colin681996
Bluelighter
This shit is just way too hard. I just want my old life back..... Only turned 19 and have already fucked up my life. All my hapiness, dreams, aspirations gone just because of a fucking pill. Unbelievable......
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MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)
- Thread starter BlueBull
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Strangestuff
Bluelighter
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- Oct 26, 2014
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Ok ive said this a lot--especially for you Colin the problem could very well be biological but there is no knowing until you go to the doctor and get tested properly. You have not "fucked up your life". Its the numbing which is very severe and there could be a biological fix for it. Numbing is inherently a stress reaction even if you dont feel stressed. I know you are short on $$$ but maybe you can try to get enough money to get a MINIMAL amount of tests done yourself. I experienced the SAME thing as you a few weeks after my 1st and only pill and look where I am now. I thought the same things and it was the hormones.
You don't feel "anxious" cause of the numbing that is the point. Once the numbing goes away you might feel anxiety. Honestly, you need to go to a doctor and get checked out.
@ryan
Your neurologist though said with plasticity the brain will recover? And if SSRI isnt working have you thought about asking your doctor to switch meds to something else that isn't an SSRI?
You need to find a thorough doctor (like an anti aging physician or psychiatrist) who can give you a diagnosis and work from there. Nobody on the internet can help you other than point you in the general direction to pursue with this problem. You really need to see someone professional who can properly support you both psychologically with counseling and physically.
You don't feel "anxious" cause of the numbing that is the point. Once the numbing goes away you might feel anxiety. Honestly, you need to go to a doctor and get checked out.
@ryan
Your neurologist though said with plasticity the brain will recover? And if SSRI isnt working have you thought about asking your doctor to switch meds to something else that isn't an SSRI?
You need to find a thorough doctor (like an anti aging physician or psychiatrist) who can give you a diagnosis and work from there. Nobody on the internet can help you other than point you in the general direction to pursue with this problem. You really need to see someone professional who can properly support you both psychologically with counseling and physically.
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colin681996
Bluelighter
It just sucks not being able to drink, not being able to enjoy hobbies, laughter not feeling as good, orgasm not feeling as good etc. I'm nearly 3 months deep at this stage
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
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Ok from the tone of yohr posts I can certainly see that you have been obsessed with this problem forever.
Have faith in the body's capacity to heal itself. I think at this point you need to use some mindfulness honestly. Try it out with an open mind for a week and then report back here next week with the results of the mindfulness.
Have you ever tried out CBT? Intense relaxation exercises?
Progressive muscle relaxation? Visualization?
It doesnt have to be meditation--there are other ways to relax.
Let go of your desire to recover instantly. Observe your thought about neurotoxicity and take note that this is coming from your mind and stop struggling against your internal experience. You need to accept what you cannot change in this moment but that doesnt mean acquiescence.
Basically give your mind a rest from your symptoms. Its enough to have all that physical stuff going on but obsessing makes it worse.
colin681996
Bluelighter
Just read one of First Bad Comedowns post from a while back and his posts make me extremely worried. He says how sexual dysfunction was the first way he found out he had brain damage from MDMA. My libidio basically doesn't exist, no mornnig wood. I can get it up by myself but I don't think if I was with a girl I would be able to get it up...... I can't believe I took my life for granted. Now I'm paying a heavy price 
Did he say what tests he had to confirm the brain damage ? I am fucked aswell mate a don't know what to soJust read one of First Bad Comedowns post from a while back and his posts make me extremely worried. He says how sexual dysfunction was the first way he found out he had brain damage from MDMA. My libidio basically doesn't exist, no mornnig wood. I can get it up by myself but I don't think if I was with a girl I would be able to get it up...... I can't believe I took my life for granted. Now I'm paying a heavy price
colin681996
Bluelighter
No its just his own theory. His pill count is nearly 30 though which is more than 7x more than mine. He also had a load of physical symptoms. I have none bar not getting morning wood. The emotional side is what is hitting me hard. I know one thing for sure is that this is not all in my head. Jesus Christ if I had a cent for every time someone said that I would be a millionare. Hopefully we both find a solution sooner rather than later. How many times have you taken it
I do like Strangestuff's theories better than the whole brain damage theories though. I think you would have to take an absoloutley ridiculous amount to cause physical damage to the brain. My lack of libido and lack of morning wood only started happening maybe a month and a half ago. The emotiional numbness came quite before that although not straight after the MDMA experience. It's really hard how to know what to do man. It really fucking is.....
I do like Strangestuff's theories better than the whole brain damage theories though. I think you would have to take an absoloutley ridiculous amount to cause physical damage to the brain. My lack of libido and lack of morning wood only started happening maybe a month and a half ago. The emotiional numbness came quite before that although not straight after the MDMA experience. It's really hard how to know what to do man. It really fucking is.....
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What u mean his pill counts 30 ?
Not a lot I just took it when I was at big events or that ...
But I went out a on sat In Feb took mdma and kept redosing then ended up goin back to a partywas taking it all sunday then some randoms gave me red capsules I was already gone by then ever since its been a disaster.
It's hell mate nobody understands the only person that seems to understand is the guy on this strange stuff apart from that doctors and that are useless.
