Mental Health Mental condition in bad shape, is there anyone I can talk to?

goinginfected

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
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My mind is struggling right now because of a series of similar bad trips Ive had which I have explain in depth here:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/680295-Repeating-nightmare-psychotic-trip

Im terrified.. I want to return my mental state to believing this is all in my head. Is there anyone who is experienced in mental health and tripping in general? Im getting a therapist soon but I dont think theyll understand the state im in regarding the trips. I just need someone to talk to.. Is there anyone who could help me get through this?
 
Hey.. well let's just see whats up for a second.. how do you feel throughout the day.. what has happened (i read the thread) specifically that has you worried.. hey, from what i've read so far i think you are going to do just fine... but if you let some of us in here.. and i'm sure there are some BLtrs that have been right where you are at and both will understand the specifics as well as be able to provide some good direction.. please tell us what you are experiencing? IDT there is any need to include the drugs that facilitated this as that seems to be covered in your previous thread..
 
After reading your thread, I have to agree with the other posters. Cannabis is what is triggering your problems. But it's not just that, every experience you mention, you have over (ab)used drugs in that situation. You get so high that you don't remember or realize how many bowls you're hitting.

Take a good long break from everything and your mental state will return to normal. If you decide to start using again, put a lot of thought into how you are going to control your use. Try to only have one dose of pills/LSD on you and have a friend who knows what's up and ask them to keep an eye on how much weed you're smoking.

I feel that your problem is simply taking too much and I have seen it many times. Abstinence is the only way to assure that your mind rights itself.
 
I strongly agree with what Re-distributed has said about stopping everything for a while, including not being talked into taking an anti-psychotic, SSRI or other potentially harmful but prescribed drug for the time being. The brain can heal from all sorts of abuse but what it requires is a good diet, good sleep and minimal stress. The first two are more easily come by than the last!;) Mindfulness meditation or breathing could really help you. Give your natural body a chance to heal before putting more substances into it. And another thing to remember is that nature heals. Go back to that mountain you climbed and climb it again. Sit there quietly and when anxious thoughts arise just watch them circle around. Try not to attach to those thoughts. Just let them arise and then let them go. Pay attention to your body and consciously name what you are feeling ("I'm sweaty. I feel the sun on my face.I can feel the coolness of stone on my back."). Get out in nature as much as you can and try to have faith that this is simply the result of getting too high too often and that it is temporary.
 
After reading your thread, I have to agree with the other posters. Cannabis is what is triggering your problems. But it's not just that, every experience you mention, you have over (ab)used drugs in that situation. You get so high that you don't remember or realize how many bowls you're hitting.

Take a good long break from everything and your mental state will return to normal. If you decide to start using again, put a lot of thought into how you are going to control your use. Try to only have one dose of pills/LSD on you and have a friend who knows what's up and ask them to keep an eye on how much weed you're smoking.

I feel that your problem is simply taking too much and I have seen it many times. Abstinence is the only way to assure that your mind rights itself.

It seems this to be the case, but the bad trip also reoccurred during the time I simply took way to much acid. Which is something I forgot to mention in my original thread. So I don't feel the trigger can only be cannabis. I'm never ever ever going to take lsd or any psychedelic of that nature ever again. I don't think my mind can handle it. I plan on not smoking bud for a long time if not forever also. I hope to one day do mdma again, because it's been my favorite drug for the past year and has helped me bond with so many people. But yes, for now sober off of everything.
 
I just skimmed your trip report but it sounds a lot like other peoples trips. I'll be brutally honest with you - you're obviously missing a part of yourself that you more than likely feel has been sunken in with bad influences you surround yourself with (and continue to allow). This sounds a lot worse than it really is because the fixes are easy. Simple everyday things like improving your eating habits, and staying consciously aware of how different foods effect you will help you maintain your mental health. Taking the provisions to provide yourself with a better life continuously is all you ever really have to think about if you ever think you're having a bad trip. In fact if you really think that you may find yourself there again, write that down and just read it when you need it. ("Where can I go from here, as an entirety, that is better than where I have been?") Simplistic answers are usually the most fantastic ;)

Good luck friend. Feel free to PM me if you need to.

-dp
 
Hey.. well let's just see whats up for a second.. how do you feel throughout the day.. what has happened (i read the thread) specifically that has you worried.. hey, from what i've read so far i think you are going to do just fine... but if you let some of us in here.. and i'm sure there are some BLtrs that have been right where you are at and both will understand the specifics as well as be able to provide some good direction.. please tell us what you are experiencing? IDT there is any need to include the drugs that facilitated this as that seems to be covered in your previous thread..

Well I'll list off the things that I am worried about.
- That I am still in some form of hyper realistic trip, and always have been and always will be.
- That I am the only thing that truly exists and that everything is my imagination.
- That when I die, time will simply repeat itself and I will never be free of this trip.
- That I am simply going insane.
- That these irrational thoughts will never go away.
- That I will remain in the state of paranoia and anxiety about these experiences forever.

Now I know that the first 3 points are pretty crazy, but thats what I truly have been grappling with. I understand that those are not the actual case, and am pretty afraid that I may fully believe that one day. Im mostly worried that those thoughts will never go away, but I bet thats because I just feel this way now, and it hasnt been 3 days since the last episode. Once again thanks for taking the time to try to help me out :)
 
Here I think this story may help you out a bit:

The Meaning of Life - A Short Story
You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.
 
You must learn not to think in absolutes.

You are NOT crazy. That is one healthy absolute to repeat to yourself over and over.
 
Building on what both Ho-Chi-Minh and DP wrote, and responding to you writing that the first three thoughts of yours were "crazy" I would say that maybe you could benefit from looking at the results of the trips (only I am real/everything else is imagined, when you die, everything will repeat and that you are in a sort of hyper-realistic dream) as revelations ofa sort rather than craziness. Many philosophies and religions have looked at reality as a dream. Many people believe in endlessly looping lives. What you experienced on your trips may be wisdom if you can relax into it and not be afraid of it. The truth is, whether you believe this to be reality or a dream, it makes little difference. You are still bound by gravity, you still need to eat and drink and breathe. In other words you are here and you have been shown that "here" is maybe not so simple as you once thought. Uncertainty can make you feel crazy but it is actually sanity to be able to live with uncertainty without fear. Learning to accept a state of "unknowing" has given me more than any knowledge that I have come across.

Again, I would stress coming back fully into your body. Let your mind rest and concentrate on your breath, your nutritional needs and your sleep. Exercise a lot and feel the chemicals that your brain releases when you do. Your body knows everything it needs.<3
 
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