I’ve been using meth on and off since about March or April of 2007. I was 15 years old, and at a party doing a lot of drinking. I don’t remember much about that except a couple things that were said to me and the people who were there. We were just hanging out I guess since there isn’t anything else that sticks out. After some time. This girl S was going home with some of her friends, and invited me to come along. So, I went to her place and there was 6 of us total. We were going to a different kind of party. We got there, and out came the meth.
That first experience with meth was phenomenal compared to what I experience now. I felt euphoric. When I smoked the meth there was a tingling over my brain which then went all the way down my body. I was extremely socially awkward at that time, except when I was drunk.
I drank a lot at the time and although I was better able to socialize, I was also prone to doing stupid things. I was prone to overdoing it and becoming sick or passing out. When I drank, my moods were unpredictable and I was just as likely to have a good time as I was to be really down and go on some emotional tangent about the things of the time I didn’t like or couldn’t deal with. I was often out of control when I drank... and I continued to drink for many years to come, I was an alcoholic by the time I was 17.
Back to the meth I was trying. It wasn’t like that at all. As we smoked and smoked I became extremely open and spoke freely. The way I was able to speak was phenomenally better then I would have been able to normally. It’s like the ideas, the expression, the words all just fell into place and we all were engaged in these deep conversations that felt really meaningful. I felt good. I felt able to speak of things that were positive and the things that troubled me, but it wasn’t in a way that was so emotionally vested like the alcohol. It was what it was and I felt better than I had in a long time.
We were having a blast writing poetry in marker on a broken guitar. We were writing on the walls. We talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. We talked about all kinds of things. Eventually most of the guests left, except for me and S’s boyfriend who didn’t use the meth and was asleep, so it was just the two of us from then on. We talked about drugs we had done, watched a movie ‘Natural Borne Killers’. We talked more. We made some food in the oven which I barely ate. I called for a ride home which came after a short while. We were outside talking again when my dad pulled in to take me home. All we did was talk.
I didn’t use meth again until 2011. I rarely used it from then, once more in 2011, once in 2012, once in 2015. I was primarily an alcoholic until a point in 2016, age 24/25 I started some meth use to the point that it could have become an addiction if I kept going. I changed locales and heroin then took over. It became far more important than meth for the time being. I still used meth occasionally, but didn’t become addicted to it until 2017. In 2017 I transitioned to meth full time after I got off the heroin and onto methadone. I had some months clean time in between just taking my methadone and nothing else but I started using meth eventually, and at that time it clicked in my brain for good. It took over my life.
I smoked meth constantly, and used IV as well. From 2017-2018 I used meth on a regular basis and it literally drove me insane. I was in full blown psychosis by April of 2018. From the time I’d used meth in 2007, I had finally and eventually picked it up as my drug of choice a full decade later. It’s overtaken everything, trumping every other addiction I’ve had by far. I got off in April 2018, but still used on and off which led into 2020.
Since the start of 2020, I’ve been a daily user the vast majority of the time. A few weeks quit here, a few day quit there. That’s the best I’ve been able to manage. The effects I get from meth don’t come even close to my first experiences with it. What I described at S’s was a wonderful time with the drug, nowadays it’s almost like breathing air.
It does so little for me relative to my first uses or even my first addiction to it through 2017-2018. I use it so much I’ve done damage to my heart as I’ve been dealing with high blood pressure and tachycardia for months now, even when I’m sober. The effects I get when I use are very dulled compared to my earlier use. I think I’ve fried the parts of my brain which meth effects, so it’s unable to produce the chemicals to a level even close to what used to be possible, and regular. It’s damaged me in many ways.
Today I woke up at 11:30PM. At this point it is 1:30AM and I’ve smoked around 5 big hits off my pipe. I’m a pro on the pipe and generally take the biggest hits I possibly can, hold them in for extra absorption of the drug, and then exhale a huge plume of vapor, the meth “smoke”. It’s actually vaporized and not smoked, in case anyone is reading this and didn’t know. These 5 hits would have had me completely wired up in my earlier days of use. Even one would have. Not now.
