Trigger Warning My Brother Overdosed on MDMA

[40yrstang]

Hi all,

I found this site through research and I'm hoping someone can help. My brother OD'd on MDMA according to the coroner. It was intentional self harm and he made that clear in his final videos and texts to people.

What I want to know though is that even though he planned this and had intent, I get nightmares thinking he may have had a horrible death and I want to know what anyone who has come close to this edge has felt and experienced.

I have questions such as: was he fully aware of the end? Was he scared? Did he start to have regret? What are the symptoms of OD and would he have suffered for a period before?

He didn't look at peace in his casket and although he was emotionally suffering for some time, I just want to know how bad his ending really was from people that have been close either intentionally or not. Thanks in advance.

-Sad and lonely brother left

 

[S550Fan87]

First of all, im sorry for your loss. I have one brother as well, and yet if my family was in your situation.... I would be your brother, and my brother would be you.... Which is a bit unnerving to think about. I could not imagine the feeling of losing my brother, much less knowing he did so intentionally. But, depending on the situation would maybe get a bit of relief knowing he was no longer suffering mentally or physically.

It has been many many years since i have taken MDMA..... got all of that "out of my system" when I was in/ just out of High School....
I dont believe i ever came that close to Od'ing.... but i do recall taking a tab.... maybe 2 too many for what i should have.

Back then everything to do with MDMA or Ecstacy..... was amazing/ great/ happy/ no regrets.... just plain awesome.
Its the coming down off of it that is the bad part.
But, i also know every drug out there has changed in some way since 20+ years ago.
So the MDMA that i remember, could even be totally different than it is now.

This is just my opinion/ observation
But, reading your message.... I feel he passed at a fairly happy and contempt state of mind. Aware.... yes. Scared. I doubt, but then.... who wouldnt be??
But even knowing his intent.... I personally feel he would have to have enjoyed his last hours/ minutes. And likely didnt even stop to think about having a regret. (but noone can say that but him himself)

Obviously nothing anyone can say, can alleviate the emotional pain you and your family are experiencing. But you have certainly come to the right place to seek answers/ guidance.... and even just chat a bit with people who likely experience things similar to your brother. That in itself, would give me comfort.

 

[40yrstang]

Thank you so much for the reply. It was comforting to read. It's been a tough 5 weeks since this has happened but knowing he's not in pain anymore does provide some solace.

Thanks again.

 

[Quasimoto]

I am sorry for your loss. I also had a friend who overdosed on MDMA and didn't make it.

Unfortunately, it was likely not quick or a good way to go. I am sorry to give you the news you don't want to hear. He likely did not experience much pain, however it would have been a very stressful, uncomfortable, scary and unpleasant experience.

He likely started to go into severe serotonin syndrome while simultaneously experiencing cardiac stress and hallucinations. The serotonin syndrome would have brought on a host of extremely unpleasant symypoms.

How long he endured these symptoms before they killed him, or before his heart gave out, we may never know. I hope his heart stopped quickly, because if it was the SS that killed him, he was probably suffering for several hours.

If there is a silver lining in any of this, he would have likely lost consciousness at some point.

 

[40yrstang]

Hey, thank you. For my own closure, I want to know the details even if it's speculation from experienced people. It would appear he sent a final message around 330am and passed around 5ish.

He essentially stated he knew he didn't have much time left and put the end in motion, so he was lucid enough at that point... but, from what I read with SS and what you stated, that was my fear.

His heart did experience cardiac arrest. It hurts to think that even if he regretted and wanted help from the self induced end, he couldn't have gotten it.. I'll never really know but I want to be able to reconcile it in my mind for some peace one way or the other.

Thanks again

 

[neversickanymore]

Sending love

 

[Quasimoto]

Hey, thank you. For my own closure, I want to know the details even if it's speculation from experienced people. It would appear he sent a final message around 330am and passed around 5ish.

He essentially stated he knew he didn't have much time left and put the end in motion, so he was lucid enough at that point... but, from what I read with SS and what you stated, that was my fear.

His heart did experience cardiac arrest. It hurts to think that even if he regretted and wanted help from the self induced end, he couldn't have gotten it.. I'll never really know but I want to be able to reconcile it in my mind for some peace one way or the other.

Thanks again

This is the progression of SS. Many of these symptoms are very unpleasant to witness. Death from SS is relatively rare because most people seek treatment within an hour or two. If left untreated, it can kill.

It's also possible your friend died from a major heart attack.

My friend who died from MDMA was only 20 years old. He thought he was invincible and could eat 10 E pills. He wasn't invincible.

 

[Phobos]

Hey, thank you. For my own closure, I want to know the details even if it's speculation from experienced people. It would appear he sent a final message around 330am and passed around 5ish.

He essentially stated he knew he didn't have much time left and put the end in motion, so he was lucid enough at that point... but, from what I read with SS and what you stated, that was my fear.

His heart did experience cardiac arrest. It hurts to think that even if he regretted and wanted help from the self induced end, he couldn't have gotten it.. I'll never really know but I want to be able to reconcile it in my mind for some peace one way or the other.

Thanks again

Hi, I am very sorry for your loss.

I have a brother that I am very close to and that I love, so I understand where you are coming from with your questions.
I'm afraid it's not possible to be very accurate with answers in regards to his last moments.

What I can tell you is that I have witnessed a few MDMA overdoses, and that I also once overdosed on drugs that work in the same way as MDMA.

