MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

[ScaredFirstTimer]

I began reacting the same way after my bad roll.

Elaborate? You are saying that smoking cigs made you dizzy during your comedown? If so that's good news because then I know where it came from and to stay away from it. I had a couple of cigs earlier in the comedown, when my symptoms was more severe, and I didn't get the dizziness then. Weird.

For how long after smoking would you feel an increase in symptoms? I smoked on Saturday, do you think it might still be the reason for the dizziness I feel 6 days later?

 

[ro4eva]

Elaborate? You are saying that smoking cigs made you dizzy during your comedown? If so that's good news because then I know where it came from and to stay away from it. I had a couple of cigs earlier in the comedown, when my symptoms was more severe, and I didn't get the dizziness then. Weird.

For how long after smoking would you feel an increase in symptoms? I smoked on Saturday, do you think it might still be the reason for the dizziness I feel 6 days later?

Minutes after smoking a cigarette, I would be overcome with dizziness (although the severeness varied). Sometimes, other symptoms, such as profuse sweating, palpitations and nausea accompanied this. The dizziness would last up to 48 hours in worst cases, but not 6 days AFAIK.

A stark contrast from how I usually feel after smoking (alert but relaxed, pain relief in general).

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

Guys, try not to forget one important thing. DP really stands for double penetration. Not fucking depersonalization. Check out pornhub.com if you don't believe me. Remember that this parallel universe we are living in right now won't be permanent. We will regain our former selves, though with a shit tonne of experience.

I looked in the mirror just now for a good while. Except for my mild anisocoria I noticed that I have not felt any DP today. I noticed that I couldn't even imagine what it feels like not to connect with my own mirror image. Right now I'm very calm and actually it feels like I'm filled with a warmth. The warmth feels like lack of anxiety, lack of depression and lack of a general dissociative state. I'm feeling what it is like to be absolutely normal. This is a herald of things to come. Good night

 

[cryptix420]

Hello fellow humans,

It's been about a year and a half since I last took any MDMA; my recovery could not be going better

In that time, I did spend about 5 months totally sober from everything except caffeine. I got back into doing K, LSD, MXE, and 2c-b for a few months last summer, and have been smoking weed regularly for about the last 7 months. Things are going exceptionally well in life, my business is doing very well, I have had several very fulfilling relationships with various beautiful woman, met lots of friends, learned how to surf, meditate, do yoga, and cycle everywhere as I don't own a car. I went through a period of being vegetarian, then vegan, then raw foodist, after eating pretty horrible food for most of my adolescence. I've never been in better physical, mental, or spiritual health. It is still pretty difficult for me to let my emotions flow healthily, but I think that has a lot more to do with my childhood repression issues than MDMA.

My energy levels are high, I sleep soundly throughout the night (and often even have pleasurable dreams!), my appetite is healthy, my cognition feels better than it's ever been, and I feel I am generally operating on a much different frequency than a lot of the people I meet. 'muggles' lol. I don't regret any of my drug use; I feel it enables a very powerful sort of change that comes from the core. However they can become detrimental very quickly, and the destruction just continues with the length of use.

One side effect I haven't been able to shake is a perpetual, ever-present tinnitus. A ringing in my ears. It drove me insane at first, and I was contemplating suicide, but I've learned to live with it. I have a feeling that when I finally kick weed & alcohol entirely, and focus more on doing yoga & writing, emotions with come out and the tinnitus will be healed. Oddly enough it gets exponentially worse when I smoke weed, and especially bad when I have oral cannabis. It feels so good to get high though...


Anyway, there is hope. Drugs are great, but moderation is absolutely essential. I doubt I will ever take MDMA again. I took it about 25 times in 2 years, most of the time redosing, and that was plenty for me. That was when there were tons of super strong pokeballs and crazy stuff from europe like the triforces. Makes me salivate thinking about it.

There truly are natural ways to feel that good though. Surfing is just one. You've got to find yours, and keep at it.

Also worth noting I think is that my friend woke up without a sense of taste or smell one day over a year ago, and it hasn't returned since. He claims to have taken MDMA about 200 times.

Stay safe!

