Mentality?

[S3TH5150]

I've been told having a strong mind set can keep you getting addicted to drugs. Like if your mind is set on "meth addict", etc then when you try this drug, it all depends on your mental strength. Well I find myself becoming weaker and weaker as the days go by. Not too long ago, I'd say a few months, I tried meth for the first time on a mini vacation I took (which is now a runaway charge) and after I got found and brought back home, I told myself I would never in my life touch that shit again. Well a few weeks ago, without a second guess I bought .2 of meth just to see if it would give me a different feeling than the time before. I stay awake enough as it is without any drugs I used this .2 and stayed up for four days straight. Had a great high and euphoria besides hardly eating and not sleeping. Then I bought another .2 soon later and tonight I bought .6. This isn't much I know but I have this thought in my head that seems to think its okay to be doing this drug. I have the mentality sense, " We're gonna die anyway so why the hell not." I've introduced it to two people in the past couple of weeks and I'm just lending them bumps. I know in reality that this drug can mess you up in many different ways, harm you, kill you, and basically swallow you whole as a person.
I watched my mom do this drug for years and years and I despised it. It ruined my life pretty much and I didn't touch the shit. I know my thoughts as scattered. I'm high as a kite at the moment. But I feel myself being okay with it, it's not the fact I don't know right from wrong, I just keep picking the wrong.
The reason I post this is because I know I could be worse off and this drug has already consumed a lump of my check, I need help changing my mentality, someone convince me that this isn't worth the struggle, someone convince me I don't need this drug to function. Now suddenly I'm snorting fat lines of coke too.
I know doing a drug is a choice, but the hard part is getting away before I lose myself. I'm 17 years old, I can fuck my life up later, I know someone out there can convince me that it's just not worth it, I know it's not, but I keep hitting another bump when I'm trying to tell myself not to. Anything helps. Sorry this is all over the place, its 6:30am and I haven't slept in two days. Thank you for ypur time, any input is valuable to me.

 

[Bearlove]

The problem with your way of thinking 'were going to die anyway' is that nothing I or anyone else can say will change your mind. Everyone can tell you horror stories, stories of woe and just the real life in your face hell that addiction (to any drug) can lead to.

Think of all the things you value well you have a very strong chance of losing all that and for what? Your experimenting with drugs (your choice) but don't go into this thinking that 'I'm going to die anyway' use them safely, within your own limit of control, recognize the warning signs and give yourself a break until your in a better place.

Speed is almost instantly gratifying which makes it harder to stop when you have started, it also can have a horrible come down which again makes it harder to stop when you have started. There is nothing stopping you having the few days awake every now and then, using at the weekend etc but when your using daily for extended periods your going to hit problems.