(Mushrooms/3.5g, MDMA/125mg) / First time on MDMA / "Tripping alone out in the woods"
I had recently had a very successful evening at my friend C's house where we stayed up all night on
30mg 2C-B & liberal amounts of MXE. We watched some movie called The Prisoners and I'm not sure
I've ever laughed harder at a film. I only used 2C-B this recently because it didn't seem like it
would raise my shrooms tolerance.
I'd been planning for a few weeks to take a day and go out by myself into this huge preserve near
my house and do shrooms. I'm now writing this on the evening of the event.
C applauded the idea of me doing shrooms by myself like this since it will only be my second time
doing shrooms (the first time being only a month ago). The first time, I was with C on a trip to
the movies where we ate 3.5g mushrooms and 50mg MXE each and watched the 3D film Gravity. It was
way way more than we bargained for with how the MXE alters whatever it's combined with to create
some new unique experience, a weird amalgamation of the two. We stayed in our seats afterwards
completely smashed into an alien world for probably almost an hour, then sat out in the car for
another couple of hours before we could even think about leaving. It was quite an experience.
So I knew I wanted to try shrooms by themselves since that first trip was just... something else. I
figured it'd be good to go out and get back in touch with nature. I mentioned only half-seriously
to C at some point last week about how I _could_ hippie flip and see what that was like. He
responded with enthusiasm and immediately took out his box of goodies and weighed out 125mg
crystallized nearly pure MDMA and gave it to me in preparation for the event. He's really treated
me like a brother and allowed me to partake of his drug collection without asking for anything in
return other than my friendship.
I was very nervous last night about the idea of going by myself on shrooms the next day. I had been
planning on waking up at 5 am, but as 1 am passed by and I was still reading Erowid reports about
hippie flipping, I finally forced myself to bed and set my alarm for 6 instead. I didn't fall
asleep for almost 2 hours, tossing and turning until I only had about 3 hours of possible sleep
left. Then I must've slept for a couple of hours or so; then I woke up at least 6 times after 5 am,
just restless and impatient and nervous and unable to sleep.
I got up at 6 am. Dad was already up and had already made coffee, so I got some and did my usual
routine: went out and got the paper, went out to the garage and do the daily crossword for about 45
minutes while I burn my kratom morning dose with my coffee and take my Gabapentin and Wellbutrin.
But today I skipped the Wellbutrin. I did careful research last night about the concerns with
Wellbutrin and MDMA and was confident that it was safe (as far as anything is safe). But I skipped
the dose for today just to make sure. I still took my Gabapentin (Neurontin) and kratom. I didn't
spend as long as normal out there, but came in and got all my things ready.
I had a messenger bag with all my necessaries in it, then another big burlap bag (a King Arthur's
Flour burlap groceries bag) that I had stuffed a folded stiff cotton rug/blanket type thing that's
been folded into a 1' square that I'd been sitting on for years doing meditation and other
exercises. I just thought I might go off one of the trails and find a good spot to be totally
alone, and it'd be nice to have something to sit on because there are definitely some marshy areas
all throughout East End Park. I didn't realize how bulky this bag with the stiff blanket was before
I got to the park, but I'm also glad I brought it, as explained further below.
So I gathered my things, shaved and showered, etc and then my Dad kindly drove me out to the Park.
It's probably close to two miles away from my house. He dropped me off at the entrance to the park,
which I approached with quite some trepidation. There's a map behind glass at the front and you can
really see the extent of the park. It's like four square miles, which may not sound like much but
it is - you can definitely get lost in there, especially if you leave one of the paths. You come
into the park on the lower left side. Most of the bottom side of the park is lined with houses, as
is the left side, but you can't see that when you come in - there's a lot of dense forest. But the
northern and eastern sides of the park break down into marsh before reaching a large lake (Lake
Houston).
Right near the entrance of the park, it opens up into a huge field many acres wide, part of it
mowed but the vast majority covered with thick reeds and a couple copses of trees nestled by
themselves.
It was 8 am. I thought I would walk through part of the park and try to find somewhere sort of
private, off-the-path. A mild cold front had come in the night before, and it was a bit windy. I
set out along the side of the open field, just to where there's a picnic table. I sat down and was
just nervous for a minute. I took out a Tums and ate it, then I took 500mg Magnesium. I wished I
could have pre-loaded with some other stuff as I had read about, but I couldn't find any of the
ingredients on short notice without spending a lot of money at the supermarket buying exotic
vitamins. A woman passed me and I said good morning. I took out the crossword I happened to bring
with me, the daily one I had half-completed when I woke this morning, and I spent about 20 minutes
finishing it (mostly) and stalling. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I got up and headed
north, out of the field.
I quickly found that as I followed a northern path away from the field and into the trees that
there were astonishing amounts of mosquitoes, more than I'd seen since Hurricane Ike. Clouds of
them, but not just clouds - they were thickly clustered everywhere, so many per foot so that you
could sweep your hand across and hit 3-10 or more of them and if you stopped then you suddenly got
invaded by dozens of mosquitoes trying to land on you. Even later, as the day warmed up, every time
I saw someone pass by me there would be swarms of mosquitoes following them.
