My life is fucked

Well, it's been about a month since I last used meth. I'm past the worst of the withdrawals, but I've got a whole heap of lingering problems which may be related to PAWS or even damage from neurotoxicity.

I'm constantly apathetic and anhedonic - unable to feel happy or enjoy anything. I have no hobbies or interests, and I can't seem to find any. My motivation is also at zero. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I can't concentrate on much (I can't read books, can't read long posts here on Bluelight, and so on), and I can barely muster up the energy for basic things like showering or brushing my teeth!

I want my life back. I want to be happy. I want the ability to do something other than sitting on my ass all day, aimlessly surfing the net and smoking cigerettes.

 

Nah, your life isn't fucked. It just feels like it right now because your well into the process of breaking the long term body/mind relationship you had with meth

You've made HUGE strides and all this stuff you're feeling/not feeling is temporary. Very temporary when stepping back and looking at the overall scheme of things

Keep pushing on until it evens out, it will even out and you'll finally see the payoff of quitting that relationship

 

Thanks, OD! Sometimes I look at my life and think "why am I even bothering to quit?", but I guess the road to recovery is never easy, huh?

 

Especially if you started using at an early age. When so much of your identity is built around meth, you basically have to completely reinvent yourself once you're sober. Not an easy task at the best of times, and when you're anhedonic and demotivated it's all the harder.

I still say that those who are able to come out of such difficult places have a huge advantage over those who have had 'easy' lives. Someday you'll be able to draw on this huge reserve of strength and character that you're building with huge effort right now.

 

You're right when you say the road to recovery is never easy.....Its a primitive, dirt road with plenty of potholes but you are one tough girl SP You are already a month in and it wILL get easier.
So proud of you!!

 

Especially if you started using at an early age. When so much of your identity is built around meth, you basically have to completely reinvent yourself once you're sober. Not an easy task at the best of times, and when you're anhedonic and demotivated it's all the harder.

I still say that those who are able to come out of such difficult places have a huge advantage over those who have had 'easy' lives. Someday you'll be able to draw on this huge reserve of strength and character that you're building with huge effort right now.

I think that's true. I'm now 25 - I've been using meth heavily for 3 years, and speed (powdered dex-amphetamine, probably with traces of meth) for a few years before that. So much of my identity has become a "meth addict" that it's now hard to figure out who I really am and where I'm going in life. My psychologist at the drug & alcohol service suggested finding new hobbies and interests to involve myself with, but at the moment (especially with the apathy/anhedonia) that's easier said than done!

You're right when you say the road to recovery is never easy.....Its a primitive, dirt road with plenty of potholes but you are one tough girl SP You are already a month in and it wILL get easier.
So proud of you!!

Thanks ocean.

 

You will feel better in due time P!

CONGRATULATIONS on 1 month clean! That's a big step.

In the next few months I am sure you will feel better than you do now.

I hope everything works out for the best!