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my parents think i'm an addict...they want to put my kid in daycare

alicat72

alicat72

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
1,129
Location
ohio
i am an adult living with my mom. i have a daughter who is not in school yet. my mom recently accused me of being an alcoholic because i drink wine or beer everyday. i dont drink to excess. just enough to take the edge off my day.

so, today, my mother tells me sh is going to put my child in daycare& that my father is going to help pay for it. obviously they have talked about my "inability" to take care of my child.

i dont get it! i dont drink while i am taking care of her. i am at my wits end with my moms control issues. i do not know what to do about this. i have searched the web for ideas/legal ways to keep her from taking control of my life.

any ideas?
 
i agree,moving out is def what to do if you can.
i know how shitty it is to have people think you're an addict when you know you're not.my parents still tell me to 'get off the heroin' but i have been off it for 4 months!!
as long as you know you're cool and as long as you know you're a good mom,thats whats important.dont let them bring you down,i know that can be difficult if you hear shit from them frequently.i had the same problem with my mom when i lived with her.i feel for ya.
but id also like to say that daycare is actually a positive thing for children before they begin normal school.it gives them social interaction,discipline of a classroom,and they can learn even more with you and the teacher working with them.
not to mention,itd give you some time for you.to get a job,take a class,or a nap lol
im not sure how many days and hours they're trying to get you to agree to but maybe 2-3 days during the week for a few hours per day would be something you and the child could really benefit from.
and shit,if they're gonna pay for it,fuck what they think,daycares not cheap!
 
You drink everyday to take the 'edge off' your parents are obviously seeing something other than a few glasses of wine or they wouldn’t be concerned. I don’t understand your comment about you don’t drink when you’re taking care of her? Your 'always' taking care of her when your with her - regardless if she is asleep or not so IF you’re getting drunk every night then your parents are right to be worried.

They are probably thinking about what will happen if you move out and get your own place - will you be drinking every night etc

sounds like there could be more going on than a few drinks - I’m not hating either, just telling you what I think from your post.
 
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If you don't drink while you're taking care of your child, who is taking care of her?

If it's your parents who are looking after her, maybe they want to put her in daycare because they think you're not taking enough responsibility?

I could be way off but that's how I read your post.
 
Your 'always' taking care of her when your with her - regardless if she is asleep or not so IF you’re getting drunk every night then your parents are right to be worried.
Click to expand...

true dat/QFT^^
 
How old is your child? Do you work? Do you have time away from your child often?

It might not be that your parents don't trust your parenting abilities, rather they simple recognise the benefits of time apart for both you and your child. If your child is over the age of 2 then day care is actually fun and really important for their development. Sure they may be upset the first few times you leave them but with time they develop friendships and get exposed to games and activities that they look forward to. Likewise being able to separate your own life away from your child is also important. Often mum's life can be all consumed by their kid.

There is also the chance that your parents want you to eventually get a job and become self reliant, and the first logical step is creating the freedom to return to the work force. Of course without more information this is strictly speculation.
 
look i know some heavy drinkers who are also good parents, i would rather their child be with them than in care. a few drinks every night while bad for your liver does not make you a bad parent no more than a few spliffs.

social services is a last resort like james franco cutting his own hand off. its not something you do lightly.

if your mum is dominating you move out and get a job and pay your own way then she cant say anything and will have to meet you on your terms...
 
That is being an alcoholic - just one in more control of ones habit than the dude who wakes up, and drinks before/instead of breakfast.

Learn natural ways of taking the edge off - like deep breathing - you'll wonder why you ever thought you need booze to do what you can naturally do for yourself for free.

Need any other pointers on relaxation and stress relief I will be happy to compile a big list of very effective techniques.
 
Coming from someone who could be a borderline alcoholic (I understand the justification to drink a few drinks to "take the edge off") it definitely sounds like you should move out if at all possible. But also, daycare is not necessarily a bad thing. I know my own four year old son thrives with the social interactions he gets when he goes to daycare. He has been going since he was 10 months old, and and is an extremely gregarious child who loves other kids and adults. It always has been because I have been in school or working, so I can see how it would seem odd for your child to be in daycare if you were just hanging out at home.
 
Mel22 said:
I don't think either of these things are okay while you're solely responsible for the care of a child.
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Mel, are you even a parent???

There is a huge difference between between completely annihilated and having a warm buzz. Having more patience and playfulness while occasionally being under the influence makes me a better parent than to be an irritable sober grouch who yells at my kid for being a kid.
 
Well I hate to say it but you are an addict, same as I'm addicted to codeine "Just to take the edge off". Also for me having 6 beers a night to relax after work.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it I'm just saying the truth.
Anyway I totally agree with Bustys statement and I also agree through personal experience. Maybe you parents are trying to give you time to actively find a job while at the same time help develop you kids social skills while at the same time start him/her learning through fun and games.
With my first born I was dead against childcare, I believed they should stay home with their mother till they started school.
My partner convinced me to give it a shot. After 6 weeks I could see a huge difference in Socail skills and motor skills, not to mention counting and grammar. After seeing that I was preaching that early childhood development, child care is fantastic and very beneficial to a child.
But with the issue with your mum being a control freak, the only way to stop her is by moving out. Why not use this chance to get a job and get some money behind you while your parents send your rugrat to childcare then move out when you can afford it.
 
Mel22 said:
I don't think either of these things are okay while you're solely responsible for the care of a child.
Click to expand...
have you any idea of how many parents are on drugs but are still doing a good job? there is a big difference between a responsible parent and an irresponsible parent, drugs are not advisable but if you saw the damage the care system does to youngsters you would see that a moderate drinking parent is better than no parent.

the reason why alcohol despite its destructive nature is so prevalent is that you can get high on 3 pints every evening and while it may be atrocious for your health i dont see it that being bad from a parenting point of view other than if booze came before money spent on the childs needs.

you have to see things on a sliding scale. i have seen parents so drugged out of their minds that they cannot function properly (Huge amounts of heroin and 1 gram of pure amphetamine a day+ valiums) and i have also seen drunken speed heads be really good parents ( a gram of heavily cut base every other week) so the degree to which you indulge does affect the quality of care you give. 1 bottle of vodka a day aint the same as 3 beers and a spliff

it literally is HOW fucked up you are, and that varies hugely between users at times and at even the same intake/different personality
 
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Deleted old response because I have changed my mind.

Anyway, no, I'm not a parent.

munki: "occasionally being under the influence" is a lot different to being drunk/high every night/day to "take the edge off."

pofacedhoe: I never said that drug users incapable of being good parents? I also never mentioned involving social services - perhaps the confusion here is due to what badandwicked has pointed out?
 
^ totally agree - I am friends with 2 mothers who "take the edge off every night" - one smokes weed every night, used to drink every night til I helped her get off that crutch, and the other drinks a few cans every night.

It's bad practice pure and simple, don't come at us with "awww you're not a parent you don't know what it's like" angle - that's just an excuse for not having spent the time to find another way to come down after a stressful day/week.
 
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