Well, I've never written a trip report, but i thought I might like to share this insane experience I once had.
My friend's and I had never tried psychedelics before, but had once heard mention of magic mushrooms which grow in cow shit. I live in a farm area so my friends and I thought we'd go for a stroll and have a look. It was that simple, I did not have to look. My friend glanced down and noticed two blue-tinged mushrooms poking out. We then proceeded to collect more. Hundreds more, which would allow us each to consume aproximately 60 shrooms (predominantly copelandia cyanscens, but some cubensis as well) or 90 grams fresh. I was a little intimidated by what we knew was a large dose ( we did not know how freaking large it really was though) but my friend assured me that we'd be fine, you can't od, and he's sure we could take it mentally. Naively I agreed.
My boyfriend consumed his proportion of the tea first. As soon as he finished he began acting strangely, claiming "his arm had run away from him" and acting energetic. I was next. Within 5 minutes ( I drank mine very quickly) I felt...indescribably odd, knowing somehting was about to happen...Something...Overwhelming. I warned my last friend doing the mushrooms to not drink all of his tea - he did not listen, even as I rolled around in the extremely deep grass, my closed eyes exploding with never-ending patterns.
I recall everything being so dark... I couldn't see. It was all patterns everywhere, and the tiny park we were in ( about 7m by 7m) was endless. Simple things were so confusing, sounds came from the wrong area. I lost my phone and later discovered I never had it on me to lose. The sky was blinding. I walked over to the bark in the bark and it deveoped into patterns and 'sent me a mind message' to not lie down. So constantly I had this fear that if I lay down, something dreadful would happen. What seemed hours later I eventually lay down - a mistake. I couldn't get up. I was paralysed, my muscles wouldn't work. It was all so confusing and absolute hell. Everything kept happening in circles. My boyfriend who drank his first kept jumping around and screaming "ow, kurt cobain, suicide note! ow! kurt cobain suicide note!!!!" (he has no recollection of this). A phone kept ringing the same ring tone. Over and over. My friend who drank the tea first disappeared ( he was later found by his neighbours in his boxers and one shoe, no idea about anything). It was HELL! ABSOLUTE HELL. I couldn't move and nothing worked. I was crying and screaming, and hoping desperately the cops would find us and take us to hospital. My friend who'd had his last was next to me. At one point we had a rational conversation about how sure we were that we were dying. I admitted I didn't believe I would get any effects, then porceeded to beg desperately for him to kill me. He was incapable of helping me. I just wanted to die, to end it, I just wnated to hurry up and reach death. I desperately desired a knife, or gun, or rock or anything. HELL, ABSOLUTE HELL. It went forvever and ever, forever and ever....In circles...phone ringing...suicide note... I wasn't sure if I was lying down or standing up, I couldn't talk, my tongue kept getting stuck and my own voice was so loud within my head. So I couldn't communicate, couldn't move, couldn't die, though I wnated nothing more. My greatest fear was that I was dead, and this was the afterlife and it would go on and on. There was a point - a point where I knew I could let go and lose my sanity and never come back. I just knew. I knew it would help make me make sense of things if I agreed to sacrifice my sanity, and as I tried to let go, the moment passed, and the hell returned.
Eventually I stood up, capable of movement, things were becoming clearer. I found some toilets and washed the vomit out of my hair. My friend found me, didn't believe it was me, then went outside to look for me. I was goign to help him, becuase i really hoped I wasn't me. My veins were so blue... It turned out it hadn't been a whole night, a whole day and into the next night (as I was sure it had to have been) but it had only been 3 hours. We proceeded to walk the 3km home, and never ever take such a large dose again.
SUMMARY : DO NOT EVER DO THIS MUCH. EVER. EVER! Especially on a first time.
My friend's and I had never tried psychedelics before, but had once heard mention of magic mushrooms which grow in cow shit. I live in a farm area so my friends and I thought we'd go for a stroll and have a look. It was that simple, I did not have to look. My friend glanced down and noticed two blue-tinged mushrooms poking out. We then proceeded to collect more. Hundreds more, which would allow us each to consume aproximately 60 shrooms (predominantly copelandia cyanscens, but some cubensis as well) or 90 grams fresh. I was a little intimidated by what we knew was a large dose ( we did not know how freaking large it really was though) but my friend assured me that we'd be fine, you can't od, and he's sure we could take it mentally. Naively I agreed.
My boyfriend consumed his proportion of the tea first. As soon as he finished he began acting strangely, claiming "his arm had run away from him" and acting energetic. I was next. Within 5 minutes ( I drank mine very quickly) I felt...indescribably odd, knowing somehting was about to happen...Something...Overwhelming. I warned my last friend doing the mushrooms to not drink all of his tea - he did not listen, even as I rolled around in the extremely deep grass, my closed eyes exploding with never-ending patterns.
I recall everything being so dark... I couldn't see. It was all patterns everywhere, and the tiny park we were in ( about 7m by 7m) was endless. Simple things were so confusing, sounds came from the wrong area. I lost my phone and later discovered I never had it on me to lose. The sky was blinding. I walked over to the bark in the bark and it deveoped into patterns and 'sent me a mind message' to not lie down. So constantly I had this fear that if I lay down, something dreadful would happen. What seemed hours later I eventually lay down - a mistake. I couldn't get up. I was paralysed, my muscles wouldn't work. It was all so confusing and absolute hell. Everything kept happening in circles. My boyfriend who drank his first kept jumping around and screaming "ow, kurt cobain, suicide note! ow! kurt cobain suicide note!!!!" (he has no recollection of this). A phone kept ringing the same ring tone. Over and over. My friend who drank the tea first disappeared ( he was later found by his neighbours in his boxers and one shoe, no idea about anything). It was HELL! ABSOLUTE HELL. I couldn't move and nothing worked. I was crying and screaming, and hoping desperately the cops would find us and take us to hospital. My friend who'd had his last was next to me. At one point we had a rational conversation about how sure we were that we were dying. I admitted I didn't believe I would get any effects, then porceeded to beg desperately for him to kill me. He was incapable of helping me. I just wanted to die, to end it, I just wnated to hurry up and reach death. I desperately desired a knife, or gun, or rock or anything. HELL, ABSOLUTE HELL. It went forvever and ever, forever and ever....In circles...phone ringing...suicide note... I wasn't sure if I was lying down or standing up, I couldn't talk, my tongue kept getting stuck and my own voice was so loud within my head. So I couldn't communicate, couldn't move, couldn't die, though I wnated nothing more. My greatest fear was that I was dead, and this was the afterlife and it would go on and on. There was a point - a point where I knew I could let go and lose my sanity and never come back. I just knew. I knew it would help make me make sense of things if I agreed to sacrifice my sanity, and as I tried to let go, the moment passed, and the hell returned.
Eventually I stood up, capable of movement, things were becoming clearer. I found some toilets and washed the vomit out of my hair. My friend found me, didn't believe it was me, then went outside to look for me. I was goign to help him, becuase i really hoped I wasn't me. My veins were so blue... It turned out it hadn't been a whole night, a whole day and into the next night (as I was sure it had to have been) but it had only been 3 hours. We proceeded to walk the 3km home, and never ever take such a large dose again.
SUMMARY : DO NOT EVER DO THIS MUCH. EVER. EVER! Especially on a first time.
Ive never felt suicide feelings either. My best guess is that your body which has never had psychs wasn't ready for something so intense and in such a volume. It is very good you were outside and not near anything that could hurt you though. If you plan on using mushrooms again maybe it is a good idea to get a sitter?