Right now I feel next to nothing. That’s becoming more and more the case when I smoke. No effects that are too positive or negative really. Just a bit of an alertness. I’m calm. I feel well. Basically feel like I would feel normally sober, except I’m not sober. My heart rate still goes up, the physical toll of meth is still there, but mentally the euphoric and mind expending effects aren’t really there. Neither is the focus to the degree it used to be. I do feel okay though. On the flip-side, sober for me is a very tired, depressive place now.
Hell, even being on meth is sometimes a slog. Sometimes when I smoke I’ll feel like I don’t have energy, I feel like I’m stuck and I’m not getting things done the way I’m supposed to. The engaged, focused effect from it isn’t there. If anything, I’ll get really scatterbrained. The constant high doses of meth aren’t accomplishing anything for me. Earlier today after smoking a fair amount I became so tired I just passed out during the middle of the day.
Meth is not what it used to be. I’m just dependent on it now. If I’m not taking meth I’m prescribed Vyvanse which works well for me when I take it properly. When I don’t have the tolerance to amphetamines I have when I use meth. The transition back to Vyvanse is pretty tough for me because there’s that transition period where the Vyvanse just does NOT cut it for me. Not until my body adjusts. I should’ve just stuck to the Vyvanse. This meth isn’t any good. All the medicinal value of amphetamines gets lost when I start abusing meth.
All in all, I’ve been smoking more meth and it’s 5AM now. I took a break from writing this to just chill and watch a movie. Chat with a friend. I’ve smoked another 10-15 hits about so up to 20 total, and I do take big hits. The effects I’m feeling are very much the same as before. Next to nothing. There’s nothing wrong with the meth either. I was 16 days clean when I got this bag, and I got high when I started this run. The quality is good where I go.. but here I am only a week later and I’m already back to nothing. It happens so quickly now. It’s a really bad cycle I’m in. On and off and on again. I’m severely addicted to it.
My brain is sizzling away while the monkey on my back has grown to be a gorilla, and I cave under that weight every time.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_methamphetamine
substancecode_meth
substancecode_amphetamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_addiction
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
That first experience with meth was phenomenal compared to what I experience now. I felt euphoric. When I smoked the meth there was a tingling over my brain which then went all the way down my body. I was extremely socially awkward at that time, except when I was drunk.
I drank a lot at the time and although I was better able to socialize, I was also prone to doing stupid things. I was prone to overdoing it and becoming sick or passing out. When I drank, my moods were unpredictable and I was just as likely to have a good time as I was to be really down and go on some emotional tangent about the things of the time I didn’t like or couldn’t deal with. I was often out of control when I drank... and I continued to drink for many years to come, I was an alcoholic by the time I was 17.
Back to the meth I was trying. It wasn’t like that at all. As we smoked and smoked I became extremely open and spoke freely. The way I was able to speak was phenomenally better then I would have been able to normally. It’s like the ideas, the expression, the words all just fell into place and we all were engaged in these deep conversations that felt really meaningful. I felt good. I felt able to speak of things that were positive and the things that troubled me, but it wasn’t in a way that was so emotionally vested like the alcohol. It was what it was and I felt better than I had in a long time.
We were having a blast writing poetry in marker on a broken guitar. We were writing on the walls. We talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. We talked about all kinds of things. Eventually most of the guests left, except for me and S’s boyfriend who didn’t use the meth and was asleep, so it was just the two of us from then on. We talked about drugs we had done, watched a movie ‘Natural Borne Killers’. We talked more. We made some food in the oven which I barely ate. I called for a ride home which came after a short while. We were outside talking again when my dad pulled in to take me home. All we did was talk.
