Mescaline Cacti and OCD/Anxiety

[Magickduck]

Hello... I am writing today to ask y'all a few questions.

First, let me tell you that I am a believer in the healing power of mescaline cactus.. I have read things such as spontaneous remissions of cancer, and healing of paralyzed limbs with it... I have also personally experiances the healing miracles it can provide... I have also learned alot from this cactus (p.torch). I used it way too much (as well as other psychdelics) and have spent some time crazy.... I was also young (I am but 19 now), and not sure if it was because I was more gullible to my own mind then or what... For example, there was a time where I believed in demons, and was constantly scared of them - thinking I had been haunted (for all I know I was)... I was experimenting in the occult and ritual magick at the time but felt personally convicted of this and thought it was causing me bad things... I would hear double meanings when people would talk - as in when someone would say one thing (i'd also hear what they were actually saying and be able to communicate and stay in conversation), I would hear how it could relate to something else in my life. This wasn't a bad thing until it turned dark, then I started to hear double meanings about screawed up stuff such as getting in trouble, or getting hurt by someone i love, or bad things happening. As in someone would say something, and i'd think it was the universe trying to communicate with me those things....

In the midst of all of that, I developed a very close working relationship with the cactus - almost felt a shamanic calling to it. I found its miraculous healing powers - it's way of teaching me so much about myself and the world and this life that we live - I had nearly 20 to fifty (i didnt count) wonderful experiances with it, where I got nothing but positive, healing effects.

One day I got a group of people together and we did some cactus. We did a ritual beforehand and put all our intents into it. I thought the cactus had almost taken offense to this ritual and gotton upset. There were also 2 people there who were fucking with me, and purposfully giving me a dark bad trip. Thinking back on it, the bad dark double meanings may have started on this trip. I am not sure. I had people who had picked up on this and purposfully given me a terrifying experiance. My close friend said he even had to stop one of them from getting a gun he had in his car and pretending to want to shoot me. Fucking asshole - thank God he didn't do that. Now, ever since then (i am pretty sure) I have been fucked up. I remember almost being stuck in this trip for a while - thinking some of the delusional things i thought on the trip sober and for a while. And my anxiety has been thru the roof ever since (I am pretty sure thats when it started getting really bad). Now I had tripped on cactus weeks before this and been fine, i am pretty sure set and setting had a lot to do with this.


I do not think I have schizophrenia or anything... I think I just tripped WAY too much in WAY too short a period of time, mixing in WAY too many research chemicals and random drugs. I have never ever gone crazy or been delusional on a psychedelic drug besides that one time I just explained.

Now over time this stopped... there is still a tiny lingering effect but i no longer hear double meanings or think of them. However, a little bit ago I got in some trouble with the police, and since then (and even before) I have had a very bad anxiety problem... it is almost like OCD (and this could make sense with the double meanings - it is like intrusive thoughts... like "OH - If you applied that in relation to THIS TERRIBLE THING it would mean THIS TERRIBLE THING")... I also have waaaaaay too much energy and it is nearly painful at different times.... I used to be the happiest person, but I have become very anxious and dysphoric.

To the point I have considered going to the doctor and getting on some medication - which I am 100% against.

Now, before I try that, I am thinking of trying some natural medicine again, in a perfect setting and with the perfect people.

There are reports of mushrooms and the like helping cause remissions in OCD.

This could also save me from addiction to harder drugs. I used to be the most against serious drugs as anybody ever gets. Hated opiates and shit.... Nowadays, I have such a tolerance to opiates 90mg of oxycodone does not even get me high, and i been doin them like once a week (or sometimes days in a row).


This could either really really, help me, or really really hurt me.
If I do decide to do so, I will take a low dose of a benzo before hand to ensure no anxiety... maybe 1mg of ativan?


I have had the theory that whatever mindset you experiance and leave a trip in sticks with you.. almost like being reborn into the mind that you get during that experiance.... Since that bad trip i have waited a long time to try and fix it myself, but if i am about to go to the doctor and get on psych drugs, i was considering trying a low dose of cactus again in a perfect set and setting and perfect people, on anxiolytics and seeing if it helps to heal me.

If it does not - or GOD FORBID makes it any worse, I can then go to the psych doctor.

