MDMA OD brain injury and benzo withdrawal please help 45

[Sickdo]

Well 2.5 years ago I took about a gram of moon rocks and was drinking on top of it. I did manage to survive it. But I think I overheated a bit having woken up 20 miles from my last known destination and fell asleep with my jacket on. Stupid i know. Let's just say life was tough the next couple months but got better as one would expect. I was still suffering from dp dr heavily and was struggling to get my shit tight again. I then suffered a heavy concussion which had me on the mend again. A contractor then killed my dog and needless to say had very little resiliency to handle this. December 2013 overdose may 2014 concussion July 3rd trauma. Ok fast forward 6 months and I started to feel a little better and decided to taper off of 8 years of klonopin used. Let's just say I was to aggressive with my taper and fell into mental breakdown and heavy withdrawal even after reinstating. Fast forward 8 months. My cognitive issues went straight down hill and saw all kinds of specialists and thought going to treatment to get rid of benzo finally would be my answer. It was the worst des ion on earth. I lost 45 points on my iQ and went into the heaviest dp dr one could imagine. I'm 6 months out from that debacle and still struggling from withdrawal symptoms. Crushing fatigue, nerve pain, headaches etc. has anyone had similar experience and came out on top. I'm doing IV therapy hyperbaric oxygen treatment neurofeedback. I'm making small gains and ready to just give up.

 

[burn out]

i had a similar experience with benzo withdrawal, eventually came out ok and then just redamaged my brain with a heroin overdose so you can imagine how i am feeling right now.

it took me several years to recover from the benzo withdrawal and recovery was incomplete, but good enough that life was worth living. some helpful herbs which helped my recovery were skullcap, mulungu bark, kava and valerian. be careful with these herbs early in withdrawal because they can aggravate symptoms. i did not start using them until years into my withdrawal but they do help.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You are doing AMAZING Sickdo!!!! Congratulation on all you have overcome and a truly brilliant attitude about this. Benzo withdrawal, especially with an aggressive taper after almost a decade of use is probably one of the most difficult kicks because it takes so long to really get your cognitive function back, as you've pointed out.

I know more than a few people who have been in similar situations, and it seems around the 2 year mark they really start feel like themselves again, although for others this seems to take more like 5 or 6. Scary, but I haven't met anyone who said that, even if they didn't feel like "themselves," they did feel better every month as time continued passing.

You have a long road ahead of you, but you're doing a lot of great work to improve your health. Keep at it! It's gonna continue to be difficult for some time to come, but that said it will also only improve as you continue making progress in your healthy decision making. It's all about establishing healthy habits and putting time and distance between you and your dependency. You are doing it!

Be well

 

[EnlightenedOne1]

Not to sound like a dick, but your post is child's play compared to the chaos I allow in my life due to destructive and addictive patterns...Start exercising NOW!! Benzo wd does get better and I abused MDMA for over 12 years..Not to dick size but the last time I did it 2 years ago, I went through 5 grams and said never again. You're going to be ok.Try to shift your mindset and believe you have overcome this issue...

 

[Moreaux]

Well 2.5 years ago I took about a gram of moon rocks and was drinking on top of it. I did manage to survive it. But I think I overheated a bit having woken up 20 miles from my last known destination and fell asleep with my jacket on. Stupid i know. Let's just say life was tough the next couple months but got better as one would expect. I was still suffering from dp dr heavily and was struggling to get my shit tight again. I then suffered a heavy concussion which had me on the mend again. A contractor then killed my dog and needless to say had very little resiliency to handle this. December 2013 overdose may 2014 concussion July 3rd trauma. Ok fast forward 6 months and I started to feel a little better and decided to taper off of 8 years of klonopin used. Let's just say I was to aggressive with my taper and fell into mental breakdown and heavy withdrawal even after reinstating. Fast forward 8 months. My cognitive issues went straight down hill and saw all kinds of specialists and thought going to treatment to get rid of benzo finally would be my answer. It was the worst des ion on earth. I lost 45 points on my iQ and went into the heaviest dp dr one could imagine. I'm 6 months out from that debacle and still struggling from withdrawal symptoms. Crushing fatigue, nerve pain, headaches etc. has anyone had similar experience and came out on top. I'm doing IV therapy hyperbaric oxygen treatment neurofeedback. I'm making small gains and ready to just give up.

