my 5 day cold turkey, my one day relapse, guidance please, please.

[dopenomore]

Hey, im new here as you can probably see haha, but in all seriousness here is my story. I really could use some guidance because i am so over being a drug addict, im sorry if I am posting this in the wrong place.

I live in the north east, us and decided to visit my dad down in florida in a rental car with my brother, i got the rental car and do the 21 hour drive oppossed to a plane for the sole purpose of bringing my shit with me, i didnt want to risk sneaking it onto a plane. Im a heroin addict, i have been for the last 9 months(march,'16) prior to that i was addicted to perc 30s on and off for 4 years. I went from being a light casual user for the first couple years taking multiple month long breaks between my using to being a full fledged opiate addict for a year and a half before my addiction to heroin.

Back to my trip to florida, i went there with the plan of using only a half g daily to have just enough for the full 10 days. I usually use about a gram to a gram and a half per day. I left on tuesday and then sunday came, i was out, nothing left and i wasnt going to be home til the friday after. It was miserable sunday through wednesday i faked to my family like i was sick with something similar to the flu. Leg cramps, stomach cramps, restless legs, light diarhea cause immodium is a godsend, extremely fatigued/lightheaded, i couldnt stand up without feeling like falling over, the chills constantly, extreme burning in my stomach

Sunday,monday,tuesday,wednesday and thursday night i maybe got 4 hours of sleep or less between those five days, along with doing a 1500 mile drive, it was torture, but i got through it. I could barely even eat without puking. When i got home today i was exhausted and could barely function because i was so exhausted. I was starving without being able to eat, i was exausted without being able to sleep. I couldnt take it anymore i just wanted to sleep an eat already. I had gone through five days of torture, my physical ailments subsided alot besides for the extreme fatigue and me being unable to sleep or eat i couldnt take it anymore i was starving and exhausted so i copped 3 grams did maybe a half gram ate and knocked outfor 10 hours. Woke up and did a blast, just out of habit. I snort it, i dont shoot it, thankfully, because i know if i did IV it there would be no coming nack from that for me.

I dont want to continue using, i want to move on with my life, i am so over spending all my money on opiates, im so over letting heroin take control over my entire life. Im sitting here typing this to an online community with tears coming down my face because i dont know what to do. I went through 5 days of WD's which were worse than anything ive ever felt, the high isnt even worth the withdrawals. Im so ashamed of myself for relapsing the second i got home but i only did it so i could finally get some rest and eat.

I need some help on how to stay clean, i know i didnt do enough to completely negate the five days of WDs i went through, atleast i hope not. I just need some guidance on what to do next, i cold turkeyed the shit, should i now wean off it so i can atleast sleep and eat, what do i do. Please, any advice would mean alot to me right now

 

[aihfl]

If it's an option, I would seek treatment. Inpatient is always ideal, but outpatient is better than nothing. You will be evaluated and medicated appropriately by a psychiatrist, checked for underlying co-morbid conditions and get the psychological support you need to stay sober.

 

[NwGemini]

I just did the same thing for the feeling of a shitty point. I prolong my 7 day detox to this is day 12 (day five because I had a set back Sunday) of my attempt to relinquish the devils grasp. Its not the setbacks that defines us its what we do with it that will determine our strength.

Considering this is my 3rd attempt at sober living from opiates (one 2 year oxycodone habit 3 years clean and one horrible heroin habit with 2 months clean via good old county jail) this time is my choice to get clean. Tired of being broke, a burden, lack of enthusiasm, being judged, everything that comes along with being a junky.

Part of being human is we are allowed to make mistakes. Part of making mistakes is learning where and why we keep fucking up and how we can stop the cycle. Don't beat yourself up. Five days lost is nothing compared to the days you have ahead with a clear mind and all the money you save from not paying the dope man. Best wishes. -Gemini

 

[Jabberwocky]

What about methadone of buprenorhine? Those medications In conjunction with outpatient treatment ans therapy can really help you stabilize yourself and make real progress on accomplishing your goals and getting healthy.

 

[simco]

My advice is similar to aihfl's... your chances of succeeding will improve if you don't try to do this on your own. Inpatient or outpatient treatment can be a great way to get help. But some of us our lucky enough to have good people in our lives who can either supplement professional help or, in a pinch, be an effective substitute for it. One of the reasons I advocate strongly for people to lean on any support they have in their lives--in my experience, everything changed when I asked for real help from people who know me and who I know care about me. Besides the practical help your posse can offer, bringing them in does wonders for helping to scrape away at the isolation, lying and secrecy that is so familiar to addicts.

Of course, the wisdom of asking for help from friends or family is totally dependent on the details of those relationships. But if you're lucky and have even one or two folks firmly in your corner, I strongly recommend pushing outside what feels comfortable and asking them for help.

Keep us posted. Good luck! You've already done so much of the heavy lifting. Keep it up.

 

[Done them all]

a positive mindset might be one of the most underrated things you would think of in these situations, you are literally THROUGH the forest, you survived the 3 day hump let alone 5 days, that one setback wouldnt do anything to harm you other than diminish your moral, dont think of it as being a "x amount of days clean streak" as opposed to how many days youve been sober over the past x amount of days, its a proportion not a streak which is what helped me get over that shitty feeling of a one time relapse

at this point its all mental addiction coupled with some post-WD symptoms and the only way to keep out of that mindset is by changing your routine, find a new hobby of some sort definately go excercise that will literally give you that natural endorphin high and help ease any continuing symptoms, get your vitamin balance and nutrition back on track, youd be surprised that half of the post widthdrawal symptoms people experience are just due to lack of vitamins like magnesium (especially helps those muscle cramps and that feeling of wanting to run around while being physically drained; the best way id describe it would be wanting to pull my hair our of frustration)
in 100% honesty if you dont think you NEED drug intervention therapy then definately avoid it, going on methadone or suboxone will just prolongue the pain, give you more triggers and not let you forget about the opiate experience (which is the best way to mentally get over a drug; forgetting how good it was essentially, why do something when you have no reinforcement to do so right?)
A therapist or psychologist would definately help in terms of you getting into a different routine through cognitive behavioural therapy, addressing emotions and being aware of them so when you get those triggers you dont just instinctively get blasted
if youre short on money theres plenty of things online that can tell you almost everything a psychologist could tell you, but in a more general sense

It appears that you're in the right mindset to do this cold turkey and you technically have, which is why i say screw opiate therapy, when i got off my heavy heroin IV habit, the day before i remember shooting up and thinking "this isnt even fun anymore" and i literally quit it there and then simply because i was just tired of the cycle, its a lifestyle thats very demanding and youd be surprisedhow much free time youll have not having to worry about it BUT the one thing that leads people back into it is that feeling of invincibility where they think "hey im sober now, i got some free time to spend and im bored, why not just try it again for old time's sake" which leads you back to that cycle
Mind over matter at this point, you have felt the worst of it physically now its you and your mind that have to go through the next battle but trust me when I say that it DOES get better