Missing her?

[Lawrence Arms]

Hey everyone. So i broke up with this girl, her name is Tori, about a month or so ago. We were together for 3 and a half years. Both of us very big alcoholics, pot heads, and dabble quite a bit with opiates. The reason i broke up with her, was that i believe i have fallen out of love with her..i was annoyed when we talked together, thinking we never had anything in common in the first place (we do), fighting all the time over nothing, and basically i just felt unhappy. This was all towards the last 5 months of us being together, but i was foolish and stupid and selfish and didn't tell her the whole time that i was thinking of ending it.

Flash forward to a month ago, when we were fighting, and she asks what the hell is wrong? I tell her that i want to break up, and madness ensues. Over the next two weeks we live together, her crying every night and me being a jackass saying its over. Trying to stay friends this whole time, but obviously we shouldn't have been staying together, but she and i had no where else to go. She then moves to another state close by with two of our mutual friends.

Things have been alright so far, living without her. We have a puppy together. Well, she bought him for me for my birthday because ive been wanting one, but i mean, its really both of ours. I'm working on getting a vehicle so i can bring him to see her every once in a while, instead of her coming every time. I haven't been seeing any other girls yet, kind of want to, but haven't.

So, to the main reason of writing this post: I fuckng miss her like crazy!! I realize that three and a half years is a long time, and of course im going to miss her/having someone like that here with me all the time. But im having problems deciding if its her i miss, or just a person thats so close to me?? I'm debating asking her back, and i know she would come back like THAT, or just letting the days go by, missing her, hoping im not making the biggest mistake of my life. The longer i go, i know soon enough she will find a rebound girl/guy because thats how she gets over it. I'd like to make my decision before this happens

Anyone have any insight on how i can differentiate between what im feeling and what i think i am? Is me simply posting this a sign that i need her? Or am i just lonely? I have friends, and a very close sister to keep me company, and am not lacking in that department at all. I asked my sister what she thinks, and she says that i probably just miss being with someone, but hey maybe the time away was all i needed to realize i need HER! So she was no help haha... One of our biggest problems was that we never, ever spent any time away from each other other than work, or when she would leave town to visit her family.

Please, any insight from you guys would help me so much..i don't want to miss out on this great girl forever because i can't sort my fucking feelings out! Maybe this is all pointless, seeing as how you guys never met either of us and didn't see us together, but anyone whose made a similar decision/mistake out there?? thanks guys

[edit] edits help me think... so i think a good portion of the reason i was annoyed with her a lot of the time was due to my opiate addiction..they have been providing me with an irritated attitude towards most people when i am coming down or just taking them. Also, the MAIN reason i broke up with her was that we don't connect as well as i'd like on an intellectual level, where she is somewhat lacking.Don't get me wrong, she is a smart cookie, but streetwise. almost everything else about her i adore. Am i asking for too much, breaking up with her to try and find a girl with EVERYTHING?? I think i might be. Not to say i don't deserve it, but i've built a life with this girl, and its seeming more and more silly to just throw it all away.

 

[Serotonin101]

its change my friend. I was with a girl for two years and when it ended I missed her presence, not exactly her per se. had to get used to being without a partner which takes some time. me and the girl were in that kind of clingy never apart relationship too so it took some getting used to showering alone, sleeping alone, driving alone, eating alone, etc. it gets better. I guarantee that if you were to get back together with her, it will reignite all the feelings you had for breaking up. it did for me.

 

[Pagey]

Well, as you said yourself it's perfectly normal for you to miss her that much considering you were together for such a long time. The important thing to remember though, and you said this as well, is that you were unhappy. Post break-ups we always tend to dwell only on the positive times spent together and conveniently forget all the shit we might've had to put up with as well. When my LT ex and I broke up after almost 3 years, even though I'd been absolutely miserable for about the last year and a half, it still felt like my world was going to end for months after that. I now realize how much better off I am without him, and how much more potential I've got to be happy now.

I think it's pretty much impossible to know whether you're 'genuinely' missing her and wanting to get back together with her, or whether you're just experiencing the normal break-up blues.
All this being said...if you're really afraid you made the wrong decision and that you'll regret it later, and if you think she won't 'wait around' for you that much longer, I think it might actually be an okay idea to give it another go. However if it doesn't work out that time round either (you'll probably realize whether or not it's going to be okay within a matter of weeks, days even) just be aware that you're gonna hurt her even more. It's up to you to judge whether or not you think letting her go is a big mistake.

 

[Stevenski]

Op it is perfectly normal to miss someone who you have spent so much time with. I did the same thing but our lives were "perfect" until I dropped the bombshell. Now I am alone & trying to stop myself going downhill.

Sit with your feelings on this & really think about what you want. Sick people attract sick people so if you are both in active addiction I think getting back together will likely be catastrophic long term.

I would type a lot more but I am on my phone