MY PERSONAL SUBUTEX (BUPRENORPHINE) STORY | Looking for help and advise

[CarlosK]

I am 34, I have had problems with various drugs most of my life. It was inevitable that sooner or later I would try Heroin. I became addicted to Heroin for about 6 months, I was not that bad, I was only smoking and not injecting it. However, I felt the problem was bad enough to see the doctor. Without any hesitation the doctor prescribed Buprenorphine (Subutex). Roll forward 1-2 years and now I am more addicted to Subutex than I was ever addicted to heroin.

Over the time I have been taking the drugs my tolerance has naturally increased and now I need around 4mg per day. However, I do snort the drug and use another tricks to increase its strength and bio-availability. I take more (daily) than what I am prescribed (2mg). This means that at the end of every prescription period there is a time when I must give up Subutex completely for a few days.

When I have to give up Subutex my life nose-dives. I loose all motivation to do anything, I loose motivation and optimism for life in general, I feel so tired, lazy and empty, I wonder how people can live like that with the dull aches, pains, and drudgery of every day life, I find it horrible, even after a week without Subutex, for me, I still feel really low, tired, and kind of depressed with life I guess.

Then I get my prescription back. I take the Subutex and BANG! I get my life back, the apartment is tidy, I am motivated, inspired. I am out running and exercising, doing things with my life, I feel enveloped by this wonderful drug and perhaps a major problem is that I truly believe that it makes my life better. I feel stronger, more resilient, more confident, it is so obviously a much better way of life.

I am confused. When I know I feel so great, I know how much Subutex helps my life, and I don't see any "major" health risks with careful long term Subutex use (perhaps someone could correct me) then why shouldn't I use this drug. Why shouldn't I use a drug that gives my mind and body such a huge boost in so many areas. I have no health problems, in fact I believe I am healthier with Subutex because it gives me more energy and motivation which allows me to work out. People don't see that I am using the drug, so I can work and lead a normal life. Why should I have to end such a good thing! It is clearly a major benefit to my life.

But I also know I cant go on forever taking the drug, there is no light at the end of this tunnel. Dependance on this drug and addictions are a problem in themselves. There may be more major health risks in the long term? And I guess that is why I am here, because I don't really want to be addicted to this drug. My tolerance will grow and grow until it is impossible to sustain.

The reason I am writing this now is because I am British, I have just moved home and been referred to a "drug prescribing service". I thought they might force me to give up but now I think the doctors will prescribe Subutex for me indefinitely. Although I don't know for sure yet, but it seems likely.

How can I win a battle to stop taking a drug which I believe improves my life so drastically, should I even bother trying? Maybe it is better to just accept I am an addict and continue to take the drug and enjoy its benefits for as long as possible?

I am looking for honest opinions and advise from anyone, but particularly people who are in similar situations or experienced a similar problem with Subutex.

I wanted to be selfish and write my own story for the hope of personal advise, but now I will read other peoples stories and posts, perhaps that will help.

Thanks for listening, and any help, advise and opinions would be very much appreciated.

 

[J@germe1ster]

Well I can tell you this I felt the same way with heroin, the same way with bupe, the same way with speed balls my all time favorite. Now the problem becomes exactly what you stated later in your post. Dependence is inevitable and lets face it your an addict and already have said that you are running low on your script every month. You seem to have some control of this now but trust me this will go by the wayside soon enough. What happens when you start running out two weeks early? You gonna go try and cop subs on the street? Although this is possible I see more people go cop dope instead. I'm not trying to say this will happen but it seems par for the course.

You also seem to have an active life as well. I got to the point where the things I used to do on a daily basis became impossible unless I was high. Where they truly? No, but I had convinced myself otherwise. It's mostly a mental thing, I would suggest continuing to work out and be active but slowly start to ween off the subs. Are you in real pain or is it more of life's just better kind of thing? You can do this if you truly want to but I only know of a few people that a truly strong enough to not abuse their subs. Take care man and be strong you can do this and not be controlled by a drug.

 

[sid3]

Actually it is not without some health risks when your snorting it. I've seen a few cases where people have had to have surgery from taking their sub like you are. I can't ecall the medical terminology, but I'm sure you can google it and find out more about it. I agre with J@ger, you would be better off to slowly wean yourself off the subutex if it's become your drug of choice.

 

[PaulyPointz]

Subusux

Yeah, I am in the same situation with bupe, only I used prescription opiates instead of H, and for 3 years instead of six months. Now it has been 2 years at 8-16mg a day and I am feeling a bit unmotivated but afraid to stop. My doctor makes it really easy, doesn't piss test, just dispenses scripts, are insurance covers it. I also use Subutex to keep me off binge drinking, which it has since I've been on it. The past two months I've weened down to 8mg but know I have a long way to go. But the thing is, I'm not sure I want to ever stop because life without Bupe hurts and leads to hangovers. I learn the alcohol technique under the tongue and use almond extract to flavor my Subutex and increase absorbtion.
As an aside, I used to be precribed Suboxone and when I switched to Subutex I could tell a difference. There seemed to be less uncomfortable 'static' in the 'high' with the tex, one could easily tell one was now taking one chem instead of two. Also, on Subutex I find the alcohol barrier to be low enough to have a couple beers, which with Suboxone would cause me a headache. Suboxone was a bit more jittery and energetic, as well.
Also, for me it seems that since I haven't dealt with the psycho-empathetic characteristics of my addictive nature, I still consume other substances such as RCs, Spice and Ivory Wave. I worry that if I discontinue the Subs I will get right back into hard drinking and expensive opiates and desperate addiction as opposed to the leasurely addiction I enjoy today.
On the other hand I worry about colon cancer and being unable to cry. Unlike the op, I am on a high dose, but I do notice the 'feeling' sweetens as I lower the Bupe dosage. I get these nice little 'nods' out of no where.