Mongrel
Greenlighter
===Familiar Psychoactives===
Psilocybin, LSD, DMT, Salvia, Cannabis, Opiods, Alcohol, Amphetamines, Ketamine
===Background===
After three or so monthes of heavy cannabis consumption, I had to stop my usage due to my Step-mother's decision to leave again. She has been in & out of our lives for the past twelve or so years. She's a witless egomaniac Conwoman who's burned out her dopamine receptors & would have been better off face down in a gutter somewhere. Anyways, Cannabis has been a means for me to cope with stress, depression, & borderline personality disorder in my contemporary living situation. What with the threat of being drug tested & now having to deal with the responsability of taking care of my little brother, I've ceased my use of cannabis. In the initial wake of the cessation, I was quite irritable, frustrated, & detached. My relationship with my girlfriend became less relevant to me, what with not seeing her as often as I would have liked. I knew I was in another transistional state of my life, & things weren't looking promising.
Last Saturday, the oppurtunity arose to try Ketamine with a friend of mine. The expierence was a comfortable detachment, & I rather enjoyed the derealization day's after. A day or two after the ketamine expierence, I inhaled some Nitrous out of a whip cream can in my fridge. I've never tried Nitrous, & despite knowing I should wait until being more clearheaded to do so I went ahead & did it anyway. The effects weren't what I've heard of a typical Nitrous expierence, but It kept me detached & that's exactly what I was looking for.
A day or two after that, I tried my first recreational opiod. It was Hydrocodone I had gotten from a friend. The feeling was very enjoyable to me, more of my type of stimulation than amphetamines are. It kept me warm, indifferent, & uncaring. I was disconnected & I had hoped to remain that way.
The Friday before my trip, I picked up more K with the intention of having my girlfriend try some. I split the sack with a friend who was in town, & I snorted whatever grains were about the table that couldn't be put into the bag. I also licked the very fine powder that was stained onto the bag it came in & the scale we blew it off. I didn't do any lines, or even really trip, I just wanted to not be wasteful. Sometime during that day I got into a fight with my girlfriend, due to increasing insecurity & detachment & a sparked interest in another girl. I simply wanted someone who did not care.
The next day I was to do my batch of mescaline I was initially screwed out of, & I had been saving it for the desert, as the desert was such the place I wanted to ingest it for the first time. After a Friday night of buzzing off of one beer up on top of a mountain with friends & exposing psychedelic virgins to DMT, I crashed in bed & looked for a break from the IE. Tomorrow I would be visiting my mom in the desert, it had been several monthes since I had seen her & I was in need of a break from Riverside....
===The Day Of===
My brother & I got up early & left for Lucerne Valley. I grabbed my bottle of four or so shots of San Pedro, which had sat in a bottle for a week or two. It went from smelling like cactus juice to apple juice, & Quite possibky could have fermented or rotted inside the bottle. I wasn't sure I was even going to ingest it.
By the time we got to the ranch, we were ready to just lay down & crash from an exhausting night before. Laying on the couch my brother crashed. I asked my mother if she had any pain killers, she asked if Advil would work & I told her no. She said she had one Vicodin left but it would make me sick because it makes her sick. I told her it wouldnt make me sick, & that I didn't want it if she did. She did not happen to want it & I successfully coaxed an opiod out of my mother, as I had intended. I did not regret the dishonesty at the time.
My brother & I spent some time visiting with my mother & discussing current affairs. My mother had been drinking the majority of the day, we jokingly disscused psychdelics with her. By the time my step father got back from doing ranch work we had dinner. Not too long after my brother & I had left for a hike into the desert to ingest the Chimora...
The Expierence
I talked my brother into doing the other half of the four or so shots of the San Pedro with me, as I din't want to trip as hard as I figured four shots would do & I wanted someone to trip with. I first expose my older brother to psychedelics, I gave him his first dose of mushrooms, I got him into Salvia before that relationship went sour when he had a bad trip, I hooked him up with DMT a few times & did LSD with him. Almost all the psychoactives he had done was through me, & this was both of our first times doing mescaline. I wanted to first do mescaline in the desert to honour the cactus & the ancestors. It turned out to be the perfect setting.