Peace & Love
cryptix

 

[me2point0]

Thook one pill of MDMA. ONE. A trusted one. My friends told me it kicked in like no tomorrow. It did. Guys, IT DID. Felt like a smack in the face, a Mike Tyson right in the kisser. Felt overwhelmed and I started having a panic attack. Friends sat me down on a sofa at an event and began to rub my shoulders slowly. My 150 pbm dropped to 90. I was keeping count, yes. After I hit the peak it went ok. Danced like tomorrow was non-existant and I was a happy monkey. Couldn't sleep much. The next two days were stressful but nothing out of the ordinary. On the third day I thook vyvanse to go to school, as I always do. But when it wore off, felt a little dizzy but went to sleep. The next day I take vyvanse. Kicks in, full-throttle panic attack at school. Fight or flight made me run back to my house like I was Forest Gump. Slept. Now its been 7 days and I had to deal with these symptoms : head pressurized from the sides. Stomach making lots of noises and not working properly. All-out dizziness, headaches, balance problems, depersonnalization, derealisation, living in a dream feeling, uncontrollable hypochondria that leads to the chest pressure clusterfuck and mild cognitive imparment. Noticed my pupil are agitated even when light level isnt changed. Feeling 20% better than the initial symptoms. But fear envelops me in a everlasting cocoon of doubt of recovery and permanent brain damage thoughts. I red a bit of this thread and you people seem to know what im goig throught. Questions : will this go away? How much time will it take if ever? When can I start taking vyvanse again since I need it to perform in school? Do I have some sort of damage? Should I consult? Who?

Thanks Alot for posting recovery stories by the way!

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

It's too early to tell how long this will take. There are so many accounts of people snapping out of this within a few weeks/couple of months that I don't think you should worry about a real long term comedown just yet. However, from where you are now, even if you will suffer for months and months, it will get better and better. I still have a myriad of problems after about 4 months, but the ever present FEAR and the anxiety you are describing left me pretty much after the second month. Thus making my experience with this much more manageable.

You seem young, and I believe that your chance of making a 100% recovery is pretty high. You probably will if you stay away from drugs, alcoho, tobacco 100%. I'm not qualified to say anything about vyvanse so I won't.

If this persists for you longer than a few months you are probably looking at a recovery time of 6 - 18 months. It will get much MUCH more bearable though, probably pretty soon!

 

[PJ2]

Wow, I don't know what to think after reading this thread. Should I feel hopeful there is full recovery possible or distraught that I've caused real brain damage? How is full recovery possible if that is the case?

My quick synopsis:

40 years old.
Got really drunk after getting laid off for the 3rd time since 2008. Took some Molly later that night after running into a "friend" - very little as in one fingertip plunge. Took about the same amount the following evening as I didn't even feel anything the previous night. In total I did less than half a capsule. My knowledge level of MDMA is such that I didn't know dosing consecutive nights is frowned upon.

2/3 days later when I woke up I felt like someone had just split my head in half with an ax and I had massive anxiety. The list goes on....
-Anxiety/Panic attacks
-Massive headaches and tingling sensations in my f'ing brain.
-Major brain fog and cognitive issues.
-Nauseous/No appetite.
-Major sensory overload to light/sound.
-Dizziness
-Terrible insomnia
-DP

I was in a terrible state for the first few weeks. I don't know how I stayed out of the ER. Well, yes I do, I procured some Xanax.

Now, it's been 2 months to the day since my life changed. On the positive side, I can say that I think very clearly again and my memory seems fine or as bad as it has always been....lol. So, the cognitive issues seem to have disappeared. I am certainly light years better than those very dark first few weeks with all the symptoms.

However, I still have problems with mild anxiety, tension headaches, dizziness, and insomnia. The symptoms are just so random in how and when they flare up, which makes living "normally" nearly impossible.

I will say there is a correlation it seems to me in eating sugars and simple carbohydrates and the symptoms flaring up. I feel best eating only proteins, veggies, and complex carbs. Caffeine is also a major no no it seems.

I don't know what to say. I feel hopeful bc it seems that many people experience real recoveries after about a year, yet I am still very scared. The thought crosses my mind that the longer the recovery the more actual damage I've done to myself and I'm not exactly "young" anymore.

To top it all off, I got to find a job in this condition. Some days I really don't know how I am going to get through this.

I guess this is one of those days.

 

[MindOverMatter1]

Caffeine is also a major no no it seems.