I ran into a young woman with her dog up there and she looked a little nervous. I told her the
mosquitoes were really bad up there and asked her if she happened to have any Off. She said she
didn't and then decided to turn back to escape the mosquitoes. I let her go on ahead and walked
slowly back near the starting part of the park. Out in the open field it wasn't bad, just when you
got into the woods. I sat down on a bench mostly away from where any runners might enter or leave
the park. I felt very exposed.
I was wishing I had a more private place. By then it was about 8:45. I sat on the bench and it was
a bit cold and windy (I had come wearing shorts and a t-shirt... the temperature was probably about
62 and windy). I took out the mushrooms. They were in the form of a chocolate bar. I opened up the
foil and looked at it. From personal experience from the first time, I knew the chocolate tasted
good and it wasn't as much volumetric-wise as I had thought it was going to be, so I knew I could
do this. My stomach was already a bit upset.
I ate the chocolate in pieces over about 5 minutes. I knew that the half a bar I had should have
about 3.5g mushrooms, plus there was a couple of extra pieces with it. I wound up just eating the
3.5g and leaving the two little extra squares as it was a real effort to force myself to eat the
chocolate. I wish I would have eaten them as well, though. Oh well.
Of course, I felt the strangeness begin to build almost immediately. I took out a drawing pad and I
drew some things for about 30 minutes, with my headphones on and listening to Board of Canada's
Geogaddi. I tried to draw a town for the video game development startup I've been in, but I
couldn't get it to come out right. I had drawn a world map to give to the artists during
pre-development, and it seemed alright, but the town I drew in the world map seemed smaller than
what the other writer wanted to convey, so I was trying to draw a small city, not a town - a new
perspective on it. But I can't really draw worth shit so I got frustrated and then started drawing
what I was better at, large psychedelic swirls and swooping interconnected lines, abstract kind of
stuff almost. It was very pleasing.
I tired of that and tried to draw something else, I forget... then as I couldn't do it I just put
the tablet back into my messenger bag, frustrated and telling myself I'm no good at it. I sat for a
bit just listening to the music. I got greeted by a dog off a leash, then again with a different
dog. So it was a little busy.
Euphoria and strangeness continued to build. I took out a joint of upper-grade weed (I've been
exclusively using a pipe or vaporizer to smoke weed for a few months now, but it seemed better to
have a joint on this special occasion as operating a pipe could be too complicated later.) I used
to only smoke joints and now it's pipes, especially as C. has been providing me with super high-
quality marijuana. I'd been a daily marijuana smoker for almost 20 years before I met him and I had
never smoked a strain that had a name or known pedigree before. It's been truly amazing to be able
to see some of the finest bud there is (O.G. Kush, Blue Dream, Girl Scout Cookies). I had been
saving the last bit of good weed I had left.
So I smoked only about four hits before the euphoria was very intense. As it got close to the hour
mark since I ate the chocolate, I suddenly felt more exposed and decided to walk to the southeast
part of the park, down where it gets swampy, and maybe I could find a spot without the mosquitoes
being bad. I don't know, I just knew I couldn't sit at that bench the whole time for sure. I wanted
to find some remote spots, if only to enjoy nature in her intimacy.
I was already sort of lurching from side to side and my stomach was quite upset. I probably should
have taken the other Tums but I didn't think about it. I tried to walk kind of slowly but I didn't
think I was going to throw up. As I went into the marshy part and it hit 10 am, I remembered the
MDMA and so I took it out and held it for a minute as I was walking, then thought I'd go for it. So
I took it.
I must explain that I've never experienced MDMA "properly" before and so only had a vague notion
about what should happen. I had tried MDMA two times previously, both within the last 4 months. The
first time was at the tail end of an acid trip but I think it was just a small amount and I never
really noticed it working. The second time was 150mg, but most of the time I was in a dark room
with C chilling at his computer and I didn't really get any effects except for a fiery euphoria
that all seemed to come burning out from my abdomen/stomach, nothing like I had ever heard MDMA was
like. I didn't get any other noticeable effects that time and wondered if maybe my long-term heavy
DXM addiction had blunted some of the receptors MDMA was trying to use and that's why I wasn't
getting a proper reaction. I don't know. Either way, both times I had used it previously I had
definitely been disappointed and wondered what was up with that.
Well, this time changed all that. I got the MDMA full effect for the first time. It didn't happen
right away, of course.
I walked a long way. The trail turned into a raised wooden path that went out over swampy ground,
reminding me a lot of a certain place in the Slender Man mythos Marble Hornets, these long wooden
upraised paths out in the swamps. But it didn't creep me out at all, even though it felt very
remote. I had a couple of joggers go past at various points. I was moving slow and stumbling. I had
tired of the slow ambiance of Boards of Canada and switched it to the hyper-kinetic and very
strange DJ Q-bert's Wave Twisters from 1998... it was very weird and there were some funny parts in
it. I found it enjoyable and the beat was fast and felt good.
