My friends and I are all addicts! (k)

[Noble_mind]

Hey guys, I'd like to start off by saying that I've been doing ketamine pretty consistently for the past few years, and so have my friends.

I've watched, as over time, we've all become the epitome of fiends, and it has bothered me a great deal.

I've been clean for three days now and I don't plan on going back, but my friends have already succumbed to their addiction (they lasted a day) and are back on the same bandwagon.

I think 3 of the four of them have gone to the hospital for k-pains, with one couple going just a couple of days ago. They complained the pain was so bad they would rather die than suffer another minute.

After many years of trial and error I've finally discovered that 'cutting back' with k doesn't work, at least not for the lot of us. The problem is once you've had your first line of the day you get back into that state of apathy and numbness and once the effects wear off, the mundanes of day to day life make you want more.

Also, anything that we have come to associate with k, has become harder to enjoy without it (eg: watching a movie, playing call of duty, watching certain tv series' etc). It seems that the solution to everything is to take another line, even the solution to the addiction is to simply take another line. When does it end really?

It's not like my friends are complete wastes, but I do recognize that we all have underlying issues that cause our substance abuse. And I can say with certainty, that we all have an addictive personality. The thing is I know these guys are not a lost cause, but they seem to have very little idea of how their future will look like and how they will achieve their goals (Which they seem to have forgotten or never took the time to formulate)

The problem I see is that my friends are couples, and I'm the odd one out. As we all know, one's significant other holds more cards than a normal friend, and so if one partner does it, the other follows immediately.

We had somewhat of a 'group therapy' session that came out of the blue, in which we all admitted we have a problem and that we need to work on it. I was quite enthusiastic after that and was really looking forward to my friends being sober, but alas, they only lasted a day.

Add to this problem the fact that both my friends are involved in (rather small) sales of ketamine here and there, and that makes it's availability all the more apparent and hard to ignore.

I've decided that I won't join their lot, because I seem to be the only strand of hope they have left. I figure if they see me getting along just fine being sober(as hard as it is for me) maybe they too will follow suit, or maybe that's just wishful thinking :/.

PS: What do you guys think of this notion that you must 'hit rock bottom' before you can really quit? I don't think these guys have hit their bottom, but they're sailing in shallow water and I think it's bound to happen....

Thanks for your input,
Noble

 

[Legerity]

I don't think that hitting "rock bottom" is necessary in the sense that a person must have their life fall apart in order to stop. But a change in perception may be necessary, where the behavior is no longer seen as helpful or desirable. For some people this seems to occur only when their life becomes a disaster, but that's not always the case.

It's great that you have made the decision for yourself. You may end up being an example for your friends, but try not to hold yourself responsible for their actions because they may very well continue to do what they are doing regardless of your decision.

 

[Noble_mind]

I understand what you mean, but I still feel that there must be something I can do to help guide them in the right direction.

I feel that the momentum we've built up in the past couple of days will fade since they seem to have few interests to keep them occupied. I go to school and have my own life to deal with, but I still feel that with a bit of effort I can curb their use and show them that there are other things in life worth pursuing.

They've already professed to me that they can't quit cold turkey, and I think it's all in their heads. They just need the right stimuli, environment and support to realize it......

 

[theartofwar]

I have a lot of friends who take ketamine daily, tolerance is around 10 grams a day roughly.

It is an analgesic - keep that in mind.

Recently I've changed my cell phone # , house # and now I just got a world phone and dropping this cell because in a week i had dealers calling SOMEHOW . I did this because I had to personally to move on in MY life. Keep yourself at the forefront - where you feel you are with drugs, what are your life goals - how is drug use affecting it. Then worry about your friends. Believe me I do all the time, I grew up w/these people or majority, we've been through hell together. But in my case I'm trying to be a responsible man, not a teenager who wants and wants but never gets up and does. Best of luck.

 

[theartofwar]

I also double post, cool.

 

[Bojangles69]

Can't you literally just stop the ketamine? Its not physically addictive so I wouldn't even try tapering down the dose although I'm not sure.

