drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2005
- Messages
- 8,138
ive been on MMT for the last 3-4yrs now and at the beginning of the year i decided id had a gutful and started to wean; im doing it pretty slowly but so far its a mess - i feel sick all the time, never seem to 'stabilise' and keep ending up using, but itd be awful to go and put it back up again, as i found the side effects unbearable (amotivation, heavy sweating, chronic constipation, nausea, inability to eat anything but sugar + it seemed to be the cause of symptoms of severe mental illness, to a degree i had never suffered from before - these have bettered as ive lowered my dose)
when i first went on the program i was stabilised at 250mg (5mg/ml, in split doses), which was, strangely enough, being 5"2 and very slight build (at the time), just too much; i felt really sick and the serum level tests showed, when last taken, that there was leeway to go higher but that was where they stopped me, sick or not, cos it was just getting ridiculous, and, as i was battling with meth(amphetamine) at the same time, i was booked into detox to be stabilised while i was treated for the other.
just prior to going into detox, i was put on 25mg seroquel, which id had before, for meth psychosis, and i became even sicker. it didnt make a hell of a lot of sense but i was told it was just dopesickness and, as thats what it felt like, i went with that.
when i went into detox they took another serum test and it showed me to be completely toxic. they said the seroquel possibly raised serum levels. so i was dropped to 175mg that night (while still waiting to crash from the last hit of meth, cruel world it is) and slowly, over 2 weeks, i recovered. however serum levels always seem to show the same thing - that unless they bloody overdose me, it doesnt hold me; the doctor said if they could split doses by 3 itd be effective, but of course thats not possible.
so ive spent the last couple of years getting mildly dopesick at some stage during the day. id have started weaning long ago but things were just too messy; i had other habits to kick and if there was 1 thing methadone did for me it was totaly minimise the desire to use opiates, and the few times i tried using enough to feel anything, i had to go over to do so.
sorry for the long exhausting history; methadone also made me unable to be succinct - everything i say becomes a novel, and ive heard this is pretty common.
the wean was easy at first; i can have my dose dropped 2.5mg weekly and dont often go without insisting its dropped - i just want it over and done with, though ive tried sitting on a single dose for up to a month, a few times, and found that it makes no difference to how sick i get. im on 97.5mg now and its getting more or less unbearable - i cant sleep, im on the toilet so often i keep magazines stacked in there, everything hurts, i cant sit still but am too exhausted to get up, so i spend most days i dont give in and use, lying on my bed, rocking back and forth. ive been through heroin withdrawal enough times now to know what makes it easier, but while 'done withdrawal isnt half as physically nasty, it seems to be equally emotionally hellish, and i assume it only gets worse. once i reach 75mg i can be booked into detox, theyll switch me to suboxone and wean me off that for 2 weeks. they make it sound so easy but i cant imagine hanging on for much longer - i dont have much endurance when it comes to this kinda shit!
i duno what effect using on top of it has. i only tend to blast homebake/heroin maybe every couple of times i drop (so on average 2x a month), but i take pills (usually oxy) in varying doses daily for about a week, before then going another approximate week or so clean (largely cos my ex, also my closest friend, who i dont like keeping anything from, comes from another city to stay over that time - shes aware i fuck up but going into it wouldnt be fair on either of us as i dont wana be talked into 'getting help'). when i dont use i do notice withdrawal but physicaly its not much worse than when im just trying to minimise taking pills; its the emotional BS that drives me insane and these days nothing short of totaly nodding realy relieves that, which is, i spose, why i seem to function without anything but 'done when my ex is here (i dont sit there thinking about how shit i feel unless im alone). to what degree would using on top of coming off the 'done actualy have, if any?
is this unusual or just what coming off methadone is like?
has anybody had any similar experiences (including to the ones i had actualy being on the program, as surely MMT wouldnt exist if it was like that for everybody)?
and to those whove been there done that and survived it, how the fuck did u do it????
any advice welcome!
again sorry for the long post - mods, feel free to chop it down if need be
hey, at least ive spelt it all (i think) correctly!
