My Life Story
December 10th, 2005
Today after doing 2-3 grams of shitty coke, I've had a huge look at my life. What has my life come to? Am I 14 and up at 6 AM under the influence of cocaine? Is this really what my life has come to? Well some say I am a good writer for my age, I don't know, you tell me. This story is basically of my life, I don't really know what else to say, I guess it is somewhat interesting. Right now I am 14, and currently go to an all boys apiscaple private school, and due to being held back in Kindergarden, I am also in 8th grade. It feels so wierd, I never though I would be doing coke or ecstacy. I always told myself when I was 11/12, smoking ciggarettes and doing drugs are stupid. Well I soon realized that most of it was over-hyped, but drugs definately control my life. I started questioning my lifestyle after a family therapy session at my addiction center. In the car on the way back my mom asked me if I liked my dad at all and I basically said no, she then basically found out that I don't like her. I don't really have any good reasons for not liking her, except for the fact that our ideas are like night and day...
When I was born my mom and dad had lived in Fairfax, VA. We lived in a small townhouse in the suburbs. When I was 3 we moved to a medium sized house in the suburbs in Columbia, MD. I basically lived a suburbia life. I went to private school and my parents both worked so my mom hired “nannys” who would come from Germany and live with us and learn English and what not. I lived the perfect life as a kid, everything was moderated and video games were only allowed on weekends. I played baseball(Although I did not enjoy it very much), basketball, soccer, lacrosse(Started in like 5th grade), karate, and other small things. Went to a local private school and ended up going to a grade between Kindergarden and 1st grade, “Pre-1st”. All the kids were 6 months-2 years younger than me, and I didn’t mind it until 5th grade, when I was so desperate to enter middle school. I ending up meeting a bunch of girls at a pool party during 5th grade summer break. I was young and stupid, and ended up getting a phone number and gave out my SN. I called the girl and her friend asked me to ask her out, in which I did. Relationship lasted like a week, she was atleast 2 years older than me, and I was pretty immature
About 5 days later I started talking to this girl named Tarah online. She ended up asking me out after 2 days or so, and I said yes, as I was stupid, but it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. About a year later, I realized that when she first asked me out it was a joke, but I didn’t mind. We ended up going out for 10 months, and then since we were both idiots and posers, and she was suicidal, I got tired of her and dumped her. We hated eachother for a month, and then just became neutral. Around May, 6 months ago, we both were at the HFStival. This was the second year of this festival, and it is notorious for being a huge fucking concert. We ended up hanging out near the last 4-5 hours of the concert, and there was a strange attraction. Well I ended up taking a cab to her house for the first time. We ended up kissing and had “dry sex”. About a month ago she realized that she HAD A BOYFRIEND! Haha I just laughed looking back on that, that relationship was abusive anyways.
When I was 12, I never even considered that i would do drugs. Basically media bullshit and exageration had steered me away. Our family went from lower class to basically rich, and once we had moved into our new, fucking huge house, it ended up burning down. I was 12 and just loved playing video games, some sports, and chilling with friends.Me and my friends were playing with fire and gasoline on the driveway(Most stupid shit ever), and after we were done, we poured water over it to put it out. We lit a cardboard box on fire earlier and I didn't want my mom to see it, so I put it back in the pile of boxes in the garage cause I thought it was out. For a second i thought, hey this could be a bad idea, but I was an idiot. Must've been a small spark or something, but one thing comes to another and we all go outside to play with fire agian and we see people who were working on the lawn desperately trying to get the hose to work. Me and my friends desperately called the police and our parents, only words besides that that came out of our mouths were "HOLY SHIT OMG FUCK FUCK FUCK"
Ended up moving into a condo in a huge community that was pretty wealthy, insurance ended up taking about a year to fill out. My parents were constantly depressed for a few months, but were glad that we were okay. A lot of our family's friends gave us clothes and the people at my dad's work even bought us an xbox(Haha I know how stupid that sounds). About 2 weeks after living in the condo(Wasn't too bad, a lot of familuies gave us necesities, i still laugh that they bought us a freaking xbox), my friend Brittany was going out with a kid named Matt. I ended up going to the movies with them and talking to Matt online, who was the first stoner I had ever talked to. I just couldn't comprehend drugs and smoking at that age. But about 2 weeks later he offered me a ciggarette and then about 2 more weeks later he offered me to smoke bud with him. He was smoking out of a coke bottle(haha) and he asked me if I wanted to. I thought for a while and asked how it affected him long term and if his grades dropped, which he said not many long term effects and his grades dropped from Bs to Cs. I later realized that they dropped due to lack of motivation, which he has none now and is failing. Ended up probably not inhaling right or just shitty weed cause he was 13 or 14 at the time and didn’t know much. I ended up smoking bud 2-3 more times that year cause I had no hookup and wasn’t too concerned, I don’t really know what I did during that period. I smoked cigs for like 3-4 months while I lived there.
