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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

My (incarcerated) boyfriend failed a drug test.

Oh, okay my apologies. I guess I thought he used in jail. Sounds like he violated his probation (at least that is what it is called in the states). Best of luck to you two.
 
Well he was using in jail before his 10 years no parole period was up, coz well I guess who wouldn't be? what else are you gunna do for 10 years?
 
So I got letter from my boy, he's on 22 hour lockdown, which means he's on a landing with 6 other men, and he only gets let out of his cell for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. Over react much? Anyway he's not eligible to get release to work or home leaves for another year, and then a year after that he might, if he's perfectly behaved, get released. So minimum 2 years until he's out on parole. Anyway, I might kill myself, but I reckon he'd be gutted if I did, but then again I wont be around to feel guilty about it, thats the selfish way of looking at it.
 
^
On behalf of hookers everywhere *slap*

I deserve to love and be loved like everyone else, being a hooker has nothing to do with it.
My boy has always treated me like a princess, drug problem or no drug problem, prison or no prison,
again has nothing to do with it. There is no such thing as an upgrade from perfect.
 
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Check your number of posts (lucky 7s). Might be a sign of good things to come :). Lots of love to you. You'll be in my prayers.
 
Prayers are just as bullshit as numerical superstitions. This world doesnt deserve me, you try to keep on fighting against injustice and oppression and some dumb ass just keeps knocking you down for no reason other than outright discrimination, re: above, this dickhead doesnt even know me yet has no problems telling me what I do or dont deserve in life. I dont deserve this shit. I cant keep fighting for my people anymore, this world doesnt care about anyone. I dont have a gun but I do have a train timetable, audios assholes
 
Libby said:
Prayers are just as bullshit as numerical superstitions. This world doesnt deserve me, you try to keep on fighting against injustice and oppression and some dumb ass just keeps knocking you down for no reason other than outright discrimination, re: above, this dickhead doesnt even know me yet has no problems telling me what I do or dont deserve in life. I dont deserve this shit. I cant keep fighting for my people anymore, this world doesnt care about anyone. I dont have a gun but I do have a train timetable, audios assholes
Click to expand...

I know that the trains have stopped until tomorrow, please dont kill yourself!
 
Worst. Period. Ever.

Not going to kill myself.
Back to normal now.
Yay for Auckland! Full of druggies! lol Actually I am not a druggie anymore, aren't I good? Tell me I'm good.
However I am now up to 53kg which puts me in the normal/healthy weight range, which is of course completely unacceptable.
I ate like maddness during this period, uck, very very bad, gained 3kg! but I did not go "oh look weight gain, lets get on the crack" which is probably better not to be doing.
I'm gonna go on optifast and get rid of the weight of course, but yes. anyway...
I've been talking to chris's mum, she doesn't hate me and wasn't not speaking to me after all, I am super blonde and had sent txt to her landline number expecting response, LOL,
anyway...
 
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Libby said:
Worst. Period. Ever.

Not going to kill myself.
Back to normal now.
Yay for Auckland! Full of druggies! lol Actually I am not a druggie anymore, aren't I good? Tell me I'm good.
However I am now up to 53kg which puts me in the normal/healthy weight range, which is of course completely unacceptable.
I ate like maddness during this period, uck, very very bad, gained 3kg! but I did not go "oh look weight gain, lets get on the crack" which is probably better not to be doing.
I'm gonna go on optifast and get rid of the weight of course, but yes. anyway...
I've been talking to chris's mum, she doesn't hate me and wasn't not speaking to me after all, I am super blonde and had sent txt to her landline number expecting response, LOL,
anyway...
Click to expand...

You're good!
Yea I dont think getting on the crack would be a good idea, hahah thats hilarious! How long did it take you to figure it out why you weren't getting a response?
What weight are you trying to be?
 
Well it took her calling me and txting me from chris's phone before I looked in my phone book and realised the number I have for her is her home line not a cell phone lol.
I want to be 45kg but I am not allowed, I will settle for 48kg because anything under 50kg puts me in the underweight category but under 48kg puts me in the anorexic category so there is a bit of a compromise, but yes 53kg just makes me feel sick to think about, I can't look in a mirror at the moment I am too afraid of what I'll see. 48kg, underweight but not anorexic, here I come, without using drugs to get there. Fuck I'm a good girl. *pats self on back* I'm lucky I am quite tall so I only have to be a few kg underweight to look heaps better than *puke* normal weight *puke*
 
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Thats a pretty funny blonde thing to do!
You are good for not using drugs to lose weight, thats always very unhealthy to do!
Although im sure you do look fine at your weight right now, its probably only you that thinks you don't but as long as you dont become anorexic its all good!
 
Well I am a "recovered" anorexic, that's why I have made said compromise in regards to my goal weight and am not just hurtling down towards 45kg anyway I can. This isn't my first rodeo lol, I can't believe I said that, rodeo, who talks like that, me apparently. Oh well I guess I'm old now.
Anyway the thinner you get the easier it is to get even thinner, but also the heavier you get the easier it is to get even heavier. It must always be closely monitored, always. Besides its always going to be impossible to just be normal, eat normal, and stop obssessing if you don't want to look like a normal person, I can handle not being anorexic as it really does just bring alot more pain, I cannot handle not being underweight. I can't be normal, normal = plain = ugly. Anyway it's good that Chris isnt here to see me at healthy weight or I think he'd try to pressure me into staying healthy weight,and after I argued so hard to be allowed to stay underweight so long as I didnt let my BMI go below 17.5 lol, anyways so long as I get below 50kg before I am approved for visits it'll all be very smooth and secret haha.
 
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I wouldn't pay much attention to bmi, it is not a terribly accurate way to measure a true healthy weight as such things as muscle mass, bone density and body frame are not taken into consideration, I was once classed as obese even though my ribs were clearly visible and boney, but I am 5 ft 9 and was carrying a lot of weight in muscle due to being on a strict protein diet for an upcoming fight lol. I am sure you don't even need to diet now, as a recovering anorexic did body dysmorphia come into play too hun? (my sis has it and has struggled with bouts of anorexia and bulemia since her teens amongst other things)

Just so long as you eat well, allow yourself a treat and get some form of exercise you will be fine. and im sure your man thinks you're hot the way you are too ;)
 
Well obviously BMI is intended for people with average levels of lean muscle mass, if you are an athlete with alot of muscle it wouldn't be appropriate. I am not an athlete. Anyway I dont want to look like what men consider hot, eeww, I like the waif runway look definately not into the breasts and butt thing that boys like *shudder* I dont want an adult body.
 
Ok let me rephrase, bmi is just a guesstimate it can never be used to ascertain a truly healthy weight range, different people, different factors. so i wouldn't get too hung up, like others said just do it a healthy way. It's just a shame that they upped his sentence by so much for testing positive, I have seen rapists in this country get less than that as their entire sentence, our legal system is messed up.
 
Well I dont really care what is healthy I care what I can get away with.
Yeah I thought it was a pretty harsh upping of jail time for a single drug use, but hey in a year or twos time he will be back on release to work and I'll be able to sneakily see him again. I'm coming to terms with it, its not the end of the world really.
 
You'll get to go visit him before then though won't you? you said in an earlier post about being approved for visits, how long does that take?
 
Yeah it takes a month, but hes in C block (maximum security) so its behind glass wall visits until he gets moved down to a lower security unit. Im not that excited about a maxi visit to be honest, if I cant give him a hug its just.. Well its just not enough
 
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