TDS Mental Breakdown - Ex Gf - Suicide

[hondarider1816]

Hey everyone.

Im smoking a cigarette outside my ex's house thinking about ending my life because I can't stand the heart ache I'm going threw daily. Background is we dated for a year and a few months, i ended it because of a dumb argument. It took me two month to say I fucked up and now she has someone obsessed with her. I've seen her once every week, and she is letting me crash over. We've kissed here and there n she says she still loves me n cares for me.
We dedicated today to hangout together to seeing how things are and spend some quality time. But the entire day she has been divoting all of her time talking to this man who is head over heels for her. We had sex two nights ago, and tonight she kinda pushed away so we didn't.
I love her to death, she is telling me that she isn't into him but when I glance down at her texts she says "even if it did work out with us, Idk how things will go". She has been texting all the time to him and putting me off. She will notice I'm sad, and I'll say honestly it's because I feel he's trying to pull you away from me because he think the more time we spend together the more increased chance she will get together with me again. She said that's exactly what he's trying to ddo.
I know she's into him and I'm being mind fucked because she will kiss me and say babe don't worry etc. Then plan to hamg with him later in the week to talk in person. I'm crying, my heart physically hurts and feels weak. I don't want her to be pulled away by his guilt trip he's putting her threw for not being interested and from what I see, it's working.

I cant lose this, I've lost almost all my family at the age of 23. If I do lose her, i will kill myself without posting here because I'm not looking for help at that point.

Idk what to do, she is in their sleeping and said it's okay to cuddle but she switchs her thoughts the next day and says why do I always make people feel like shit. IE me not getting the chance to date her, and not letting him hookup /date.

Im losing my mind, e help someone.

 

[blahman8000]

You're at a point where life is teaching you and you're wounded. Suicide will only put an end to the process you're pulling through so hard. You're a fucking champ to ask for help, and it makes you a survivor. Let the wounds heal, seal, and teach you, and I swear you'll find yourself better off and more aware further on. I've felt heartbreak from someone, even recently, that made me want to scream out downtown in public. I needed to put it somewhere. It hurts, fuck yeah, but you have strength. You're here. Let it hurt and let it teach you, because that's how you eventually find yourself somewhere better. Remind yourself that you're not stuck in one place. You are still moving.

You're strong, and you have so much better things to come. You deserve them, so pull through this.

 

[hondarider1816]

Do I go back in and lay with her? Maybe she will enjoy it and bring us closer and further from the other person?

 

[hondarider1816]

This is so embarrassing asking these questions. I'm such a fucking loser.

 

[blahman8000]

My advice is this. Don't make these decisions based on your need to alleviate any feeling of rejection. Do what feels right, but don't feel so preoccupied about how appealing you are to someone else.

To be straightforward, though, ask if she'd like you to lay beside her. If she rejects you and/or tells you to leave her alone, then do so and you'll have your perspective of how she feels at the moment. You're in the middle of some pretty emotional stuff, so it gets unpredictable. Whatever happens, don't let it punish you. Don't take it too hard. It's heavy, I know, but you have to accept her feelings. Don't beat yourself up, either way. Be you, care about her, and if it goes wrong, don't feel like you fucked up. This is all you can do. It's that simple. Lay beside her if she's comfortable. Otherwise, give her the space she needs.

 

[Rob27shred]

Bro you gotta do what's best for you & from the sounds of it getting away from this girl is on the top of that list. I know exactly how you feel, years ago I had a very intense relationship with a acquaintances GF. Went through the same shit as you, one second we're soulmates then the next she wants me out of her life. This went back & forth many times daily. When we weren't getting along she'd run to him & when they were fighting she'd run to me. I let this situation fuck my life up for awhile since I thought I was love. I really started to hate her BF think he was the reason we weren't a couple. Got depressed from the constant rejection/acceptation. Just let the situation compeltely take my emotions over. Then I finally realized that it wasn't me or her BF, it was her! She was playing both of us for her own benefit/amusement! Well once I realized how foolish I had been & let my brain do the thinking vs my emotions I realized how much better I would be without her. I broke it off shortly after that realization & my life has been much better since. Sometimes you just gotta man up & do what will hurt pretty badly but will be for the best for you. Trust me the pain will fade with time & you'll find someone else. Love shouldn't hurt or be complicated, if it does or is it's not love but obsession, & obsession leads down a bunch of bad paths. One of which your on right now. Think about it, this girl got you ready to take your life. Is it really worth losing out on the rest of your life because a person that is obviously taking advantage of you won't commit to you? Let the other dude have her cause she'll probably end up just doing the same thing to him. Don't hurt yourself, the pain will pass but you have to get away from that environment before the healing starts.

 

[missmeyet?]

I agree with the poster above. Listen, I have known a girl like this. Deep down she is enjoying the attention she is getting from both of you and it becomes a game. She probably does care about you somewhat but is enjoying the security she has knowing if it doesn't work out with this other guy she has you to fall back on.