Did you have a problem when you tried caffeine? I'm going to warn everyone here to stay away from caffeine if you are recovering. It seems like it isn't a problem for some people but it still isn't worth the risk. I was feeling close to 100% a few weeks ago in my recovery and decided it wouldn't be a big deal to drink a cup of tea. BIG MISTAKE. My brain has physically hurt on and off for the past two weeks with bad brain sensations that I haven't felt since earlier in my recovery. It seems like it's starting to get a little better as each day goes by. I'm hoping my symptoms that have come back with a vengeance will go completely away within this next week.

To all those who are going through a rough comedown take peace in this: It DOES get better. No matter what you will get better. You will not be like this for the rest of your life. However, a timetable for everyone is different based on several factors including history of MDMA use, genetics, how you are taking care of your body now, etc. No one here can tell you when exactly you will recover. Here are the things that have aided me in my recovery:

1. Healthy diet
2. Exercise
3. Supplements: Fish oil, Multivitamin, B-Complex, Vitamin D, Magnesium, Protein shakes with a good amino acid profile
4. Sleep
5. Meditation/mindfulness
6. Stay away from ALL drugs. I have used caffeine, alcohol, and lorazepam during my recovery and all it did was make me feel worse/set me back weeks in my recovery
7. A positive attitude. Your thoughts help create your reality. If you tell yourself everyday that you have brain damage then it won't matter if you actually do or not. You are going to act like you have brain damage because that's all you keep telling yourself. Your mind is a powerful tool; use it to your advantage!
8. Socializing
9. MORE FUCKEN EXERCISE - can't stress how important this is
10. Time heals all wounds. Be patient - your brain is incredible in its ability to rewire itself but it needs time.

If you do these things you will speed up your recovery and feel better day to day.

To top it all off, I got to find a job in this condition.

I'm in the same boat as you. Realize that ducking away from society and your goals will only make this comedown loom heavier over you. You have to continue you with your daily life to the best of your ability. Staying in your comfort zone amidst this chaos will only strengthen the fear inside of you that you permanently damaged yourself.

 

[PJ2]

I drank tea right as the comedown was starting. I think it was the next morning where the symptoms hit me full bore, but I noticed severe heart palpitations as soon as I finished drinking it. I thought I was having a heart attack or something. What the fuck is this? I remember thinking. Of course, that seemed to be the beginning of the major anxiety I had for weeks, which has dissipated, but is not completely gone.

I'm at two months and I certainly feel better, but not 100%. Not even close. I still got headache problems, slight anxiety problems, and problems with nausea and dizziness that really ruin my day when they hit. It's hard to function feeling that way. I guess the good news is that I would say I have no cognitive impairments anymore. I can think, talk, remember, and read as if nothing happened. I might have some issues with more complex or abstract ideas like I have to think about it longer than normal. Oh, and insomnia. Insomnia might be the worst. In fact, I've been on almost an opposite schedule recently where I am up all night and sleep all day and I'm not a rock star.

 

[MindOverMatter1]

Give it time and your symptoms will dissipate. Treat your body well and it will return the favor.

 

[PJ2]

I know what you are saying, but I did give myself brain damage whether permanent or otherwise. That is hard to acknowledge. Some days my brain actually hurts and aches just like I would have imagined "brain damage" actually feeling beforehand. And, some days I feel too sick to actually do some of the things you suggest, but I try my best.

I got a general question if there are people that still read and visit this thread. What is the anecdotal recovery time frame for a long term comedown? Seems to me I see many people talking about a 6 month window and then probably another at about 1 year? Does this seem correct? Has anyone ever gotten back to 100%? Not 100% some of the time, but completely healed?

 

[Delfin]

I know what you are saying, but I did give myself brain damage whether permanent or otherwise. That is hard to acknowledge. Some days my brain actually hurts and aches just like I would have imagined "brain damage" actually feeling beforehand. And, some days I feel too sick to actually do some of the things you suggest, but I try my best.

I got a general question if there are people that still read and visit this thread. What is the anecdotal recovery time frame for a long term comedown? Seems to me I see many people talking about a 6 month window and then probably another at about 1 year? Does this seem correct? Has anyone ever gotten back to 100%? Not 100% some of the time, but completely healed?

