Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
MXE (SOBER except for Buprenorphine)
MXE used to be a great drug for me. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I would snort it and enjoyed it quite a bit. I went on a road trip with it. I drove 112 MPH on it with loud music. I was unsafe 2 times on MXE driving across country (I 80 70 MPH Speed Limit) - 80 on 80 common, then up diagonally on I 84 to Vancouver. I live in Upstate New York. It is a fantastic drug. Be careful if you choose to drive as things "thin out" at high doses - I witnessed my death as an abstract little red blood drop appearing in my field of vision.
My mental health perhaps was not the greatest when I started. I'd been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder and Dysthymia. And, I have had elements of paranoia all along and growing up - thinking people were keeping track of my life. MXE heightened this, first good, in a good way, then bad.
I started hearing voices on it telling me I was the best and pushing my energy on. My first experience is catalogued here too. I wish I had gone rollerblading on it =P. I had been talking to a girl at the time and she left for _____. I decided to try and visit her when she came back. I wrote little notes in my book - always keep a journal - like 'love everyone
'. 'Pure energy'. I had been dormant for a long time, and now I felt I was finally coming out. I should note I was SOBER except for MXE and so I considered myself Sober just a "business man on ketamine". I even went to an interview on it, but I just felt sober just different on it. Not foggy, if you will, like on marijuana. There was no weed involved.
I took the road trip in the spring / summer 2012, first tried it in mid/late April. After I bought a supply myself from online, I used it everyday. I never even considered plugging it until the very end.
I met a new person who quickly became a lover when I came back to town in mid-summer. I stayed at his house, he was a landlord. I loved him and we had great times together. I didn't tell him about and introduce him to the drug until a week into our relationship. He wanted to try a bit soon. That was good as well. Sex was good on it, I enjoyed being fucked. It made everything seem epic. Even when I think back to it now, I picture / feel myself listening to a song in an emotional part leaning forward with outstretched hands stretching forward capturing the entire world. It flattens everything out and makes it huge. But like any drug, or any experience for that matter, it can be described in opposites, it's huge, but it also narrows the consciousness too.
When I dropped out of school and kept using the substance, some bad things happened. I also attempted sex with this female who moved in and was unsuccessful. Several things led to my deterioration. Things deteriorated with T as well.
I first had the idea to plug it. Read nothing of the sort online. Was just sick and needed SOMETHING to quell the pain I was feeling. I should note I am an addict, the type who has been to (AA/NA) meetings. And I'm medically addicted to opiates - to buprenorphine or Suboxone. I started smoking marijuana when I met T and was using that like an addict too, taking frequent hits to keep me down under its cloud. I liked plugging it. I tried a fair sized dose, maybe twice of what I normally try and quite liked it. I gradually increased my dose. My paranoia was getting worse. I was also experiencing racist thoughts. This all happened after using MXE addictively every day since I bought it shortly after trying it. My mental health was getting really bad and my paranoia was picking up extremely high. It was becoming a singing fever pitch. I thought everyone, including all the neighbors knew my inner thoughts. I thought I heard them moving inside their houses. I thought I could read other people's thoughts and they could read mine. I felt deeply connected with everyone, but something was terribly wrong. I thought T was trying to make me believe that I was the wrong. That I was the wrong person in the equation. After I visited his house after getting off MXE finally after a period of time being sober, the voices started again.
I was eventually admitted to a hospital in my region. The craziness of the house penetrated deep into me. I could no longer think straight. I can now. And I'm on no medication other than the suboxone which I've always been on. In the hospital, I became suicidal and "hurt myself" with my thinking several times, like making it hard for me to pee, but thinking others were trying to make me stop - such a simple living process.
Eventually, after two weeks in the hospital and two weeks in inpatient rehab, I was released. As I try to get my life back together, I think back to that vibe and feeling and mental experience I have of being in his house and experiencing all those thoughts, and even acting out violently on them (I had).
I used to prepare a shot of MXE (plugged) and would swish it around thinking of it as a plastic substance. Entirely manmade. Honestly now, that kind of freaks me out. I much prefer the thought of plugging buprenorphine, which is semi-synthetic, at least DERIVED from natural resources. I like that better.
As I'm on buprenorphine and continuing on with my life - the suicide ideation has stopped - I think back to MXE confusedly. I cannot say whether it fucked me or had permanent effects on me. Whether it had permanent negative effects. Whether it had permanent positive effects. The road trip with it (nothing but sweet and legal prescribed buprenorphine and MXE - methoxetamine - "special K" as I jokingly called it, or I'm about to get "dissy" as I would say) was great. I do not regret that.
