meth.....how am i gonna stop

[selfmedicated]

i was addicted to meth for about 3 years. I hadnt used it in 8 years until about a month ago. During those 8 years Ive had my runs with opiates, and alcohol. So a month ago I spilt with my bf and he moved out. That night I got incredibly drunk and ended up calling my ex, who I KNEW was using meth and proceeded to the tweaked out for the next 2 days. After that 2 days I would tell myself it was just that once and I would NOT do it again. Yeah right. My use has escalated to daily use and now Im wondering how Im going to quit. I had a five month affair with oxy that had just ended. I actually like the feeling oxy gives me much better than meth, but for some reason Im into the meth right now. I KNOW I have to stop, Ive been down this road before. Last time I stopped it took looking at 5 years in prison and 2 stays in an in patient treatment. My life is very different now, Im not your average tweaker. I have the money to support my habit. I dont leave for weeks at a time or let my home get overrun with a bunch of flailing tweakers. I will not go to treatment again. I will not leave my children again to go away because mommy is "sick". Besides I have all the tools they teach in treatment, Ive been 3 times for heavens sake. (last was for alcohol)
When I quit doing oxy I planned it all out. I tapered for a couple weeks then stopped. I used kratom for any w/d i may have had and that was that. Im wondering how Im going to quit meth. It seems too.....erratic of an addiction to plan out quitting like I did oxy. And honestly Im scared to go a day without a mind altering chemical in my body. Im 29, and I dont think Ive gone longer than a couple months without using some kind of chemical since I was 14. But I NEVER thought it would be meth again.

 

[painenduser]

Hey self medicated,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, I know it's very hard for you right now, and it's excellent that you have come to terms with the fact that you have a serious problem. Now I do not personally know much about meth, but something you said was very troubling to me. You said that you would not go threw "treatment again". What bothers me about this is two things... 1) you stated that you have been through it so much that you have all the tools they teach. Can I ask you why if you have all the tools already can you not figure out how to stop? Obviously while you think you may have all the tools, the first thing that runs through my minds is, apparently not, or if you do, you have not learned anything by them. Now I am not trying to kick you while your down, but these are the truths you need to realize first and then it maybe easier for you to clean up. The second thing that bothered me was that you stated that you "will not leave my children again to go away" A small reality check, honey if you don't stop now or soon and do it right and continue to get help, you may wind up never seeing your children again, be it by state agency, some horrific accident, or worse yet, wind up killing yourself from the drugs (and I do not mean as in suicide). That's a very sad thought. Though you think you are making it easier on them by not leaving because you don't want to have to tell them you are "sick" again, you very well could be putting them at risk while your on meth, not to mention how hard it will be on them if someone has to tell them that mommy is not coming home because see is sitting in heaven. I am sorry, but by saying that your not going into treatment due to the kids, you are really putting them in danger and I know that's not what you want.

I think it would be best if you would take some time and sit back and (while a am not an AA, NA fan myself, I am going to borrow one of their tools) really take inventory of yourself, your life, and your children. I mean if you really want to be serious, get clean, and be the best mother in the world, you need to think of these things and you may have to make some sacrifices. You want your children to see you and be with you for a long long time, and I want you to be there, but going down the road you are, and reading what your saying. Sometimes you really just need to bite the bullet and do what you don't want to do.

I hope that perhaps something here I am saying will strike a cord with you. I want your kids to have a mommy they can look up to for a long long time. It's time to train that monkey on your back and left him down to run to someone else. You haven't a need for that monkey anymore.



Please understand that I am telling you this quite bluntly, but my heart is with you, and all of us here at TDS will always me here to help you out. You will never have to be alone with us here to help you through the tough time, but you have to do all the hard work yourself.

All my very best,

Pain

 

[selfmedicated]

