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MDMA, permanent damage/change?? Help!!

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somedud

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I used ecstacy 11 times in three months( basically every weekend), averageing about 30 pills, and suffered a pretty intense concussion (knocked out) on half a hit the third last weekend I rolled. Then drank heavily for a week after the concussion and ate 2 more pills exactly a week after, and had a horrible trip(broke up with gf while on it) and lost my mind, felt like my brain was burning for hours. I suffered serve anxiety and some very intense (chronic) stress and anxiety about this girl and my whole perception of life changing followed by depression for about 2 months after. Its been exactly three months (thought I was psychotic) since my last hit and Im slightly better. Appetie is still low, and cant sleep without a sleeping aid. I feel extremely stupid, and my memory is horrible, still, and am still depressed. I use to have a great understanding of things with very rushed out quick intelligent thoughts, and now im very dull, no opinions or thoughts towards anything, and in generel feel retarded, very hard to even spell certian words. Low comprehension, and in turn im stressed that I will not be able to continue my university in a months time. I feel like the chronic stressed deterioatd my brain, I was feeling very hopeless for months and was spiraling downward and panicing.

Has anyone experienced this? and also will my memory improve, and also will my intelligence/understanding and abstract thinking return or is it gone? if so, how LONG do you figure? Also, my personality if veryyy different following this experience, is that permantly changed aswell? I feel very introvereted compared to being very outgoing and extraverted before, no stories to tell or imput on any topics, as apposed to being very talkative and outgoing/joyful.

P.S Im taking SSRI's (just started) is this a bad idea? aswell I used quite frequently in the past but has separated intervals and never experienced any bad sides.

Thanks.
 
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you would probably be interested in using 5-htp regularly along with Piracetam. look them both up im sure you will be interested.
 
now that your taking the SSRI that's gonna help you. Taking AD have a pretty good "placebo" affect when your feeling anxiety, depression. Hopefully you saw a Dr. and told him about what's going on inside of you. I had a panic attack this week that lasted about 2 days... Luckily I was able to see my doc and got an RX for Ativan. The SSRI is slowly gonna help you balance out your anxiety, mood, and alleviate the depression.
 
I'm more concerned about my personality and intelligence returning (verbal/episodic memory) , I know the depression will eventually pass with a heating life style. I'm freaked out thinking I'm going to feel like an "etard" (stupid) forever.
 
Stop taking all illegal drugs and eat well sleep well and most important exercise well so you can stop using sleep aids.

You will be fine if you follow that regimen.
 
I'll definately follow that advice, even abstain from smoking weed? Aswell, you believe that the intelligent state of mind will return with time?
 
What I want to know is where did the concussion come from? I am an MMA fighter, and have had a rough up bringing. I have been hit in the head numerous times with varying results. I have had mild concussions in the past as a result of the trama to my head. I have never experienced these things that you speak of though. I also have been a user of the MDMA lady for about 11 years on and off. When I first started I used regularly every weekend for 6 months. I would only take one pill a weekend though. I use to think that ppl who would ask for more pills were stupid, but now I know why. Then I started taking 2 to roll balls..after that it was only once and a while that I would take more than 2 to roll. I have probably taken 4 to 5 in a night only a hand full of times. I have felt the anxiety, but not the depression you felt after. The depression most ppl feel is life getting to overwhekming for them, and there body can't react like it is meant to leading to the so called depression.
 
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Hmm, did you see all my responses to the last version of this thread before it went poof? (or did I just lose where the thread was?)

Healthy lifestyle, piracetam, and staying away from drugs. Eventually, it will come back, but it may take a depressingly long time.
Moderate smoking of pot should be fine, but smoking all the time often makes people feel stupid too. So cut back on that, if you're smoking frequently. Same with drinking.
 
I suffered a concussion due to the fact my friend started a fight, ran away and it resulted in me getting jumped by 6 people, knocked out then according to two girls, kicked in the head several times after that while I was already out.. But yeah, the CAT scan came back fine, but IMO i believe there is some resulting damage due to useing MDMA/drinking after having my brain being bruised, and possibly some permanent tissue damage from the beating.

And yes, I did rememeber all the things you told me last time thank you very much. I just thought id shorten my story up a bit because it was immensely long, too much for the average viewer to want to read, so I deleted it. I'm still very nervous about school, im wondering if my lack of energy/interest in everything and far below average intelligence level could be related to depression.. or damage haha
 
SSRI's usually just end up causing more problems in the people that take 'em. Just a fair warning.

