Hey so my first post a few days days ago I talked alittle about my abuse but I'd like to tell everyone in a harm reduction sense about how my side effects are at this time.
So I first tried molly about 6 months ago, I'm 18, 6,2 , 190 lbs. when I first tried it I instantly fell in love. For the first few months I controlled my use to once every 2 weeks. Rolling on a .2 each time and getting high af. It very soon progressed to more and more often, for the past 4 months or so I've been using E 3x + times a week, I've gone up to 5x a week several times. My tolerance is high enough that I can very easily go through 1.2 grams in a session, which only keeps me high for 6 hours max with constant redosing every 30 mins.
MY CURRENT STATE AND SIDE EFFECTS:
Currently I'm very addicted to molly, even during my roll all I'll be thinking is that it will eventually run out and I'll have to find a way to get more. When not on it I crave it. I refuse to leave the house when friends call me to hangout unless I'll have molly. Don't care for sex anymore to be quite honest also.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS / HELL
The worst thing about being addicted to something is no matter how much agony i face on comedowns I still don't care and want more.
1- severe anxiety - can't function during the day , at night can't sleep because of the agony, only thing comparable is heavy benzo withdrawl.
2- panic attacks - will have attacks at random points in the day and at night when trying to sleep, I'll feel like I'm drowning and my heart rate goes up and I feel like I'm dying.
3- brain zaps - once every few days I'll feels a zap through my head and I'll feel like I've been "flashbanged" for up to 30 seconds"
4- MEMORY - very important you guys know this, my memory is horrid, I'll be having regular conversations and sometimes forget what the person said 10 seconds before.
5- blanking out- I'll find that often I'll be doing something and will go off Into this blank state for up to 1 minute at a time and will have no idea what the person in front of me said.
6- depersonalization
7- don't know the name but I recently won't give a shit about anyone else or how they feel unless I'm rolling, I use the term rolling loosely because I don't really balls out roll anymore.
8- frequent déjàvu- about 10-15 instances a day where I'll be watching tv or listening to music and A word or scene will trigger a false sense of déjàvu.
9- extreme regret- when on a binge I'll start talking to anyone and everyone and my entire life. It's a regular side effect of mdma but I've rolled so many times that I've pretty much told everyone my deepest secrets and thoughts, which is not a good thing at all and which I have a lot of regret over.
Will not want to do absolutely anything "fun" unless I'm gunna be on molly.
Mind you that I'm not very good at describing things so what you see above is just a small insight into the hell I'm living. It's much worse
I'd like to stop this and I hope no one has to go through this, I feel like I'm very dependant and it's hell on earth guys. Hope this serves as some harm reduction to everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read
So I first tried molly about 6 months ago, I'm 18, 6,2 , 190 lbs. when I first tried it I instantly fell in love. For the first few months I controlled my use to once every 2 weeks. Rolling on a .2 each time and getting high af. It very soon progressed to more and more often, for the past 4 months or so I've been using E 3x + times a week, I've gone up to 5x a week several times. My tolerance is high enough that I can very easily go through 1.2 grams in a session, which only keeps me high for 6 hours max with constant redosing every 30 mins.
MY CURRENT STATE AND SIDE EFFECTS:
Currently I'm very addicted to molly, even during my roll all I'll be thinking is that it will eventually run out and I'll have to find a way to get more. When not on it I crave it. I refuse to leave the house when friends call me to hangout unless I'll have molly. Don't care for sex anymore to be quite honest also.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS / HELL
The worst thing about being addicted to something is no matter how much agony i face on comedowns I still don't care and want more.
1- severe anxiety - can't function during the day , at night can't sleep because of the agony, only thing comparable is heavy benzo withdrawl.
2- panic attacks - will have attacks at random points in the day and at night when trying to sleep, I'll feel like I'm drowning and my heart rate goes up and I feel like I'm dying.
3- brain zaps - once every few days I'll feels a zap through my head and I'll feel like I've been "flashbanged" for up to 30 seconds"
4- MEMORY - very important you guys know this, my memory is horrid, I'll be having regular conversations and sometimes forget what the person said 10 seconds before.
5- blanking out- I'll find that often I'll be doing something and will go off Into this blank state for up to 1 minute at a time and will have no idea what the person in front of me said.
6- depersonalization
7- don't know the name but I recently won't give a shit about anyone else or how they feel unless I'm rolling, I use the term rolling loosely because I don't really balls out roll anymore.
8- frequent déjàvu- about 10-15 instances a day where I'll be watching tv or listening to music and A word or scene will trigger a false sense of déjàvu.
9- extreme regret- when on a binge I'll start talking to anyone and everyone and my entire life. It's a regular side effect of mdma but I've rolled so many times that I've pretty much told everyone my deepest secrets and thoughts, which is not a good thing at all and which I have a lot of regret over.
Will not want to do absolutely anything "fun" unless I'm gunna be on molly.
Mind you that I'm not very good at describing things so what you see above is just a small insight into the hell I'm living. It's much worse
I'd like to stop this and I hope no one has to go through this, I feel like I'm very dependant and it's hell on earth guys. Hope this serves as some harm reduction to everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read
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