• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

my paradoxical wishlist (criticism welcomed :)

onetwothreefour

onetwothreefour

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Messages
14,382
Location
Melbourne, Australia
i can't believe i'm posting this. i never like anything i write, so compliments will probably be meaningless. criticism, constructive, would be helpful though, and compliments still welcomed even if i'll probably think you're all lying ;)

i want to rip your innocence apart
and make everyone around me cry

i want to be martyred in front of a crowd
and pretend that this is the satisfaction i seek

i want to twist and speed and crash through life,
and LIVE, instead of just existing

i want to burn a hole through the hearts of everyone
who feels, but reserve the worst for those who won't

i want to inhale this mad world and exhale
anything, as long as someone cares to breathe with me

i want to hide and think and stew and...
realise, something, just to be taken a hold of

i want to wake up in someone else's skin
and postulate and procrastinate, my new life

until the feelings i had were numbed by time,
ticking by, and the existence i had is forgotten
 
loved the last couplet best.
um.... I am going to read it again then comment.....

I like it though - plucks you out of your skin and plops you back in someone elses.

really good!!
 
have you ever considered a ratbadger? sounds terrifying no?

tell me what you were thinking when you wrote it? were you listening to music? if so, what?

my initial reaction was - i'll breathe with you! hahah

i want to say more but holding an ice cream in hand makes typing hard...
stand by...
 
''i can't believe i'm posting this. i never like anything i write, so compliments will probably be meaningless. criticism, constructive, would be helpful though, and compliments still welcomed even if i'll probably think you're all lying ''

this bit! have confidence in yourself and your thoughts and your writing. write always and often and keep everything. You write well and I love the ideas in thre e- I wouldnt have imagined in a million years to imagine myself in such things and that goes to show you have original thought and the ability to express it. So I am not lying when I say I loved the poem and I remember feeling the same way as you about my poetry, but take a chance and show people and when they say they love it, whether you believe them or not, take heart because they wouldnt say it if they didnt mean it and you can gain confidence in yourself and your writing by showing others.
so show us more please!!
 
Originally posted by Pomplemous
tell me what you were thinking when you wrote it? were you listening to music? if so, what?


i'd been listening mainly to radiohead and nirvana that night, and had been a little stoned, though was *pretty* sober by the time i wrote this. it was about 2.30, lying down in bed. i wrote most of it at this time, feeling pretty reflective, but obviously kinda down about life (as i have been lately). it was really helpful to be able to just get something out though, it helped to clarify some feelings that i was unsure about. i added a few lines the next day :)

my initial reaction was - i'll breathe with you! hahah


:D - thanks.
 
Originally posted by Pomplemous
''i can't believe i'm posting this. i never like anything i write, so compliments will probably be meaningless. criticism, constructive, would be helpful though, and compliments still welcomed even if i'll probably think you're all lying ''

this bit! have confidence in yourself and your thoughts and your writing. write always and often and keep everything. You write well and I love the ideas in thre e- I wouldnt have imagined in a million years to imagine myself in such things and that goes to show you have original thought and the ability to express it. So I am not lying when I say I loved the poem and I remember feeling the same way as you about my poetry, but take a chance and show people and when they say they love it, whether you believe them or not, take heart because they wouldnt say it if they didnt mean it and you can gain confidence in yourself and your writing by showing others.
so show us more please!!


i always write, even if it's rare that i can actually bring myself to show anyone. it's cathartic :)

i feel like my writing has been improving lately (though i still don't like all of this...just a few lines appeal to me), so hopefully i will feel better about posting some more.

i really appreciate your support, (because) i love all the stuff of yours that i've read.
 
hee- i know the word cathartic, but just to check i looked it up in my dictionary - it said purgative. i look up purgative it says evacuating the bowels - but I know what you meant! haha

I was the same, I wouldnt show anyone anything of mine - dont like people getting that close to me that's why I only show people the poems that deflects the focus form me to you.

but it is a boost - and just keep practicing, keep writing - I play games in my head all the time playing with words, putting words together to see what shape they have, what they sound like, to see what rythmn that has and how the meanings change when you put them together.

I walk about and describe the sky to myself in the most prosaic way I can and it all helps to refine your writing skills.

do post more because I'd like to read it.
 
onetwothreefour said:
[

i'd been listening mainly to radiohead and nirvana that night, and had been a little stoned, though was *pretty* sober by the time i wrote this. it was about 2.30, lying down in bed. i wrote most of it at this time, feeling pretty reflective, but obviously kinda down about life (as i have been lately). it was really helpful to be able to just get something out though, it helped to clarify some feelings that i was unsure about. i added a few lines the next day :)

my initial reaction was - i'll breathe with you! hahah


:D - thanks.
Click to expand...

ok - i love to listen to music to aide my writing - i love how my mood and writing changes and flows with music, see this is what i love to know about people's poetry - what does it mean to you?

remember though you are writing for you - not for other people - write on here because it is faceless, we cant judge you - you might find people love what you have to say!!
 
but if you need a hand or to share a breath or to banter with words or chatter to cheer you up, then here I am - just pm and I'll come find you
 
for me, music just gives me a mindframe to work from. obviously the words are important -just as important as the music itself, i think- but overall when i use it for inspiration it just helps to get my mind straight sorta thing.

Originally posted by Pomplemous
but it is a boost - and just keep practicing, keep writing - I play games in my head all the time playing with words, putting words together to see what shape they have, what they sound like, to see what rythmn that has and how the meanings change when you put them together.

I walk about and describe the sky to myself in the most prosaic way I can and it all helps to refine your writing skills.


...and i really like this idea :)
 
brad: i know what its like to not like anything you write, i was and am always the same. but i must say i like this a lot, theyre feelings i really empathise with and i think they were expressed extremely well...

favorite:
i want to twist and speed and crash through life,
and LIVE, instead of just existing
Click to expand...
when put with the "paradoxical wishlist" title this is exactly how i feel. i want this more than anything, to really feel excited and alive but, the paradox is, i know this really isnt what i want because crashing through life is contrary to everything i believe and contrary to obtaining all the things i want from this life...

hit me up on msn some time.

-ant
 
i know! when you say out loud paradoxical wishlist - even the words themselves give a sort of jaggedy noise to it, i love that! i have now said the words out loud about 7 tuimes and now I justknow I'll be saying it all day - over and over and over - yeah! thanks for that! hahah
 
Originally posted by harraser
when put with the "paradoxical wishlist" title this is exactly how i feel. i want this more than anything, to really feel excited and alive but, the paradox is, i know this really isnt what i want because crashing through life is contrary to everything i believe and contrary to obtaining all the things i want from this life...


exactly. right now i feel like i'm torn between two extremes, and i can't possibly choose either, as i want them both as much as the other...

Originally posted by Pomplemous
i know! when you say out loud paradoxical wishlist - even the words themselves give a sort of jaggedy noise to it, i love that! i have now said the words out loud about 7 tuimes and now I justknow I'll be saying it all day - over and over and over - yeah! thanks for that! hahah


hah :D

i like the word paradox (and how it sounds), so i was kinda happy that it made the most sense to use it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top