So around the beginning of the Summer I ended up moving into a new neighborhood in a middle class community, it was huge. Although my neighborhood was very small and consisted of 5 small-medium sized houses all with children 1-9 years old. Life was pretty good, I was in 7th grade and hung out with kids that were a year younger. I ended up just hanging out at the mall and making sure I looked cool and snowboarding a lot. Around January I ended up smoking again, I don’t remember really how I ended up randomly starting, but I did. Ended up getting 5 grams from a guy that my friend knew had dealt with it, which now I laugh about, and it was probably middies. He talked a lot and said we should chill again and what not, but I knew my parents wouldn’t let me chill with someone who is 15 and just looked like a stoner. I ended up getting his phone number. I usually would smoke with my old best friend Taylor, who I now am not very fond of. He went from being this somewhat chubby punk/chill kid to a prep who only cares about how many girls he can score. In fact, the first time I was caught was because he told his mom that he had smoked when she said she was going to piss test him. Anyways, she piss tested him after he asked and IT FUCKING CAME OUT NEGATIVE.. She called my mom after he confessed and my mom took my 1.5 O stash and my bowl(). Ended up getting really pissed and started stealing money to buy bud.
From then on, I pretty much just started smoking on weekends, and didn’t start smoking heavily till the Summer, in which only lasted 2 months.
Really, I just fucking hate my life. I became a steady stoner about a year ago and started smoking everyday like twice or 3 times. Being stupid and smoking in public late at night ended up kicking me in the ass. About 5 months ago in July I thought a car was coming up and just said, it's fucking 1 AM, if it is anyone, they would probably be chill. By the way, I was at a public pool that I would smoke at a lot during the school year with my friends, usually no one there.
Yeah so basically i got caught with 2 grams of some dank bud and my bong(haha carried it around in my backpack) My mom and dad had already got me twice with weed, I knew I was fucked and got teary-eyed just thinking about how much they will hate me. My dad ended up screaming and hitting me, although i am a few inches bigger and justp ushed him back and went up to my room. Some tough times over the next few months, horribly depressed. About 2 weeks later we got a letter in the mail saying what I had to do. My parents had enroleld me in the state addiction center because they knew that it wuold be required.
Around a month or two into drug counciling, I was looking for a new high. I could not smoke because of drug tests(Although later I realized that they were every 3 weeks and i could smoke occasionally).
Ended up scoring 2 awesome Red Superman pills, rolled the hardest I have ever rolled off of one and a half. Good pills ended up only being around for a month, I wish I would have had a lot of money to buy a stash. ATM all the pills are trash. But anyways, one thing leads to another, and I ended up trying crack(Not my thing, can't tell if im fucked up), coke, and then shrooms. I was caught the day before Thanksgiving tripping with my somewhat shady, yet deep friend in my basement on shrooms. Horrible trip cause I had to worry about getting caught as it was like 8 PM and my mom was upstairs with friends. No serious consequences from that, got out lucky.
But lately I've been somewhat sad and have had huge lookbacks on my life. What do I fucking live for? I realized that the only times I am happy is when I am fucked up, with my girlfriend, and sleeping. I mean I like video games, but they get boring. I also stopped practicing guitar 2 weeks ago because I lost motivation. Weed definitely made me lose all motivation and I was convinced that I would just not go to college and work minimal wage while dealing on the side.
