We had a baby 12 months ago and we co sleep in our bed. I've noticed that ever since baby is born he doesn't really touch me or try to have sex with me. I cook and I clean and do all the chores. I feel like I an just an object. He will jack offi before work to porn and be satisfied. Meanwhile here i am wondering when I'm gonna get laid. How can his selfish ways be good for our marital bed? I feel that he is just lazy and rather please himself. The few times we've had sex all he does is grab my lady bits like it all annoying. He's all dang what's taking you so long ??! Like he's rushing me and like he's just not into it. Wth. So Now we gonna have a sexless marriage ? He jacks of and I'm the nanny? We've been married 12 years.
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
My hubby rather jack off than fuck me
- Thread starter Hurhel
- Start date
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
Have you asked him what the problem is? Like, do you two communicate?
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
maybe the baby has made sex go on the back burner.
you need to tell him these problems.
was he ever that good at sex in the first place? sounds like post baby shit mixed with watching porn and consuming the other person but not wanting to please them.
you need to tell him these problems.
was he ever that good at sex in the first place? sounds like post baby shit mixed with watching porn and consuming the other person but not wanting to please them.
I think he sees me differently now.
I just don't feel like he wants to not bother. Porn and a hand job is much easier than trying to make the effort to have full blown sex.
Yea , he's good at it but he just not deal with me? Idk
To be honest , I feel like a roomate not a wife.
He's all happy walking around all satisfied. And I'm like okay then ..post baby life is awful. I try Not to think about it BC it makes me sad.
I'm a sexual person and I wanna feel desired and to be pleasured. When he does try its so half assed I get turned off and no way can I even orgasm. Isn't that sad?
We fight/argue all the time. He just twists it around and blames me. I think he's just not into it anymore with me.
And this fool wants another kid. We don't even have Sex once a month.
Last week he tried to have foreplay with me and it was so half assed . I just got up and went to bed. Why bother.
I just don't feel like he wants to not bother. Porn and a hand job is much easier than trying to make the effort to have full blown sex.
Yea , he's good at it but he just not deal with me? Idk
To be honest , I feel like a roomate not a wife.
He's all happy walking around all satisfied. And I'm like okay then ..post baby life is awful. I try Not to think about it BC it makes me sad.
I'm a sexual person and I wanna feel desired and to be pleasured. When he does try its so half assed I get turned off and no way can I even orgasm. Isn't that sad?
We fight/argue all the time. He just twists it around and blames me. I think he's just not into it anymore with me.
And this fool wants another kid. We don't even have Sex once a month.
Last week he tried to have foreplay with me and it was so half assed . I just got up and went to bed. Why bother.
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
Sometimes when you feel like someone doesn't appreciate you and doesn't eant to have sex with you, your body language is sort of negative and you could be giving off mixed signals. I can say for sure that porn can drastically alter someones sexual focus and the more he indulges in consuming pornography and straying away from physical intimacy, the more he is conditioned to that.
Maybe it's something superficial like physical changes after pregnancy? I don't enjoy that aspect of humanity, vanity and men or woman being turned off by a bit weight gain but a lot of people are like that and it's unfortunate. If it is something like that I can understand how that would hurt to hear and how terrible that would feel, and if it were something like that I could see that being a hard topic to bring up for him. Maybe he is depressed or just off psychologically since the baby has been born because some dynamics of your relationship have changed? There could be so many things responsible for this but perhaps it just needs time, hopefully you can find resolve within it because it is hard being in a relationship and not feeling appreciated and desired and you deserve fulfillment in all of those areas. You will figure it out and go back to getting all the physical affection and appreciation that you deserve.
Maybe it's something superficial like physical changes after pregnancy? I don't enjoy that aspect of humanity, vanity and men or woman being turned off by a bit weight gain but a lot of people are like that and it's unfortunate. If it is something like that I can understand how that would hurt to hear and how terrible that would feel, and if it were something like that I could see that being a hard topic to bring up for him. Maybe he is depressed or just off psychologically since the baby has been born because some dynamics of your relationship have changed? There could be so many things responsible for this but perhaps it just needs time, hopefully you can find resolve within it because it is hard being in a relationship and not feeling appreciated and desired and you deserve fulfillment in all of those areas. You will figure it out and go back to getting all the physical affection and appreciation that you deserve.
