mdma may be responsible but Im not sure.

[Rend]

You said that I was not serious about getting better, because I did not entertain the idea of my problems being related to something other than E.

So I will give you a summary.

-Rolled hard 16 months ago.

-Lasted three months, about twice a month. Started losing magic and increased amount of pills to about 7-10 per night. Always taking two at a time.

-Somewhere during this my brain got fried. I can't remember what I did an hour ago. I don't remember anything that I have been studying for the past 2-3 years. I cant read properly. I can hardly to mathematics. I'm confused the whole time. The list goes on but the bottom line is I cant continue with my degree, and even basic daily tasks are a challenge and take 3x longer than normal.

-Went to doctor. Did blood tests. Couldn't find anything. Referred to Neurologist. Did more tests. Lots of tests. Did MRI and that brain scan where they put things on your head. Nothing. He gave me lots and lots of drugs for a year. Tried anti-depressants and psycho-stimulants. This was all while I was trying to do my degree so I was actively engaging my mind (Mechanical Engineering). Nothing worked. I look at the paper and I can read the words but I don't recognize formulas anymore. I can't remember anything I read or have read. I went from super-smart to super-stupid.

-Eventually my neurologist was stumped, and I told him that I did quite a bit of E, and he was like: Facepalm. Apparently he has quite a lot of patients with similar symptoms that also did E. From what I have read about some people on these forums they are also going through a similar thing.

-This isnt due to depression. When this started happening I was in a good frame of mind. I thought this was temporary. Now that it hasn't changed in more than a year, I am really depressed. You can only stay happy about losing your life for so long.

I'm a logical person by nature and I will accept a different theory if it makes sens, but I'm almost 100% sure that I'm fucked cos of E. So tell me then, what do you think it is?

 

[Bearlove]

'Could' this be physcosematic? Does finishing your degree come with a lot of negative changes to your lifestyle? (both stress and anxiet can cause memory problems).

Damage to the brain that your talking about doesn’t come from having a few hard rolls spread out over nearly 2 years. Its either your not saying how much MDMA/rolls you were actually doing or there something else at play here. What other drugs were you using, pot - meth etc?

IF MDMA had 'fried' your brain to the extent that your talking about - impaired reading, thought process on familiar subjects then surely the MRI scan would have showed this 'damaged' area?

Can you not take a break - forget the degree for a few weeks, don’t take any drugs just pure relaxing and looking after your mind and body and then see how you feel.

Even if you have told the Doctor you have been using MDMA then he would still be able to say what has gone wrong - ie this part of the brain is damaged and I can prove this by doing x test. For them to just say 'oh its the mdma' and not say how, where and how the damage has happened is pointless and you should be pushing for the answers.

 

[Rend]

'Could' this be physcosematic? Does finishing your degree come with a lot of negative changes to your lifestyle? (both stress and anxiet can cause memory problems).

No. Only better. I want nothing more than to finish my degree.

Damage to the brain that your talking about doesn’t come from having a few hard rolls spread out over nearly 2 years. Its either your not saying how much MDMA/rolls you were actually doing or there something else at play here. What other drugs were you using, pot - meth etc?

Its about 6-8 nights in about 3 months. Every night we took about 7-10 pills each, over a period of 5 hours. Near the end we would take quite a lot, but nothing happened since we'd lost the magic.

Smoked weed sometimes, but I've occasionally smoked weed since I was 14 and it has never affected me adversely. My mind was always sharp. At the time I was doing E i was hardly smoking. Then again, my memory isnt so good.

IF MDMA had 'fried' your brain to the extent that your talking about - impaired reading, thought process on familiar subjects then surely the MRI scan would have showed this 'damaged' area?

Not necessarily.

Can you not take a break - forget the degree for a few weeks, don’t take any drugs just pure relaxing and looking after your mind and body and then see how you feel.

I continued to study for about 3 months, and now I have taken about a year off. Every day I wake up the same with my brain messed up. It's very hard to describe to someone who hasnt actually felt "retarded". My vision is also a bit wierd. I can focus properly but It's like my field of view has decreased and I see thousands of white spots flickering the whole time. This doesn't bother me nearly as much as the mental problems.