December 10th, 2005
Today after doing 2-3 grams of shitty coke, I've had a huge look at my life. What has my life come to? Am I 14 and up at 6 AM under the influence of cocaine? Is this really what my life has come to? Well some say I am a good writer for my age, I don't know, you tell me. This story is basically of my life, I don't really know what else to say, I guess it is somewhat interesting. Right now I am 14, and currently go to an all boys apiscaple private school, and due to being held back in Kindergarden, I am also in 8th grade. It feels so wierd, I never though I would be doing coke or ecstacy. I always told myself when I was 11/12, smoking ciggarettes and doing drugs are stupid. Well I soon realized that most of it was over-hyped, but drugs definately control my life. I started questioning my lifestyle after a family therapy session at my addiction center. In the car on the way back my mom asked me if I liked my dad at all and I basically said no, she then basically found out that I don't like her. I don't really have any good reasons for not liking her, except for the fact that our ideas are like night and day...
When I was born my mom and dad had lived in Fairfax, VA. We lived in a small townhouse in the suburbs. When I was 3 we moved to a medium sized house in the suburbs in Columbia, MD. I basically lived a suburbia life. I went to private school and my parents both worked so my mom hired “nannys” who would come from Germany and live with us and learn English and what not. I lived the perfect life as a kid, everything was moderated and video games were only allowed on weekends. I played baseball(Although I did not enjoy it very much), basketball, soccer, lacrosse(Started in like 5th grade), karate, and other small things. Went to a local private school and ended up going to a grade between Kindergarden and 1st grade, “Pre-1st”. All the kids were 6 months-2 years younger than me, and I didn’t mind it until 5th grade, when I was so desperate to enter middle school. I ending up meeting a bunch of girls at a pool party during 5th grade summer break. I was young and stupid, and ended up getting a phone number and gave out my SN. I called the girl and her friend asked me to ask her out, in which I did. Relationship lasted like a week, she was atleast 2 years older than me, and I was pretty immature
About 5 days later I started talking to this girl named Tarah online. She ended up asking me out after 2 days or so, and I said yes, as I was stupid, but it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. About a year later, I realized that when she first asked me out it was a joke, but I didn’t mind. We ended up going out for 10 months, and then since we were both idiots and posers, and she was suicidal, I got tired of her and dumped her. We hated eachother for a month, and then just became neutral. Around May, 6 months ago, we both were at the HFStival. This was the second year of this festival, and it is notorious for being a huge fucking concert. We ended up hanging out near the last 4-5 hours of the concert, and there was a strange attraction. Well I ended up taking a cab to her house for the first time. We ended up kissing and had “dry sex”. About a month ago she realized that she HAD A BOYFRIEND! Haha I just laughed looking back on that, that relationship was abusive anyways.
When I was 12, I never even considered that i would do drugs. Basically media bullshit and exageration had steered me away. Our family went from lower class to basically rich, and once we had moved into our new, fucking huge house, it ended up burning down. I was 12 and just loved playing video games, some sports, and chilling with friends.Me and my friends were playing with fire and gasoline on the driveway(Most stupid shit ever), and after we were done, we poured water over it to put it out. We lit a cardboard box on fire earlier and I didn't want my mom to see it, so I put it back in the pile of boxes in the garage cause I thought it was out. For a second i thought, hey this could be a bad idea, but I was an idiot. Must've been a small spark or something, but one thing comes to another and we all go outside to play with fire agian and we see people who were working on the lawn desperately trying to get the hose to work. Me and my friends desperately called the police and our parents, only words besides that that came out of our mouths were "HOLY SHIT OMG FUCK FUCK FUCK"
Ended up moving into a condo in a huge community that was pretty wealthy, insurance ended up taking about a year to fill out. My parents were constantly depressed for a few months, but were glad that we were okay. A lot of our family's friends gave us clothes and the people at my dad's work even bought us an xbox(Haha I know how stupid that sounds). About 2 weeks after living in the condo(Wasn't too bad, a lot of familuies gave us necesities, i still laugh that they bought us a freaking xbox), my friend Brittany was going out with a kid named Matt. I ended up going to the movies with them and talking to Matt online, who was the first stoner I had ever talked to. I just couldn't comprehend drugs and smoking at that age. But about 2 weeks later he offered me a ciggarette and then about 2 more weeks later he offered me to smoke bud with him. He was smoking out of a coke bottle(haha) and he asked me if I wanted to. I thought for a while and asked how it affected him long term and if his grades dropped, which he said not many long term effects and his grades dropped from Bs to Cs. I later realized that they dropped due to lack of motivation, which he has none now and is failing. Ended up probably not inhaling right or just shitty weed cause he was 13 or 14 at the time and didn’t know much. I ended up smoking bud 2-3 more times that year cause I had no hookup and wasn’t too concerned, I don’t really know what I did during that period. I smoked cigs for like 3-4 months while I lived there.
