Stimulants Meth - diplomatic but surefire way to get the house to myself

[billyj]

Hey there, looking for advice as I have hopeless intrapersonal skills. I have some gear and want to use it at home but my partner lives across town with our dogs and we run a business together. It's normal for us to occasionally take a couple of days off once a month to get some rest but those days include messages and calls from work and from my partner and he'll usually drop by after work to say hi. How can i unsuspiciously and politely but firmly communicate to him that I really need to unplug for two or three days and that it would be great to just see nobody including him so i can totally unwind. Desired outcome is no visits or messages while i am off my head for a day and a half. Bear in mind he has a bedroom here and we share the rent (he pays in full for his own other place) so has every right to come here whenever he wants. Finally, he is drug unaware and has no idea i occasionally get high (which is about once a year usually if I'm out of town).

 

[Jabberwocky]

Do you have some family or personal issue unrelated to your partner that you can say needs a few solid days of solo thinking to work through?

Alternatively a contagious disease that forces you to bed for 3 days might work.

Other than that I can recommend just checking into a hotel with a spa on the basis you just want to treat yourself.

But it would be irresponsible for me not to point out that for many people such a lie to disguise drug use is the thin end of the wedge that ultimately wrecks things with their partner. Is it an option to get him comfortable with your very occasional use?

 

[billyj]

Do you have some family or personal issue unrelated to your partner that you can say needs a few solid days of solo thinking to work through?

Alternatively a contagious disease that forces you to bed for 3 days might work.

Other than that I can recommend just checking into a hotel with a spa on the basis you just want to treat yourself.

But it would be irresponsible for me not to point out that for many people such a lie to disguise drug use is the thin end of the wedge that ultimately wrecks things with their partner. Is it an option to turn him onto meth or at least get him comfortable with your very occasional use?

Oh, we ended our personal relationship some years ago. Joint custody of the dogs and co running the business is what we do together. So we don't share lifestyle time of any kind together at all and there's no relationship to ruin. I also routinely go away for business so being apart for a week or so is not at all unusual. I just want to ensure there's no unexpected house calls - maybe he left his toothbrush here etc. I need to know for my peace of mind that i won't be interrupted at all.

I would book a hotel but then i worry about soundproofing or suspicious staff. My house is at the end of a long lane and we have no neighbours or through traffic so i can really relax here.

 

[Jabberwocky]

you're a mod - this is a harm reduction website I believe

it's disappointing to see you encouraging someone to`turn their "drug unaware" partner onto hard drugs - feel free to fully enjoy your doc brother but this isn't the place to encourage others to join in with you

You are right. That was a thoughtless error on my part. I plead New Year’s Eve. Post edited.

 

[billyj]

you're a mod - this is a harm reduction website I believe

it's disappointing to see you encouraging someone to`turn their "drug unaware" partner onto hard drugs - feel free to fully enjoy your doc brother but this isn't the place to encourage others to joine in with you

I didn't take it that way. I think she was suggesting that instead of being clandestine, be honest and if he shows any interest then so be it.

In any case, my dilemma is ensuring privacy and that he doesn't come over - the last thing i would do is tell him the truth and invite him to join in.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I didn't take it that way. I think she was suggesting that instead of being clandestine, be honest and if he shows any interest then so be it.

Thanks. That was indeed my intention but the wording was not quite right. I was thinking about the relationship angle. As a general rule on this site I regularly discourage people from trying meth for the first time or to give it up as soon as they can. Experienced users I leave to their own devices.

 

[billyj]

Well i think all should be left to their own devices. If someone, in this example my partner, was interested in trying drugs, he'd surely not have waited all this time for me to personally invite him to try some. Likewise, if i told him about my occasional use and he had no interest in it for himself then i can't see him suddenly falling into a spiral of addiction from that moment on. He's a 45 year old man. He's aware that drugs exist and is perfectly capable of making his own decisions. This idea that if we pretend drugs don't exist then people won't take them is so dated, as many parents have ruefully learned.

In any case, I'm still looking for suggestions.

My current thinking is to just be direct and tell him I am burned out and need a few days to rest and recharge at home alone like a little silent retreat staycation and that I'll catch up with him at work later that week.

 

[G_Chem]

Yea if there is no personal relationship then it’s perfectly reasonable to say you need a couple days to yourself to unwind. That said, depending on the person that could make them possibly stop by unannounced to try and make you feel better.

Idk this is hard, generally I say go rent a place out too like Atelier said, you’ll probably be safer there then your own home.

Think of it like this, worst case scenario for both places. At a hotel worst case is some staff tells you to turn it down, maybe you look weird whatever. If he shows up at the house what is worst case scenario?

-GC

 

[billyj]

Yea if there is no personal relationship then it’s perfectly reasonable to say you need a couple days to yourself to unwind. That said, depending on the person that could make them possibly stop by unannounced to try and make you feel better.

