TDS My Latest Struggle With H

[xibenix]

So about a month ago, or maybe slightly more, i got into heroin or china white as it is called around here, i only insufflate. Ill tell you the story, So i moved back to my hometown which i was moved away for two years because i OD'd on bath salts and permanently got bath salts as a teen, im 19 now. Finally moved back, and got to see all my friends, as well as new people. Met this girl, and she was an ex-H addict, which was semi-cool to me because i dont just and my drug of choice has always been opiates, just RX's and such. Anyways, we became friends and such eventually she stayed over at my house like 5 nights in a row and like we got the idea of doing H together, so i bought a bunch through another friend as a middleman cause i wasnt cool with the dealer. I kept buying through the same middle man. And me and her kept doing H and she stayed over, and basically used the fuck out of me for H, and like ended up fucking me like 15 times, in like under 5 days which is very weird cause i was almost a virgin.... then like asked me out, then like a day later said lets be friends. So like, majorly fucked with my emotions, theres alot more to it ya know.

Anyways, ever since i've been doing China/H. Everyday for about a month. Some days i would spend like 100 in one day and go through ALL of that. or do 60 in one line. However, i found out, this friend "X" who was middle manning was totally fucking me, he was giving me a smaller amount of H then i was asking for then using the rest for weed or pocketing the money.... So another friend snitched him out to me and told me, and since i was desperate and wanted more, i went through that friend to go to the dealer. that "friend". Friend "y" did the same fucking shit to me. So i lost a fuck ton of money, i was getting real h/china just ripped off by the middlemen. Eventually the dealer realized what was going on and she straight up gave me her number and deals direct with me now which is cool.

Anyways, I've been doing it everyday for a month, i've spent $1,000 of my college refund money not giving a fuck about my life, or well-being. Even over-drawn it, i got that taken care of now. Then once i ran out of money, i started literally selling ALL of my electronics i have, except my main one my ps4, i sold a fuck ton of stuff in order to get more H. I feel like psychologically its taking over, totally. I can't help myself anymore. like i've had days without it in between this month and phsyically i can handle it, or whatever, but like psychologically, i can't. Hell, i'm the type of person to not even know if what im feeling is a withdrawal or not. I'm at the end of my line though as im saying im out of stuff to sell, spent all my money, im at my breaking point, if i don't stop now, i feel like i will turn into a fucked up person who fucks over other people and I NEVER want to do that, ever. ever. im a good person. However, at the same time, i don't want to stop, and i don't have the will to live sober. Sorry i know theres not much you can say to me when i put it this way in this thread, just was looking for advice, as i been fucking my life up.

 

[szuko000]

First off welcome to the world of opiates where woman use men for drugs and your friends steal from you, this is something we have all been through. Unless you are going through the dealer yourself you can bet your life savings your friend, even your family member, is over charging you. You almost have no right being upset because you were not getting the drugs yourself and you purchased them at the rate he asked and you did not complain BEFORE handing the money over, which in my mind is the only time you get to complain. I mean unless you were shorted and knew it but it sounds like you just found out he was up charging due to outside info, not opening the bag and going “wtf” so you cant really complain.

Also as far as her behavior, yeah that’s normal. She slept with you so you wouldn’t be able to say “she completely used me for dope” maybe she needs to do it in her mind because she “is not the kind of person to use people” or some other lie, or it was just part of her plan to manipulate you. However, women in the dope world do this a lot and you should never give females drugs for free, it reinforces this behavior and makes them think its ok. I mean if you want to and it makes you feel like your somehow using them (if your paying for something and they aren’t trust me your getting used not the other way around) but otherwise always charge females it creates lines of respect and whatever.

Having said that we are all entitled to make mistakes in our life we just hope we can learn before we are killed. You may have made some mistakes you but you are not lost and you should be able to clean up and get right pretty easily. Its hard to know how easy the path will be or if you will be able to do it but it seems like you come from a place where you have goals and desires, that’s why you went to college, so if you focus on that you should be able to clean up easily. Have you ever asked yourself why you do dope so often? You need to know why you use in order to stop.

If you feel as if you do not want to be sober or you do not want to stop trust me that will change. The problem is you lose the desire to do dope much further down the road so this is your chance to hop off the train before it leaves the station so to speak. Believe me there will come a time where you cry yourself to sleep over what you have done, using your own tears to fix up the shot you bought with the last of your valuables.

Good Luck!

 

[T. Calderone]

My advice is to lose that dealer's phone number and don't look back. You already spent so much money and sold a bunch of stuff from a month's binge. I hate to imagine where you will be six months or even a year from now if you keep this up. It won't be a pretty place, I'll tell you that much.

Concentrate on your studies. I'm sure you want to graduate college and you can't do that being a junkie. You're on a bad path which will turn very bad if you don't stop this now. Get some help before you get in over your head!