After a long walk that twisted and turned through some very wild areas, the wooden upraised path
turned a corner and this wind just hit me in a solid strong gust. Down the center of the path about
eighty feet ahead through the forest was a little clear opening with a bench that was facing out
onto open water, a beautiful small lake. The gusts were blowing steadily from this opening and it
was very cold but also very beautiful.
I walked out to the bench, which sat only a couple of feet from the water. The wind was crazy...
sustained winds of probably 20-25 mph, with gusts above that - there was debris flying past me. I
could not have stayed there at the lake at all except that I had that blanket so I thought I'd try
to use it. I was already cold before I even got to that little lake, but the wind was enough to
cause a lot of discomfort.
I took out the blanket and it was very stiff and thick when I spread it out over me. It cut off the
wind nearly completely from my body - I was still cold but it was bearable.
I looked out at the lake and saw a fish jump. The lake's waves were lapping across the entire
length of the surface and all of them were blowing towards me. I sat very still, listening to DJ
Q-bert. I watched the sunlight sparkling off the waves. I saw a big bird come down and grab a fish
out of the lake. I saw an alligator out in the water, identifiable by just his suspicious snout
sticking out above the water. I wasn't even positive it was one until I noticed a couple of times
that it flicked really quickly as the croc grabbed an unwary fish or something, so I'm pretty sure
it was. I saw a duck dive down and get a fish. There were leaves floating all over the water and
the water's surface was hypnotizing.
But mostly it really felt like nature was just trying to talk to me, trying to show me her beauty.
I really felt everything starting to come on and I stayed there maybe 30 minutes before I decided
it was too cold and gathered everything again.
As I left, I noticed amazing amounts of pink/scarlet leaves on these trees and plants along the
trail. It didn't seem that way when I came in. It was a very lurid purple-pink color and it seemed
to be everywhere as I was walking. It felt like everything was changing color. I was otherwise not
hallucinating, at least nothing like what I had come to expect under LSD.
I left, then walked further into the marshes instead of going back. There were several splits in
the paths and I tried to make sense of them. Eventually I found another bench that opened out onto
the lake, this time from a different side so it wasn't so directly windy (but still windy). I sat
and thought about nature and nature religions a bit, then I started thinking about that movie I had
seen on 2C-B last week with C and started laughing quite a bit. Just remembering certain scenes,
like when the goofy guy answers the door to be questioned by the cop or the police artist's sketch
of the bad guy. I'm laughing a lot just thinking about it now.
Then the peak started happening, I guess. I was looking at these plants/flowers that were growing
up on the other side of the path, and you could see some glittering of the waters behind them. They
started shimmering more and more vividly and it honestly looked like some sort of opening had
occurred to the fairy world or something, I mean I didn't see anything outwardly strange. It was
just this unearthly shimmering between these plants that was very strange. It was almost like all
of the flowers were moving together on their own in harmony and an aura had surrounded them.
Things started getting super intense and the feelings inside me were overflowing me and I was
drowning in them. It built up very quickly at that point and I just wanted it to stop. Oh, I had
just put on Infected Mushroom's first CD, The Gathering, which I had never heard before, and I was
listening to the first song, "Release Me," which is a very strange song. I started sort of flipping
out and panicking a bit. I closed my eyes to try to get away from it but it only made it worse as
the CEVs looked like the aurora borealis, just large ribbons of color merging and separating and
flowing. It was very overwhelming.
So I got up and walked further into the marsh. lol, I know.
I walked for a while past a couple of other splits. I was walking very slowly and just totally
feeling overwhelmed. I decided now was the time to take 1mg Klonopin - maybe it was .5mg, it was
half of the little green ones. I used it sublingually and just tried to hang on and calm down. Some
of this was a bit blurry. I sat down for a few minutes, then decided to try to get out of there. I
felt lost. I started walking back and went the wrong way out into another open field and didn't
know where I was. After rerouting, I went back the best way I could, but more and more I became
convinced that I was lost. It was only after some time that I finally came upon a place I
remembered, and I felt better. As I made my way out of the southeast marsh, I was convinced that
this had been a terrible idea and that I was just fucked and wanted to be at home.
I walked all the way back near the front of the park and turned my music off for the first time. I
went back to the bench I had sat on to eat the shrooms, totally overwhelmed and torn to pieces. By
the time I was on the bench, I was pretty zonked out by the klonopin, and I almost dozed for about
20 minutes. Then my awareness grew back, and I suddenly realized how calm I felt, how good my
muscles felt. My mouth felt outrageously good, like nothing I had ever experienced. Just moving my
tongue around, drinking water, etc. I could totally understand the oral fixation people have on E
now. My muscles felt super great.
Then I noticed how crystalline clear everything was. It seemed to be like a sort of hyper-reality
where I could make out every little detail on everything. I watched this dragonfly dart back and
forth near me for quite a while, and watched the field full of reeds. The wind was awesome but I
was still a little cold. I just couldn't believe how I felt.