I can relate. I was a polysubstance abuser with multiple ODs and a serious benzo and booze habit (17 years booze, 10 Xanax). When I went to rehab I was cut off of everything, needless to say had excruciating benzo withdrawal. I had siezures for a few years - truly hell. There were days when I literally couldn't remember my name, and my nerves were so damaged I could have anything touching me so I stood around my house naked because any skin contact or pressure gave me a horrible electrical current underneath my skin. My anxiety was out of control and constant. Withdrawal and PAWS continued to get progressively worse until about month six and then plateaued, and started to improve around a year and a half. I was incapable of taking care of myself because I had zero short term memory (almost burned the house down cooking dinner - started it, got distracted, came back to a fire). I can relate to what you're going through.

It takes time to recover, but it does happen. Talk to your doctor about the below list before you actually begin to take anything. Go get a good multivitamin (Garden of Life), magnesium in a bioavailable form (magnesium taurine won't give you diarrhea, citrate or oxide are good but will give you diarreah) - magnesium helps keep your muscles relaxed and helps diminish the electrical sensations and also helps to regulate your heart beat, get some 5-htp, Relora (helps with anxiety), trazodone (helps with sleep, it's an antidepressant, doesn't feel great but it helps), and get some Indural (propranolol) a it's a nonaddictive beta blocker that will lower your blood pressure, help with heart palpitations, and stop the adrenaline response with anxiety so you the attack doesn't phisiologically affect you. You will need a prescription for trazodone and Indural.

During this time it is imperative that you eat enough healthy fat and protien as that is what your body requires to heal the neurological damage that is taking place. You are currently suffering from excitotoxicity with which glutamate is not regulated properly so it is destroying your nerves. It's hell on earth but once it runs its course you will start to get better, however, don't be surprised if you continue to get worse before it gets better. When you feel bad or low about this keep in mind it is temporary. I know what you mean when you say you lost 45 pts from your IQ - this is not permenant, your intelligence, memory, and cognitive function will return.

I started to notice marked improvement around the two year mark. It hs been a little over six years since I quit benzos and I am about 80% - 85% recovered, and notice more improvements everyday. My senses are still super sensitive (light, sound, touch), but I have learned to live with that and they do continue to get better. I do have gastrointestinal issues that I struggle with and hope they get better over time. My anxiety is at an all time low post benzos (prior to benzos I didn't really suffer from anxiety), and my depression seems to be situational now, and not an underlying pervasive cloud of doom. Ironically, I get the best sleep now than I ever have outside of childhood.

I hope this helps. Feel free to hit me up with specific questions or if you're frustrated or depressed and just need to vent. I am so sorry you are going through this - the medical community really should be more knowledgable and useful when scripting benzos or supporting somebody that is coming off of benzos. I wish you the best!

 

[CfZrx]

I can relate. I was a polysubstance abuser with multiple ODs and a serious benzo and booze habit (17 years booze, 10 Xanax). When I went to rehab I was cut off of everything, needless to say had excruciating benzo withdrawal. I had siezures for a few years - truly hell. There were days when I literally couldn't remember my name, and my nerves were so damaged I could have anything touching me so I stood around my house naked because any skin contact or pressure gave me a horrible electrical current underneath my skin. My anxiety was out of control and constant. Withdrawal and PAWS continued to get progressively worse until about month six and then plateaued, and started to improve around a year and a half. I was incapable of taking care of myself because I had zero short term memory (almost burned the house down cooking dinner - started it, got distracted, came back to a fire). I can relate to what you're going through.

It takes time to recover, but it does happen. Talk to your doctor about the below list before you actually begin to take anything. Go get a good multivitamin (Garden of Life), magnesium in a bioavailable form (magnesium taurine won't give you diarrhea, citrate or oxide are good but will give you diarreah) - magnesium helps keep your muscles relaxed and helps diminish the electrical sensations and also helps to regulate your heart beat, get some 5-htp, Relora (helps with anxiety), trazodone (helps with sleep, it's an antidepressant, doesn't feel great but it helps), and get some Indural (propranolol) a it's a nonaddictive beta blocker that will lower your blood pressure, help with heart palpitations, and stop the adrenaline response with anxiety so you the attack doesn't phisiologically affect you. You will need a prescription for trazodone and Indural.