You need to get yourself away from her no matter how hard it is for you. You have to be strong and tell her "look, when you decide what/who you want then let me know. I can't play this game of back and forth. Grow up and quit toying with people's lives and emotions. When you decide what you want then call me." Be strong and and say it with conviction. Don't be whiny (she will know you don't mean it). Be angry when you tell her and like you just don't really care either way. (In a controlled way, no emotional response...no screaming, crying..just be strong when you tell her).

When she realizes she can't keep playing you and that you are serious it will be scary for her because she will realize that she can't keep using you in this way. There is a possibility that she will say to you ok whatever and decide to go to and be with this other guy and you have to be prepared for this. This will be a clean break though for you. At some point you will realize you can't keep being dangled on a string and the fact that she is playing with you and him will become intolerable. How long can you keep being "played" with and stand the fact that she is talking to this other guy. Better to do something about it now. Plus you will feel a lot better because YOU are the one with some control, not her.

The other alternative is she will realize you aren't kidding and won't put up with this shit and will quit talking to him and come back to you. She will realize that you won't just be there as the old standby and quit playing games. She will respect you more and realize she cannot keep doing this.

Either way, just remember dear, people will treat you the way you allow them to. If you don't put up with it then she can't do this to you.

If she chooses the other dude then so be it. Trust me, better off to find this out now rather than later. A relationship that took up a year of your life is definitely not worth taking the rest of your life. I know right now it seems painful and overwhelming but there is someone else out there for you and you have so much to look forward to. I promise that if you make your demands clear with her and remove yourself from a situation like this and take back your control you will feel a lot better. Having that control will begin your healing.

Also, here is something to ponder..... if you were talking to another girl in this situation either one of 2 things would happen. She would quit taking you for granted and realize she wants you or she would be relieved that you have someone else and tell you to go for it. In that case you are better off because its not going to work out anyway and you would quit being drug along.

Good luck and let us know how it goes...and please hold off from harming yourself. Try something different (like I mentioned in post or anything else) and make a deal with yourself that you won't hurt yourself for at least a week. We can take any kind of suffering for a week. Make some changes and see where things stand and how you feel in one week. This will give you time to clear your head and if you still truly feel that bad...well tell yourself there's no rush. But promise to give things a week. Like I said you can take anything for a week and if you make some kind of change you will be surprised how you will feel later.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

If there is a lesson/silver-lining to losing everyone, its too show you that there will be only one person with you every single second of your life, you.
You need to learn to live with and appreciate yourself. You are a human being with thoughts, feelings and free will. You have worth and validity, just as much as anyone.
Once you love yourself you will be more able to see what is truly beneficial to you, you will be able to see the wolf in sheep's clothing that this girl truly is.
I am shocked at the similarity of our situations. I'm going through this dumb triangle bullshit too and I have realized it has become an emotional cancer. I cut it out and I am already thankful I did so.
Hang in there, friend.

 

[Uber_Penguin]

Dude, get those sorts of crazy thoughts out of your head. 55% of the worlds population are women; if those one isn't appreciating you, you need to realize you're better than she is and break away. I can tell you're better because you're remaining loyal despite this girl clearly messing with you. There will be others, I promise, and eventually you'll look back and realize this was good for you.

But more immediately, the problem I'm seeing here, even just reading the bit you've typed, is the same problem oh so many young fellows face; you give yourself entirely to some girl, and next thing you know she's playing you off some other guy. This isn't a condemnation of females, they're just following biology as we all do, but the truth is that as long as you're there and a girl knows she can take you for granted, she will. I'm only a lowly, lonely 22 year old, but I've seen this with literally almost every guy I've known who's dated, that's how common it is. I've seen it with my brother and a number of my closest friends, all with their first "real" girlfriends. This happens constantly. People like attention, but girls really like attention. She probably does care about you to a degree, but, BUT, what she likes even more is having two guys at her beck and call. I'll bet she's making it clear to this other guy that she's hanging with you too, and he's probably at around the same place you are, doing his best to gain her attention and get her to like him instead...and I can guarantee that she's loving being doted over by two separate guys. She probably feels like a damned princess.

I could go on, as boy have I seen this firsthand enough times, but the long and short of it is that this won't stop until you distance yourself. You need to make clear that you DON'T need her, and that she CAN'T take you for granted. One of two things will happen; she'll wise up and stop fucking around with this other guy, or she'll decide to keep doing so, in which case you'll just have to realize it would've ended up that way regardless, you're just saving yourself a lot of heart ache in the interim. Either way, as I said, don't feel like you're alone in this; unfortunately this happens a lot, especially when dealing with somewhat insecure chicks, which the vast majority of young adult females are. As fucked up as it is you have to play the game and pretend you don't give a shit, and that you could care less if they stick around. Like I said, if a person thinks they can take a romantic partner for granted, they usually will. If someone isn't giving you their loyalty, then they aren't worth yours.