Idk this is hard, generally I say go rent a place out too like Atelier said, you’ll probably be safer there then your own home.

Think of it like this, worst case scenario for both places. At a hotel worst case is some staff tells you to turn it down, maybe you look weird whatever. If he shows up at the house what is worst case scenario?

-GC

Well, i guess at the hotel worst case is they call the police. Worst case at home is a business partner who may want to dissolve business over something like that. So, I really don't know.

 

[billyj]

Yea if there is no personal relationship then it’s perfectly reasonable to say you need a couple days to yourself to unwind. That said, depending on the person that could make them possibly stop by unannounced to try and make you feel better.

Idk this is hard, generally I say go rent a place out too like Atelier said, you’ll probably be safer there then your own home.

Think of it like this, worst case scenario for both places. At a hotel worst case is some staff tells you to turn it down, maybe you look weird whatever. If he shows up at the house what is worst case scenario?

-GC

And yes, the main twist is telling him I want time alone without him believing that and then dropping in to pick up that shirt he forgot because he'll only be five minutes and that's not going to hurt / he smells a rat and comes around to find out what's going on. Maybe renting an Airbnb with key drop and no staff or neighbours is the answer.

 

[billyj]

Also knowing my luck the day i choose will be the day the shop burns to the ground / one of the dogs gets run over / etc and after trying to message me 50 times he comes over to deliver the news in person.

Talking about it with you guys has made one thing clear: if i do it at home, I'll spend the whole time worrying he's going to rock up unannounced so won't be able to relax and get into it anyway.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Also knowing my luck the day i choose will be the day the shop burns to the ground / one of the dogs gets run over / etc and after trying to message me 50 times he comes over to deliver the news in person.

Talking about it with you guys has made one thing clear: if i do it at home, I'll spend the whole time worrying he's going to rock up unannounced so won't be able to relax and get into it anyway.

The last thing I’d want on a meth holiday is some nagging thought that someone might be coming by to surprise me. . By day two I’d be hearing nothing but footsteps and doorbells. AirBnB sounds like a good option.

 

[Xorkoth]

And yes, the main twist is telling him I want time alone without him believing that and then dropping in to pick up that shirt he forgot because he'll only be five minutes and that's not going to hurt / he smells a rat and comes around to find out what's going on. Maybe renting an Airbnb with key drop and no staff or neighbours is the answer.

Yeah, an AirBnB is going to probably be your best bet for no stress, as long as it's not just a part of the same house that the owner lives in. Some are like that, and some are separate houses. The separate houses are what you want, you'll be all to yourself. They tend to be pretty cheap, too.

 

[billyj]

The last thing I’d want on a meth holiday is some nagging thought that someone might be coming by to surprise me. . By day two I’d be hearing nothing but footsteps and doorbells. AirBnB sounds like a good option.

Totally. The fact I'm on here asking about it weeks out from it even happening makes it clear that when I actually do it, all I'll hear is doorbells the whole time. Air bnb it is.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Strange problem. How can you have a 'partner' that knows so little about you?

 

[billyj]

Strange problem. How can you have a 'partner' that knows so little about you?

That's not really needed to know. Lots of people including people in relationships have all kinds of secrets from each other. And, to repeat what i said earlier in the thread, it's something I do maybe once a year at most while out of the country on business. We were together 6 years, I probably did it 4 times in that entire period and we weren't in the same country as each other at the time. This time around the gear has fallen into my lap. I personally wouldn't consider all that to be on the level of a deep dark secret.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

What if he had fucked prostitutes 4 times in that period? Would that be ok?

I'm not judging by the way, I'd say turn him on and fuck his brains out, but that's not good HR...

 

[billyj]

I

What if he had fucked prostitutes 4 times in that period? Would that be ok?

I'm not judging by the way, I'd say turn him on and fuck his brains out, but that's not good HR...

I think you're being quite rude asking such personal details on what is supposed to be, and known as, a private site that's judgement free. My post is about location management, not relationship counselling. But to satisfy your inappropriate curiosity, suffice to say we each let the other down numerous times with indiscretions and white lies many times over the years, like so many couples, hence the eventual end to our relationship, again like so many couples that live in the real world.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I

I think you're being quite rude asking such personal details on what is supposed to be, and known as, a private site that's judgement free. But to satisfy your inappropriate curiosity, suffice to say we each let the other down numerous times with indiscretions and white lies many times over the years, like so many couples, hence the eventual end to our relationship, again like so many couples that live in the real world.

My curiosity is nowhere near as inappropriate as your desire to cheat your 'partner'.

Get a fuckin grip love...

 

[Jabberwocky]

@F.U.B.A.R. I believe the ‘partner’ in this case is not a romantic partner. It’s a business partner who happens to also be an ex-romantic partner. I made the same mistake and thought the same thing about being transparent.

However I’d say in that situation the level of disclosure required is much lower.