My last day here:
It involved 4 hours of therapy, I am tired and my head hurts, I got a follow-up plan where I am moving to so I can start my new job. I have a therapist that I am seeing twice a week, a life coach just to check-in with and an anger management group therapy. I am tired of therapy.......Gosh
My therapist explained that her best guess is that Jeff has been advised by his lawyer to not contact me. That whatever chance he had of staying out of jail involves listening to his lawyer. I am a risk to his case. My inability to not being able to manage my emotions was a risk to his case. At the very least until they know how to approach this. She said that I would hope to appreciate that and be able to listen to my lawyer if I was in that circumstance as well. She said that if Jeff is acquitted or has to do time, I would hear from him but until then he is putting his emotions aside because his life is at risk. She said what I can do until then is practice managing my emotions and if I can truly manage my emotions and give the man his space which is different than what I have been doing, she said he might comeback.
We assessed the situation of whether I can support him if he does some time and she said it all relies on me and how I am doing. We had a family session with my sisters on the phone. They said that my sisters felt that if they didn't put me in this program quick enough, they were sure that I was going to end up in jail or dead. They said it's not Jeff that they have a problem with, it is me and what I become when I am with Jeff. They can careless if I was with Jeff or someone else. They were tired of getting a call of "your sister is in jail and drove to New Orleans for 8 hours" or "your sister is in the middle of the street in new orleans with no where to go" or your sister is laying and making false allegations about her boyfriend's sister. They were absoultely tired of it and were scared. They said they felt like they had no option except put every penny together in order for me to receive help and have this conversation. The bottom line was if you wanna be with Jeff, do whatever suits you as long as you can manage your emotions and not be a compelete fuckin wreck when you are with him. If you choose to support him if he does time then we would be sad for you but as long as you don't complain and negelct my life as long as I have been doing then they don't care.
The therapist and my family both agreed that Jeff and I don't allow enough time to pass before we start talking again. Which never allows time for us to heal or change. My family said they put me in here because they didn't know what drugs I was doing, what the hell was going on but they knew that I had a hard time leaving new orleans and things fell apart badly.
The therapist said that I even proved that the lawyer was right about advising Jeff not to talked to me when I proved his words by doing what I did to his sister. It took all that money for me to have this conversation. I had to hear of outsiders their guess and analytical thinking of the situation. Now I have to prove to my family, Jeff, his family and most importantly to myself that I can manage my life, my own emotions, not lie or tattletale, and give someone space if I have been asked to. So now I am still suffering but I am leaving with a new understanding, prosepctive about the situation. I understand more than I can ever understand. So we shall see the plan into action. Here I go........
It involved 4 hours of therapy, I am tired and my head hurts, I got a follow-up plan where I am moving to so I can start my new job. I have a therapist that I am seeing twice a week, a life coach just to check-in with and an anger management group therapy. I am tired of therapy.......Gosh
My therapist explained that her best guess is that Jeff has been advised by his lawyer to not contact me. That whatever chance he had of staying out of jail involves listening to his lawyer. I am a risk to his case. My inability to not being able to manage my emotions was a risk to his case. At the very least until they know how to approach this. She said that I would hope to appreciate that and be able to listen to my lawyer if I was in that circumstance as well. She said that if Jeff is acquitted or has to do time, I would hear from him but until then he is putting his emotions aside because his life is at risk. She said what I can do until then is practice managing my emotions and if I can truly manage my emotions and give the man his space which is different than what I have been doing, she said he might comeback.
We assessed the situation of whether I can support him if he does some time and she said it all relies on me and how I am doing. We had a family session with my sisters on the phone. They said that my sisters felt that if they didn't put me in this program quick enough, they were sure that I was going to end up in jail or dead. They said it's not Jeff that they have a problem with, it is me and what I become when I am with Jeff. They can careless if I was with Jeff or someone else. They were tired of getting a call of "your sister is in jail and drove to New Orleans for 8 hours" or "your sister is in the middle of the street in new orleans with no where to go" or your sister is laying and making false allegations about her boyfriend's sister. They were absoultely tired of it and were scared. They said they felt like they had no option except put every penny together in order for me to receive help and have this conversation. The bottom line was if you wanna be with Jeff, do whatever suits you as long as you can manage your emotions and not be a compelete fuckin wreck when you are with him. If you choose to support him if he does time then we would be sad for you but as long as you don't complain and negelct my life as long as I have been doing then they don't care.
The therapist and my family both agreed that Jeff and I don't allow enough time to pass before we start talking again. Which never allows time for us to heal or change. My family said they put me in here because they didn't know what drugs I was doing, what the hell was going on but they knew that I had a hard time leaving new orleans and things fell apart badly.
The therapist said that I even proved that the lawyer was right about advising Jeff not to talked to me when I proved his words by doing what I did to his sister. It took all that money for me to have this conversation. I had to hear of outsiders their guess and analytical thinking of the situation. Now I have to prove to my family, Jeff, his family and most importantly to myself that I can manage my life, my own emotions, not lie or tattletale, and give someone space if I have been asked to. So now I am still suffering but I am leaving with a new understanding, prosepctive about the situation. I understand more than I can ever understand. So we shall see the plan into action. Here I go........