From there it just kept getting better and better. The way MDMA made my body feel reminded me very
much of DXM back in my younger days when DXM still worked at all for me... it was one of the best
parts of using DXM, the way your muscles would feel so good. and the happiness. I was just smiling
and smiling at everything. Everything was so clear. I felt very calm. I was thrilled thinking back
to the peak and kept telling myself it had been so intense and was too much, but I was thinking
back to it in a good way and knew I had liked it.
After a while of sitting and texting C about how good it was, I decided it was probably time to
start the long walk home, another 2.5 miles or something. My feet were already starting to hurt,
but not too bad. I tried to take it slow from then on. I went back to the front of the park and
retraced my steps on the giant map there, then pondered about going back into the park again.
Eventually I decided to leave - It was about noon (3 hours after taking the chocolate, 2 hours
after taking the E). Walking felt so good, even though I could tell I was walking with that "shroom
walk," sort of like a drunken sailor, though I was trying not to. The weather was so perfect.
My phone has something wrong with it because for some reason it dialed home by itself while I was
walking and then hung up. My mom called me back to see if I had been calling for a ride or what,
and I had to answer her and act normal, but it was fine. I think it was my big over-the-ear
headphones, as I bent the male audio plug on it about a month ago after tripping over it at the
computer. Not sure, but for some reason it was making my phone act funny. I took out the high-
quality ear buds C. had given me and used those instead. I had been walking in silence for perhaps
30 minutes. I put on Infected Mushroom's second CD, liking what I had gotten on the first one. Soon
I was jamming right along.
I walked down a very busy street past a school, then a golf course, then exclusive housing
communities, etc. I decided now was better than any other to smoke some more weed, so I pulled that
joint out and smoked the rest of it. It was really great. I couldn't believe how the joint felt
just touching my lips, and the feel of the smoke going through my mouth. I couldn't imagine
touching another person when like this. It was so sensual.
I sat at a bench for a while in front of a miniature artificial lake with a huge fountain. There
was this large tree, majestic, towering up separate from most of the others nearby. For some reason
I just seemed to notice it. It was weird how it seemed like my visual perception had grown so
acute. It seemed like I could see nearly every leaf on this huge tree moving separately in a way
that I couldn't really recall ever happening before. The tree was blowing in the wind and almost
seemed to be dancing. When I've been on LSD in the past, I seemed to see the trees actually dancing
and moving around, almost like watching them actively growing. This was different, it was more like
I wasn't hallucinating at all but just able to see so much more color and detail and tiny movements
all at once.
I watched the tree for about 10 minutes, then from out of nowhere directly behind the top of the
tree where I was looking, by sheer coincidence a fighter jet was accelerating nearly straight up
into the air in the distance, leaving behind a distant line of pure white behind it. It was without
doubt a jet of some sort. I watched it for a while until it moved out of my view. It just seemed
awfully strange.
I texted some more to C. about all this. He has lost the magic of MDMA after having used it
extensively for many years, sort of the way I've long since lost the magic with DXM completely.
Considering this was my first experience with MDMA, I couldn't help but flow out to him a steady
stream of wondrous comments about it. It occurred to me that it was probably painful for C. to hear
all this and I did apologize, but he said it was fine and that he was just glad I had a great time.
Eventually I got near the halfway point home, imagining a hot shower and then to crawl under the
covers in my room. Practically salivating over it. First, I got to the Starbucks and sat outside in
one of the chairs. I could tell I was really geeked out, just doing a lot of the typical motions
I've always seen people on E doing. Quite a few people may well have noticed today that I was on
something.
I sat and watched people and just was very content and smiling and very happy. I sat outside
Starbucks for about 45 minutes, until it was almost 2pm. I saw lots of cool people for some reason,
I guess because I was actually looking at people instead of avoiding and always looking away. There
was an awesome looking guy that seemed to come straight out of the eighties or something, it was
just strange. I can't even describe it except he was wearing lots of friendship bracelet-type
things and rainbow sunglasses and was riding a bike and in his 20s. I just had the feeling he
probably takes E. I noticed other people and was deciding who would likely be using E and who
wouldn't.
Finally I left. That was about it - I walked the rest of the way home, about an hour. When I got
home, I talked with my parents for a bit and then immediately went to my room, my knees and ankles
throbbing and aching. I got into bed without even burning any kratom, as my stomach was a bit upset
and I didn't seem to want it. I spent a luxurious four hours or so in bed and still felt so great
getting back up again.
Now it's been about 15 hours since I took the E and I really feel pretty exhausted but also feeling
great still. I haven't really eaten anything today so I should get right on that. I hope tomorrow
isn't too bad.
The mushrooms almost seemed to be weighed out by the MDMA. I certainly got a lot of very strange
feelings and euphoria and saw some strange things in the woods, but there weren't as many
hallucinations as I had been expecting. Mainly just very strange feelings.
I would definitely do it again. It was very strange on the shrooms, but I loved the MDMA a lot,
as well. I will definitely do it again some time in the future. It was a very spiritual experience, for sure.
