BigWolf
Bluelighter
So I've finally gotten a firm diagnosis with the issues I've been having with my heart and cardio for a few months. And while the diagnosis is not what I would want, and feels like
I'm going to be cut short of my dreams I never thought I wouldn't be able to see, I'm not scared anymore.
I have hypertrophied cardiomyopathy on the left ventricle of my heart. This isn't a great diagnosis, and has caused a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress between blood, echocardiogram, genetic, and ECG's. I've been dealing with this since I had an NSTEMI heart attack in 2014 that prompted me to come home to New York to do something I've wanted to do which was work in my Union again, and I've did that!!
This diagnosis has explained pretty much a-z from high systolic blood pressure, to anxiety, to profuse sweating.. Fatigue and mood disruptions, hormone imbalance, and insomnia.
I've quit smoking (with the occasional drag or two ?), and I've laid demons of my old life to rest; I'm contented with who I have become. I've beaten poverty, hunger, homeless mess, track marks, desolate despair pleading with myself not to give in, and plight of being a dope fiend. This is another challenge that God has presented, and he knows I'm always up for a fight. I will be the positive side of big wolfie that I like, and my friends are drawn to so much. I was very scared until today, which is why I'm speaking openly. Maybe someone who's sick can find something in what I'm saying.
The fear of something that hasn't happened yet, is not about to ruin my life that is happening now. This will change me I know and there will be many changes to come. But I have no reason to become selfish and not give what I can to my friends. I'm not going to live like it's not a real thing, because with the symptoms I've had, it's impossible not too.
There are treatment options which may arrest this before it worsens and would extend the time between now and when I will possibly need an open heart surgery.
The bottom line is I'm not going to let this beat me. It felt hopeless. But it is not. I can't beat it, because it will be what it will be, but it will not beat me. I will not lose track of who it is I'm trying to protect, and the person I'm protecting is a loving, affable, good friend, who breaks balls of the ones he likes most, and does his best to be respectful.
I hope you'll keep me in your thoughts because this is a new life sort of that I've walked into.
anyone with legitimate info about HCM and LVH, congestive heart failure, or cardiovascular disease, contact me so that I can use that resource to better my life and maybe yours!
Thank you to my friends who have been there for me when things are good. Thank you to the ones who couldn't when things are bad, you're still appreciated, and thank you especially to the ones who are right next to me, laughing, poking fun at me, brightening my spirits when I am in my loneliest places. You are especially appreciated, and I don't take enough time to tell you.
Thanks,
Best wishes,
And I realize my degree of
Love for all of you for having touched my life in passing, or in collision. Thank you to those who have taken me as their own and thank you to my friends who all I need to do is call and say "I got a problem can you talk" and here I am, not knowing they just dropped their plans to do that.
So here's my news on my absence from your lives; it's just been emotionally draining. But I haven't gone anywhere and it's nice to see I can pick up like nothing changed.
?
Be well and don't let scary news frighten you. If you can't see an end in site, then there is no end in site. I picture my ending to be remembrance of a young kid who had troubles, and spent the majority of his life being raised in our network of friends, from all of the country, who you can say have a special bond. How many middle classes people can say they know people like way way in Denver, to An ex whom our bond hasn't broken in Florida, to A great friend in New York, who ironically i knew and began my frkendship
with in Florida, to A special kinda of loved one who she'll alway be reminded outer space somewhere because she has a mind like mind. ?.
I'll be perfectly content and highly blessed if someone says he was a success; watching a clueless teenager at thirteen become a real man by his mid-twenties.
And to quote a beautiful and renown quote from a powerful social leader:
"I ain't dead yet, mother******!"
-Richard Prior
I'm going to be cut short of my dreams I never thought I wouldn't be able to see, I'm not scared anymore.
I have hypertrophied cardiomyopathy on the left ventricle of my heart. This isn't a great diagnosis, and has caused a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress between blood, echocardiogram, genetic, and ECG's. I've been dealing with this since I had an NSTEMI heart attack in 2014 that prompted me to come home to New York to do something I've wanted to do which was work in my Union again, and I've did that!!
This diagnosis has explained pretty much a-z from high systolic blood pressure, to anxiety, to profuse sweating.. Fatigue and mood disruptions, hormone imbalance, and insomnia.
I've quit smoking (with the occasional drag or two ?), and I've laid demons of my old life to rest; I'm contented with who I have become. I've beaten poverty, hunger, homeless mess, track marks, desolate despair pleading with myself not to give in, and plight of being a dope fiend. This is another challenge that God has presented, and he knows I'm always up for a fight. I will be the positive side of big wolfie that I like, and my friends are drawn to so much. I was very scared until today, which is why I'm speaking openly. Maybe someone who's sick can find something in what I'm saying.
The fear of something that hasn't happened yet, is not about to ruin my life that is happening now. This will change me I know and there will be many changes to come. But I have no reason to become selfish and not give what I can to my friends. I'm not going to live like it's not a real thing, because with the symptoms I've had, it's impossible not too.
There are treatment options which may arrest this before it worsens and would extend the time between now and when I will possibly need an open heart surgery.
The bottom line is I'm not going to let this beat me. It felt hopeless. But it is not. I can't beat it, because it will be what it will be, but it will not beat me. I will not lose track of who it is I'm trying to protect, and the person I'm protecting is a loving, affable, good friend, who breaks balls of the ones he likes most, and does his best to be respectful.
I hope you'll keep me in your thoughts because this is a new life sort of that I've walked into.
anyone with legitimate info about HCM and LVH, congestive heart failure, or cardiovascular disease, contact me so that I can use that resource to better my life and maybe yours!
Thank you to my friends who have been there for me when things are good. Thank you to the ones who couldn't when things are bad, you're still appreciated, and thank you especially to the ones who are right next to me, laughing, poking fun at me, brightening my spirits when I am in my loneliest places. You are especially appreciated, and I don't take enough time to tell you.
Thanks,
Best wishes,
And I realize my degree of
Love for all of you for having touched my life in passing, or in collision. Thank you to those who have taken me as their own and thank you to my friends who all I need to do is call and say "I got a problem can you talk" and here I am, not knowing they just dropped their plans to do that.
So here's my news on my absence from your lives; it's just been emotionally draining. But I haven't gone anywhere and it's nice to see I can pick up like nothing changed.
?
Be well and don't let scary news frighten you. If you can't see an end in site, then there is no end in site. I picture my ending to be remembrance of a young kid who had troubles, and spent the majority of his life being raised in our network of friends, from all of the country, who you can say have a special bond. How many middle classes people can say they know people like way way in Denver, to An ex whom our bond hasn't broken in Florida, to A great friend in New York, who ironically i knew and began my frkendship
with in Florida, to A special kinda of loved one who she'll alway be reminded outer space somewhere because she has a mind like mind. ?.
I'll be perfectly content and highly blessed if someone says he was a success; watching a clueless teenager at thirteen become a real man by his mid-twenties.
And to quote a beautiful and renown quote from a powerful social leader:
"I ain't dead yet, mother******!"
-Richard Prior