So around the beginning of the Summer I ended up moving into a new neighborhood in a middle class community, it was huge. Although my neighborhood was very small and consisted of 5 small-medium sized houses all with children 1-9 years old. Life was pretty good, I was in 7th grade and hung out with kids that were a year younger. I ended up just hanging out at the mall and making sure I looked cool and snowboarding a lot. Around January I ended up smoking again, I don’t remember really how I ended up randomly starting, but I did. Ended up getting 5 grams from a guy that my friend knew had dealt with it, which now I laugh about, and it was probably middies. He talked a lot and said we should chill again and what not, but I knew my parents wouldn’t let me chill with someone who is 15 and just looked like a stoner. I ended up getting his phone number. I usually would smoke with my old best friend Taylor, who I now am not very fond of. He went from being this somewhat chubby punk/chill kid to a prep who only cares about how many girls he can score. In fact, the first time I was caught was because he told his mom that he had smoked when she said she was going to piss test him. Anyways, she piss tested him after he asked and IT FUCKING CAME OUT NEGATIVE.. She called my mom after he confessed and my mom took my 1.5 O stash and my bowl(). Ended up getting really pissed and started stealing money to buy bud.
From then on, I pretty much just started smoking on weekends, and didn’t start smoking heavily till the Summer, in which only lasted 2 months.
Really, I just fucking hate my life. I became a steady stoner about a year ago and started smoking everyday like twice or 3 times. Being stupid and smoking in public late at night ended up kicking me in the ass. About 5 months ago in July I thought a car was coming up and just said, it's fucking 1 AM, if it is anyone, they would probably be chill. By the way, I was at a public pool that I would smoke at a lot during the school year with my friends, usually no one there.
Yeah so basically i got caught with 2 grams of some dank bud and my bong(haha carried it around in my backpack) My mom and dad had already got me twice with weed, I knew I was fucked and got teary-eyed just thinking about how much they will hate me. My dad ended up screaming and hitting me, although i am a few inches bigger and justp ushed him back and went up to my room. Some tough times over the next few months, horribly depressed. About 2 weeks later we got a letter in the mail saying what I had to do. My parents had enroleld me in the state addiction center because they knew that it wuold be required.
Around a month or two into drug counciling, I was looking for a new high. I could not smoke because of drug tests(Although later I realized that they were every 3 weeks and i could smoke occasionally).
Ended up scoring 2 awesome Red Superman pills, rolled the hardest I have ever rolled off of one and a half. Good pills ended up only being around for a month, I wish I would have had a lot of money to buy a stash. ATM all the pills are trash. But anyways, one thing leads to another, and I ended up trying crack(Not my thing, can't tell if im fucked up), coke, and then shrooms. I was caught the day before Thanksgiving tripping with my somewhat shady, yet deep friend in my basement on shrooms. Horrible trip cause I had to worry about getting caught as it was like 8 PM and my mom was upstairs with friends. No serious consequences from that, got out lucky.
But lately I've been somewhat sad and have had huge lookbacks on my life. What do I fucking live for? I realized that the only times I am happy is when I am fucked up, with my girlfriend, and sleeping. I mean I like video games, but they get boring. I also stopped practicing guitar 2 weeks ago because I lost motivation. Weed definitely made me lose all motivation and I was convinced that I would just not go to college and work minimal wage while dealing on the side.