I just need to get my life back together now.
MXE used to be a great drug for me. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I would snort it and enjoyed it quite a bit. I went on a road trip with it. I drove 112 MPH on it with loud music. I was unsafe 2 times on MXE driving across country (I 80 70 MPH Speed Limit) - 80 on 80 common, then up diagonally on I 84 to Vancouver. I live in Upstate New York. It is a fantastic drug. Be careful if you choose to drive as things "thin out" at high doses - I witnessed my death as an abstract little red blood drop appearing in my field of vision.
My mental health perhaps was not the greatest when I started. I'd been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder and Dysthymia. And, I have had elements of paranoia all along and growing up - thinking people were keeping track of my life. MXE heightened this, first good, in a good way, then bad.
I started hearing voices on it telling me I was the best and pushing my energy on. My first experience is catalogued here too. I wish I had gone rollerblading on it =P. I had been talking to a girl at the time and she left for _____. I decided to try and visit her when she came back. I wrote little notes in my book - always keep a journal - like 'love everyone
'. 'Pure energy'. I had been dormant for a long time, and now I felt I was finally coming out. I should note I was SOBER except for MXE and so I considered myself Sober just a "business man on ketamine". I even went to an interview on it, but I just felt sober just different on it. Not foggy, if you will, like on marijuana. There was no weed involved.I took the road trip in the spring / summer 2012, first tried it in mid/late April. After I bought a supply myself from online, I used it everyday. I never even considered plugging it until the very end.
I met a new person who quickly became a lover when I came back to town in mid-summer. I stayed at his house, he was a landlord. I loved him and we had great times together. I didn't tell him about and introduce him to the drug until a week into our relationship. He wanted to try a bit soon. That was good as well. Sex was good on it, I enjoyed being fucked. It made everything seem epic. Even when I think back to it now, I picture / feel myself listening to a song in an emotional part leaning forward with outstretched hands stretching forward capturing the entire world. It flattens everything out and makes it huge. But like any drug, or any experience for that matter, it can be described in opposites, it's huge, but it also narrows the consciousness too.
When I dropped out of school and kept using the substance, some bad things happened. I also attempted sex with this female who moved in and was unsuccessful. Several things led to my deterioration. Things deteriorated with T as well.
I first had the idea to plug it. Read nothing of the sort online. Was just sick and needed SOMETHING to quell the pain I was feeling. I should note I am an addict, the type who has been to (AA/NA) meetings. And I'm medically addicted to opiates - to buprenorphine or Suboxone. I started smoking marijuana when I met T and was using that like an addict too, taking frequent hits to keep me down under its cloud. I liked plugging it. I tried a fair sized dose, maybe twice of what I normally try and quite liked it. I gradually increased my dose. My paranoia was getting worse. I was also experiencing racist thoughts. This all happened after using MXE addictively every day since I bought it shortly after trying it. My mental health was getting really bad and my paranoia was picking up extremely high. It was becoming a singing fever pitch. I thought everyone, including all the neighbors knew my inner thoughts. I thought I heard them moving inside their houses. I thought I could read other people's thoughts and they could read mine. I felt deeply connected with everyone, but something was terribly wrong. I thought T was trying to make me believe that I was the wrong. That I was the wrong person in the equation. After I visited his house after getting off MXE finally after a period of time being sober, the voices started again.
I was eventually admitted to a hospital in my region. The craziness of the house penetrated deep into me. I could no longer think straight. I can now. And I'm on no medication other than the suboxone which I've always been on. In the hospital, I became suicidal and "hurt myself" with my thinking several times, like making it hard for me to pee, but thinking others were trying to make me stop - such a simple living process.
Eventually, after two weeks in the hospital and two weeks in inpatient rehab, I was released. As I try to get my life back together, I think back to that vibe and feeling and mental experience I have of being in his house and experiencing all those thoughts, and even acting out violently on them (I had).
I used to prepare a shot of MXE (plugged) and would swish it around thinking of it as a plastic substance. Entirely manmade. Honestly now, that kind of freaks me out. I much prefer the thought of plugging buprenorphine, which is semi-synthetic, at least DERIVED from natural resources. I like that better.
As I'm on buprenorphine and continuing on with my life - the suicide ideation has stopped - I think back to MXE confusedly. I cannot say whether it fucked me or had permanent effects on me. Whether it had permanent negative effects. Whether it had permanent positive effects. The road trip with it (nothing but sweet and legal prescribed buprenorphine and MXE - methoxetamine - "special K" as I jokingly called it, or I'm about to get "dissy" as I would say) was great. I do not regret that.
I just need to get my life back together now.