Hey self medicated,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, I know it's very hard for you right now, and it's excellent that you have come to terms with the fact that you have a serious problem. Now I do not personally know much about meth, but something you said was very troubling to me. You said that you would not go threw "treatment again". What bothers me about this is two things... 1) you stated that toy have been through it so much that you have all the tools they teach. Can I ask you why if you have all the tools already can you not figure out how to stop? Obviously while you think you may have all the tools, the first thing that runs through my minds is, apparently not, or if you do, you have not learned anything by them. Now I am not trying to kick you while your down, but these are the truths you need to realize first and then it maybe easier for you to clean up. The second thing that bothered me was that you stated that you "will not leave my children again to go away" A small reality check, honey if you don't stop now or soon and do it right and continue to get help, you may wind up never seeing your children again, be it by state agency, some horrific accident, or worse yet, wind up killing yourself from the drugs (and I do not mean as in suicide). That's a very sad thought. Though you think you are making it easier on them by not leaving because your you don't want to have to tell them you are "sick" again, you very well could be putting them at risk while your on meth, not to mention how hard it will be on them if someone has to tell them that mommy is not coming home because see is sitting in heaven. I am sorry, but by saying that your not going into treatment due to the kids, you are really putting them in danger and I know that's not what you want.

I think it would be best if you would take some time and sit back and (while a am not an AA, NA fan myself, I am going to borrow one of their tools) really take inventory of yourself, your life, and your children. I mean if you really want to be serious, get clean, and be the best mother in the world, you need to think of these things and you may have to make some sacrifices. You want your children to see you and be with you for a long long time, and I want you to be there, but going down the road you are, and reading what your saying. Sometimes you really just need to bite the bullet and do what you don't want to do.

I hope that perhaps something here I am saying will strike a cord with you. I want your kids to have a mommy they can look up to for a long long time. It's time to train that monkey on your back and left him down to run to someone else. You haven't a need for that monkey anymore.



Please understand that I am telling you this quite bluntly, but my heart is with you, and all of us here at TDS will always me here to help you out. You will never have to be alone with us here to help you through the tough time, but you have to do all the hard work yourself.

All my very best,

Pain

Im not a naive little drug user in denial, and I actually already know all of what you said already. I am aware of the effect drug use has on my life and my childrens. Ive worked the steps and attended AA/NA. And I have seen them change peoples life, my mom for example. However the meetings really arent for me. I think the 12 steps are amazing and not just for addicts/alcoholics but for everyone. If everyone practiced those 12 steps they would ALL be alot happier. I know I have deep rooted issues that contribute to my drug use that I am going to need to addresss if I want to live a happy healthy life. I am NOT looking for an excuse or justification to keep using. Im going to quit....and was realy just looking for suggestions on a quitting plan

 

[painenduser]

Im not a naive little drug user in denial, and I actually already know all of what you said already. I am aware of the effect drug use has on my life and my childrens. Ive worked the steps and attended AA/NA. And I have seen them change peoples life, my mom for example. However the meetings really arent for me. I think the 12 steps are amazing and not just for addicts/alcoholics but for everyone. If everyone practiced those 12 steps they would ALL be alot happier. I know I have deep rooted issues that contribute to my drug use that I am going to need to addresss if I want to live a happy healthy life. I am NOT looking for an excuse or justification to keep using. Im going to quit....and was realy just looking for suggestions on a quitting plan

It wasn't my intent to say nor imply that you are infact naive, just remember, we are all on the outside looking in, we only know what is put in the posts and that is all we can comment on. I was trying to insist to you that I was not trying to imply that you were not well educated to your addiction or anything. Again I only know enough of the person from their post as they put in. So my sincerest apologies if you feel I was knocking you are anything as that was in no means my intent.

I do have to agree with you 100% about AA/NA. I have as well seen it work wonders for certain people and I too have said very often to my family and close friends the exact same thing which is that, and I quote you "I think the 12 steps are amazing and not just for addicts/alcoholics but for everyone. If everyone practiced those 12 steps they would ALL be alot happier" I can not tell you how true this is, and how many times I have said that exact same statement. I as well as you have found that AA/NA was not for me. In fact my sobriety fell to the floor every time I would start to get involved into meetings. But I personally never felt comfortable in the rooms, I never really took any more then what the 12 steps and 12 traditions taught us, but I could not relate to anyone in any room I was in. I tried the sponsor, volunteering, you name it and nothing worked for me or clicked for me there.

It wasn't until sometime after I had gotten really really sick and almost died from alcohol abuse and I now have the liver to prove it, and a few extra relapses even after I almost died, that I realized that the rooms were not going to work for me. My mom was not to happy that I wasn't working a program of sobriety because I wasn't going to meetings. So,, I just made a promise to her that if I EVER relapsed on alcohol again, I would do as she wanted and start going back to AA. After all she was ready to kill me after she took me in and for the first couple months recovering from my illness. So for me I realized that it didnt matter what or whos program I followed but the number one thing I needed to do was to be the one to say "That's it, I'm done!" It wasn't until I realized that I was fully in control of myself, and I had to be the one to put my foot down and just end it. To this day I have not touched a single drink and that was almost 2 years ago. I can't tell you the burden I have taken off my shoulders. It felt soooo good to know that I was finally the one in control and not the alcohol.

