my little problem

cancer

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2006
Messages
20
I am relatively healthy, I've been in a poly-drug use pattern for about five years and in the past couple I've had some serious downs and some steady periods. A couple months ago I went to jail for something semi-drug related and my family, who thought I merely had problems with drugs in the past, got in the know.

For a little while after the incident I stayed clean, kept away from everyone, and had a nice drug-free honeymoon period. Then I relapsed when a friend came over with benzos, since then it's been back to the norm, going back and forth between assorted benzos and opiates (mostly opana) and always some pot.

I feel bad because I have a great family that's really rooting for me, especially my mother, and they're still under the impression that I'm doing well. It's not the end of the world, I'm not addicted physically to anything and I don't see myself ODing, but I actually do desire to not do this shit anymore. I just wish I wouldn't have started, though that's a moot point now.

Drug addiction seems to have touched every man in my family when they were younger and their wives because of it. My father wasn't so lucky and ended up contracting hep c. He's dead now. I just want to put it behind me and be one of those guys that "used to have a problem" or "used to dabble" but is cool now.
 
cancer- i have to say you seem quite thoughtful and present in your situation.

however, im left wondering what kind of advice you are looking for. do you want to know how to step away from the drugs? or do you need to know how to handle your parents.

both of these are difficult. i guess you have to choose your path. like so may people have said to me: a slip, is not a fail. so don't just fall back into that game.

and keep in touch!! :)
 
If you have no physical dependencies yet, please stop before it gets to that again. I know, easier said than done, but right now the fight is within your mind. You're still ahead. Use the love and support of your family, of whom apparently care greatly for you, as ammunition to fight against the devil-on-your-shoulder! Once an addict, always an addict. We fight this fight for the remainder of our lives.
I am experiencing alot of the same situation as you are esp.as far as family ....except I have full-blown relapsed and am without a doubt physically addicted. When I first sought help in the beginning, my mom was my biggest supporter. I went down the methadone road...an extremely unfortunate decision. After several years of methadone I got tired of the pure inconvenience of dealing with the methadone clinic I tapered down....looooooong process......but methadone is so wicked I continued to suffer severe withdrawals after my clinic visits were done. I started to get severe headaches daily. I finally went to the doc and got tramadol. it's known to coverup withdrawal symptoms...and along came the opiate effects. That's all it took. Long story short, now I'm doing OCs everyday. And, of course, I cannot find it in myself to come clean with my mom or other loved ones....I just can't let her (them) suffer the same heartbreak, or the helplessness and fear again. Unfortunately I know in order to beat this , I need a support team and well, my mother is and has always been (will always be) my best and closest confidant. The stress and worrying of hurting her and them again are killing me slowly (hurting me mentally & emotionally), along with the drug use itself (hurting me physically).
Please make the conscious effort to consistently say No...I do believe the notion that it can get easier the more you keep up the fight! Then you'll have no worries about letting down those you love, or facing physical addiction, or having to be dishonest, etc etc etc. I am at the point, myself, to try to end this misery and to learn to enjoy life without thinking I have to be high to make it enjoyable. What I'd give to be in the "range" you're in now. The road is so very long and hard. You're there...don't let it slip away. Good Luck!!
 
Your playing with fire where your at right now. You need to realize that drugs will kill you if you continue. It sucks that your family has had its fair share of addiction but you don't need to be the next one.

" So your life is on fire, and you try to put it out with me. Im sorry, Im sorry. Everything is everywhere and I don't know who to be, but I wont let this world unbalance me. Theirs nothing to stop us, from losing it all, so follow your heart and soul. Cuz nothing will matter, nothing at all, if you dont follow your heart and soul. Nothing will matter anymore.
We get so easily distracted, we forget where we set out to go, well its okay, its okay. When everything is everywhere and you dont know what to do, dont ever let this world unbalance you. It took some time to realize, but it just occurred to me, what you have is what you choose to see"

Hope that will help you somehow, it helped me realize I cannot follow in the footsteps of my addictive parents. You sound like you still have time to fix your life. It just takes you to stop yourself.
 
if you have no physical addiction to anything right now, you're in a good place to start down a new, sustainable, healthy path. try to fill your life with positive things, hobbies, activities, friends (who are not into the drug culture).

is there a reason behind your polydrug abuse? Perhaps seeking some counseling to try track down why you feel the need to abuse substances is a good idea as well.

keep making positive steps with positive people, thats the way towards success.
 
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