My Friend Is A Heroin Addict And I'm Confused...

Rastahund

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
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My best friend has been a heroin addict for years. I've watched him go through phases of doing so bad, that I was almost positive that I was going to lose him forever to doing so well, that I can see him for who he actually is. Over the last year or so, we've gotten really close and I've become connected enough with him to pretty much (in my opinion) always know for sure when he's getting high behind everyone's back. I'll call him out on it because I'm legitimately worried about him losing his life, and I literally would't be able to handle that... but he always turns it around and makes me think I'm crazy for ever thinking something like that. At first, I'm 100% sure that I'm right but slowly, as I argue back and forth with him, I start wondering if I was just being paranoid. He will say things like, 'you're thinking about it too hard' or 'you're just making things up at this point', or in some cases 'you're the one in a drug induced psychosis because you have a ketamine addiction' (which I have been struggling with but I've been mostly clean for going on three weeks now, so I don't feel like that's the problem at this point... or ever really was because I've never felt out of my mind at any point during my addiction). After today, I truly don't know if what he says in response to my accusations is true or not.
This weekend, my roommate left $40 and two Xanax on the table. $20 of the $40 and 1 of the 2 Xanax went missing. There was no one in the house that didn't live there except for my best friend. My roommate's boyfriend has been known to steal drugs occasionally but when it comes down to it, if he's confronted, he will admit to it usually. He says he really didn't do it this time. My best friend was left alone twice in the house then later the next morning, he asked to borrow my boyfriend's car for 30 minutes to run a quick errand then didn't come back for 4 hours. I had to go to work but when I came back, I noticed him nodding out and scratching his legs obsessively. He says it was just the Suboxone that he took, but I have a hard time believing it. He swears that I'm just being controlling and keeping him on too short of a leash but I don't know if that's the case?
I don't know what to do because on one hand, I feel like I know something is wrong but on the other hand, I wonder if I'm just being a crazy, paranoid, psycho like other people have called me in the past.
One question for people experienced with opiates and Suboxone- Does Suboxone make you incessantly itchy and does it make you nod off in the same way that heroin does? Once in a while, I'll notice those two behaviors from him but not the slurred speech or going in the bathroom for 20 minutes at a time over and over again. He claims that he's been taking Suboxone and that's why he's itching and nodding off but I don't really believe that Suboxone has that effect on people.
He also alternates between doing meth and heroin... he seems to switch to the meth when the heroin hurts his health too much because the heroin hugely effects his lungs to the point to where you can hear him wheezing from across the room. I'm constantly accusing him of doing meth too because when I think he's doing meth, he will write really, really long Facebook statuses and texts. Like several paragraphs long. He says that he does that when he's happy and he can't believe that I would ever accuse him of doing drugs for that. He also starts doing weird things like thinking there are demons or having these paranoid situations happen in his head that he says were just dreams that he didn't know weren't real. It bothers me but I really can't figure out if I'm crazy or not.
Has anyone else ever experienced something similar to this?
 
I itched like a bastard on subs but never nodded. I suppose you could nod on a big enough dose at first. Perhaps he's shooting it? I don't know, sounds like he's still doing H. Someone will come along with words of far greater wisdom. I'm better at asking for advice rather than giving it
 
