My ex has spread serious lies that I have just found out about....idk how to deal..

[Scoff]

Guys & Gals,

I don't post here at all. I browse this forum a lot and I don't even know what I am expecting by posting this, but I have no outlet. I apologize for not contributing, but anything will make me feel better at this point.

My friends haven't spoken to me since I broke up with my ex and I eventually got over it, but never knew why and never cared to find out. It was an emotional breakup and I was pretty much resigned at that point. I expected her to be very hurt for me breaking up with her, but I never expected this behavior.

I have come to find out that she has told numerous people that I beat her, stalked her & did other disgusting behavior.

I have never hit a woman in my life & I certainly never stalked her or tried to contact her since. The one person who believes me is trying to tell me to move on and forget it, but how could I move on when I now realize that people see me as a creepy, woman abuser?

I have no idea what to do. I was going to be moving back into the area for business opportunities, but this is making me reconsider if I have no chance of people even seeing my side of things. I don't want to be viewed this way. I have never done any of the things she has told people I have done. I broke up with her because she actually did a lot of the things she is saying I did to her.

This sucks. It's not the end of the world, but I thought I had a chance at clearing the slate with old friends (friends that ended up sleeping with her...wtf?). I am not a bad person. I haven't been with anyone since her. I wasn't all peaches & cream in the relationship, but this is absolute bullshit.

I never expected to be dealing with this shit at 25.

 

[Mel22]

That really sucks, and it's absolutely disgusting behaviour from this girl.

As unfair as it is, I'd probably just suggest to try and move on and start fresh. The main reason for this is, if these "friends" of yours were actually real friends, you would not have lost them in this manner.

In my opinion, you've only lost people that weren't real friends to you to begin with. Let these guys sleep with her and get involved, and they may very well find out what she's really like the hard way, just as you unfortunately did.

 

[double ewe]

^agreed. Anyone not willing to hear your side isn't a friend worth worrying about. And trust that a girl like this will get what she deserves.

 

[QuasiModo]

Don't move back to town though, maybe visit... But yeah fuck all that shit. You'd hear about it so much, and with the way these rumors evolve I bet by now in the local collective conscious you're a murderer rapist pedophile with many willing to shoot on sight for your disgusting pig acts of debauchery.

Nah, idk. I wouldn't move back.

 

[Liquidace]

Don't Run Away!

I recently experienced something VERY similar to your situation. At first, I was hearing from third parties that the psychopathic ex of mine was saying some extremely untrue things about my personality. What did I do? I didn't run away like some pansy. I put myself right in the middle of everyone that was on her side so that they could see for themselves that it was all bullshit and lies. In the end, everything worked out b/c everyone in the group that was on her side finally realized that it was just a passive aggressive attack on my character and now she won't go to places that I am instead of the other way around b/c she knows from my new acquaintances where I'm going to be. Win/Win.

 

[pegasys]

This happened to my best friend. He got jumped by his/her friends, but hes a brawler so he fucked them up. Then confronted her about it, in front of everyone basically just saying "how count you do this to me, I was always good to you, or w/e, ur telling lies to hurt me, for what I would never hurt you", etc..

She ended up confessing, though he did threaten to show her what she would look like, if he did i beat her, if she didn't tell the truth "i've never hit a girl before, and you know it, I see that you gave you're self some bruises, and unless you tell the truth I'm gonna be forced to do something I don't want to do, so everyone will know for sure you were lieing, cause if I hit you once its gonna break bones, and be very visible. I'm prepared to get arrested, and will do anything to fix my rep. I DON'T HIT GIRLS." " he said he'd give her some time to think about doing the right thing, and that he hated her for doing this to him, then walked away.

She confessed the next day.

P.S. He was serious at the time, but I talked him into having what he said, be just a bluff instead of a real threat. Cause it isn't worth it to hit a girl for the first time, and change who you r. Tho since he was dead serious at the time, it was very believable so the bluff worked flawlessly.

In general, just stay away, anyone who would do that to someone they care about doesn't rlly care or is unstable. If she was hooked on drugs nd stealing from u i'd say stick by her nd try nd help, but for this stuff. RUN.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Guys & Gals,

I don't post here at all. I browse this forum a lot and I don't even know what I am expecting by posting this, but I have no outlet. I apologize for not contributing, but anything will make me feel better at this point.