I really felt like I had gotten in touch with nature and had a lot of fun, too.
I had recently had a very successful evening at my friend C's house where we stayed up all night on
30mg 2C-B & liberal amounts of MXE. We watched some movie called The Prisoners and I'm not sure
I've ever laughed harder at a film. I only used 2C-B this recently because it didn't seem like it
would raise my shrooms tolerance.
I'd been planning for a few weeks to take a day and go out by myself into this huge preserve near
my house and do shrooms. I'm now writing this on the evening of the event.
C applauded the idea of me doing shrooms by myself like this since it will only be my second time
doing shrooms (the first time being only a month ago). The first time, I was with C on a trip to
the movies where we ate 3.5g mushrooms and 50mg MXE each and watched the 3D film Gravity. It was
way way more than we bargained for with how the MXE alters whatever it's combined with to create
some new unique experience, a weird amalgamation of the two. We stayed in our seats afterwards
completely smashed into an alien world for probably almost an hour, then sat out in the car for
another couple of hours before we could even think about leaving. It was quite an experience.
So I knew I wanted to try shrooms by themselves since that first trip was just... something else. I
figured it'd be good to go out and get back in touch with nature. I mentioned only half-seriously
to C at some point last week about how I _could_ hippie flip and see what that was like. He
responded with enthusiasm and immediately took out his box of goodies and weighed out 125mg
crystallized nearly pure MDMA and gave it to me in preparation for the event. He's really treated
me like a brother and allowed me to partake of his drug collection without asking for anything in
return other than my friendship.
I was very nervous last night about the idea of going by myself on shrooms the next day. I had been
planning on waking up at 5 am, but as 1 am passed by and I was still reading Erowid reports about
hippie flipping, I finally forced myself to bed and set my alarm for 6 instead. I didn't fall
asleep for almost 2 hours, tossing and turning until I only had about 3 hours of possible sleep
left. Then I must've slept for a couple of hours or so; then I woke up at least 6 times after 5 am,
just restless and impatient and nervous and unable to sleep.
I got up at 6 am. Dad was already up and had already made coffee, so I got some and did my usual
routine: went out and got the paper, went out to the garage and do the daily crossword for about 45
minutes while I burn my kratom morning dose with my coffee and take my Gabapentin and Wellbutrin.
But today I skipped the Wellbutrin. I did careful research last night about the concerns with
Wellbutrin and MDMA and was confident that it was safe (as far as anything is safe). But I skipped
the dose for today just to make sure. I still took my Gabapentin (Neurontin) and kratom. I didn't
spend as long as normal out there, but came in and got all my things ready.
I had a messenger bag with all my necessaries in it, then another big burlap bag (a King Arthur's
Flour burlap groceries bag) that I had stuffed a folded stiff cotton rug/blanket type thing that's
been folded into a 1' square that I'd been sitting on for years doing meditation and other
exercises. I just thought I might go off one of the trails and find a good spot to be totally
alone, and it'd be nice to have something to sit on because there are definitely some marshy areas
all throughout East End Park. I didn't realize how bulky this bag with the stiff blanket was before
I got to the park, but I'm also glad I brought it, as explained further below.
So I gathered my things, shaved and showered, etc and then my Dad kindly drove me out to the Park.
It's probably close to two miles away from my house. He dropped me off at the entrance to the park,
which I approached with quite some trepidation. There's a map behind glass at the front and you can
really see the extent of the park. It's like four square miles, which may not sound like much but
it is - you can definitely get lost in there, especially if you leave one of the paths. You come
into the park on the lower left side. Most of the bottom side of the park is lined with houses, as
is the left side, but you can't see that when you come in - there's a lot of dense forest. But the
northern and eastern sides of the park break down into marsh before reaching a large lake (Lake
Houston).
Right near the entrance of the park, it opens up into a huge field many acres wide, part of it
mowed but the vast majority covered with thick reeds and a couple copses of trees nestled by
themselves.
It was 8 am. I thought I would walk through part of the park and try to find somewhere sort of
private, off-the-path. A mild cold front had come in the night before, and it was a bit windy. I
set out along the side of the open field, just to where there's a picnic table. I sat down and was
just nervous for a minute. I took out a Tums and ate it, then I took 500mg Magnesium. I wished I
could have pre-loaded with some other stuff as I had read about, but I couldn't find any of the
ingredients on short notice without spending a lot of money at the supermarket buying exotic
vitamins. A woman passed me and I said good morning. I took out the crossword I happened to bring
with me, the daily one I had half-completed when I woke this morning, and I spent about 20 minutes
finishing it (mostly) and stalling. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I got up and headed
north, out of the field.
I quickly found that as I followed a northern path away from the field and into the trees that
there were astonishing amounts of mosquitoes, more than I'd seen since Hurricane Ike. Clouds of
them, but not just clouds - they were thickly clustered everywhere, so many per foot so that you
could sweep your hand across and hit 3-10 or more of them and if you stopped then you suddenly got
invaded by dozens of mosquitoes trying to land on you. Even later, as the day warmed up, every time
I saw someone pass by me there would be swarms of mosquitoes following them.