We split the Chimora & choked it down, chasing it with Sunkist Orange soda. i had my nose plugged as I was drinking it, but as soon as the texture hit my mouth I had to force my self to swallowing it. Once we got it down it stayed down. We took it around 7.
We continued walking through the desert & started to make out way into the canyon. The sun was already setting by the time we had left the house, but I knew the full moon would keep us guided. The effects seemed to come on pretty quickly, as my depth perception was altered in a manner that I knew was not attributable to the opiods or the Norketamine. We walked a little ways before taking a break, & this is when my pattern recognition picked up & I started to feel more wired. I figured we'd walk way deep into the canyon & find a trail up over a mountain we could take back to the cabin instead of back tracking all the way through the canyon. My brother made the suggestion we just go up the nearby mountain, that way we could just go directly down the other side back to the house. As we started making our way up the slope, we took a break, & my brother finished off the very last bit of the cactus juice. My brother was worried we might run into snakes but I assured him they wouldn't be out at night. we made our way up a loose rocky slope, I was listening to our steps, the environment, my head phones, my brother's guitar, all at once. by this time the sun was down & the moon wasn't up yet.
As I was walking up the slope I heard a small rattling sound for a brief second, I froze & looked around & in the darkness was a rattle snake coiled but a few feet ahead of me. "Holy fuck a snake!" I announced, me my brother running in the other direction on a steep slope. The adrenaline sobered us up temporarily, as we made our way around the area & up the hill.
By the time we got to the top of the mountain the moon light was just peaking over the hill. By this time we were incredibly wired & everything looked very portrait like. The lights miles away from us at the end of the desert were incredibly bright. It was likely 9 around this time. My brother & I had an intense psychotherapy session on top of the hill, while he played guitar & we smoked cigarettes. The light from the cigarrette was intensely bright.
We looked at the clouds in the sky, beneath the moon, making out pictures in them. We weren't having visuals at this point. My brother pointed out a cloud formation beneath the full moon that looked like an Indian holding an eagle. As I looked at I saw that it looked like an Aztec carving of a priest with a Snake's tongue. I was amazed by this as it gave me the impression the desert knew exactly what my brother & I were doing that night.
Around 10:30 we walked down the mountain, as my mother had called & informed us she needed to go to bed. As we walked down we discussed our meaningless relationship with smoked DMT, as a 15 minute window of intense visuals is more of a joy ride for us than a learning expierence. Half way down the German Sheperd that lives on the property met up with us, & he helped us see our way down the mountain. The other dogs on the property were barking alot, so we made an effort to hurry up & get to the trailer we would be sleeping in to avoid waking & running into out Mother & Step-Father.
I had my brother see my little sister & her friend out of the trailer we'd be sleeping in, as I felt in no state to talk to them. Around this time the need to urinate frequently started, which could have been from the Ketamine use. We got into the trailer, sat down, & talked a bit. By this time I thought were pretty much down, or at least on our peak. Our sister came back into the trailer for some blankets & other things she had forgotten in there. This made me feel uncomfortable as my brother was mentioning psychedelics to her. At that point the trip had gone to my brother's head & he was deeply immersed in the expierence. I saw my sister out so that I would feel more comfortable.
My brother & I listened to some music, the songs "The Great Collapse" & "Closer To God(not 'Closer')" From Nine Inch Nails. I surpisingly had pretty pronounced closed eye visuals at this point. My brother was enjoying himself, as was I. Around this time we noticed the Open Eye Visuals. This was great for my brother as his first few trips he never really had OEVs.
I turned the song "Untitled" from The Cure on, as this song has been a heavy part of my DMT trips. last time I did acid I listened to it & it sounded completely different, almost as if Robert Smith intended for it to be heard this way(He was using LSD heavily when he wrote Disintegration). At first, I figured the song wasn't going to sound special. But as I Listened with my eyes closed, I started to think about all the broken promises I've ever made to my girlfriend. How I would quit smoking. How I should treat her better. How our relationship has been more about me than her. How special she is. I started to cry pretty heavily, The tears rolling down my face embracing me with such a warmth & forgiveness. Thinking about it right now is very emotional for me. at that point i realized all the changes I could make, how i could be a more selfless person. How I could open my Heart for someone else.