Even if you have told the Doctor you have been using MDMA then he would still be able to say what has gone wrong - ie this part of the brain is damaged and I can prove this by doing x test. For them to just say 'oh its the mdma' and not say how, where and how the damage has happened is pointless and you should be pushing for the answers.

He's one of the best neurologists in the country, and he did explain to me how it damaged my brain. He said that we had to just wait it out. Eventually though he just said that I have to learn to live with it, and that it's probably not going away.

There's not a lot of research on mdma. He doesn't have to prove it to me for me to believe it. He has a lot of people that did mdma and have similar symptoms. My mind was 100% perfect until I rolled hard and after that I was stupid. So it's not difficult for me to put one and one together.

Maybe i'm in the wrong forum forum for this.

 

[MazDan]

-Went to doctor. Did blood tests. Couldn't find anything. Referred to Neurologist. Did more tests. Lots of tests. Did MRI and that brain scan where they put things on your head. Nothing. He gave me lots and lots of drugs for a year. Tried anti-depressants and psycho-stimulants. This was all while I was trying to do my degree so I was actively engaging my mind (Mechanical Engineering). Nothing worked. I look at the paper and I can read the words but I don't recognize formulas anymore. I can't remember anything I read or have read. I went from super-smart to super-stupid.

-Eventually my neurologist was stumped, and I told him that I did quite a bit of E, and he was like: Facepalm. Apparently he has quite a lot of patients with similar symptoms that also did E. From what I have read about some people on these forums they are also going through a similar thing.

Ahhhh yes the magical answer to everything.

All physical tests show 100% nothing wrong.

I take E=faceplant.


lol.


please.

If all physical tests show nothing wrong then its a case of you believe it even though its not true. This is actually quite possible.

Now maybe thats a side effect of mdma use but i can assure you that my useage patterns and I suspect a great many others are a lot heavier than yours and yet no problems.

Do you not think this might be more widespread?

Although I am prepared to admit we are all different.

However if its correct then in truth you dont actually have any problem at all so its just a matter of mind over matter.

Maybe a psychologist can help?


I really think thats something you might consider and I have to admit that we do get some people through here that seem to show similar symptoms..........some after just one use of mdma.........amazing but true.

Now it may well be that your onto something and mdma has the ability to trigger these sorts of responses in some people..........anythings possible.

Whats important for you to remember is to keep an open mind.

Did you ever use any other drugs? illegal or prescribed?

Dont close your mind to other possibilities because as even you admit, you cant be 100% certain.

And try to be a little mature about the way you go about things. I have changed your title to more accyurately describe the thread.

 

[Crankinit]

Good luck convincing the Ecstasy Discussion board that the drug is actually harmful. Most of the people who frequant this section of the site are so infatuated with their drug of choice that they refuse to believe it can do any harm. You're wasting your time mate.

 

[Don Luigi]

There's not a lot of research on mdma. He doesn't have to prove it to me for me to believe it. He has a lot of people that did mdma and have similar symptoms. My mind was 100% perfect until I rolled hard and after that I was stupid. So it's not difficult for me to put one and one together.

Maybe i'm in the wrong forum forum for this.

I would entertain the idea that you were stupid before all of these adverse affects. If you'd incorporated any research you did, maybe you wouldn't have been so reckless with your use.

I have a lot of sympathy for you, but I can't help but feel if you'd been more sensible things may be different for you.

I'm not judging you, by any means - I too have thrown safe use to the wind with many drugs and have been lucky not to have such adverse affects.

If medicine can find that MDMA has caused this then I hope it sheds more light into the properties and effects of MDMA, so that other people can be aware.

I hope you do improve back to good health and finish your degree. All the best, take care

 

[MazDan]

There's not a lot of research on mdma. He doesn't have to prove it to me for me to believe it. He has a lot of people that did mdma and have similar symptoms. My mind was 100% perfect until I rolled hard and after that I was stupid. So it's not difficult for me to put one and one together.