I ran into a young woman with her dog up there and she looked a little nervous. I told her the
mosquitoes were really bad up there and asked her if she happened to have any Off. She said she
didn't and then decided to turn back to escape the mosquitoes. I let her go on ahead and walked
slowly back near the starting part of the park. Out in the open field it wasn't bad, just when you
got into the woods. I sat down on a bench mostly away from where any runners might enter or leave
the park. I felt very exposed.
I was wishing I had a more private place. By then it was about 8:45. I sat on the bench and it was
a bit cold and windy (I had come wearing shorts and a t-shirt... the temperature was probably about
62 and windy). I took out the mushrooms. They were in the form of a chocolate bar. I opened up the
foil and looked at it. From personal experience from the first time, I knew the chocolate tasted
good and it wasn't as much volumetric-wise as I had thought it was going to be, so I knew I could
do this. My stomach was already a bit upset.
I ate the chocolate in pieces over about 5 minutes. I knew that the half a bar I had should have
about 3.5g mushrooms, plus there was a couple of extra pieces with it. I wound up just eating the
3.5g and leaving the two little extra squares as it was a real effort to force myself to eat the
chocolate. I wish I would have eaten them as well, though. Oh well.
Of course, I felt the strangeness begin to build almost immediately. I took out a drawing pad and I
drew some things for about 30 minutes, with my headphones on and listening to Board of Canada's
Geogaddi. I tried to draw a town for the video game development startup I've been in, but I
couldn't get it to come out right. I had drawn a world map to give to the artists during
pre-development, and it seemed alright, but the town I drew in the world map seemed smaller than
what the other writer wanted to convey, so I was trying to draw a small city, not a town - a new
perspective on it. But I can't really draw worth shit so I got frustrated and then started drawing
what I was better at, large psychedelic swirls and swooping interconnected lines, abstract kind of
stuff almost. It was very pleasing.
I tired of that and tried to draw something else, I forget... then as I couldn't do it I just put
the tablet back into my messenger bag, frustrated and telling myself I'm no good at it. I sat for a
bit just listening to the music. I got greeted by a dog off a leash, then again with a different
dog. So it was a little busy.
Euphoria and strangeness continued to build. I took out a joint of upper-grade weed (I've been
exclusively using a pipe or vaporizer to smoke weed for a few months now, but it seemed better to
have a joint on this special occasion as operating a pipe could be too complicated later.) I used
to only smoke joints and now it's pipes, especially as C. has been providing me with super high-
quality marijuana. I'd been a daily marijuana smoker for almost 20 years before I met him and I had
never smoked a strain that had a name or known pedigree before. It's been truly amazing to be able
to see some of the finest bud there is (O.G. Kush, Blue Dream, Girl Scout Cookies). I had been
saving the last bit of good weed I had left.
So I smoked only about four hits before the euphoria was very intense. As it got close to the hour
mark since I ate the chocolate, I suddenly felt more exposed and decided to walk to the southeast
part of the park, down where it gets swampy, and maybe I could find a spot without the mosquitoes
being bad. I don't know, I just knew I couldn't sit at that bench the whole time for sure. I wanted
to find some remote spots, if only to enjoy nature in her intimacy.
I was already sort of lurching from side to side and my stomach was quite upset. I probably should
have taken the other Tums but I didn't think about it. I tried to walk kind of slowly but I didn't
think I was going to throw up. As I went into the marshy part and it hit 10 am, I remembered the
MDMA and so I took it out and held it for a minute as I was walking, then thought I'd go for it. So
I took it.
I must explain that I've never experienced MDMA "properly" before and so only had a vague notion
about what should happen. I had tried MDMA two times previously, both within the last 4 months. The
first time was at the tail end of an acid trip but I think it was just a small amount and I never
really noticed it working. The second time was 150mg, but most of the time I was in a dark room
with C chilling at his computer and I didn't really get any effects except for a fiery euphoria
that all seemed to come burning out from my abdomen/stomach, nothing like I had ever heard MDMA was
like. I didn't get any other noticeable effects that time and wondered if maybe my long-term heavy
DXM addiction had blunted some of the receptors MDMA was trying to use and that's why I wasn't
getting a proper reaction. I don't know. Either way, both times I had used it previously I had
definitely been disappointed and wondered what was up with that.
Well, this time changed all that. I got the MDMA full effect for the first time. It didn't happen
right away, of course.
I walked a long way. The trail turned into a raised wooden path that went out over swampy ground,
reminding me a lot of a certain place in the Slender Man mythos Marble Hornets, these long wooden
upraised paths out in the swamps. But it didn't creep me out at all, even though it felt very
remote. I had a couple of joggers go past at various points. I was moving slow and stumbling. I had
tired of the slow ambiance of Boards of Canada and switched it to the hyper-kinetic and very
strange DJ Q-bert's Wave Twisters from 1998... it was very weird and there were some funny parts in
it. I found it enjoyable and the beat was fast and felt good.