I didn’t use meth again until 2011. I rarely used it from then, once more in 2011, once in 2012, once in 2015. I was primarily an alcoholic until a point in 2016, age 24/25 I started some meth use to the point that it could have become an addiction if I kept going. I changed locales and heroin then took over. It became far more important than meth for the time being. I still used meth occasionally, but didn’t become addicted to it until 2017. In 2017 I transitioned to meth full time after I got off the heroin and onto methadone. I had some months clean time in between just taking my methadone and nothing else but I started using meth eventually, and at that time it clicked in my brain for good. It took over my life.
I smoked meth constantly, and used IV as well. From 2017-2018 I used meth on a regular basis and it literally drove me insane. I was in full blown psychosis by April of 2018. From the time I’d used meth in 2007, I had finally and eventually picked it up as my drug of choice a full decade later. It’s overtaken everything, trumping every other addiction I’ve had by far. I got off in April 2018, but still used on and off which led into 2020.
Since the start of 2020, I’ve been a daily user the vast majority of the time. A few weeks quit here, a few day quit there. That’s the best I’ve been able to manage. The effects I get from meth don’t come even close to my first experiences with it. What I described at S’s was a wonderful time with the drug, nowadays it’s almost like breathing air.
It does so little for me relative to my first uses or even my first addiction to it through 2017-2018. I use it so much I’ve done damage to my heart as I’ve been dealing with high blood pressure and tachycardia for months now, even when I’m sober. The effects I get when I use are very dulled compared to my earlier use. I think I’ve fried the parts of my brain which meth effects, so it’s unable to produce the chemicals to a level even close to what used to be possible, and regular. It’s damaged me in many ways.
Today I woke up at 11:30PM. At this point it is 1:30AM and I’ve smoked around 5 big hits off my pipe. I’m a pro on the pipe and generally take the biggest hits I possibly can, hold them in for extra absorption of the drug, and then exhale a huge plume of vapor, the meth “smoke”. It’s actually vaporized and not smoked, in case anyone is reading this and didn’t know. These 5 hits would have had me completely wired up in my earlier days of use. Even one would have. Not now.
Right now I feel next to nothing. That’s becoming more and more the case when I smoke. No effects that are too positive or negative really. Just a bit of an alertness. I’m calm. I feel well. Basically feel like I would feel normally sober, except I’m not sober. My heart rate still goes up, the physical toll of meth is still there, but mentally the euphoric and mind expending effects aren’t really there. Neither is the focus to the degree it used to be. I do feel okay though. On the flip-side, sober for me is a very tired, depressive place now.
Hell, even being on meth is sometimes a slog. Sometimes when I smoke I’ll feel like I don’t have energy, I feel like I’m stuck and I’m not getting things done the way I’m supposed to. The engaged, focused effect from it isn’t there. If anything, I’ll get really scatterbrained. The constant high doses of meth aren’t accomplishing anything for me. Earlier today after smoking a fair amount I became so tired I just passed out during the middle of the day.
Meth is not what it used to be. I’m just dependent on it now. If I’m not taking meth I’m prescribed Vyvanse which works well for me when I take it properly. When I don’t have the tolerance to amphetamines I have when I use meth. The transition back to Vyvanse is pretty tough for me because there’s that transition period where the Vyvanse just does NOT cut it for me. Not until my body adjusts. I should’ve just stuck to the Vyvanse. This meth isn’t any good. All the medicinal value of amphetamines gets lost when I start abusing meth.
All in all, I’ve been smoking more meth and it’s 5AM now. I took a break from writing this to just chill and watch a movie. Chat with a friend. I’ve smoked another 10-15 hits about so up to 20 total, and I do take big hits. The effects I’m feeling are very much the same as before. Next to nothing. There’s nothing wrong with the meth either. I was 16 days clean when I got this bag, and I got high when I started this run. The quality is good where I go.. but here I am only a week later and I’m already back to nothing. It happens so quickly now. It’s a really bad cycle I’m in. On and off and on again. I’m severely addicted to it.
My brain is sizzling away while the monkey on my back has grown to be a gorilla, and I cave under that weight every time.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_methamphetamine
substancecode_meth
substancecode_amphetamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_addiction
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
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