What I can say about ketamine is I took a dose myself today and yesterday, only about 50mg doses as I'm using it just to get off opiates, and was able to cut my opiate habit down once again more than half. And although I didn't sleep at all lastnight theres absolutely no pain and I feel pretty decent. My first dose even at 50mg I got to experience a bit of its dissassociate effects and can definitely say it is not a "fun" drug by any means. The feeling is too intense, its too rushy, at one point I had to keep focusing on my breathing and was doing it very irregularly (I thought if I didn't focus on it I'd forget to breathe) and its not really pleasurable at all. I mean it is but I just can't see why I'd ever want to abuse that crap and k-hole. I took 50mg again the next day and the psycoactive effects were much less, and I'm going to save the rest for when I stop opiates completely.
But can you really not just stop the shit? Do you really like it that much? lol. Sorry to make light of your problem but really its a scary enough feeling at a low dose I mean you must outright shit yourself anytime you k-hole. If you don't know who you are or even that you're human seems like a lot of nasty things can manifest from that, especially through long term use.

 

[theartofwar]

Bojie , I can tell you after a week or so on ketamine you are left iwth a nasty feeling. It's not shit compared to opies - i know cuz i been there with you brother. But it can certainly leave you feeling like shit. And honestly not many people take good care of themselves trippin sack 24/7.

I agree tho, stop, seperate - restart live your life.

 

[oliphill]

Was a massive k addict when i lived in london for a few years.. the k pains got too much, cross addicted to opiates.

I know an 18 year old with a piss bag for life cos of K.

It's horrible man the situation you are in, it was so similar for me too, living with other k heads all selling it, hard to break out of. good that u've done it. I would suggest trying an na meeting. helped me stay clean.

Best thing you can do for your friends is stay clean and they will see your progress and become attracted to the idea of getting clean themselves.

hope it all works out man!

Bo - I've had both opiate and k addiction. K was really fucking hard to stop. completely different sort of addiction to opiates, but same as in would wake up and k would be first thought. So dangerous, used to not be able to help myself having a line in train station on way home from dealers, woke up in ambulances about 5 times, once I had fallen out of the train at Battersea in a k hole.
In the end it was messing up my insides, regularly in agonizing stomach pain. I would be just out of hospital after having an endoscopy because I had been in there before in the most pain in my life (opiate w/d has nothing on it), then just not be able to stop doing it. it was insanity, i mean sometimes i would be in the midst of the k cramps (as we called it) and still not be able to help myself do more. So painful. Was doing up to a quarter litre (12.5g) a day, tolerance a 1g line minimum. Was such a mess!
Its not such a well known addiction, in London there is a massive problem it is so big on the squatting, techno party scene. I know so many people just rotting away all over london, in squats, living off k sales, slowing destorying themselves. its so cheap, there is so much profit in it. Known as techno smack around here.

 

[Noble_mind]

Thanks for your input guys. I aggree that in the end I really only need to worry about myself, but for example yesterday I managed to (by nit driving my friend) stop him from doing k that day. Instead we went to our local bar watched the superbowl and got drunk lol.

I think the most willing person besides me is his girlfriend, who went back to her own house for the week where she has no access to k. Hopefuly as she cleans up he will too.

The other couple in my opinion has the shorter end of the stick. They have alota shit on their plate and easy access to k at their house for the moment.

Well anyways I guess I'm doing what I can at this point, the rest is up to them.

 

[drshitzu]

Stay strong take each days as it comes you,ll pull through.

 

[Noble_mind]

This is eating away at me... I think being sober these past few days has made me realize just how bad the addiction is...

My friends... They all enable each other... I can't take it...

I don't feel like they're getting better, my friend just picked up an ounce, like what the fuck? Really? An ounce JUST for personal use? And you expect to be able to ration it?
I suspect it'll be gone between him and his girl in five days...

I can't give up on them, but I'm not gonna let it consume my thoughts anymore. I'm still having a hard enough time controlling my own urges...

Should I let them self destruct and learn their lesson? Cut them off and stop hanging out ? Keep offering suppourt? Wtf do I do.... :/

Maybe its way too early for me to see any impact of my quitting... Maybe ill wait and see...

 

[Legerity]

You can't let or not let them learn their lesson, they will do as they do. You can express your concern and not hook them up if you are doing so, but as long as you feel responsible for their actions it will continue to drag you down. Even if you are a good example and they do end up quitting, it will be them who are responsible for having made this decision.

It can be difficult to watch people engage in harmful behavior when we not a part of it. Everybody has to go through certain experiences in order to learn what they need to learn, we can't always know the purpose that something serves as an external observer.

 

[Noble_mind]

You're right...
The thought that this is a needed life experience for them has crossed my mind, and indeed I will try to dismiss my feelings of guilt... it'll take some work I guess...

I mean I couldn't even sleep tonight, this shit is consuming me. I'm going to move it to the back of my mind for now, I'm not a babysitter, I'll help them if they're open, if they aren't then there isn't too much i can do in an active sense.

