the day (clear headed) unlike many others - I am fairly exp with it, I like the thought I know I wont toss and turn or wake feeling groggy or oversleep - however stay off for now and stop the add stim use and hopefully stop sleepers. at least if I aint using stimulents and still trying I can work on it. Maybe I just feel I stopped too much too quick and I am not ready to stop using G for sleep (BTW I do NOT have any G about to use for sleep - I would have to BUY it, etc)

What about not drugs, but supplement level? 5htp, melotonin, blends, anti-histamines and there's something called "alpha brain" I am to readup on.

I may alter my diet better more suger morn/afternoon than night. more cheese/milk at night? - I don't eat BIG meals (should revert now I stopped add stims) but I eat alot throughout the day. I need more carbs (oats. potato) and ontop of it I use meal replacement/weight gainer. I do eat eggs 2-4 a day usually but my timing when I eat needs to improve.

Now then, this may seem silly but do you know any meds or herbs, tips to INCREASE hunger - like steroiders do (no, not after them) as I want to intake alot more food, I look less than I weight but 11.5stone I am (maybe .2-.3 less now). Peppermint tea is alright for this - More carbs in me, more energy - I can get into weights again.

This thread belongs in the darkside as I've/I'm addressing the issue of my addiction. However I need help motivational, but mainly sleeping. I feel bad putting my family through what I did - I am so fucking selfish, I even wound up dead (once) taking 120mg diaz with Meph over night then iving alot of heroin (stupid benzoness not a suicide thing)- this was ALONG time ago and dispite stupid combos I am usually careful. I woke with paramedics in my room and dad in tears, I WAS LUCKY, I SWORE I would stop benzos! and join a DDU which I did - trying bupe/meth doses differently the doctors would never up me to the dose I needed - I sadly lost to addiction and it got worse, my dad even got to a point were he wanted to supervise or check me when I would shoot I did remain very careful AWAY from benzos+mixing (usually I am too paranoid I will od to od, benzos stopped this). Thankful I am off that behavour however I lost my dad to cancer the christmas gone.

I always paid my addiction (money wise), I dunno if this thread even seems a troll/piss take because I mentioned it on another (closed commuity) and they said had it of not been me they would of called troll.

 

[Vaya]

You're not a troll. However, your one comment regarding what to do if you can't find a vein is, again, triggering. Though we've talked about this before, I'm going to just snip it out of your post. Please, please familiarize yourself with TDS Guidelines and reassess your perception of what a "triggering" comment might sound like. The whole post is borderline; you don't need to include specific dosages on these cocktails of drugs, for instance. And you don't even really need to mention the laundry list of actual chemicals - I'd rather you yourself took those out. A more appropriate method of phrasing it would be something along the lines of "I tried combining heroin and GBL in order to get to sleep, and it did not work." No more of this 120mg X + 15mg Y + 0.50mg Z... those types of things belong in Trip Reports and not The Dark Side.

Indeed, you are asking a Dark Side-related question, but you are embellishing your message too much with dosages, drugs and timelines. I am in recovery and choose not to read people's trip reports because doing so is extremely triggering for me. I would hasten to wager that I am not the only one in this forum who might find these types of comments and literary inclusions troublesome.

I dunno if this thread even seems a troll/piss take because I mentioned it on another (closed commuity) and they said had it of not been me they would of called troll.

Different forums are going to have different standards and will enforce their policies with varying degrees of vigilance. What needs to be taken away from this thread is that we are within the Bluelight community at the moment. ClosedCommunity can mandate that their members own ponies and wear clown shoes; Bluelight's standards remain unaffected by other forums' standards and ought to be respected independent of comparison with other forums.

Thank you,

~ Vaya

 

[Tony Williams]

Ok cheers, as for IVing and the dosing information - I was giving my previous experience just on how bad it got. When I spoke of IVing I never glamoursed it - I insted showed the health problems the drug/roa had - which may help people less addicted and not at that stage to stop or at least THINK twice. Also it's a log - years later you read back. However yes it's not that just more of a trip reporty thing,etc

Anyway off it all - I will stop add stims. Stick with noops for that insted and consider thoeropy for it. However stick with a bupe script and I will work on my sleep.

I will spend time at the healthy living too