-

Also, I smoked pot during that trip - and directly after had the bad trip start. Also, I smoke pot on a daily basis - which could be contributing to my anxiety and double meanings I used to have. Though, I still feel kind of anxious when i do not smoke pot, I havn't gone more than 3 days without it in a long long time.

 

[Magickduck]

please I need advice on this... if anyone has any ideas.... if this can be merged with the mega thread maybe??

 

[Spacemonkey5000]

Dont take the benzo before the trip it will dull down anything usefull that the cacti has to say,

But keep a few in hand just in case it gets very very bad, but dont take them untill/if it gets unbearable...

And yeah get new friends or trip alone, yeez wtf kind of douches would wanna do something like that to someone trippin?

 

[Magickduck]

Dont take the benzo before the trip it will dull down anything usefull that the cacti has to say,

But keep a few in hand just in case it gets very very bad, but dont take them untill/if it gets unbearable...

And yeah get new friends or trip alone, yeez wtf kind of douches would wanna do something like that to someone trippin?

yeah, some jerk. think he ended up getting alot of healing out of it though - in my trip - he was the person i judged, he came over randomly to our sacred experiace, started snorting heroin on the table, i gave him some cactus anyway. my trip got all fucked up and backwards at some point and he become the main voice of the experiance - which i took as the cactus as it usually communicates with me thru th epeople around me - but i guess it was just someone messing with me while i was tripping.

but basically it comes down to it as either I have really really bad OCD and anxiety - or I have early onset schizophrenia. If I have OCD, there is a good chance it could heal me and also stop me from drug addiction. I have been doing opiates and benzos to stop the ocd..
If its the schizo shit, It could make it worse.

 

[RhythmSpring]

I'm sorry you had that terrible experience. I hope you never have to deal with that person again.

As for OCD, I have found Salvia (on its own) to be very therapeutic and healing of OCD tendencies. No, it's not a comfortable trip, or what you could call a "high," but it is spiritually productive and calming.

I would also suggest taking a short break from Cannabis.

 

[Ektor]

i would be very careful doing psychedelics if in a situation like you described. I am no doctor but the symptoms you described fit better with some kind of psychosis than with OCD, it doesnt necessarily have to be schizophrenia and it could be some kind of less serious psychosis. i also suggest to stop taking cannabis cause it could do worse for you. i had a friend that had a similar reaction to LSD and sorry to say that but she was discovered to have a serious schizophrenia like psychosis after a couple years, psychosis that was made manifest by a clonazepam experience. She was the only one i know that had such a bad and monthly long reaction to a psychedelic, but luckily for you her symptoms seemed way worse than yours, whit faces of people morphing in monster like creatures, she sometimes wanst able to recognize us, her loving friends, she had terrible changes in personality with complete amnesia after every personality transition. that was scary even for us.
anyway i read that back in the days some scientist used LSD even to treat schizophrenic patients, but i have to say i know little to none about the methods they used.
psychedelics if not under strict control have the potential of making psychosis really worse so be REALLY CAREFUL.
on the other end if you are about to ask for medical help (again i am no doctor so make your own research) they will probably put you on antipsychotics, meds that yes they work to do what they are supposed to do(they saved the sanity and probably even the life of the friend aforementioned) but with GREAT SIDE EFFECTS including depression, anhedonia, zero sex life, and huge weight gain. you said you went on opiates to manage your symptoms, so do they work well? opioids have been scientifically confermed to have a great antipsychotic effect with way less side effects beside possible addiction. i wouldnt really suggest them to an opiate naive but as you said you are already addicted so they cant do worse on this side of things.
however there is the problem of how to obtain them, taking them from the black market isnt the best idea if you gotta use them off label for therapeutic purpose. as you are already addicted i would really suggest to go to an addiction clinic and go onto a manteniance program with buprenorphine or methadone. i cant really remember now but research in this field would greatly favorize bupe to methadone as methadone has more serious side effects. going on such a program could even help you stabilize cause the long half life of the drugs woud avoid the highs and lows of shorter opiate use, that is not the best therapeutically.

obviously i would strongly suggest to start as well some kind of psychotherapy for a while, just to learn how to mantain your feet on the ground in difficult and crazy situations, after a while of psychotherapy you could even start tapering the opiates(as antipsychotic) and why not if you feel well grounded even have a LOW DOSE PERFECT SETTING psychedelic session, obviously going on with the psychotherapy for a little more just to have som helt to integrate whatever could come up from such a session. so anyway i really wish you good luck!!

the world LOVES YOU!!!