A Honestly think I've fucked my life up man! Before this I played football at a high level loved goin out a cant even socialise or nothing now man it's a joke a daft mistake I wish I could change ive only just turned 24
colin681996
Bluelighter
Well he said he's taken 30 pills at least in his life. I'm absoloutley nowhere near that having taken a grand total of 4. I still go out to friends and that just don't go out when they're drinknig because I just know I will end up drinknig if I did. I'm young too, I've only just turned 19. As I said I have absoloutley no physical symptoms bar the mornnig wood problem. Some days I can get on with my day easily enough (even though I feel like shit) and other days I'm a panicy wanker and scroll through countless amounts of forums. I don't know why the fuck I do that because that doesn't help anything. At the end of the day were all individuals here and just because some people take a long time to recover doesn't mean we will and vice versa.
I agree with you Strangestuff seems to be very knowledgeble on this topic and if in need in advice, I'm always greatful when he replies
I agree with you Strangestuff seems to be very knowledgeble on this topic and if in need in advice, I'm always greatful when he replies
colin681996
Bluelighter
If my libido and emotions were back to normal I would honestly say that I am 100% recovered
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
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I don't know cause im not a doctor--these are very specific questions about a medication to ask your doctor. Nobody except a doctor can tell you if it will help with your specific case or not. In general, therapy has also helped a lot of people with an MDMA induced LTC or drug induced anxiety in general. Have you seen a psychologist yet?
Your doctor is the best person to tell you whether or not the SSRI will work. There is just so much random BS on the internet that it adds to all the anxiety and its best to just listen to the doctor who has lots of experience. What works/doesn't work for somebody else won't necessarily apply to your individual situation. Nobody on the internet can give you advice regarding a specific diagnosis/treatment. That is the point of your individual doctor--you try something and if it doesn't work you go back to them and say so.
Also read "At last a life" by Paul david. Its a good self help book in regards to anxiety. And maybe even claire weekes' books.Time heals all wounds.
So much suffering so it really might help to use some mindfulness and the concept of "impermanance". You can rebuild your life.
This is a general thread on BL about meds/vitamins and stuff but again nobody except a professional can tell you what will work.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...u-ever-needed-to-know-about-psychiatric-drugs
@Colin
Thanks but I must stress that I am not a medical professional and the best way to get the problem solved is to go to a knowledgeable doctor (a psychiatrist preferably+an anti-aging physician) and discuss what you can do to recover. I'm only talking from my experience and its some general stuff like supps/exercise combined with hormonal/psychological treatment. The main point of my posts is to have people be their own advocate for their health and to get people to delve deeper into the physical causes of their suffering with the aid of a medical professional. It seems like its not hormonal for everybody but worth ruling out with a doctor.
As I've said before--one of the hardest things is finding a treatment team that can support you through this process. Even if it is physical, a psychologist can still help you work out how to cope and minimize your symptoms while undergoing treatment. The problem is a lot of doctors out there blame anxiety and fail to look into physical causes of it.
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colin681996
Bluelighter
I dont think psychiatry would work for me. Not at all actually
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Strangestuff
Bluelighter
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Don't be so quick to push it out. The question is do you want to get better or not? Why dismiss it outright? Doesn't even have to be a psychiatrist--you could book an appointment with an anti-aging specialist who would be able to give you the right evaluation and do all the blood testing? It is all about finding the proper doctor to help you and unfortunately this process can take so much time and $$$.
I'm going to be taking a break from here soon. There is honestly no magic instant cure out there to the problem. People on this site can give possible theories about serotonin dysfunction, HPA issues, glutamate excitotoxcity, whatever but you need to go to real doctors who deal with this day in day out to be diagnosed+cured. Don't self diagnose yourself with neurotoxcity or any theory--that just adds to the anxiety. What you see in this thread is mainly all conjecture about the cause of the symptoms from a scientific educational point of view.You have no evidence that there is any problem UNLESS you get a real diagnosis in person from a doctor like a neurologist/psychiatrist/anti-aging/or endocrinologist. The internet isn't going to help much for that.
That is all I am going to say. Navigating the system to find the right physician is probably tough but that is your best bet on getting the quickest cure. Don't ask me how to find an anti aging one I don't live in the UK but in the US finding them is pretty easy though they are expensive. However, the anti-aging doctors in the US at least tend to be the most thorough and will try to get to the root cause of the problem.
The key is to find a doctor who can determine if your problem is hormone/HPA thing vs a mental thing vs both well and can treat the problem holistically from all angles both physical and mental. In general, a good recovery plan incorporates some mental stuff like the Eckhart tolle acceptance and some physical stuff like supplements+exercise. Finding the right doctor will also make you feel more relief about the whole LTC situation.
Read the book at last a life by paul david. Do NOT put a time limit on your suffering. I'm out for now.
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colin681996
Bluelighter
I do want to get better. The reason I dont think psychiatry wouldnt work for me is because I know what it feels like to be depressed for a reason (situational depressi
on) This is 100% not situational depression. This is definitley something physical. I want to go to a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that I would get thrown on an anti-depressant and I dont want to go down that route
Am the same its a fucking nightmare I was at the drs this morning .. He's gave me an ssri prozac I told him am not depressed or have anxiety atall but he sayed that's no the reason he's gave them to me a don't really understand that to be fair but I'm goina give them a go.
I actually know I've done some sort of damage to my Brian wether it's permanent or not I don't know but I'll try these tablets hope they don't affect the recovery on of my brain other than that I have nothing to loose
I have so much weakness and it's hard to even think when j go to talk about somthing ? Does anyone else have this I alsk get ringing in my ears contantly.
Can anyone help with this
colin681996
Bluelighter
I dont know what to say about your physical symptoms man because I dont have any of them
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