Your correct, there is not nearly as much research as what we would like however just because he has a lot of people who do mdma and have similar symptoms doesnt mean jack squat. I have a heap of people who have done even more mdma and dont have any problems but that does not prove anything either.

It worries me that you can just completely believe in such a thing with absolutely no scientific evidence.

By all means you can believe what you want to believe but the road to improvement will likely be faster if you open your mind to all possibilities.

 

[MazDan]

Good luck convincing the Ecstasy Discussion board that the drug is actually harmful. Most of the people who frequant this section of the site are so infatuated with their drug of choice that they refuse to believe it can do any harm. You're wasting your time mate.

Sadly your correct, there are many who truly believe that mdma is harmless.

Just as its important to educate people to the possibilities that there are other things that can cause there problems, its just as important to educate people about the dangers of mdma.

 

[t_r_i_p_]

Okay. You are a logical person, so think about it for a moment. You took a lot of an illegal, unregulated drug with absolutely no quality control standards. You didn't specify whether or not you tested your pills, (and let's be perfectly honest even though this forum holds pill testing with extremely high regard) but even if you did, it's still a bit of a craps shoot about exactly what substance and what dosage of said substance you took.

Did you ever stop to think about possible consequences from this?

I don't know how old you are, but if I had to make a guess--mid to late 20's?

Now, I don't mean to make you feel bad when I imply that you did this to yourself. But I want you to learn something you won't learn in college:

You

are

human.

Humans

do

stupid

things.

And then we learn a lesson from it. I have never met, or even heard of a human on this planet that hasn't done something completely dimwitted. Guess what, though? People still live their lives, achieve their hopes and dreams, finish college degrees, etc. Believe me, I have met many people who are far more "handicapped" than you, and they lead perfectly fulfilling lives.

Maybe what bearlove is saying has some truth to it. You might not be willing to admit it it, but maybe something inside is telling you that you are no longer interested in finishing this degree. Another thing about humans is that they are fickle creatures, and that their wants and needs change so often that 90% of the time they don't consciously realize what they "want" at the moment. Sure it's the logical thing to do, and you can see a great many benefits from that path. But now you're bored with it and want something different.

Then again, maybe he's completely dead wrong. If that's the case, you need to R-E-L-A-X and actually E-N-J-O-Y some time away from the academic world. Once you've calmed down, then you need to pull your head out of your ass, realize what I said above is true (you are only human, humans do stupid things, and you can learn to cope), and go back with refreshed new attitude. Although study might be a bit more challenging, that just means you're going to have work a little bit harder for what you want most in life. And that's going to make it worth so much more!

Lastly, I do want to point out a few things about your specific problem. I didn't abuse nearly as bad as you, but I too suffered some degree of that "mental funk." I discovered that the root of the problem was actually a sort of anxiety. The trick to overcoming most of it is to simply stop dwelling on it. If you really think your brain is damaged, there are more than enough articles out there explaining the various ways the brain is able to repair itself over time. Almost everyone that complains about mental impairment improves over time--yes it's true, sometimes this can take a couple of years--but getting angry and disregarding any advice the people on this message board are giving you is certainly not going to help. None of us made you take those pills, after all.

 

[Rend]

Ahhhh yes the magical answer to everything.

All physical tests show 100% nothing wrong.

I take E=faceplant.


lol.


please.

If all physical tests show nothing wrong then its a case of you believe it even though its not true. This is actually quite possible.

Now maybe thats a side effect of mdma use but i can assure you that my useage patterns and I suspect a great many others are a lot heavier than yours and yet no problems.

Do you not think this might be more widespread?

Although I am prepared to admit we are all different.

However if its correct then in truth you dont actually have any problem at all so its just a matter of mind over matter.

Maybe a psychologist can help?


I really think thats something you might consider and I have to admit that we do get some people through here that seem to show similar symptoms..........some after just one use of mdma.........amazing but true.

Now it may well be that your onto something and mdma has the ability to trigger these sorts of responses in some people..........anythings possible.

Whats important for you to remember is to keep an open mind.

Did you ever use any other drugs? illegal or prescribed?

