WishfulThinkin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2020
- Messages
- 47
Wednesday morning (I pulled an all nighter so I was just heading to bed) , I took my normal dose of Seroquel (50mg) to sleep. I went ahead and took my antidepressant Lexapro (30mg) for the day as well. I was having trouble sleeping because my neck and back were hurting due to my being in a car accident last week so I took a muscle relaxer Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine/5mg) that was given to me by a neighbor after the accident. When I woke up that afternoon, I was still sore so I took another Flexeril. Then I started doing lines of meth — it’s my drug of choice and I normally just do small lines throughout the day. Sometimes I’ll use the pipe but I couldn’t find it that day.
I don’t know when exactly my symptoms began but I remember my boyfriend was asking me to help him with something online and I was getting super agitated, like over the smallest stuff. When I was using the computer I noticed my hands and fingers were super shaky. I just couldn’t focus on anything well enough to finish. My anxiety was extremely high. I called my mom and talked to her a little which distracted me a little but when we were done, I started feeling worse.
It was like the strangest sensation of feeling too restless to sit still but my muscles were so stiff and rigid that I didn’t want to move. I had this horrible mental fog. Normally I would’ve gotten up and began cleaning and getting myself together but that day I just kinda sat around feeling weird.
Eventually I got around to doing some laundry and as I head to the laundry room, I walk past a guy getting off the elevator. He made what I thought was a weird face and suddenly I began panicking and wondering why he made that face. Did I smell bad or something? I’m went to the laundry room and started sniffing myself trying to make sure I didn’t but I couldn’t tell. So I go back to my apartment but once I’m in the hallway, I started thinking I smelled something out there too.
From there on out, I was fully convinced that I was smelling bad due to my meth use. But I also was aware that I had been through this feeling before after several days of no sleep (stimulant induced psychosis). In my mind, it couldn’t have been that because even though I didn’t go to bed until that morning, I slept a good 6-7 hours.
Paranoia began setting in and I was convinced that I could hear all of the conversations in the next apartment (my boyfriend’s friend’s apartment). I thought I heard everyone talking to my boyfriend telling them that I was stinky and disgusting and how he needed to let me know. At this point, I felt like I had this strong odor and that it was somehow permeating through the whole building. Anytime I heard something in the hallway, I “heard” people saying how bad it smelled out there.
When my boyfriend came back, I thought he was acting weird. I thought he was avoiding me and didn’t want to be near me. He saw that I was under distress so he asked what was wrong and if I’d like to go out or something. I was convinced that he did indeed think I was disgusting and I was angry that he’d even suggest that! When he lit his cigarette, I thought it was attempt to mask my odor. I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me I was smelly. When he left again, I ran a bath but i was so distracted that the tub nearly overflowed. I scrubbed and scrubbed but I could still hear people talking about me. I tried to call my boyfriend and even though he told me he had gone to the store, I still felt like I heard his friends talking to him about me.
At that point, I said fuck it and I just texted him asking if I had been smelling bad and if he smelled a “meth-y, nasty, chemical smell”. He said no. So I told him that if I ever did, he needed to let me know because I was self conscious. He said I was overreacting and that I needed to make myself a drink.
I knew my boyfriend wouldn’t lie to me so i felt a little better after that. I didn’t think I had the odor anymore but I still had the stiff sore muscles and I was still in a mental fog. I would keep forgetting to get the clothes out of the washer and dryer. I wouldn’t be able to remember if I had clothes down there or not. I was still shaky and nervous, yet also physically tense and just distracted. It took me all night just to do a few loads. I checked my temperature and it had gotten up to 99.5F but I attributed it to the meth. I’d go from feeling hot to feeling cold throughout the evening.
Once I ate and had my drink, I felt a lot better. I had a friend come over and she mentioned how nice it smelled in my room and how she could tell I had been cleaning. After that, I just continued my night as normal....lines of meth here and there, smoked a blunt with my boyfriend, ate some more, then we went to bed. He told me how cold my legs felt against him in bed.
The next day (yesterday), I felt fine with the exception of all of the muscles in legs, back, arms, neck, etc being sore from being so tense the previous day. I did my normal amount of meth as well as took my prescribed medicines when I was supposed to. Didn’t touch the Flexeril though. I actually think I tossed the rest I had out.