Directly after the song I talked to my brother, who heard the song through the earphones & heard me crying, & felt what I went through. We both stepped outside, as I needed a cigarette to calm down & I needed to discuss things with my brother. Thinking about hearing the song again was bringing me close to tears. As we talked, & pissed frequently despite being dehydrated, the visuals came on unlike anything we expected.
By this point were tripping incredibly hard, it was likely close to midnight. we both could handle the intensity however. Lights were brighter than ever, things in the distance looked very close. Colors were wisping off of a nearby ATV into the Air. I looked back at my brother, who sat shirtless smoking on some steps, & he looked to be 3 feet tall. His neck length long hair, his facial structure, & the redness in his complexion was incredible pronounced, he looked like a Native American. He said I looked the same, what with my mohawk. We could see honey combs on the cherry to our cigarette. Everything had an aura of tracers & after images eminating out of it. Even standing completely still in front of a mirror, outlines & colors would wisp out of my head. the redness in my face was incredibly pronounced. even the closed eye visuals had very desert themed colors. The whole trip had a Native American Influence on it. & what with the visuals, the tracers & after images, I felt to be in A Spirit World. It's incredibly hard to describe the nature of the whole thing, but it is nothing like Psilocybin, LSD or DMT. Colors & form wold warp up walls & bend into the air. Looking at the stars, I saw a huge snowflake forming in the space between them.
The whole night I was pissing every last drop of water out of me, I even had to force it at times. I adressed my emotional disconnection & my irresponsible use of dissociatives & opoids. I had some impressing auditory hallucinations & CEVs, & felt a strong connection to the Mescaline. The entire expierence was incredible. I do not regret ketamine or the hydrocodone, as the disconnection made the trip more profound. It were as though I was slammed into reconnection with myself. I intend to a have a healthier relationship with such psychoactives in the future, along with myself & my body.
All I can think of is positive things about mescaline, I recommend this profound tool & teacher. Next time I revisit it will be in the desert again, it truly is an amazing setting that goes hand in hand with the expierence. I wish I could have written more but the expierence has left me with a lot too recollect from that night.
Peace
Psilocybin, LSD, DMT, Salvia, Cannabis, Opiods, Alcohol, Amphetamines, Ketamine
===Background===
After three or so monthes of heavy cannabis consumption, I had to stop my usage due to my Step-mother's decision to leave again. She has been in & out of our lives for the past twelve or so years. She's a witless egomaniac Conwoman who's burned out her dopamine receptors & would have been better off face down in a gutter somewhere. Anyways, Cannabis has been a means for me to cope with stress, depression, & borderline personality disorder in my contemporary living situation. What with the threat of being drug tested & now having to deal with the responsability of taking care of my little brother, I've ceased my use of cannabis. In the initial wake of the cessation, I was quite irritable, frustrated, & detached. My relationship with my girlfriend became less relevant to me, what with not seeing her as often as I would have liked. I knew I was in another transistional state of my life, & things weren't looking promising.
Last Saturday, the oppurtunity arose to try Ketamine with a friend of mine. The expierence was a comfortable detachment, & I rather enjoyed the derealization day's after. A day or two after the ketamine expierence, I inhaled some Nitrous out of a whip cream can in my fridge. I've never tried Nitrous, & despite knowing I should wait until being more clearheaded to do so I went ahead & did it anyway. The effects weren't what I've heard of a typical Nitrous expierence, but It kept me detached & that's exactly what I was looking for.
A day or two after that, I tried my first recreational opiod. It was Hydrocodone I had gotten from a friend. The feeling was very enjoyable to me, more of my type of stimulation than amphetamines are. It kept me warm, indifferent, & uncaring. I was disconnected & I had hoped to remain that way.
The Friday before my trip, I picked up more K with the intention of having my girlfriend try some. I split the sack with a friend who was in town, & I snorted whatever grains were about the table that couldn't be put into the bag. I also licked the very fine powder that was stained onto the bag it came in & the scale we blew it off. I didn't do any lines, or even really trip, I just wanted to not be wasteful. Sometime during that day I got into a fight with my girlfriend, due to increasing insecurity & detachment & a sparked interest in another girl. I simply wanted someone who did not care.
