fridgebuzz
Bluelighter
A dream, within a dream, within a dream, within a dream, within a dream.....
Well, I finally understand what Eyes_Wide_Open was talking about. I had the scariest MXE experience ever last night. This same experience had happened before but not to this magnitude. Anyway, the day starts out with me dosing approx 80mg from morning to evening orally in a cup of water, which is my usual route of administration. I had eaten a huge meal and was beginning to come-down from my previous MXE high when I decided it might be a good idea to insufflate some more to bypass my full stomach. I pulled out my telescope and began gazing upon the crescent moon for a half hour, then packed up and headed in. Everything was normal about my trip so far. Nothing unexpected.
Then my girlfriend arrives from a night out with friends and she says she needs to pull an all-nighter study session. I brew some coffee for her and while she's drinking that, I scoop a heroic amount of MXE from my stash into a glass of water. I don't know what I was thinking. It must have been approx 200mg. Like I said I wasn't even thinking. I had been up for 12 hours already and had been watching netflix documentaries about space and thought it might be fun to dose a large amount and chill and watch some documentaries.
The trip starts out normally. My roommate had fallen asleep in his bedroom and my girlfriend was busy studying in my room. I put on an hour long documentary on American Airlines and the inner working titled 'CNBC American Airlines a Week Inside'. Everything was normal. I enjoyed watching it. Then all of a sudden about half way in I felt sick. Very sick.
"You took too much, man. You took too much." began racing through my mind. My body felt like it was falling apart. Long and short term memories both began racing through my head like they were undoubtedly part of the moment I was experiencing. I was a balloon inflating and inflating and inflating and inflating ad infinitum. I couldn't stop myself. I had tested this batch previously from this supplier so I knew it wasn't abnormally strong or of poor quality, but it felt toxic to the extreme. I felt like I had ingested poison and now my body was reacting to it. My heart was pounding. My head was clanking like two big stones pounding into eachother at 20 clicks per second. Dom dom dom dom dom dom dom dom, like a tribal drum. The tinnitus in my ears and the buzzing was so intense. I paced around alone contemplating going into my room to see my girlfriend but I knew i would just scare her. She knows I do MXE, but she always says to be safe about it. She doesn't do drugs and if she saw me like this she'd freak out. I didn't want to scare her so I left her alone.
There I was absolutely and utterly falling apart. I could see my death approaching. I kept thinking the amount of MXE I ingested could potentially interfere with my body's regular chemistry and begin shutting it all down, like cyanide blocking electron transport chains in cell mitochondria powering down my heart and brain. The documentary of American Airlines had some eerie vibe to it when I glanced over at the laptop thrown on the floor still playing the video. Like it was something I had been waiting for my whole life. This moment seemed already known to me, like this is how life started and this is how it will end. I could foresee cardiac failure, brain aneurism, anything catastrophic occurring at any moment and ending my existence. Then I would "wake up" and everything would be fine, but then I realized nothing had changed and I was still in the same place. Then I would "wake up" again and then again realize nothing had changed. I kept "waking up" and then realizing I was still in total agony. I felt like I was touched by God. This is a (++++) no doubt. Terrifying. I was basically Jesus accepting all the pain and sins of mankind. I'm not religious at all but I felt as though a God was attempting to contact me and awaken me. I thought this was it. I was experiencing my own death and soon it would be all over. Like this is a stereotype of the Grim Reaper's entrance to take my body away.
My mind was totally smeared across my existence. I kept thinking, "Water! Water! Water!" I usually filter my water since I don't trust the public water system in this town, but I couldn't wait for the water to perchlorate through the filter. I just started drinking straight from the tap in hopes of flushing my body clean of this toxin.
It felt like I had only seconds left to live and the only solution I could think of to save me was turning my stomach into an aquarium. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me, but my roommate and girlfriend were down the hallway behind closed doors. Even though they were there, it felt like waking up at a party that everyone had since left and gone home. I might as well have been the last person left on Earth, like everyone had taken the last bus out of existence and I had fallen asleep and missed the last call "all aboard!" Like missing the last lifeboat and being stranded on a sinking ship. Even if I decided to go to the hospital I thought even they couldn't save me at this point, so I thought screw it I'm going down in flames and there's nothing I can do about it.
I was an absolute mess. I got out my cell phone to videotape this moment in case I were to keel over and die, so at least there was a record of what had happened. At this point I was ready to go to the hospital. I've had many intense (+++) trips that I've bravely rode through and endured, but this was insanity. I didn't want to scare my girlfriend by having her drive me to the hospital, but at the same time I thought I was doomed if I didn't. My body and mind were being ravaged by angels and spirits I didn't know what to do. I was fading in and out of consciousness and reality. This was the most disassociated I had ever been. I still kept "waking up" only to realize nothing changed and I was still a wreck.