While I know my little story there was not much of a suggestion for you, but that was how I cleaned myself up and stayed clean. The tricky part is that sobriety is very individual and what may work for one person may not for the other. It's hard for me to give suggestions like that as it is so individualized. Only we know what will work for ourselves. One big help I got was from finding TDS here on blue While I am somewhat still a newbie, the time that I have been here has done wonders for keeping my sobriety by making it a point to post a least once a day (unless I get really sick again which is normal now that I have End Stage liver disease.) and as long as I know someone may be benefiting from something I said, that just make me so much happier that I am sober and that I can help people, as that is a passion of mine.

So I wanted to re-iterate my apologies as I in no way meant to insult you or anything.

All the best!

Pain

ps sorry for the run on sentences, it's a bad habit of mine, though compared to my last habit, this is nothing lol

 

[KAYLA2010]

AWE self medicated i hope you can get past this. You are strong you have done it before and you can do it again. I will be thinking about you.

and remember your kids dont want to see mommy aggravated and tweaking either.....

 

[selfmedicated]

It wasn't my intent to say nor imply that you are infact naive, just remember, we are all on the outside looking in, we only know what is put in the posts and that is all we can comment on. I was trying to insist to you that I was not trying to imply that you were not well educated to your addiction or anything. Again I only know enough of the person from their post as they put in. So my sincerest apologies if you feel I was knocking you are anything as that was in no means my intent.

I do have to agree with you 100% about AA/NA. I have as well seen it work wonders for certain people and I too have said very often to my family and close friends the exact same thing which is that, and I quote you "I think the 12 steps are amazing and not just for addicts/alcoholics but for everyone. If everyone practiced those 12 steps they would ALL be alot happier" I can not tell you how true this is, and how many times I have said that exact same statement. I as well as you have found that AA/NA was not for me. In fact my sobriety fell to the floor every time I would start to get involved into meetings. But I personally never felt comfortable in the rooms, I never really took any more then what the 12 steps and 12 traditions taught us, but I could not relate to anyone in any room I was in. I tried the sponsor, volunteering, you name it and nothing worked for me or clicked for me there.

It wasn't until sometime after I had gotten really really sick and almost died from alcohol abuse and I now have the liver to prove it, and a few extra relapses even after I almost died, that I realized that the rooms were not going to work for me. My mom was not to happy that I wasn't working a program of sobriety because I wasn't going to meetings. So,, I just made a promise to her that if I EVER relapsed on alcohol again, I would do as she wanted and start going back to AA. After all she was ready to kill me after she took me in and for the first couple months recovering from my illness. So for me I realized that it didnt matter what or whos program I followed but the number one thing I needed to do was to be the one to say "That's it, I'm done!" It wasn't until I realized that I was fully in control of myself, and I had to be the one to put my foot down and just end it. To this day I have not touched a single drink and that was almost 2 years ago. I can't tell you the burden I have taken off my shoulders. It felt soooo good to know that I was finally the one in control and not the alcohol.

While I know my little story there was not much of a suggestion for you, but that was how I cleaned myself up and stayed clean. The tricky part is that sobriety is very individual and what may work for one person may not for the other. It's hard for me to give suggestions like that as it is so individualized. Only we know what will work for ourselves. One big help I got was from finding TDS here on blue While I am somewhat still a newbie, the time that I have been here has done wonders for keeping my sobriety by making it a point to post a least once a day (unless I get really sick again which is normal now that I have End Stage liver disease.) and as long as I know someone may be benefiting from something I said, that just make me so much happier that I am sober and that I can help people, as that is a passion of mine.

So I wanted to re-iterate my apologies as I in no way meant to insult you or anything.

All the best!