My best friend has been a heroin addict for years. I've watched him go through phases of doing so bad, that I was almost positive that I was going to lose him forever to doing so well, that I can see him for who he actually is. Over the last year or so, we've gotten really close and I've become connected enough with him to pretty much (in my opinion) always know for sure when he's getting high behind everyone's back. I'll call him out on it because I'm legitimately worried about him losing his life, and I literally would't be able to handle that... but he always turns it around and makes me think I'm crazy for ever thinking something like that. At first, I'm 100% sure that I'm right but slowly, as I argue back and forth with him, I start wondering if I was just being paranoid. He will say things like, 'you're thinking about it too hard' or 'you're just making things up at this point', or in some cases 'you're the one in a drug induced psychosis because you have a ketamine addiction' (which I have been struggling with but I've been mostly clean for going on three weeks now, so I don't feel like that's the problem at this point... or ever really was because I've never felt out of my mind at any point during my addiction). After today, I truly don't know if what he says in response to my accusations is true or not.
This weekend, my roommate left $40 and two Xanax on the table. $20 of the $40 and 1 of the 2 Xanax went missing. There was no one in the house that didn't live there except for my best friend. My roommate's boyfriend has been known to steal drugs occasionally but when it comes down to it, if he's confronted, he will admit to it usually. He says he really didn't do it this time. My best friend was left alone twice in the house then later the next morning, he asked to borrow my boyfriend's car for 30 minutes to run a quick errand then didn't come back for 4 hours. I had to go to work but when I came back, I noticed him nodding out and scratching his legs obsessively. He says it was just the Suboxone that he took, but I have a hard time believing it. He swears that I'm just being controlling and keeping him on too short of a leash but I don't know if that's the case?
I don't know what to do because on one hand, I feel like I know something is wrong but on the other hand, I wonder if I'm just being a crazy, paranoid, psycho like other people have called me in the past.
One question for people experienced with opiates and Suboxone- Does Suboxone make you incessantly itchy and does it make you nod off in the same way that heroin does? Once in a while, I'll notice those two behaviors from him but not the slurred speech or going in the bathroom for 20 minutes at a time over and over again. He claims that he's been taking Suboxone and that's why he's itching and nodding off but I don't really believe that Suboxone has that effect on people.
He also alternates between doing meth and heroin... he seems to switch to the meth when the heroin hurts his health too much because the heroin hugely effects his lungs to the point to where you can hear him wheezing from across the room. I'm constantly accusing him of doing meth too because when I think he's doing meth, he will write really, really long Facebook statuses and texts. Like several paragraphs long. He says that he does that when he's happy and he can't believe that I would ever accuse him of doing drugs for that. He also starts doing weird things like thinking there are demons or having these paranoid situations happen in his head that he says were just dreams that he didn't know weren't real. It bothers me but I really can't figure out if I'm crazy or not.
Has anyone else ever experienced something similar to this?

You've pretty closely described a friend of mine. I had to end the friendship because he was never sober anymore. I spent years wondering if I was just overreacting but in the end it appears that my feelings were correct. I think he's a gonner.
 
I don't think he's shooting the Subs but maybe they are making him itchy, who knows.

It's a sad reality but it does seem like people don't really escape the grasp of addiction from hard drugs. I still feel hope because he has a strong personality but I guess only time will tell
 
What is calling him out going to do to help him?..if u are uncomfortable that he's high then don't hang with him but calling him out and worrying about him does absolutely nothing to help him..The only thing u can do is support him if he comes to u but he's not gonna stop one day because of u calling him out he's just going to cut u as a friend..subs actually make me unable to sleep and itchiness happens in certain ppl from taking any opiates
 
I don't really think the issue for you is as much your friend's use as your friend's inability to be honest--am I correct? Friendships, like partnerships are built on trust. Anything that undermines the trust will eventually ruin the relationship. Maybe you could reframe this for your friend. Let him know that you value him no matter what but that you cannot help but feel he is not being truthful with you. My brother has told me before that his own sense of denial was so strong that he often didn't even think of his lies as lies.:(
 
1. I think Herbavore is correct. Friendship is based on trust and you're more hurt that your friend is lying to you than anything else.

2. Your friend is lying to you because there are consequences to the truth. Think about it - people only lie if they fear the repercussions of telling the truth (or perhaps because it's compulsive, but that's rare).

3. What difference will your "exposing" him make? It won't make him quit. You can't make him quit. You just have to wait it out. He knows how you feel already, there's no need to keep reminding him.

This comes from my experience being in your friend's shoes. You have no right to know anything about his medical issues and have no right to pry. If you think his life is in danger, perhaps make a bold move. If not, your only option is to wait it out, or cut him off before he cuts you. I lost my best friend over this issue. Drop it if you want to save the friendship. Or sacrifice the friendship for the greater good if you think it'll save his life.

I would try to accept him as he is. Be patient. Be encouraging. Stop mentioning the elephant in the room, you both know its there. It doesn't help, I've been there. People always stop using drugs. They either quit of their own accord, are forced to quit through coercion (rehab, prison, etc), or they die. The last two are crap options so you have to hold out for option #1 and it won't happen while you do what you are doing; your nagging will actually backfire and encourage him to use more to escape you.
 
This sounds an awful lot like my boyfriend. I've tried confronting him, but he just tells me I'm being paranoid like his exes. Which honestly isn't giving me hope, cause if I'm not the only one who's "paranoid" there's gotta be something going on right? Anyway. He's promised me he wasn't going to use anymore. I told him that I wouldn't be mad if he did, as long as he is honest with me. So yeah I'm with herbavore here. I'm not mad that he is (most likely) using again. I'm upset that he's lying to me about it :(
 
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