My friends haven't spoken to me since I broke up with my ex and I eventually got over it, but never knew why and never cared to find out. It was an emotional breakup and I was pretty much resigned at that point. I expected her to be very hurt for me breaking up with her, but I never expected this behavior.

I have come to find out that she has told numerous people that I beat her, stalked her & did other disgusting behavior.

I have never hit a woman in my life & I certainly never stalked her or tried to contact her since. The one person who believes me is trying to tell me to move on and forget it, but how could I move on when I now realize that people see me as a creepy, woman abuser?

I have no idea what to do. I was going to be moving back into the area for business opportunities, but this is making me reconsider if I have no chance of people even seeing my side of things. I don't want to be viewed this way. I have never done any of the things she has told people I have done. I broke up with her because she actually did a lot of the things she is saying I did to her.

This sucks. It's not the end of the world, but I thought I had a chance at clearing the slate with old friends (friends that ended up sleeping with her...wtf?). I am not a bad person. I haven't been with anyone since her. I wasn't all peaches & cream in the relationship, but this is absolute bullshit.

I never expected to be dealing with this shit at 25.

Yo, it sounds like your old "friends" were never friends. If you have work opportunities in the area - go ahead. If you really want to be there, because you love the community - wicked. Why do you want to go back there, when people see you in such a way?! Surely it will just make you feel bad, and you'll be constantly worried about how people think of you, why not try a clean slate elsewhere?

BUT if you want people to see you differently - then show them who you are - just be yourself, and if you're a good person, people will be attracted to you, no matter who spreads stupid rumours about you.

That's some deep shit though, and tbh honest, if someone told ME that a dude was a woman beater, I wouldn't associate with them either. That shit is fucked up - so just hold your head up high, know who you are, and if anyone gives you shit about something you haven't done - don't back down or run away; make them hold something (so they can't cross their arms) and put them straight, if you honestly care about that person having respect for you.

 

[supermarket]

I dated a girl, ironically who did the same thing. She tried to make me out to be a women beater....even went as far as to say I tried to KILL her. Sadly, you will learn as I did, that no matter if they are YOUR friends, or HERS.....many people will believe the female over you. Why? Because the same types of girls who will go OUT OF THERE WAY to fabricate such nonsense, also know how to manipulate in general, and put on a DAMN good show. They are GREAT actors, and want attention and sympathy. The relationship was their fix, their drug.....now their NEW , temporary fix, is hurting you, and gaining attention doing it.

Your TRUE friends will simply laugh this off, and call her a dumb bitch. This is a great opportunity for you to find out who your REAL friends are, and who isn't. Good luck! You are in a battle sir, wether you engage or not! Good luck, once again, lol!

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

Your TRUE friends will simply laugh this off

indeed. and the people who don't talk to you anymore probably don't really believe her either--unless she went the whole 9 yards, slamming her arm in the car door and whatnot. they are just taking her side in a bad breakup because they are better friends with her than they were with you. and yeah, they probably don't like you anymore. so you are worried about moving back there? must be a damn small town.

 

[Lysis]

Wow, that really sucks OP. That's a horrible thing for your ex to do and an even more horrible thing for your friends to just believe it and not at least ask you about it before shunning you.

Question: why would they believe something like that and how did you find out about it?

Just the way I would deal with it: confront her and the person spreading it around. Not "confront" as in being violent or an asshole about it. But, I would send a message (I start with email so I can think about what I'm saying and delete stuff after I reread it so I don't go off and say something I will regret), and tell both of them "Listen, this is not true."

That's just me, because I don't care what people say to strangers, but I care about what my friends think and wouldn't want to lose friends over shit that was not true, especially something as reprehensible as beating a female.

 

[pofacedhoe]

sounds like these "friends" were not your friends, more likely just aquaintances that you shared with your girlfriend. a real friend will side with you over some lying bitch.

people easily get sucked up into groups of aquaintences when in a relationship and drop out of these as soon as its over. groups of people are never your close friend. each close friend you have should be your friend separate from any group social situation otherwise there's little depth there.