MDMA for Self-Psychotherapy

[iloveyouall]

I have major issues regarding my mental condition.

I'm very paranoid:

When I say i'm paranoid i don't mean paranoid for a day and then forget everything, no. I'm my case it's a bit different. I'm still paranoid about something
from 6 years ago, thats how paranoid I am. I'm paranoid about every little shit
there is, things such as, someone is following me all the time, or someone from the past wants to get me, etc.

I was prescribed Paxil but I'm refusing to take them because they make me gain weight and has the opposite effect on me. Not long ago I got my first Panic Attack
after using cocaine for some time. Went to the hospital, no heart problems, no high blood pressure, healthy. Went to the doctor later everything is perfect with me no problems. I'm depressed mania, phobia, social phobia like i cant be around people, if theres someones birthday and i was invited i cant stay longer then 15 mins i feel like i'm suffocating in a closet full of people. Batophobia can't fucking sleep afraid of roaches, Genophobia, Erophobia , Anxiety, racing thoughts, diagnosed with bipolar. Afraid to go out to the street alone, fear as if people are watch every move i make out of the windows, psychotic episodes, you name it i got.

I rolled for a year and a half, never had problems with it, now im afraid to roll paranoid that something might not go well even though i'm more than sure that it will go perfectly well but its all in my head i know but i need someone to explain to me that nothing will happened to me.

I really dont care about my mental health if you are going to explain to me that mdma can affect my mental health then dont even bother i dont care, my life is a bitch and i perfer to eventually forget everything.

It's physical health i'm concerned about.

ECG test came out perfect, heart in perfect condition, everything is perfect the doctor checked all the boxes on the papers for blood to draw.

so, what should i do.

i havent rolled for 8 months planing to roll in october. the pills are probably going to be good i havea testing kit.

How many pills should i take, and how much water to drink.

i'm not active on mdma maybe i play with myself for a while and dats it.

 

[Bearlove]

Nobody can tell you that its going to be ok the next time you roll - the simple truth of the matter is nobody (including yourself) knows for sure. It could be a nice experience but it could also only exacerbate your already fragile state and it could be a nightmare.

It’s strange how you take so long describing your mental problems then say you don’t care about the effects it will have on your mental health. Why not tackle your paranoia etc and get yourself sorted out before loading up on the drugs? Yes you say the doctors gave you one treatment but it wasn’t for you, have you explored other treatments?

 

[eLW]

I recommend try sertralin for your mental problems, i was on it. But if you decide rolling take 5mg diazepam before you drop MDMA, because you can have panic attack when coming up.

 

[matt2012]

It sounds like you have your answer to me. you went to the doctor and they ran a shit ton of tests and all were normal. that should tell you that you are healthy enough to take MDMA. If that dosn't give you peace of mind nothing will.

If you are unwilling to take meds to control it, then you have to learn to control it on your own. If you can't control it on your own then you either have to stop doing drugs or get used to freaking out while on them and the trips to the hospital because you passed out or thought you were going to die ect. ect.....

Too be blunt...this sounds like a case of natural selection(the process where nature weeds out creatures that are too stoopid to survive on this planet). you know whats wrong and the doctors gave you a solution but you refuse (read as: too dumb)to take it. MDMA is known to make panic attacks worse and more frequent. what was your prior usage like? it could be that you were using too much and causedyou pre-existing panic to be much worse. For someone who says you don't care about mental health, you sure seem worried about panic attacks. I just love it when people say they don't care about their health but run to the doctor for tests at the first sign of somthing wrong.

Other than that...it sounds like your looking for us to tell you that its 100% safe for you to roll. unfortunately no one can tell you that.

 

[magic beans]

mdma was onced use to treat PTS. it could very possibly be helpful in your case. but i would recommend doing it with someone that will encourage your perception of how beautiful life is, and how the drug just opens the window, after that youre more prone on how to view things in a different way.

 

[Bearlove]

Please read the OP's post about the state of their mind before advising them to take any drug. If somebody has that many problems with paranoia etc then the last thing they need to be doing is taking mind altering drugs.

taking MDMA does not automatically make you feel good.

 

[augustaB]

Maybe you should make your first priority dealing with whatever it was that happened to you 6 yrs ago.
I know from personal experience how difficult such a thing may be. And sometimes the only solution is to give yourself time.
I used to find peace by becoming absorbed in various kinds of physical activity such as hiking and horse riding and later on in sailing.
Many years later (about 30) I was introduced to mdma and it seems to me that the drug did help me turn a corner and put that past behind me.
Even so there are things and situations that I will still avoid and although I have made a recovery, I can never go back to the prior undamaged condition.

You might find meditation helpful but I would suggest you should avoid any religion that rewards you with salvation and punishes you with damnation.