What seems to happen is that there will be a period of time when the person will begin to be more and more confused and disoriented, and then they either pass out or have a seizure, which is usually the moment the ambulance gets called.
I myself had a seizure in my room and my GF was in another room and they only heard me falling to the ground, it didn't look like I did nothing out of the ordinary before that, my last memory was that I felt the effects starting to come on but I felt a bit confused and sedated instead of being stimulated.


So I think there is a chance that while there was some confusion and disorientation, your brother may have passed out or he may have had a seizure and then never regained consciousness.

 

[40yrstang]

This is the progression of SS. Many of these symptoms are very unpleasant to witness. Death from SS is relatively rare because most people seek treatment within an hour or two. If left untreated, it can kill.

It's also possible your friend died from a major heart attack.

My friend who died from MDMA was only 20 years old. He thought he was invincible and could eat 10 E pills. He wasn't invincible.

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry about your friend, too.

 

[40yrstang]

Hi, I am very sorry for your loss.

I have a brother that I am very close to and that I love, so I understand where you are coming from with your questions.
I'm afraid it's not possible to be very accurate with answers in regards to his last moments.

What I can tell you is that I have witnessed a few MDMA overdoses, and that I also once overdosed on drugs that work in the same way as MDMA.

What seems to happen is that there will be a period of time when the person will begin to be more and more confused and disoriented, and then they either pass out or have a seizure, which is usually the moment the ambulance gets called.
I myself had a seizure in my room and my GF was in another room and they only heard me falling to the ground, it didn't look like I did nothing out of the ordinary before that, my last memory was that I felt the effects starting to come on but I felt a bit confused and sedated instead of being stimulated.


So I think there is a chance that while there was some confusion and disorientation, your brother may have passed out or he may have had a seizure and then never regained consciousness.

Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. I'm glad you're ok. Much love.

 

[andyturbo]

Hi all,

I found this site through research and I'm hoping someone can help. My brother OD'd on MDMA according to the coroner. It was intentional self harm and he made that clear in his final videos and texts to people.

What I want to know though is that even though he planned this and had intent, I get nightmares thinking he may have had a horrible death and I want to know what anyone who has come close to this edge has felt and experienced.

I have questions such as: was he fully aware of the end? Was he scared? Did he start to have regret? What are the symptoms of OD and would he have suffered for a period before?

He didn't look at peace in his casket and although he was emotionally suffering for some time, I just want to know how bad his ending really was from people that have been close either intentionally or not. Thanks in advance.

-Sad and lonely brother left

Oh my god. I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this it almost brings me to tears just thinking about it (having a brother im close to as well) I hope your ok man. Its completely natural to want to know the details on things like this even when its a horrible event. When I have lost close ones in the past to drug overdoses those sort of questions really did my head in not knowing. I think everyone has already answered with anything I would have said myself. So sorry bud

 

[40yrstang]

Oh my god. I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this it almost brings me to tears just thinking about it (having a brother im close to as well) I hope your ok man. Its completely natural to want to know the details on things like this even when its a horrible event. When I have lost close ones in the past to drug overdoses those sort of questions really did my head in not knowing. I think everyone has already answered with anything I would have said myself. So sorry bud

Thank you for the kind words and your empathy

 

[golego55]

Nothing to add, but hugs.

 

[40yrstang]

I'll take it. Thank you.

 

[Esperighanto]

My condolences for your loss.

My boyfriend heard me say that "People in Detroit and Chicago have been eyeballing MDMA since the 70's" once, and scooped ~750mg of crystal clean MDMA into a gel cap and ate it with no tolerance at 150 pounds, while on ~35mg of 2C-B as well. I should have said "People in Detroit and Chicago have been eyeballing small lines of MDMA to build up to where they want to be, since the 70's". He proceeded to black out, think he was on a beach, ask me things like "Can you hear the waves?" with profound intensity in his expression, and he had been working on a painting of a lily pad (frog wasn't painted on it yet), and I watched him pour onion powder over it, "for texture".

I've also seen MDMA addicts who are consuming a gram a day exceed their norm and push closer to ~3.5g in a day, and simply have a seizure.

Either way, it's not as bad as overdosing on many other substances. Confusion and disorientation leads to delirium which leads to a seizure with MDMA overdosing. It's pretty tough to do on accident though, the coroner stating that it was likely intentional is probably speaking from the point of just how much MDMA would need to be consumed to die, especially with a tolerance.

I hope that you can find peace and healing in the future from this.

 

[Didgital]

Hi all,

I found this site through research and I'm hoping someone can help. My brother OD'd on MDMA according to the coroner. It was intentional self harm and he made that clear in his final videos and texts to people.

What I want to know though is that even though he planned this and had intent, I get nightmares thinking he may have had a horrible death and I want to know what anyone who has come close to this edge has felt and experienced.

I have questions such as: was he fully aware of the end? Was he scared? Did he start to have regret? What are the symptoms of OD and would he have suffered for a period before?

He didn't look at peace in his casket and although he was emotionally suffering for some time, I just want to know how bad his ending really was from people that have been close either intentionally or not. Thanks in advance.

-Sad and lonely brother left

Man.... If I've commented already I'm sorry. Just because a substance feels good at a regular dose, does not mean it feels good to overdose.

If your brother truly OD'd on MDMA, he probably wasn't aware in the last moments, but I highly doubt that it was enjoyable to get there.

RIP.