During this time it is imperative that you eat enough healthy fat and protien as that is what your body requires to heal the neurological damage that is taking place. You are currently suffering from excitotoxicity with which glutamate is not regulated properly so it is destroying your nerves. It's hell on earth but once it runs its course you will start to get better, however, don't be surprised if you continue to get worse before it gets better. When you feel bad or low about this keep in mind it is temporary. I know what you mean when you say you lost 45 pts from your IQ - this is not permenant, your intelligence, memory, and cognitive function will return.

I started to notice marked improvement around the two year mark. It hs been a little over six years since I quit benzos and I am about 80% - 85% recovered, and notice more improvements everyday. My senses are still super sensitive (light, sound, touch), but I have learned to live with that and they do continue to get better. I do have gastrointestinal issues that I struggle with and hope they get better over time. My anxiety is at an all time low post benzos (prior to benzos I didn't really suffer from anxiety), and my depression seems to be situational now, and not an underlying pervasive cloud of doom. Ironically, I get the best sleep now than I ever have outside of childhood.

I hope this helps. Feel free to hit me up with specific questions or if you're frustrated or depressed and just need to vent. I am so sorry you are going through this - the medical community really should be more knowledgable and useful when scripting benzos or supporting somebody that is coming off of benzos. I wish you the best!

Jesus christ! Now I really don't want to chip on benZos in the future. Sounds worse than anything.

 

[Sickdo]

Not to sound like a dick, but your post is child's play compared to the chaos I allow in my life due to destructive and addictive patterns...Start exercising NOW!! Benzo wd does get better and I abused MDMA for over 12 years..Not to dick size but the last time I did it 2 years ago, I went through 5 grams and said never again. You're going to be ok.Try to shift your mindset and believe you have overcome this issue...

did ever black out from Mollie and wake up in pool of sweat? Spending the next two months just trying to function ok.

 

[Muzda Jonxx]

Jesus christ! Now I really don't want to chip on benZos in the future. Sounds worse than anything.

Yes, it is by far the worst kind of withdrawal I've ever been through, and I've been through most at one point or the other.

 

[Napdmd]

What do you mean with incomplete recovery? This means some damage might be permanent? Nobody seems to really go back to 100% from benzo withdrawal it seems... Just great 8) Please tell me full recovery is possible. I read some success stories on benzobuddies but there ars not much that say they are completely back to 100%. All I want is the anxiety and lack of confidence to go away. I feel like the old me is dead.

 

[Muzda Jonxx]

Jesus christ! Now I really don't want to chip on benZos in the future. Sounds worse than anything.

What do you mean with incomplete recovery? This means some damage might be permanent? Nobody seems to really go back to 100% from benzo withdrawal it seems... Just great 8) Please tell me full recovery is possible. I read some success stories on benzobuddies but there ars not much that say they are completely back to 100%. All I want is the anxiety and lack of confidence to go away. I feel like the old me is dead.

It's different for everybody. Plus it's impossible to say you're 100% 'back to normal' anyway, as normal is subjective and based on all sorts of factors, the majority of which are completely unrelated to drugs.

Rather than saying you want to go 'back' to normal, just settle for whatever version of normal you're presented with from here on in. That's what I do. The only thing that's never recovered after quitting benzos is that I simply cannot nap during the day, no matter how exhausted I may be. No biggie, but I do miss that on a lazy Sunday. What happens now is that I'll be at the point of falling asleep, but my mind weirds out and jolts me awake with an enormous hit of anxiety.

Other than that though, I feel pretty normal. Far better than I'd expect to feel considering everything I've put my brain through. I still work a high functioning job, still at my friends, still bring up my children as a single parent. Long story short, there's light at the end of the tunnel. The forums are great, but try not to read too many horror stories. Just write your own one you're feeling normal.

 

[EnlightenedOne1]

did ever black out from Mollie and wake up in pool of sweat? Spending the next two months just trying to function ok.

Worse...I spent the next 2 years in state prison attempting to function "ok"....you will recover...