The next day I was to do my batch of mescaline I was initially screwed out of, & I had been saving it for the desert, as the desert was such the place I wanted to ingest it for the first time. After a Friday night of buzzing off of one beer up on top of a mountain with friends & exposing psychedelic virgins to DMT, I crashed in bed & looked for a break from the IE. Tomorrow I would be visiting my mom in the desert, it had been several monthes since I had seen her & I was in need of a break from Riverside....
===The Day Of===
My brother & I got up early & left for Lucerne Valley. I grabbed my bottle of four or so shots of San Pedro, which had sat in a bottle for a week or two. It went from smelling like cactus juice to apple juice, & Quite possibky could have fermented or rotted inside the bottle. I wasn't sure I was even going to ingest it.
By the time we got to the ranch, we were ready to just lay down & crash from an exhausting night before. Laying on the couch my brother crashed. I asked my mother if she had any pain killers, she asked if Advil would work & I told her no. She said she had one Vicodin left but it would make me sick because it makes her sick. I told her it wouldnt make me sick, & that I didn't want it if she did. She did not happen to want it & I successfully coaxed an opiod out of my mother, as I had intended. I did not regret the dishonesty at the time.
My brother & I spent some time visiting with my mother & discussing current affairs. My mother had been drinking the majority of the day, we jokingly disscused psychdelics with her. By the time my step father got back from doing ranch work we had dinner. Not too long after my brother & I had left for a hike into the desert to ingest the Chimora...
The Expierence
I talked my brother into doing the other half of the four or so shots of the San Pedro with me, as I din't want to trip as hard as I figured four shots would do & I wanted someone to trip with. I first expose my older brother to psychedelics, I gave him his first dose of mushrooms, I got him into Salvia before that relationship went sour when he had a bad trip, I hooked him up with DMT a few times & did LSD with him. Almost all the psychoactives he had done was through me, & this was both of our first times doing mescaline. I wanted to first do mescaline in the desert to honour the cactus & the ancestors. It turned out to be the perfect setting.
We split the Chimora & choked it down, chasing it with Sunkist Orange soda. i had my nose plugged as I was drinking it, but as soon as the texture hit my mouth I had to force my self to swallowing it. Once we got it down it stayed down. We took it around 7.
We continued walking through the desert & started to make out way into the canyon. The sun was already setting by the time we had left the house, but I knew the full moon would keep us guided. The effects seemed to come on pretty quickly, as my depth perception was altered in a manner that I knew was not attributable to the opiods or the Norketamine. We walked a little ways before taking a break, & this is when my pattern recognition picked up & I started to feel more wired. I figured we'd walk way deep into the canyon & find a trail up over a mountain we could take back to the cabin instead of back tracking all the way through the canyon. My brother made the suggestion we just go up the nearby mountain, that way we could just go directly down the other side back to the house. As we started making our way up the slope, we took a break, & my brother finished off the very last bit of the cactus juice. My brother was worried we might run into snakes but I assured him they wouldn't be out at night. we made our way up a loose rocky slope, I was listening to our steps, the environment, my head phones, my brother's guitar, all at once. by this time the sun was down & the moon wasn't up yet.
As I was walking up the slope I heard a small rattling sound for a brief second, I froze & looked around & in the darkness was a rattle snake coiled but a few feet ahead of me. "Holy fuck a snake!" I announced, me my brother running in the other direction on a steep slope. The adrenaline sobered us up temporarily, as we made our way around the area & up the hill.
By the time we got to the top of the mountain the moon light was just peaking over the hill. By this time we were incredibly wired & everything looked very portrait like. The lights miles away from us at the end of the desert were incredibly bright. It was likely 9 around this time. My brother & I had an intense psychotherapy session on top of the hill, while he played guitar & we smoked cigarettes. The light from the cigarrette was intensely bright.
We looked at the clouds in the sky, beneath the moon, making out pictures in them. We weren't having visuals at this point. My brother pointed out a cloud formation beneath the full moon that looked like an Indian holding an eagle. As I looked at I saw that it looked like an Aztec carving of a priest with a Snake's tongue. I was amazed by this as it gave me the impression the desert knew exactly what my brother & I were doing that night.