Pain

ps sorry for the run on sentences, it's a bad habit of mine, though compared to my last habit, this is nothing lol

I understand, I can see how the post came across, and actually you didnt really say anything insulting I just took it wrong and for some reason went on the defense. Thank you, everything you said was actually positive and it was me who took it wrong, I apolagize

I have been to 3 treatment centers, all 12 step based. My mom is a recovering addict/late stage alcoholic and is VERY active in AA. She owns clean and sober apartments and house. She lives her life to help other addicts/alcoholics recover. So Im pretty well learned in the 12 step concept of alcoholism/addiction and recovery. And beyond that i have seen first hand the destruction that drug abuse causes in lives and families. Im actually the product of it.....a broken, insecure and scared .....well....self medicating poly drug abuser.....with MANY issues beyond the drug use. Its hard because when Im Not self medicating with pretty much whatever DOC im using at the time I hate the way i feel. I hate the way my mind gets in my head and i cant stop thinking. I KNOW there is peace and happiness without drugs because I have been there.....it just seems so far away right now. But I DO know that the meth has to stop....

 

[painenduser]

selfmedicated, I am so happy that you understood, and realized that I am here with you and on your plain. I am here for you and to help in anyway I can. It was good to know that you were able to look past the bluntness of my post, because I take sobriety very seriously. I only have to look into the mirror to see the damage it can cause someone.

I am also as excited as pea in a pod as you made a great leap in the last post by openly admitting that you realize that things need to change and change soon. Sometime I will often say, if you can't do it for you, think of those who would be horribly effected if you got yourself lost in the addiction, and right that aside from you, leaves your children and family. I know you don't want to risk hurting your children nor family.

Sobriety may seem so far away, until you are there, the longer you are sober the further you will get from your addiction, but it lurks ready to pounce when it feel like and you need to be prepared for that, and keeping on telling yourself that you do have a problem and you do need to change will help you affirm to your self that this is what you not only want, but need to do.

Congrats on this new beginning, and remember that we are here with you!!! !

All my best!

Pain

 

[herbavore]

Hey, OP, congratulations on knowing you have to quit. Just saying it is a huge step. Have you taken the next step yet and actually quit? if so, how is it going?

 

[selfmedicated]

Hey, OP, congratulations on knowing you have to quit. Just saying it is a huge step. Have you taken the next step yet and actually quit? if so, how is it going?

Um....no. I knew I had to quit right when I took the very first hit. I am the polar opposite of who I was a year and a half ago.....a year and a half ago I didnt drink, didnt smoke cigarettes, didnt do drugs except the occasional percocet or vicodin if my dentist or doc prescribed them. I also didnt eat fat, salt, or sugar and exercised regularly. I was married, even if the marriage had serious problems and probably wasnt going to make it, we were in counseling though. Now here I am a year and a half later.....tweaked. Really? I never thought I would do meth again. I drink, I smoke, I pop pills, I eat garbage food, I rarely sleep, I never exercise, and Im divorced......exact opposite. Im also pretty numb which I have to admit sometimes I like, other times I dont. I KNOW I have to quit the daily meth use. I was using oxy for about 6 months about 100mg a day, I quit those at home. I just planed my doses and tapered, then quit. I used kratom for any w/d I had. It was actually pretty simple. Meth seems different. I actually like the feeling oxy gives me more that the feeling meth does, but at this point Im picking meth over oxy almost every time.......or oxy and meth. If Im really honest part of me doesnt want to quit yet.....but of course I have to. I know where this path leads. Maybe not jail for me this time but destruction of lives for sure. Im actually astounded that my mom, who is a recovering addict/alcoholic hasnt realized that Im using, or my boyfriend. Wierd. Well my bf notices Im high but I say its oxy. He really doesnt want me taking oxy all the time we are only supposed to use occasionally, but Im sure if I told him Im using meth it would not be pretty. Its all so like um.....crazy actually.

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Hey There OP...First mate, this place has alot of damaged souls and you will hard pressed to find a nasty person in the Dark Side...It is full of great advice and very smart people...No-one here would intentionally have a go you..In other parts of this very forum, they can be quite rough on you!
I see you were a top sort and straight away saw the post by Pain for what it was...Well done chick to come back and say so..

In my opinion if you post a thread in OD...Other Drugs...you will get a great taper there...There are many people with alot of info and expertise over there... Sorry if im overstepping suggesting that mods...8(


I just saw you have a thread over in OD !!!

