Ironically, even with the aches, pains, and sore muscles, that one little mini drug vacation was awesome. I somehow feel refreshed, only I certainly do NOT want to do that again until the middle of May, and only with just a little bit like last time. That 1/4 gram was the perfect amount and the big old shot of smack that Aimee gave me, I divided into 3 doses. I won't be doing any more of that shit either. I only have left the last 3rd and it's not like I'm over anxious to do it, but how long does it last in the syringe before it goes bad? Now I'm back to tapering down with the painkillers. I took 3 today, I think I'll try 2 with grapefruit juice tomorrow and see how I do. It
felt refreshing for a change not to want to eat so goddamned much since last Saturday. I dunno, for some reason if I'm not doing dope, and since I don't smoke cigs, I feel like I always have to have either food or at the very least a drink in my hand, even though it's only water or iced tea 90% of the time. I don't do the alcohol gig. Never was my thing. I'd really dig a message right now. If I can find a place open tomorrow early, maybe I'll treat myself to one, but it's back to basics now. I'll start tapering on the painkillers only again
tomorrow. A fun mini meth vacation in May like the one I had is something to look forward to, but not to chase. Everyone and Sam in NA has called me, so instead of avoiding them, like old behavior I returned their calls saying I'm ok, don't trip. I had dinner and went to the meeting late tonight and had coffee with Jeff afterwards. It is good to have people that care about you, I've learned. So while I'm not gonna play the hypocrit and say I have continuous clean time, I do want to stay in touch with my friends. But damn, how great it felt to write again, not be so damn tired all the time again, not eat so much again, bond with my old rhythm and blues Doors friends again, feel connected again....and whole again.
felt refreshing for a change not to want to eat so goddamned much since last Saturday. I dunno, for some reason if I'm not doing dope, and since I don't smoke cigs, I feel like I always have to have either food or at the very least a drink in my hand, even though it's only water or iced tea 90% of the time. I don't do the alcohol gig. Never was my thing. I'd really dig a message right now. If I can find a place open tomorrow early, maybe I'll treat myself to one, but it's back to basics now. I'll start tapering on the painkillers only again
tomorrow. A fun mini meth vacation in May like the one I had is something to look forward to, but not to chase. Everyone and Sam in NA has called me, so instead of avoiding them, like old behavior I returned their calls saying I'm ok, don't trip. I had dinner and went to the meeting late tonight and had coffee with Jeff afterwards. It is good to have people that care about you, I've learned. So while I'm not gonna play the hypocrit and say I have continuous clean time, I do want to stay in touch with my friends. But damn, how great it felt to write again, not be so damn tired all the time again, not eat so much again, bond with my old rhythm and blues Doors friends again, feel connected again....and whole again.