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
Could be possible, sometimes people drift apart and discover they want something else in life. It could also just be a temporary rut he is in. Him utilizing porn isn't helping at all but could be indicative of him being bored, what kind of porn is he watching? Is there a secret fetish he might have?
If it is that he has lost attraction to you and it isn't something that can be fixed it's important to be able to have an honest dialog about that and staying together for the kids is never the right choice, it's important for a child to grow up witnessing healthy love and affection as it could affect their future relationships. Don't get me wrong, everyone fights and has relationship problems and it's probably wayy too early to be thinking about anything like that. I am just super obsessed with being mindful of the relationships that a child witnesses during the developmental years has an effect on their tendencies during relationships when they come of age.
If it is that he has lost attraction to you and it isn't something that can be fixed it's important to be able to have an honest dialog about that and staying together for the kids is never the right choice, it's important for a child to grow up witnessing healthy love and affection as it could affect their future relationships. Don't get me wrong, everyone fights and has relationship problems and it's probably wayy too early to be thinking about anything like that. I am just super obsessed with being mindful of the relationships that a child witnesses during the developmental years has an effect on their tendencies during relationships when they come of age.
nygiants1313
Bluelighter
I always find it comical when people come here asking advice when you haven't even gone to your partner to discuss this.
Nobody here can can answer you seeing you know your husband of 12 years much better then anyone here ever will.
1) Maybe be he's not attracted to you
2) maybe he is more tired cuz u guys are in your first year of having a baby (I'd bet this is the answer)
3) maybe your vagina needs tightening
4) maybe he has side pussy.
Like i I said I still believe the answer is the 2nd of the 4 I posted.
maybe maybe maybe maybe I don't fucking know and no one else does either. GO HAVE A CONVERSATION WORH YOUR HUSBAND ask him for the cold hard truth and u can handle it. Say you won't be mad. Don't accuse him of anything as it'll go nowhere. Reassure him you still find him so sexy and get into deeper conversation. The. Come back here and let us know what happens
each night tease him and suck him dry. Get your bOdy back I shape.
For for the sake Of your child, and mental health don't wait any longer and RIGHHT NOW go have the conversation and I promise you, you'll be able to relax from there on out.
Nobody here can can answer you seeing you know your husband of 12 years much better then anyone here ever will.
1) Maybe be he's not attracted to you
2) maybe he is more tired cuz u guys are in your first year of having a baby (I'd bet this is the answer)
3) maybe your vagina needs tightening
4) maybe he has side pussy.
Like i I said I still believe the answer is the 2nd of the 4 I posted.
maybe maybe maybe maybe I don't fucking know and no one else does either. GO HAVE A CONVERSATION WORH YOUR HUSBAND ask him for the cold hard truth and u can handle it. Say you won't be mad. Don't accuse him of anything as it'll go nowhere. Reassure him you still find him so sexy and get into deeper conversation. The. Come back here and let us know what happens
each night tease him and suck him dry. Get your bOdy back I shape.
For for the sake Of your child, and mental health don't wait any longer and RIGHHT NOW go have the conversation and I promise you, you'll be able to relax from there on out.
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
I think you should try couples therapy.
You're putting negative motives in his head without concrete proof. This only breeds more resentment. You need to have an honest discussion, preferably in couples therapy.
So how did the bad ass bj work out?
szuko000
Bluelight Crew
I will share a recent related experience in a sense, well kinda related. So my ex and i were heroin addicts got on methadone and had 0 sex life. I really could not get horny or whatever and it was really upsetting because i couldnt even get excited enough to watch porn. Went from being a 24 year old who would have sex 3 times a day if he could to a 28 year old with a history of opiate use who couldnt even find the motivation to watch porn, like i would start it because i wanted to feel like a man but then would turn it off because it wouldnt interest me. This made me very upset.