when i first went on the program i was stabilised at 250mg (5mg/ml, in split doses), which was, strangely enough, being 5"2 and very slight build (at the time), just too much; i felt really sick and the serum level tests showed, when last taken, that there was leeway to go higher but that was where they stopped me, sick or not, cos it was just getting ridiculous, and, as i was battling with meth(amphetamine) at the same time, i was booked into detox to be stabilised while i was treated for the other.
just prior to going into detox, i was put on 25mg seroquel, which id had before, for meth psychosis, and i became even sicker. it didnt make a hell of a lot of sense but i was told it was just dopesickness and, as thats what it felt like, i went with that.
when i went into detox they took another serum test and it showed me to be completely toxic. they said the seroquel possibly raised serum levels. so i was dropped to 175mg that night (while still waiting to crash from the last hit of meth, cruel world it is) and slowly, over 2 weeks, i recovered. however serum levels always seem to show the same thing - that unless they bloody overdose me, it doesnt hold me; the doctor said if they could split doses by 3 itd be effective, but of course thats not possible.
so ive spent the last couple of years getting mildly dopesick at some stage during the day. id have started weaning long ago but things were just too messy; i had other habits to kick and if there was 1 thing methadone did for me it was totaly minimise the desire to use opiates, and the few times i tried using enough to feel anything, i had to go over to do so.
sorry for the long exhausting history; methadone also made me unable to be succinct - everything i say becomes a novel, and ive heard this is pretty common.
the wean was easy at first; i can have my dose dropped 2.5mg weekly and dont often go without insisting its dropped - i just want it over and done with, though ive tried sitting on a single dose for up to a month, a few times, and found that it makes no difference to how sick i get. im on 97.5mg now and its getting more or less unbearable - i cant sleep, im on the toilet so often i keep magazines stacked in there, everything hurts, i cant sit still but am too exhausted to get up, so i spend most days i dont give in and use, lying on my bed, rocking back and forth. ive been through heroin withdrawal enough times now to know what makes it easier, but while 'done withdrawal isnt half as physically nasty, it seems to be equally emotionally hellish, and i assume it only gets worse. once i reach 75mg i can be booked into detox, theyll switch me to suboxone and wean me off that for 2 weeks. they make it sound so easy but i cant imagine hanging on for much longer - i dont have much endurance when it comes to this kinda shit!
i duno what effect using on top of it has. i only tend to blast homebake/heroin maybe every couple of times i drop (so on average 2x a month), but i take pills (usually oxy) in varying doses daily for about a week, before then going another approximate week or so clean (largely cos my ex, also my closest friend, who i dont like keeping anything from, comes from another city to stay over that time - shes aware i fuck up but going into it wouldnt be fair on either of us as i dont wana be talked into 'getting help'). when i dont use i do notice withdrawal but physicaly its not much worse than when im just trying to minimise taking pills; its the emotional BS that drives me insane and these days nothing short of totaly nodding realy relieves that, which is, i spose, why i seem to function without anything but 'done when my ex is here (i dont sit there thinking about how shit i feel unless im alone). to what degree would using on top of coming off the 'done actualy have, if any?
is this unusual or just what coming off methadone is like?
has anybody had any similar experiences (including to the ones i had actualy being on the program, as surely MMT wouldnt exist if it was like that for everybody)?
and to those whove been there done that and survived it, how the fuck did u do it????
any advice welcome!
again sorry for the long post - mods, feel free to chop it down if need be
hey, at least ive spelt it all (i think) correctly!
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
); the one thing i will say is, if your looking to go on MMT, be aware that theres a high possibility you could be on it for life, that it doesnt, by any means, successfully keep everybody from continuing to hang out for opiates and can become 'just another addiction' especially on a lower dose (and the higher doses come with some nasty side effects that most people dont experience on other opiate-type drugs) - for these reasons, id make sure youve exhausted all other options before starting the program, and if, as your dose is being raised, you find that the negatives are outweighing the positives, and that its not really helping with the original problem, id suggest having yourself weaned down again straight away! sad is it may seem, i was happier, and lived a more functional life, being hooked on IV heroin/homebake...not that i am saying that you should give up and just stick with the addiction; it could be the best decision youve ever made, its just one id take verrry cautiously! i would be interested to know how its going for you while youre on the program! 