Try taking some ginkgo, I've used it to sharpen mental clarity. It work similarly to piracetam in that it increases blood flow in the brain. A general healthy lifestyle and patience is all you need to make a full recovery. For example, eat lots of bananas. They have tryptophan which is the precursor to 5-htp.
 
somedud said:
I suffered a concussion due to the fact my friend started a fight, ran away and it resulted in me getting jumped by 6 people, knocked out then according to two girls, kicked in the head several times after that while I was already out.. But yeah, the CAT scan came back fine, but IMO i believe there is some resulting damage due to useing MDMA/drinking after having my brain being bruised, and possibly some permanent tissue damage from the beating.

And yes, I did rememeber all the things you told me last time thank you very much. I just thought id shorten my story up a bit because it was immensely long, too much for the average viewer to want to read, so I deleted it. I'm still very nervous about school, im wondering if my lack of energy/interest in everything and far below average intelligence level could be related to depression.. or damage haha
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Hey stop being so hard on yourself bro. The old saying applies "mind over matter." The concussion might have had a greater impact than you thought. If it was serious enough it could have caused the damage that would lead to those symptoms not the XTC. Pro football players are starting to come clean with there depreesion as a reult of these concussions. Doctors are saying that their depression could be a Direct result to those concussions. The mind is a compex mechanism. There is are so many variables when it comes top the mind. Scientists only know like 4% of what the brain does and how it functions the way it does. I am not saying that XTC didn't deplete your SERT levels, all I am saying is it is tough to diagnos something so complex. I dont believe in SSRT's. I think they are garbage. All they do is regulate what seratonin you do have, but you might not hav enough.
 
^^ I know, and thats what frustrates me the most. I use to be such an unreal person (especially looking back now), I never knew what I had. I was such a high achiever and was ALWAYS busy, couldnt stand doing nothing, very wirey and lively personality, and intelligent. I was basically in my own bubble, school was easy and sociallizing was even easier. Ever since this expericence my bubble has been bursted, I feel stupid, and I see life for what it really is, every dark alley is there now, every depressed person is noticeable, I never realised this stuff until now. It really put my into my own head, and became very psychoanalytic of my own thought process, due to it being so damn slow lately, and really put myself under some serious stress for a while, I mean bad. Now im lost, life is very dark and the responsiblites that use to be easy, are un-comprhendable for me and im basically a bum now, its hard looking back on my old self. The concussion did really mess my personality up, along with MDMA. I just hope I return.
 
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somedud said:
^^ I know, and thats what frustrates me the most. I use to be such an unreal person (especially looking back now), I never knew what I had. I was such a high achiever and was ALWAYS busy, couldnt stand doing nothing, very wirey and lively personality, and intelligent. I was basically in my own bubble, school was easy and sociallizing was even easier. Ever since this expericence my bubble has been bursted, I feel stupid, and I see life for what it really is, every dark alley is there now, every depressed person is noticeable, I never realised this stuff until now. It really put my into my own head, and became very psychoanalytic of my own thought process, due to it being so damn slow lately, and really put myself under some serious stress for a while, I mean bad. Now im lost, life is very dark and the responsiblites that use to be easy, are un-comprhendable for me and im basically a bum now, its hard looking back on my old self. The concussion did really mess my personality up, along with MDMA. I just hope I return.
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I worry alot bro about alot of things, and I am very analytical also. I mean in such a way that I might have to face a major decision say....and I will end up thinking it to death which in turns screws me because I thought about it overwhelmingly to much. I think those SSRI's are crap bro they do more harm than good. It seems they reprogram your brain to function differently. Thet are called Selective Seratonin Reuptake INHIBITOR'S..notice the capitol letters. They inhibit the seratonin to flow like it usualy does.. more or less regulates the flow of seratonin. 5-HTP works great on a regular basis because it is the intermediate to the Neurtransmiter 5 Hydroxy Tryptamine which is seratonin. All 5-HTP does is metabolise into 5-HT. So basically your taking seratoonin is all. Fuck those SSRI's. My sister is on them and they don;.'t do what they advertise them to do.
 
somedud said:
I'll definately follow that advice, even abstain from smoking weed? Aswell, you believe that the intelligent state of mind will return with time?
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Definitely stop the weed as it is probably causing more of your anxiety problems than anything else.
 
I'll take your advice, I havnt been smoking frequently regardless. Any other suggestions? My main concern is how stupid I feel, my brain seems like it's shut down, no more racing thoughts or random insights(hard to understand things), and big personality change, no humor what so ever. Is this part of the healing process or sign of damage?

Has anyone else experienced this and could possibly give me some insight on the return of function after recovery?
 
i have felt that way before, it was from taking like 8 good x pills and then quiting opiates the next day. i was extremely upset and depressed for about a week. i wanted to cry for three days straight, when i would try to talk i would just choke up. i felt like my life was over and my old self would never return. all i could say is give it time, and do everything you can to heal your brain. smoking indicas may help with the anxiety but not sativas imo.
 
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