So now I’m wondering what happened. Once I looked at my symptoms, I thought it may have been SS. However I know it also could’ve been stimulant induced psychosis. But the fact that I had gotten sleep and still felt so shitty puzzled me.
Any thoughts? And sorry for the long read. This was just such a weird experience!
I don’t know when exactly my symptoms began but I remember my boyfriend was asking me to help him with something online and I was getting super agitated, like over the smallest stuff. When I was using the computer I noticed my hands and fingers were super shaky. I just couldn’t focus on anything well enough to finish. My anxiety was extremely high. I called my mom and talked to her a little which distracted me a little but when we were done, I started feeling worse.
It was like the strangest sensation of feeling too restless to sit still but my muscles were so stiff and rigid that I didn’t want to move. I had this horrible mental fog. Normally I would’ve gotten up and began cleaning and getting myself together but that day I just kinda sat around feeling weird.
Eventually I got around to doing some laundry and as I head to the laundry room, I walk past a guy getting off the elevator. He made what I thought was a weird face and suddenly I began panicking and wondering why he made that face. Did I smell bad or something? I’m went to the laundry room and started sniffing myself trying to make sure I didn’t but I couldn’t tell. So I go back to my apartment but once I’m in the hallway, I started thinking I smelled something out there too.
From there on out, I was fully convinced that I was smelling bad due to my meth use. But I also was aware that I had been through this feeling before after several days of no sleep (stimulant induced psychosis). In my mind, it couldn’t have been that because even though I didn’t go to bed until that morning, I slept a good 6-7 hours.
Paranoia began setting in and I was convinced that I could hear all of the conversations in the next apartment (my boyfriend’s friend’s apartment). I thought I heard everyone talking to my boyfriend telling them that I was stinky and disgusting and how he needed to let me know. At this point, I felt like I had this strong odor and that it was somehow permeating through the whole building. Anytime I heard something in the hallway, I “heard” people saying how bad it smelled out there.
When my boyfriend came back, I thought he was acting weird. I thought he was avoiding me and didn’t want to be near me. He saw that I was under distress so he asked what was wrong and if I’d like to go out or something. I was convinced that he did indeed think I was disgusting and I was angry that he’d even suggest that! When he lit his cigarette, I thought it was attempt to mask my odor. I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me I was smelly. When he left again, I ran a bath but i was so distracted that the tub nearly overflowed. I scrubbed and scrubbed but I could still hear people talking about me. I tried to call my boyfriend and even though he told me he had gone to the store, I still felt like I heard his friends talking to him about me.
At that point, I said fuck it and I just texted him asking if I had been smelling bad and if he smelled a “meth-y, nasty, chemical smell”. He said no. So I told him that if I ever did, he needed to let me know because I was self conscious. He said I was overreacting and that I needed to make myself a drink.
I knew my boyfriend wouldn’t lie to me so i felt a little better after that. I didn’t think I had the odor anymore but I still had the stiff sore muscles and I was still in a mental fog. I would keep forgetting to get the clothes out of the washer and dryer. I wouldn’t be able to remember if I had clothes down there or not. I was still shaky and nervous, yet also physically tense and just distracted. It took me all night just to do a few loads. I checked my temperature and it had gotten up to 99.5F but I attributed it to the meth. I’d go from feeling hot to feeling cold throughout the evening.
Once I ate and had my drink, I felt a lot better. I had a friend come over and she mentioned how nice it smelled in my room and how she could tell I had been cleaning. After that, I just continued my night as normal....lines of meth here and there, smoked a blunt with my boyfriend, ate some more, then we went to bed. He told me how cold my legs felt against him in bed.
The next day (yesterday), I felt fine with the exception of all of the muscles in legs, back, arms, neck, etc being sore from being so tense the previous day. I did my normal amount of meth as well as took my prescribed medicines when I was supposed to. Didn’t touch the Flexeril though. I actually think I tossed the rest I had out.
So now I’m wondering what happened. Once I looked at my symptoms, I thought it may have been SS. However I know it also could’ve been stimulant induced psychosis. But the fact that I had gotten sleep and still felt so shitty puzzled me.
Any thoughts? And sorry for the long read. This was just such a weird experience!