Then all of a sudden I woke in my bed gasping for air and convulsing. My girlfriend was laying over me attempting to calm me down, telling me it's all right now. I kept trying to explain to her I had the worst nightmare. I was convinced I had been asleep the whole time. I told her I had a scary dream that I took too much MXE and had a bad trip, but from the look on her face I then asked, "Was that real? Did that actually happen?" Then I began yelling, "What happened out there!? What happened!?!?" She kept saying it's all right and that I'm safe now. I kept trying to stand up and visit the other living room where my nightmare took place and she kept restraining me and telling me not to go in there again. What I had thought to me a nightmare had actually been me completely and belligerently trashing my apartment's living room and stripping myself down to my underwear. I kept whispering to her, "I touched God. I touched God. I Touched God." as she cradled me in her arms telling me it's okay and there's nothing to worry about anymore.
All those "wake ups" ended with that final wake up in my bed. I went from demons in hell sawing my limbs off and torturing me to being in the arms of the most beautiful angel of grace. Everything was okay all of a sudden. My trip had finally ended. I returned to the other room to see what was left and how my girlfriend had what looked like partially cleaned up the pool of water in my kitchen as I frantically tried to tank myself and had stripped myself to my underwear after I soaked my clothes.
I viewed the videos I filmed during the peak thinking they would be some ticket to understanding what happened. They were nothing but me spinning in circles. I wrote some notes afterward. I wrote: "I thought a dream within a dream within a reality within a dream that was mine I couldn't wake myself up from. Every attempt to get better or die fell on deaf ears as I was all alone by myself falling apart." I had written more but not fully comprehending how to use my cell phone's notepad I accidentally deleted the rest of the notes. Basically I was begging for salvation from that horrible, horrible experience.
I felt like a cross between the guy from The Holy Mountain (1973) and District 9 (2009).
I thought I had holed before. I couldn't be more wrong. That was something completely out of this world. I was literally in a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream, and when I finally "woke up" the entire event had seemed like waking up from a deep-sleep nightmare.
Overall I dosed ~80mg orally throughout the day, ~40mg insufflated late evening, and ~200mg again orally around midnight. By 2:30am I texted my girlfriend telling her I love her even though she was in the next room. I felt like I was going to die alone and scared. After I regained consciousness and went to the toilet to urinate, it looked like my urine was straight foam and somebody had put bubble-bath in the toilet bowl.
Stay safe, everyone. I'm not touching MXE again. I'll be surprised if I touch any drug again.
Well, I finally understand what Eyes_Wide_Open was talking about. I had the scariest MXE experience ever last night. This same experience had happened before but not to this magnitude. Anyway, the day starts out with me dosing approx 80mg from morning to evening orally in a cup of water, which is my usual route of administration. I had eaten a huge meal and was beginning to come-down from my previous MXE high when I decided it might be a good idea to insufflate some more to bypass my full stomach. I pulled out my telescope and began gazing upon the crescent moon for a half hour, then packed up and headed in. Everything was normal about my trip so far. Nothing unexpected.
Then my girlfriend arrives from a night out with friends and she says she needs to pull an all-nighter study session. I brew some coffee for her and while she's drinking that, I scoop a heroic amount of MXE from my stash into a glass of water. I don't know what I was thinking. It must have been approx 200mg. Like I said I wasn't even thinking. I had been up for 12 hours already and had been watching netflix documentaries about space and thought it might be fun to dose a large amount and chill and watch some documentaries.
The trip starts out normally. My roommate had fallen asleep in his bedroom and my girlfriend was busy studying in my room. I put on an hour long documentary on American Airlines and the inner working titled 'CNBC American Airlines a Week Inside'. Everything was normal. I enjoyed watching it. Then all of a sudden about half way in I felt sick. Very sick.
"You took too much, man. You took too much." began racing through my mind. My body felt like it was falling apart. Long and short term memories both began racing through my head like they were undoubtedly part of the moment I was experiencing. I was a balloon inflating and inflating and inflating and inflating ad infinitum. I couldn't stop myself. I had tested this batch previously from this supplier so I knew it wasn't abnormally strong or of poor quality, but it felt toxic to the extreme. I felt like I had ingested poison and now my body was reacting to it. My heart was pounding. My head was clanking like two big stones pounding into eachother at 20 clicks per second. Dom dom dom dom dom dom dom dom, like a tribal drum. The tinnitus in my ears and the buzzing was so intense. I paced around alone contemplating going into my room to see my girlfriend but I knew i would just scare her. She knows I do MXE, but she always says to be safe about it. She doesn't do drugs and if she saw me like this she'd freak out. I didn't want to scare her so I left her alone.
