I would like to be open about my methamphetamine use during the ages of 16-17 and the potential for recovery.
Over the course of a year I used methamphetamine for more than likely 12 weeks, with frequent breaks due to comedowns and whatever else was inhibiting my concurrent use of the drug. I consumed mostly daily and abused quite hard, during this time period of active use I aired on the side of psychosis and finally broke when I had purposefully OD'd myself with 350mg methamphetamine 100% bioavailably. During my psychosis I abused trenbolone and various anabolic steroids which greatly attributed towards the mental sides. I took around 6 months off, in the mean time abusing various other anabolic steroids, but abstaining from recreational drugs and amphetamines. I believe there is quite an obvious epigenetic alteration that occurred during this time in the vastly different personality, actions and abilities of myself comparatively prior to use and currently. The main differences would be lack of inhibition, aggression, memory impairment, thinking patterns, decent case of anhedonia and inability towards sustained focus. I have been diagnosed with pure obsessive compulsion disorder (without physically tangible obsessions) and have been questioned on bipolar, however, I would describe myself as more of an obsessive pathic, and on the topic of bipolar would only infer that I have manic tendencies regarding general mood, energy, and intensity without break.
I still maintain a decent life, have maintained 4.0 throughout college, full-time job, social life, and 2 sports (weighlifting and BJJ). I am not completely incompetent in my ability to complete tasks, however, I used to be able to read 2-3 books daily and maintain high sustained focus--currently I cannot read more than 20 pages of a book in one sitting. My predisposition towards the mechanistic approach of logic in my thought and actions is lowered, however, my spatial ability and conceptual understanding in different topics ranging from philosophy, political science, sociology, and others have increased greatly. The omniscience and beauty that inhabited daily life is gone, but my conceptual and theoretical ability towards science, philosophy and life is quite heightened which I would describe as an oddity. The main problems regarding myself is mainly within anhedonia, memory and sustained focus. As I am still waiting to turn 18 years old to receive fluvoxamine and other pharmacological assistance I have recently restarted my program of methamphetamine but drastically reduced and differed in approach, mainly suited towards adrenaline and norepinephrine for various reasons. The main is regarded towards intense obsession of the substance, amphetamine psychosis and overall inability to study and focus while adrenaline is heightened. In regards towards my own incentive and reasoning towards rehabilitation cognitively is to of course be without the need of stimulants in the future, but also because my academic and career goals which require intense and sustained focus on the material discussed--more than likely the anhedonia would cripple the process. Currently, my psychiatrist is mentoring me and constantly encouraging me to prepare for the MCAT as she sees that as within me, while the other possibility is working within academic institutions surrounding classical and humanity related fields.
My current methamphetamine protocol:
2-3x Weekly
20-30mg Methamphetamine snorted (parents know the only reason I would have gelatin capsules lying around)
80mg Telmisartan Daily (BP regulation, Angiotension II lowering from anabolic steroids)
10mg Propranolol when using amphetamine (Lower Adrenaline)
Cognitive Recovery - Emphasis on BDNF, Nuerogenesis, Neuroplasticity
5-10ml Cerebrolysin
N/A Dosage Fluvoxamine
Selegiline possibly (?? need advice on this)
Any thoughts, protocols or advice anybody can give is greatly appreciated!
Over the course of a year I used methamphetamine for more than likely 12 weeks, with frequent breaks due to comedowns and whatever else was inhibiting my concurrent use of the drug. I consumed mostly daily and abused quite hard, during this time period of active use I aired on the side of psychosis and finally broke when I had purposefully OD'd myself with 350mg methamphetamine 100% bioavailably. During my psychosis I abused trenbolone and various anabolic steroids which greatly attributed towards the mental sides. I took around 6 months off, in the mean time abusing various other anabolic steroids, but abstaining from recreational drugs and amphetamines. I believe there is quite an obvious epigenetic alteration that occurred during this time in the vastly different personality, actions and abilities of myself comparatively prior to use and currently. The main differences would be lack of inhibition, aggression, memory impairment, thinking patterns, decent case of anhedonia and inability towards sustained focus. I have been diagnosed with pure obsessive compulsion disorder (without physically tangible obsessions) and have been questioned on bipolar, however, I would describe myself as more of an obsessive pathic, and on the topic of bipolar would only infer that I have manic tendencies regarding general mood, energy, and intensity without break.
I still maintain a decent life, have maintained 4.0 throughout college, full-time job, social life, and 2 sports (weighlifting and BJJ). I am not completely incompetent in my ability to complete tasks, however, I used to be able to read 2-3 books daily and maintain high sustained focus--currently I cannot read more than 20 pages of a book in one sitting. My predisposition towards the mechanistic approach of logic in my thought and actions is lowered, however, my spatial ability and conceptual understanding in different topics ranging from philosophy, political science, sociology, and others have increased greatly. The omniscience and beauty that inhabited daily life is gone, but my conceptual and theoretical ability towards science, philosophy and life is quite heightened which I would describe as an oddity. The main problems regarding myself is mainly within anhedonia, memory and sustained focus. As I am still waiting to turn 18 years old to receive fluvoxamine and other pharmacological assistance I have recently restarted my program of methamphetamine but drastically reduced and differed in approach, mainly suited towards adrenaline and norepinephrine for various reasons. The main is regarded towards intense obsession of the substance, amphetamine psychosis and overall inability to study and focus while adrenaline is heightened. In regards towards my own incentive and reasoning towards rehabilitation cognitively is to of course be without the need of stimulants in the future, but also because my academic and career goals which require intense and sustained focus on the material discussed--more than likely the anhedonia would cripple the process. Currently, my psychiatrist is mentoring me and constantly encouraging me to prepare for the MCAT as she sees that as within me, while the other possibility is working within academic institutions surrounding classical and humanity related fields.
My current methamphetamine protocol:
2-3x Weekly
20-30mg Methamphetamine snorted (parents know the only reason I would have gelatin capsules lying around)
80mg Telmisartan Daily (BP regulation, Angiotension II lowering from anabolic steroids)
10mg Propranolol when using amphetamine (Lower Adrenaline)
Cognitive Recovery - Emphasis on BDNF, Nuerogenesis, Neuroplasticity
5-10ml Cerebrolysin
N/A Dosage Fluvoxamine
Selegiline possibly (?? need advice on this)
Any thoughts, protocols or advice anybody can give is greatly appreciated!