 

[DexterMeth]

i was addicted to meth for about 3 years. I hadnt used it in 8 years until about a month ago. During those 8 years Ive had my runs with opiates, and alcohol. So a month ago I spilt with my bf and he moved out. That night I got incredibly drunk and ended up calling my ex, who I KNEW was using meth and proceeded to the tweaked out for the next 2 days. After that 2 days I would tell myself it was just that once and I would NOT do it again. Yeah right. My use has escalated to daily use and now Im wondering how Im going to quit. I had a five month affair with oxy that had just ended. I actually like the feeling oxy gives me much better than meth, but for some reason Im into the meth right now. I KNOW I have to stop, Ive been down this road before. Last time I stopped it took looking at 5 years in prison and 2 stays in an in patient treatment. My life is very different now, Im not your average tweaker. I have the money to support my habit. I dont leave for weeks at a time or let my home get overrun with a bunch of flailing tweakers. I will not go to treatment again. I will not leave my children again to go away because mommy is "sick". Besides I have all the tools they teach in treatment, Ive been 3 times for heavens sake. (last was for alcohol)
When I quit doing oxy I planned it all out. I tapered for a couple weeks then stopped. I used kratom for any w/d i may have had and that was that. Im wondering how Im going to quit meth. It seems too.....erratic of an addiction to plan out quitting like I did oxy. And honestly Im scared to go a day without a mind altering chemical in my body. Im 29, and I dont think Ive gone longer than a couple months without using some kind of chemical since I was 14. But I NEVER thought it would be meth again.

Easier said than done, but stop tweaking and go back to NA

What's wrong with occasional kratom use btw? Kratom is still technically legal and easier on the body than buprenorphine even from my experiences. I'm not saying to use kratom daily, but it would sure beat using meth, especially if opiates/opioids are your DOC.

 

[selfmedicated]

Easier said than done, but stop tweaking and go back to NA

What's wrong with occasional kratom use btw? Kratom is still technically legal and easier on the body than buprenorphine even from my experiences. I'm not saying to use kratom daily, but it would sure beat using meth, especially if opiates/opioids are your DOC.

well meetings arent for me actually I hate meetings to be honest.....but I do think the steps are wonderful and could benefit everyone not just addicts....and kratoms awesome....I actually didnt believe it when someone suggested it for opiate w/d but I read up on it and decided to try it and was very impressed. I mean its pretty amazing, once I got off the oxy whenever I would take it it actually got me feeling pretty good, pretty much as good as the oxy.... but thenI took some the other day when I was out of town and didnt have anything else and it did absolutley nothing.....well maybe gave me a panic attack but Im not sure if it was from the kratom or just my normal panic attacks that I get occasionally.....

 

[selfmedicated]

Hey There OP...First mate, this place has alot of damaged souls and you will hard pressed to find a nasty person in the Dark Side...It is full of great advice and very smart people...No-one here would intentionally have a go you..In other parts of this very forum, they can be quite rough on you!
I see you were a top sort and straight away saw the post by Pain for what it was...Well done chick to come back and say so..

In my opinion if you post a thread in OD...Other Drugs...you will get a great taper there...There are many people with alot of info and expertise over there... Sorry if im overstepping suggesting that mods...8(


I just saw you have a thread over in OD !!!

I do post in other drugs....thats actually where I posted my question about opiate w/d and found out about kratom but that was before I saw all the different ares of this forum....I posted here because addiction IMO is part of the dark side of drugs.....I will probable post my question there thanks

 

[shezinphx]

Selfmedicated,

What will it take for you to want to stop? Do you want to hit rock bottom again or are you there yet? You really need to seek professional help or any outside help you can get. Please do it for you and for your children. If something bad were to happen it would not make it easier to quit. You would be in much more pain therefore inclined to want to self medicate even more. Meth is one of those drugs that will cloud your judgement in so many ways. I hate to bring your children into this but do you really want your children to go through what you went through as a child with your mother? I think you should set clear and defined goals for yourself. Write them down and stick to it. Your goals should include your plan to get off drugs and also what kind of mother you want to be. Set goals for your personal life as well as your professional life. Being of service oftentimes helps in recovery. You have to do this or something will eventually happen. A life in prison is not something anyone should have to encounter. Please be careful.

 

[stardust.hero]

Selfmedicated, I know what feeling your are talking about when you say you can't imagine not being high on something every night. I experienced that on opiates, stims and also alcohol.

Would you be able/comfortable to talk to a doctor about quitting? They may be able to prescribe you something short term that will help ease you out of it and keep your mind off that. It might even be able to trick you into believing you are on "something" so you can get past that stage in quitting.