There I was absolutely and utterly falling apart. I could see my death approaching. I kept thinking the amount of MXE I ingested could potentially interfere with my body's regular chemistry and begin shutting it all down, like cyanide blocking electron transport chains in cell mitochondria powering down my heart and brain. The documentary of American Airlines had some eerie vibe to it when I glanced over at the laptop thrown on the floor still playing the video. Like it was something I had been waiting for my whole life. This moment seemed already known to me, like this is how life started and this is how it will end. I could foresee cardiac failure, brain aneurism, anything catastrophic occurring at any moment and ending my existence. Then I would "wake up" and everything would be fine, but then I realized nothing had changed and I was still in the same place. Then I would "wake up" again and then again realize nothing had changed. I kept "waking up" and then realizing I was still in total agony. I felt like I was touched by God. This is a (++++) no doubt. Terrifying. I was basically Jesus accepting all the pain and sins of mankind. I'm not religious at all but I felt as though a God was attempting to contact me and awaken me. I thought this was it. I was experiencing my own death and soon it would be all over. Like this is a stereotype of the Grim Reaper's entrance to take my body away.
My mind was totally smeared across my existence. I kept thinking, "Water! Water! Water!" I usually filter my water since I don't trust the public water system in this town, but I couldn't wait for the water to perchlorate through the filter. I just started drinking straight from the tap in hopes of flushing my body clean of this toxin.
It felt like I had only seconds left to live and the only solution I could think of to save me was turning my stomach into an aquarium. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me, but my roommate and girlfriend were down the hallway behind closed doors. Even though they were there, it felt like waking up at a party that everyone had since left and gone home. I might as well have been the last person left on Earth, like everyone had taken the last bus out of existence and I had fallen asleep and missed the last call "all aboard!" Like missing the last lifeboat and being stranded on a sinking ship. Even if I decided to go to the hospital I thought even they couldn't save me at this point, so I thought screw it I'm going down in flames and there's nothing I can do about it.
I was an absolute mess. I got out my cell phone to videotape this moment in case I were to keel over and die, so at least there was a record of what had happened. At this point I was ready to go to the hospital. I've had many intense (+++) trips that I've bravely rode through and endured, but this was insanity. I didn't want to scare my girlfriend by having her drive me to the hospital, but at the same time I thought I was doomed if I didn't. My body and mind were being ravaged by angels and spirits I didn't know what to do. I was fading in and out of consciousness and reality. This was the most disassociated I had ever been. I still kept "waking up" only to realize nothing changed and I was still a wreck.
Then all of a sudden I woke in my bed gasping for air and convulsing. My girlfriend was laying over me attempting to calm me down, telling me it's all right now. I kept trying to explain to her I had the worst nightmare. I was convinced I had been asleep the whole time. I told her I had a scary dream that I took too much MXE and had a bad trip, but from the look on her face I then asked, "Was that real? Did that actually happen?" Then I began yelling, "What happened out there!? What happened!?!?" She kept saying it's all right and that I'm safe now. I kept trying to stand up and visit the other living room where my nightmare took place and she kept restraining me and telling me not to go in there again. What I had thought to me a nightmare had actually been me completely and belligerently trashing my apartment's living room and stripping myself down to my underwear. I kept whispering to her, "I touched God. I touched God. I Touched God." as she cradled me in her arms telling me it's okay and there's nothing to worry about anymore.
All those "wake ups" ended with that final wake up in my bed. I went from demons in hell sawing my limbs off and torturing me to being in the arms of the most beautiful angel of grace. Everything was okay all of a sudden. My trip had finally ended. I returned to the other room to see what was left and how my girlfriend had what looked like partially cleaned up the pool of water in my kitchen as I frantically tried to tank myself and had stripped myself to my underwear after I soaked my clothes.
I viewed the videos I filmed during the peak thinking they would be some ticket to understanding what happened. They were nothing but me spinning in circles. I wrote some notes afterward. I wrote: "I thought a dream within a dream within a reality within a dream that was mine I couldn't wake myself up from. Every attempt to get better or die fell on deaf ears as I was all alone by myself falling apart." I had written more but not fully comprehending how to use my cell phone's notepad I accidentally deleted the rest of the notes. Basically I was begging for salvation from that horrible, horrible experience.
I felt like a cross between the guy from The Holy Mountain (1973) and District 9 (2009).
I thought I had holed before. I couldn't be more wrong. That was something completely out of this world. I was literally in a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream, and when I finally "woke up" the entire event had seemed like waking up from a deep-sleep nightmare.
Overall I dosed ~80mg orally throughout the day, ~40mg insufflated late evening, and ~200mg again orally around midnight. By 2:30am I texted my girlfriend telling her I love her even though she was in the next room. I felt like I was going to die alone and scared. After I regained consciousness and went to the toilet to urinate, it looked like my urine was straight foam and somebody had put bubble-bath in the toilet bowl.
Stay safe, everyone. I'm not touching MXE again. I'll be surprised if I touch any drug again.
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