Alright, enough of that for now... time to refocus on my life.

 

[Regenesis2]

There is no such thing as rock-bottom, it is a bottomless pit. Do something BEFORE you hit bottom IMO. But, that's cool you guys went for group therapy. My friend's addictions are unfortunately the least of their fucked up problems in their fucked up lives.

 

[bodhisattvaeimaj]

In the end they will really only stop when they are ready. You've decided your ready to quit now but realistically you can't expect all your friends to be on the wagon with you right away. You can be there as a friend as long as you don't feel like you'll be tempted to go back. Taking your friend to the bar was a good distraction but I don't feel like that's changing his/her lifestyle significantly. You were still getting intoxicated and watching sports. It's extremely hard watching people you care about suffer with addiction. In the end you really should just focus on keeping yourself clean, and hopefully some of your friends will follow in your footsteps.

 

[Cornishman]

OP, have you ever been to an NA meeting?

 

[Bojangles69]

There is no such thing as rock-bottom, it is a bottomless pit. Do something BEFORE you hit bottom IMO. But, that's cool you guys went for group therapy. My friend's addictions are unfortunately the least of their fucked up problems in their fucked up lives.

This is really an invaluable piece of advice here.

I've never heard someone say rock bottom doesn't exist but you are absolutely right. Its more a change of perception that allows you to see how low you've gone.
And realizing this on a certain level myself these past few weeks has made it so much easier to continue tapering off opiates.

I just look at my life and the evidence is everywhere.


Also, I'd like to give legerity a compliment as well. He's a completely straight shooter and has a lot of logic stuffed in that brain of his.
I've taken a liken a lot to your posts lately man and you deserve a lot of credit for what you do on these forums. Respect.

 

[DJ 303]

mate.
Get your own head straight first!
you got enough to deal with!

sometimes you gotta step away from the vehicle!
It happened to me just last night. My best mate took things just too far last night, we fell out cause I wouldn't borrow money to go and score something for him when he had no cash, and then go round his place and dish him up!!
slack!
Its a tragedy, but I can't be dealing with that kind of behaviour from a mate. He's gotta deal with his shit, and I'm gonna have to distance myself for a bit I guess.
weak.
But you gotta take care of ye ol' self now aintcha?!

 

[Draigan]

Friends come and friends go. Get your own head straight. Don't even worry about them. Tell them your taking a break and ull see them in a while.

 

[Noble_mind]

Noble_mind, you gotta do YOU right now. Its a good thing that you truly care for your friends but, right now when you step back and look at the overall picture, they are either good for you or bad for you. There is no in between, man.

Like you said, it is hard enough to handle your own challenges with the cravings and triggers. Other people's negativity, unwillingness and self-deception will bog you down and rob you of opportunities to enjoy those spontaneous, natural 'feel good' moments that we get when getting clean.

Look at it this way.... you are the only person that has to live with you for the rest of your life. Take care of YOU right now and someday in the future (a much later future) I will guarantee you that you will have MANY opportunities to be a source of strength and support for those in need who truly want help and support.

Love your friends but love them from a distance. You can never truly know what their intentions, justifications and levels of willingness are.

Sad to say but, they'll get you high quicker than you'll get them clean

Exactly, I'm starting to see more clearly now that I can't put my life on pause especially when they are barley even trying... but I've been there many times, so I understand what it's like to be in the 'k sphere of influence'. It really does convince you that you need it...

@Cornishman: No I haven't and I think my friends would find it laughable, or atleast would claim they are not 'crackheads' that need to go to such things.

@bodhisattvaeimaj: I think the problem is we all have substance problems... I can survive a few days without anything but I will always resort to marijuana eventually (which I don't see as being a huge concern) my friends on the other hand can turn from k-heads to poly-drug users as soon as the kitty fountain dries up, no hesitation.

@DJ 303: Yea it's fiend shit like that that makes me wonder if real friends is just a fancy magical concept or if they truly exist... Drugs make people do some pathetic shit.. I know first hand because I used to do it all the time.

@Draigan: I'm gonna monitor the situation for now... but I don't think now is a good time to desert them (considering they had a fallout with the rest of our friends).

Anyways, thanks everyone for your input, I'm sure you guys know what you're talking about...

I was feeling really shitty yesterday, but everyone I spoke to about the issue basically repeated what you guys have been saying.

I guess you can never really change someone, unless they want to change themselves.

Anyways, off to the gym !