Around 10:30 we walked down the mountain, as my mother had called & informed us she needed to go to bed. As we walked down we discussed our meaningless relationship with smoked DMT, as a 15 minute window of intense visuals is more of a joy ride for us than a learning expierence. Half way down the German Sheperd that lives on the property met up with us, & he helped us see our way down the mountain. The other dogs on the property were barking alot, so we made an effort to hurry up & get to the trailer we would be sleeping in to avoid waking & running into out Mother & Step-Father.
I had my brother see my little sister & her friend out of the trailer we'd be sleeping in, as I felt in no state to talk to them. Around this time the need to urinate frequently started, which could have been from the Ketamine use. We got into the trailer, sat down, & talked a bit. By this time I thought were pretty much down, or at least on our peak. Our sister came back into the trailer for some blankets & other things she had forgotten in there. This made me feel uncomfortable as my brother was mentioning psychedelics to her. At that point the trip had gone to my brother's head & he was deeply immersed in the expierence. I saw my sister out so that I would feel more comfortable.
My brother & I listened to some music, the songs "The Great Collapse" & "Closer To God(not 'Closer')" From Nine Inch Nails. I surpisingly had pretty pronounced closed eye visuals at this point. My brother was enjoying himself, as was I. Around this time we noticed the Open Eye Visuals. This was great for my brother as his first few trips he never really had OEVs.
I turned the song "Untitled" from The Cure on, as this song has been a heavy part of my DMT trips. last time I did acid I listened to it & it sounded completely different, almost as if Robert Smith intended for it to be heard this way(He was using LSD heavily when he wrote Disintegration). At first, I figured the song wasn't going to sound special. But as I Listened with my eyes closed, I started to think about all the broken promises I've ever made to my girlfriend. How I would quit smoking. How I should treat her better. How our relationship has been more about me than her. How special she is. I started to cry pretty heavily, The tears rolling down my face embracing me with such a warmth & forgiveness. Thinking about it right now is very emotional for me. at that point i realized all the changes I could make, how i could be a more selfless person. How I could open my Heart for someone else.
Directly after the song I talked to my brother, who heard the song through the earphones & heard me crying, & felt what I went through. We both stepped outside, as I needed a cigarette to calm down & I needed to discuss things with my brother. Thinking about hearing the song again was bringing me close to tears. As we talked, & pissed frequently despite being dehydrated, the visuals came on unlike anything we expected.
By this point were tripping incredibly hard, it was likely close to midnight. we both could handle the intensity however. Lights were brighter than ever, things in the distance looked very close. Colors were wisping off of a nearby ATV into the Air. I looked back at my brother, who sat shirtless smoking on some steps, & he looked to be 3 feet tall. His neck length long hair, his facial structure, & the redness in his complexion was incredible pronounced, he looked like a Native American. He said I looked the same, what with my mohawk. We could see honey combs on the cherry to our cigarette. Everything had an aura of tracers & after images eminating out of it. Even standing completely still in front of a mirror, outlines & colors would wisp out of my head. the redness in my face was incredibly pronounced. even the closed eye visuals had very desert themed colors. The whole trip had a Native American Influence on it. & what with the visuals, the tracers & after images, I felt to be in A Spirit World. It's incredibly hard to describe the nature of the whole thing, but it is nothing like Psilocybin, LSD or DMT. Colors & form wold warp up walls & bend into the air. Looking at the stars, I saw a huge snowflake forming in the space between them.
The whole night I was pissing every last drop of water out of me, I even had to force it at times. I adressed my emotional disconnection & my irresponsible use of dissociatives & opoids. I had some impressing auditory hallucinations & CEVs, & felt a strong connection to the Mescaline. The entire expierence was incredible. I do not regret ketamine or the hydrocodone, as the disconnection made the trip more profound. It were as though I was slammed into reconnection with myself. I intend to a have a healthier relationship with such psychoactives in the future, along with myself & my body.
All I can think of is positive things about mescaline, I recommend this profound tool & teacher. Next time I revisit it will be in the desert again, it truly is an amazing setting that goes hand in hand with the expierence. I wish I could have written more but the expierence has left me with a lot too recollect from that night.
Peace