After a long walk that twisted and turned through some very wild areas, the wooden upraised path
turned a corner and this wind just hit me in a solid strong gust. Down the center of the path about
eighty feet ahead through the forest was a little clear opening with a bench that was facing out
onto open water, a beautiful small lake. The gusts were blowing steadily from this opening and it
was very cold but also very beautiful.
I walked out to the bench, which sat only a couple of feet from the water. The wind was crazy...
sustained winds of probably 20-25 mph, with gusts above that - there was debris flying past me. I
could not have stayed there at the lake at all except that I had that blanket so I thought I'd try
to use it. I was already cold before I even got to that little lake, but the wind was enough to
cause a lot of discomfort.
I took out the blanket and it was very stiff and thick when I spread it out over me. It cut off the
wind nearly completely from my body - I was still cold but it was bearable.
I looked out at the lake and saw a fish jump. The lake's waves were lapping across the entire
length of the surface and all of them were blowing towards me. I sat very still, listening to DJ
Q-bert. I watched the sunlight sparkling off the waves. I saw a big bird come down and grab a fish
out of the lake. I saw an alligator out in the water, identifiable by just his suspicious snout
sticking out above the water. I wasn't even positive it was one until I noticed a couple of times
that it flicked really quickly as the croc grabbed an unwary fish or something, so I'm pretty sure
it was. I saw a duck dive down and get a fish. There were leaves floating all over the water and
the water's surface was hypnotizing.
But mostly it really felt like nature was just trying to talk to me, trying to show me her beauty.
I really felt everything starting to come on and I stayed there maybe 30 minutes before I decided
it was too cold and gathered everything again.
As I left, I noticed amazing amounts of pink/scarlet leaves on these trees and plants along the
trail. It didn't seem that way when I came in. It was a very lurid purple-pink color and it seemed
to be everywhere as I was walking. It felt like everything was changing color. I was otherwise not
hallucinating, at least nothing like what I had come to expect under LSD.
I left, then walked further into the marshes instead of going back. There were several splits in
the paths and I tried to make sense of them. Eventually I found another bench that opened out onto
the lake, this time from a different side so it wasn't so directly windy (but still windy). I sat
and thought about nature and nature religions a bit, then I started thinking about that movie I had
seen on 2C-B last week with C and started laughing quite a bit. Just remembering certain scenes,
like when the goofy guy answers the door to be questioned by the cop or the police artist's sketch
of the bad guy. I'm laughing a lot just thinking about it now.
Then the peak started happening, I guess. I was looking at these plants/flowers that were growing
up on the other side of the path, and you could see some glittering of the waters behind them. They
started shimmering more and more vividly and it honestly looked like some sort of opening had
occurred to the fairy world or something, I mean I didn't see anything outwardly strange. It was
just this unearthly shimmering between these plants that was very strange. It was almost like all
of the flowers were moving together on their own in harmony and an aura had surrounded them.
Things started getting super intense and the feelings inside me were overflowing me and I was
drowning in them. It built up very quickly at that point and I just wanted it to stop. Oh, I had
just put on Infected Mushroom's first CD, The Gathering, which I had never heard before, and I was
listening to the first song, "Release Me," which is a very strange song. I started sort of flipping
out and panicking a bit. I closed my eyes to try to get away from it but it only made it worse as
the CEVs looked like the aurora borealis, just large ribbons of color merging and separating and
flowing. It was very overwhelming.
So I got up and walked further into the marsh. lol, I know.
I walked for a while past a couple of other splits. I was walking very slowly and just totally
feeling overwhelmed. I decided now was the time to take 1mg Klonopin - maybe it was .5mg, it was
half of the little green ones. I used it sublingually and just tried to hang on and calm down. Some
of this was a bit blurry. I sat down for a few minutes, then decided to try to get out of there. I
felt lost. I started walking back and went the wrong way out into another open field and didn't
know where I was. After rerouting, I went back the best way I could, but more and more I became
convinced that I was lost. It was only after some time that I finally came upon a place I
remembered, and I felt better. As I made my way out of the southeast marsh, I was convinced that
this had been a terrible idea and that I was just fucked and wanted to be at home.
I walked all the way back near the front of the park and turned my music off for the first time. I
went back to the bench I had sat on to eat the shrooms, totally overwhelmed and torn to pieces. By
the time I was on the bench, I was pretty zonked out by the klonopin, and I almost dozed for about
20 minutes. Then my awareness grew back, and I suddenly realized how calm I felt, how good my
muscles felt. My mouth felt outrageously good, like nothing I had ever experienced. Just moving my
tongue around, drinking water, etc. I could totally understand the oral fixation people have on E
now. My muscles felt super great.
Then I noticed how crystalline clear everything was. It seemed to be like a sort of hyper-reality
where I could make out every little detail on everything. I watched this dragonfly dart back and
forth near me for quite a while, and watched the field full of reeds. The wind was awesome but I
was still a little cold. I just couldn't believe how I felt.