Dont close your mind to other possibilities because as even you admit, you cant be 100% certain.

And try to be a little mature about the way you go about things. I have changed your title to more accurately describe the thread.

I try to keep an open mind, but once you have experienced what I have it becomes extremely obvious what the culprit is. I don't know why this is so hard to convey to people. MY BRAIN ISN'T WORKING PROPERLY. I'm not imagining things. It's such a black and white difference. It's like waking up blind, telling people your blind, and they are like, oh please show me evidence, it's all in your head.

Just because some people have taken more and have done less harm doesn't mean the drug is not the cause for me.

You continue to say you need scientific evidence. How can I produce this? ecstasy research is so few and far between. It's nigh impossible to produce evidence.

What I do know is that I have experienced this every day for the last year and a half, since my rolling. All evidence and research I have done (and I really didn't want it to be the E) points to the mdma I took.

And thats why I didnt want to discuss this. Because there are so many E fanboys that live with their heads in the sand. It's like walking on eggshells in here. You say I must act mature, but you will lock my thread when I ask people to stay on topic, saying that I'm closed minded, without even waiting for a reply?

 

[Rend]

...

Well I have taken quite some time off now trying to just "recover". All I basically do is relax. I don't really have stress.

I want to finish my degree. It's my #1 goal at the moment. I have dug into my books and tried my absolute best, but I can't. If I spend 30 minutes on a page, and barely understand it, and page over to the next page, I cant remember what I just read.

I'm going to start puking from people telling me its anxiety and depression and burnout and stress. It's not. ITS NOT.<---ZOOM IN THERE

 

[Rend]

I would entertain the idea that you were stupid before all of these adverse affects. If you'd incorporated any research you did, maybe you wouldn't have been so reckless with your use.

I have a lot of sympathy for you, but I can't help but feel if you'd been more sensible things may be different for you.

I'm not judging you, by any means - I too have thrown safe use to the wind with many drugs and have been lucky not to have such adverse affects.

If medicine can find that MDMA has caused this then I hope it sheds more light into the properties and effects of MDMA, so that other people can be aware.

I hope you do improve back to good health and finish your degree. All the best, take care

Naive maybe. The person that introduced me to it apparently had been taking for a while. He told me that it was safe and that he had done extensive research before taking it the first time etc etc.

Stupid of me to trust him. People read what they want to read.

 

[Bearlove]

Well I have taken quite some time off now trying to just "recover". All I basically do is relax. I don't really have stress.

I want to finish my degree. It's my #1 goal at the moment. I have dug into my books and tried my absolute best, but I can't. If I spend 30 minutes on a page, and barely understand it, and page over to the next page, I cant remember what I just read.

I'm going to start puking from people telling me its anxiety and depression and burnout and stress. It's not. ITS NOT.<---ZOOM IN THERE

OK then you have brain damage from taking too much of an illegal drug without knowing the risks involved <--- Zoom in there!

Seriously you come onto a thread to discuss a problem, people go out of their way to try and help and offer advice. To do so we need further information about the subject matter (you and what led to this problem etc).

It seems 'you' dont want to discuss it and have already made the decision that because you rolled hard you now have brain damage.

I hope your post serves as a reminder to everyone that Ecstasy / MDMA use can and does have serious and lasting side effects.

 

[Rend]

OK then you have brain damage from taking too much of an illegal drug without knowing the risks involved <--- Zoom in there!

Seriously you come onto a thread to discuss a problem, people go out of their way to try and help and offer advice. To do so we need further information about the subject matter (you and what led to this problem etc).

It seems 'you' dont want to discuss it and have already made the decision that because you rolled hard you now have brain damage.

I hope your post serves as a reminder to everyone that Ecstasy / MDMA use can and does have serious and lasting side effects.

If I knew the risks at the time I would not have taken it. I do now. Im obviously never going to take it again. I also dont understand what people think they will achieve by telling me I was stupid to do this? do you think I dont know that? do you think I care what you think at this point?