So my ex and i are trying to figure out where we are going (this was before she was my ex) so she says "well we havent had sex in (forever) so whats the deal is it the methadone or me" mind you this was during the we need time off discussion. So i started crying saying i dont know whats wrong with me once i get insurance i am going to see a doctor you dont know what its like not feeling like a man i wish i could say it was you so i wouldnt have to say "i dont know whats wrong with me i feel like i am not a man i dont feel attracted to women i dont get horny and the expense of energy to get started is a waste"
Well somehow after all of that we managed to have sex, it didnt rekindle our love but we did it twice more before the official "just friends" started (which isnt a bad thing we are literally best friends now) but it literally made the bad thoughts go away. It was like i was so hung up in the idea i couldnt perform i wouldnt perform or that i couldnt have sex or whatever it was. My point is that one time literally showed me i was wrong and i could have sex and somehow that made me want sex, with her with anyone i find attractive, after years of not thinking about it or whatever i was doing to make it go away. Yes it was partly the opiates but i thought once i got to under 20mg my sex drive and desire would come back, it didnt until she kick started it. It was weird it was like i was the ball at the top of the hill and she kicked me down and started the rolling again. We may not be dating anymore but i sure do thank her for that, i thought i would never have interest in women again.
I guess my point is sex begets sex. He may just have forgotten what the fuss is as hes been distracted. I wouldnt have thought it possible until i lived it. I know its not a direct parallel but it just shows that people are capable of turning thoughts into actions, i would never have thought just thinking my dick wasnt functioning would make it not function for the woman i loved. It can be way more complicated then "hes not into me."
So my ex and i are trying to figure out where we are going (this was before she was my ex) so she says "well we havent had sex in (forever) so whats the deal is it the methadone or me" mind you this was during the we need time off discussion. So i started crying saying i dont know whats wrong with me once i get insurance i am going to see a doctor you dont know what its like not feeling like a man i wish i could say it was you so i wouldnt have to say "i dont know whats wrong with me i feel like i am not a man i dont feel attracted to women i dont get horny and the expense of energy to get started is a waste"
Well somehow after all of that we managed to have sex, it didnt rekindle our love but we did it twice more before the official "just friends" started (which isnt a bad thing we are literally best friends now) but it literally made the bad thoughts go away. It was like i was so hung up in the idea i couldnt perform i wouldnt perform or that i couldnt have sex or whatever it was. My point is that one time literally showed me i was wrong and i could have sex and somehow that made me want sex, with her with anyone i find attractive, after years of not thinking about it or whatever i was doing to make it go away. Yes it was partly the opiates but i thought once i got to under 20mg my sex drive and desire would come back, it didnt until she kick started it. It was weird it was like i was the ball at the top of the hill and she kicked me down and started the rolling again. We may not be dating anymore but i sure do thank her for that, i thought i would never have interest in women again.
I guess my point is sex begets sex. He may just have forgotten what the fuss is as hes been distracted. I wouldnt have thought it possible until i lived it. I know its not a direct parallel but it just shows that people are capable of turning thoughts into actions, i would never have thought just thinking my dick wasnt functioning would make it not function for the woman i loved. It can be way more complicated then "hes not into me."
Vagina Lover
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2016
- Messages
- 1,513
When a child is born, the man's testosterone levels go down, from what I have read.
This can obviously lead to less sex and boredom in bed for the woman.
Can't you start doing super sexy things, like waking him up with a BJ?
That would most certainly put a smile on his face and make him keen for more action.
This can obviously lead to less sex and boredom in bed for the woman.
Can't you start doing super sexy things, like waking him up with a BJ?
That would most certainly put a smile on his face and make him keen for more action.
Philosoraptor
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2014
- Messages
- 112
Spice things up, put a finger up his ass. Or tell him to start giving up the dick or you will find it elsewhere lol.
Lylawinesnob
Bluelighter
It sounds like he is having an affair. Or he isn't attracted to you. I don't want to upset you, I am trying to gather information, but Did you do that new mom thing where you stop wearing makeup and your hair is a mess and you gain a ton of weight? I know these things shouldn't matter.... and they don't in love. But they do in sex....