From there it just kept getting better and better. The way MDMA made my body feel reminded me very
much of DXM back in my younger days when DXM still worked at all for me... it was one of the best
parts of using DXM, the way your muscles would feel so good. and the happiness. I was just smiling
and smiling at everything. Everything was so clear. I felt very calm. I was thrilled thinking back
to the peak and kept telling myself it had been so intense and was too much, but I was thinking
back to it in a good way and knew I had liked it.
After a while of sitting and texting C about how good it was, I decided it was probably time to
start the long walk home, another 2.5 miles or something. My feet were already starting to hurt,
but not too bad. I tried to take it slow from then on. I went back to the front of the park and
retraced my steps on the giant map there, then pondered about going back into the park again.
Eventually I decided to leave - It was about noon (3 hours after taking the chocolate, 2 hours
after taking the E). Walking felt so good, even though I could tell I was walking with that "shroom
walk," sort of like a drunken sailor, though I was trying not to. The weather was so perfect.
My phone has something wrong with it because for some reason it dialed home by itself while I was
walking and then hung up. My mom called me back to see if I had been calling for a ride or what,
and I had to answer her and act normal, but it was fine. I think it was my big over-the-ear
headphones, as I bent the male audio plug on it about a month ago after tripping over it at the
computer. Not sure, but for some reason it was making my phone act funny. I took out the high-
quality ear buds C. had given me and used those instead. I had been walking in silence for perhaps
30 minutes. I put on Infected Mushroom's second CD, liking what I had gotten on the first one. Soon
I was jamming right along.
I walked down a very busy street past a school, then a golf course, then exclusive housing
communities, etc. I decided now was better than any other to smoke some more weed, so I pulled that
joint out and smoked the rest of it. It was really great. I couldn't believe how the joint felt
just touching my lips, and the feel of the smoke going through my mouth. I couldn't imagine
touching another person when like this. It was so sensual.
I sat at a bench for a while in front of a miniature artificial lake with a huge fountain. There
was this large tree, majestic, towering up separate from most of the others nearby. For some reason
I just seemed to notice it. It was weird how it seemed like my visual perception had grown so
acute. It seemed like I could see nearly every leaf on this huge tree moving separately in a way
that I couldn't really recall ever happening before. The tree was blowing in the wind and almost
seemed to be dancing. When I've been on LSD in the past, I seemed to see the trees actually dancing
and moving around, almost like watching them actively growing. This was different, it was more like
I wasn't hallucinating at all but just able to see so much more color and detail and tiny movements
all at once.
I watched the tree for about 10 minutes, then from out of nowhere directly behind the top of the
tree where I was looking, by sheer coincidence a fighter jet was accelerating nearly straight up
into the air in the distance, leaving behind a distant line of pure white behind it. It was without
doubt a jet of some sort. I watched it for a while until it moved out of my view. It just seemed
awfully strange.
I texted some more to C. about all this. He has lost the magic of MDMA after having used it
extensively for many years, sort of the way I've long since lost the magic with DXM completely.
Considering this was my first experience with MDMA, I couldn't help but flow out to him a steady
stream of wondrous comments about it. It occurred to me that it was probably painful for C. to hear
all this and I did apologize, but he said it was fine and that he was just glad I had a great time.
Eventually I got near the halfway point home, imagining a hot shower and then to crawl under the
covers in my room. Practically salivating over it. First, I got to the Starbucks and sat outside in
one of the chairs. I could tell I was really geeked out, just doing a lot of the typical motions
I've always seen people on E doing. Quite a few people may well have noticed today that I was on
something.
I sat and watched people and just was very content and smiling and very happy. I sat outside
Starbucks for about 45 minutes, until it was almost 2pm. I saw lots of cool people for some reason,
I guess because I was actually looking at people instead of avoiding and always looking away. There
was an awesome looking guy that seemed to come straight out of the eighties or something, it was
just strange. I can't even describe it except he was wearing lots of friendship bracelet-type
things and rainbow sunglasses and was riding a bike and in his 20s. I just had the feeling he
probably takes E. I noticed other people and was deciding who would likely be using E and who
wouldn't.
Finally I left. That was about it - I walked the rest of the way home, about an hour. When I got
home, I talked with my parents for a bit and then immediately went to my room, my knees and ankles
throbbing and aching. I got into bed without even burning any kratom, as my stomach was a bit upset
and I didn't seem to want it. I spent a luxurious four hours or so in bed and still felt so great
getting back up again.
Now it's been about 15 hours since I took the E and I really feel pretty exhausted but also feeling
great still. I haven't really eaten anything today so I should get right on that. I hope tomorrow
isn't too bad.
The mushrooms almost seemed to be weighed out by the MDMA. I certainly got a lot of very strange
feelings and euphoria and saw some strange things in the woods, but there weren't as many
hallucinations as I had been expecting. Mainly just very strange feelings.
I would definitely do it again. It was very strange on the shrooms, but I loved the MDMA a lot,
as well. I will definitely do it again some time in the future. It was a very spiritual experience, for sure.
I really felt like I had gotten in touch with nature and had a lot of fun, too.