This thread was just created to give a summary of my situation to MazDan. my OTHER thread was locked because I didn't give pro-mdma people time to spam their propaganda. So I created this one in an attempt to get that unlocked but I see I'm in the wrong forum.

So whatever, I'm over this. As you were...

 

[drgreenthumb00]

Rend I'm in the same situation as me...I kno my brain is fried from E. Did you have a catscan done? thats how you will know if E killed ya brain. I'm contemplating on having one done myself.

 

[eon_blue]

-Eventually my neurologist was stumped, and I told him that I did quite a bit of E, and he was like: Facepalm.

Sorry but this made me LOL

Why wouldn't you tell him that in the first place? It's a well-known fact that abuse of MDMA causes neurological damage (however short or long lasting is a matter of debate).

So I assume (hope) that you've stopped taking pills, yes? How long has it been exactly since you stopped?

I'm willing to bet that after 6 months or so of not using you'll be feeling back to your old familiar self. I've read of worse cases than you who have managed to recover. Your doctor saying that it's permanent is probably just trying to scare you into not using ever again, and though that's probably a good idea if you aren't capable of moderating your usage, I doubt that you are permanently "fried".

If I were you I would exercise both mind and body relentlessly. ie: read, study, puzzles, yoga, gym, cardio, eat healthy, etc.

 

[Godzilla]

That is some scarry shit. First of all I would not recommend taking such drugs while persuing a difficult degree. When I was in school I barely had enough time to take a crap let alone go out and party. I now have finished my schooling and have decided to expieriment with a few drugs again. ( last time was when i was in high school 16 years ago) ok enough kicking your ass. Im just saying when you do go back to school stay far far away from drugs. Handle your responsibilities in life. Then youll feel more free to expieriment.

It also seems to me that your having trouble concentrating. Im not a Neurologist but am a master of the Autonomic nervous system ( guess what i do) I would suggest a very low dose drug like ritalin or maybe some caffiene while you study. I know compounding this problem with further drug use is not a good idea but I think if you do so responsibally and at the minimum doseage required to allow you to study it will help. Getting a perscription is going to be a little hard. Considering your past and you have potential for abuse. Remember the lowest possible dose that will allow you to concentrat is the key. Just like with X or any other drug there is a therapeutic range and above that normally causes harm. Like so many say on this forum more is not better.

P.S. im really sorry to hear about this. At least you are in a program that will let you stop and take a break. Other programs your are locked in until you either finish or fail. My program there was no repeating of a class ect. If you failed =83% any class you were out of the program. Didnt matter if you were 4 months away from graduation and 200K in debt.

 

[Pans-Advocate]

If I were you I would exercise both mind and body relentlessly. ie: read, study, puzzles, yoga, gym, cardio, eat healthy, etc.

This. Also, I've heard piracetam can be really helpful. Look into it.

 

[R.P. McMurphy]

-Eventually my neurologist was stumped, and I told him that I did quite a bit of E, and he was like: Facepalm. Apparently he has quite a lot of patients with similar symptoms that also did E. From what I have read about some people on these forums they are also going through a similar thing.

Lol, sorry

 

[Liquid Sunshine]

I have to say that there are a lot of people with those symptoms who have never done an illegal drug in their life, and these symptoms appeared just as suddenly. Perhaps your brain chemistry was poorly balanced before the rolls, and after the short, moderate but definite 'misuse' period, you managed to tip that delicate balance?

Perhaps there are a very select few who shouldn't do MDMA for the same reason that there are very few people who shouldn't ever touch LSD: pre-existing but unmanifested conditions.

OP: The reason a great deal of these people are skeptical is because a great deal of the people here are going "Fuck, I've taken that much before for WAY longer", or "Fuck, I haven't seen anything like that in the research" or some combination thereof; Bluelight is an interesting community in that it's made of people who value life experience as much as research. Quite a few of the people who've answered your questions have probably abused MDMA heavier and longer than you did, and so are doubtful about your condition. You have to be open-minded in response.

I do admit that sometimes certain people on this board can proselytize MDMA, but a lot of people here are simply skeptical because your experience does not match theirs, nor does it match the research.