A whole lot of people have recovered completely - you should read some threads by Dawglaw and Cope just to mention 2. And remember a lot of the people who recover don't come back to report about their recovery - probably too busy living life (;

I'm 3 month in on my recovery, and I first started to feel any improvement in the last two weeks. Before that I was extremely disabled by the comedown and had daily suicidal thoughts, but now I'm capable of studying and having fun again. Heck, I even got a date tonight. Im far from 100% though, but I promise you that things will improve and probably soon to. Be patient and don't let the comedown define you daily life too much!

It's hard to determine the accurate recovery time frame, but a lot of people seems to experience a big change around 6-8 months, it could be longer or you could snap out of it within a couple of weeks/months.

 

[PJ2]

A whole lot of people have recovered completely - you should read some threads by Dawglaw and Cope just to mention 2. And remember a lot of the people who recover don't come back to report about their recovery - probably too busy living life (;

I'm 3 month in on my recovery, and I first started to feel any improvement in the last two weeks. Before that I was extremely disabled by the comedown and had daily suicidal thoughts, but now I'm capable of studying and having fun again. Heck, I even got a date tonight. Im far from 100% though, but I promise you that things will improve and probably soon to. Be patient and don't let the comedown define you daily life too much!

It's hard to determine the accurate recovery time frame, but a lot of people seems to experience a big change around 6-8 months, it could be longer or you could snap out of it within a couple of weeks/months.

Appreciate the response. Can we keep in touch as we are pretty close in recovery times? BTW...good luck on the date. Unfortunately, the last thing on my mind right now would be something like that. One other question....do you have bad headache problems with pressure and aching?

 

[me2point0]

You may have seen me post this week about my long comedown and suspicions about brain damage. On the 11th day. Headaches and brain zaps are almost gone. I feel dizziness BUT NO DREAM FEELING. YES!!!!! I feel alive. I thook a job, I focus at school, and I started seeing a girl!! I havent done this in fucking 5 years! Its like I was so sad and scared that i was beig separated from reality that now that its better i am literally reborn. My computer addiction went out the window. I am grateful this aweful experience happend to me. Not gonna roll ever again. I just started takig caffeine again, along with the vitamins, omega3 and healthy diet. Going to take my adhd medecine in 7 days, wich is amphetamine. Going to report back soon to give an update. Dont feel bad about how your symptomsc embrace the experience.

Its a bad day, not a bad life.
Every experience is positive.

 

[Delfin]

Appreciate the response. Can we keep in touch as we are pretty close in recovery times? BTW...good luck on the date. Unfortunately, the last thing on my mind right now would be something like that. One other question....do you have bad headache problems with pressure and aching?

sure we can PM me, and we could exchange skypes or e-mails (it's easier than BL conversations)

My headaches are pretty much gone. My main concerns are severe anxiety (especially in the mornings) and some visual disturbances.

 

[pmz]

Ive been doing good lately yet my biggest fear is not getting that old response from music. Like feeling the music and vibing into it

 

[Delfin]

PMZ: so your anxiety and so on is gone?

 

[ro4eva]

Ive been doing dope lately yet my biggest fear is not getting that old response from music. Like feeling the music and vibing into it

If by dope you mean heroin or another potent opioid, I can tell you that it tends to blunt the feeling you write of.

The worst IME with respect to making trance music sound like shit would probably be methadone. And the least IME is oxycodone. Heroin (and morphine) is in the middle.

 

[Badroll7]

I hope pmz means dope as in good and awesome.

 

[ro4eva]

I'm guessing pretty much every trance music fan who has had a good music-related experience while rolling knows what pmz writes of when he states that he's worried about losing the feeling.

It feels like chills but much more euphoric-ish, and it usually only happens when listening to 140+bpm music such as trance, hard trance, hardstyle, hardcore, euro, commercial trance, house, progressive trance, etc.

In my case, it tends to happen whenever I listen to a song I really like, which, I may have first heard playing at a rave while high on MDMA.

By far, the best example I can think of is NU NRG - Dreamland (and its many remixes).

Anyways, what does this have to do with "MDMA Abuse Recovery (Success Stories)?" Well, after I got really sick after the bad roll which forever changed my life, I really wanted to experience that feeling again, but I was too scared to use any more ecstasy/MDMA. The good news: I quickly found out that I was able to get that feeling completely sober when listening to my favorite trance tracks. This really helped me to keep my mind occupied on something else rather than constantly being focused on how shitty I felt. I believe it was very beneficial in the long term as an aid to recovery - although obviously I cannot prove this. Either way, it may help you as well.