 

[Magickduck]

I feel pretty comfortable in being able to make sure I have a good trip - it is the aftereffects and neurochemical effects I am worried about. I think I have decided on doing it...

And, no I have not "gotten on" opiates -I have been doing them once or twice a week and they do help, but I do not think picking up an opiate addiction will help. As a last resort option, I have considered going to get on suboxone from a doctor (faking a heroin addiction) and using it as an antipsychotic, antiocd, and anxiolytic.

As I said, thats a last resort.

I am going to try the cacti - or maybe some fungus in a perfect setting and with the perfect people at a low dose and see how that helps.

 

[zn13bt]

If you want to combine magickal practices with psychedelics, I recommend checking out the book Generation Hex edited by Jason Louv. In particular the two chapters "Opening and Closing the Psychedelic Temple" by Simon Forrester, and "Fastforward to Meltdown" by Atman.

There's also Frater Shiva's book Coruscatio: The Magical Cactus Voice which is written from more of a Thelemic viewpoint (and is a bit out there, IMO...) and has some interesting ideas.

Definitely find better friends to be doing this with. Preferably ones who won't threaten to brandish firearms during a ritual. Or better yet, do the actual tripping/ritual work by yourself, and then have a group of people you can compare notes with afterwards. That's what works for me, and I've been doing this for years without getting myself into too much trouble.

Personally I'd stay away from the weed and opiates, I think these things tend to cloud one's judgment and can serve as a crutch for dealing with anxiety. In my experience it's better to use things like meditation or OTC remedies like benadryl for handling anxiety, they're not as intense and addicting as stronger drugs can be. It's better to face your trips and rituals with a clear head, you'll get more out of them that way, and it's very important to have your wits about you when you're trying to communicate with disincarnate entities.

Good luck with your future experiments.

 

[Magickduck]

If you want to combine magickal practices with psychedelics, I recommend checking out the book Generation Hex edited by Jason Louv. In particular the two chapters "Opening and Closing the Psychedelic Temple" by Simon Forrester, and "Fastforward to Meltdown" by Atman.

There's also Frater Shiva's book Coruscatio: The Magical Cactus Voice which is written from more of a Thelemic viewpoint (and is a bit out there, IMO...) and has some interesting ideas.

Definitely find better friends to be doing this with. Preferably ones who won't threaten to brandish firearms during a ritual. Or better yet, do the actual tripping/ritual work by yourself, and then have a group of people you can compare notes with afterwards. That's what works for me, and I've been doing this for years without getting myself into too much trouble.

Personally I'd stay away from the weed and opiates, I think these things tend to cloud one's judgment and can serve as a crutch for dealing with anxiety. In my experience it's better to use things like meditation or Benadryl instead, they're not as intense and addicting. It's better to face your trips and rituals with a clear head, you'll get more out of them that way, and it's very important to have your wits about you when you're trying to communicate with disincarnate entities.

Good luck with your future experiments.

I am pretty much done with magick, save it for emergencies or simple things now. You can cause way too much damage with it by complete accident. I am hoping I am back at a good point now and the re-balancing of things is complete already. I dunno if I could handle any more.

 

[stillmind]

I would urge you to not trip for a significant period of time.

Psychedelics clearly do have some efficacy with OCD - I've posted threads on this as have others. But, at least for me, they weren't a panacea or a quick fix. When I tried to use them as such, I had some horrific trips that greatly exacerbated my already-bad symptoms for months. And it's abundantly clear that that's what you're looking for now: a fix, something to make things better, to restore you to some former state. To be blunt, I think that's almost certain to backfire. Maybe the next trip will be the one that gets you, or more likely (if you're conservative in set, setting, dose) the next one will be a "positive" experience that will just whet your appetite for more, and one of the subsequent trips will turn on you.

There are no shortcuts here or anywhere else. Psychedelics can be a tool but they are not the answer.

My strong advice: lay off everything for a few months. Use benzos to manage the anxiety if needed. If you're honest with yourself, you'll know when you're ready to delve into this again.

Good luck.

 

[Magickduck]

I ate some mushrooms and it helped very much. I think a low dose of cactus soon will help a bit more. I've got this these are tools... before the mushrooms it has been like 6 months since i tripped