A few weeks ago I went to what has since become my favorite watering hole with a number of old friends. This place is part bar, part club, and part venue. It's sort of a hipster joint but with perhaps a more eclectic mix of people and certainly the sort of place where there's a lot of drugs floating around.
My best mate and I were throwing back cheap rounds of cheap beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon!), chain-smoking Lucky Strikes, and appreciating the local wildlife around us. Our group of friends had largely split up by this point - the girls had gone to the dance floor to enjoy the DJ and the mediocre light show and the guys had gone off to talk to other people. So my mate went to get the two of us another round of drinks.
When he came back from the bar he didn't have any alcohol but he did have a big smile on his face. He gave me a pat on my shoulder and said so giddily, "I just scored some molly bro!" Damn did I become giddy myself! While we'd both dabbled in recreational drugs, neither of us had done E before. After a short pause, he then leaned in and said to me, "So, uh, how the fuck do we take this?" Haha
Some shady older gentleman sitting at the bar apparently had outright asked him if he wanted to buy some E. Hey, why not. So my mate bought us "half a gram." The substance was a very coarse light brown powder and came in a tiny ziplock bag. So we went to the bathroom with the goods where we just about split the substance 50/50 (supposedly ~200-250mg molly-containing-powder each).
For my part, I poured the "quarter gram" of powder into my mouth and spread it around under my tongue and along the inside of my cheeks to let it dissolve a bit. The taste was a very strange salty bitterness and very quickly it made my tongue delightfully numb. So we decided to walk around the dance floor, get some drinks, continue with the Luckies, and wait for things to kick in gear.
I was incredibly excited. I had always wanted to try E but never had both access and a good setting for it at the same time. I started chatting with another friend of mine and told him what I had just taken. He's a total straightedge - except for his heavy drinking habit... - and he went crazy on me - "You know ecstasy can kill people the first time they take it!? How much did you take?! Will I have to drive you home!? You're crazy man! Be careful!" Yea, I've got it under control mate. 8)
After patiently waiting for an hour and then an hour and a half and not feeling particularly altered, I started thinking about 1) how shady this seller was, 2) how cheap ".5g" was, 3) the fact that this molly was a strange brown powder or at least not a pressed pill, and 4) why I hadn't come up yet after what should've been a large enough dose even if the MDMA purity was crap. But whatever - aside from potentially being ripped off, I was having an enjoyable time with good friends. I mostly stopped drinking alcohol but kept smoking after dosing.
Soon enough, almost 2 hours after dosing, the city started shutting down and I left with my group. I was driving and I felt pretty groovy but pretty sober. When we got to my car, I couldn't get the damn thing to start as for whatever reason the steering wheel had locked up. My friends were all toasted, I was panicking at the thought of being without a working car, and it was balls cold outside - well below freezing. At first nobody believed that I couldn't get the car started. Yea, haha, really funny. And then everyone tried to get the steering wheel unlocked and failed. Panic turned to an immense feeling of amusement and excitement. I think at that moment whatever was in that powder hit me. And just like that, the wheel unlocked and I started up the car. I put on some Nirvana and started on my way through the sleeping city and the light snow to drop my friends off at their places.
When I got home, things really seemed to take off. Listening to music - Coldplay, one of my favorites - felt like a genuinely profound emotional experience, moreso than I think I could ever experience sober. The sound had unquantifiably more depth to it. It felt like the music was bypassing my ears and pouring forcefully and directly into the core of my body and my soul. This was incredibly rejuvenating and I found that I was suddenly no longer fatigued from the long night out.
I started texting people at random and I went online searching for any signs of life. I felt this profound urge to just find somebody, anybody, to talk with. While I'm not a very touchy-feely person - probably because I don't take enough E - for the next hour or two I wanted absolutely nothing more in life than to find somebody or even some living thing to hold onto (sister's cats were uncooperative; living room poinsettia seemed unreasonable, if only hardly). Physical sensation was very heightened in general, but I felt this instinctive drive to really clutch onto things - again, ideally another living being - with my whole body. Chairs, blankets, pillows, cups of tea, my computer, my self, whatever. I would've loved to press up against some other warmth. I thought that a hot shower would demean this incredible experience.
Sadly, there was nobody to be found electronically let alone in person. It was very late at this point, 4 or 5am perhaps. Being in this state of euphoria and with such a drive to connect to other people only to be COMPLETELY deprived of any interaction with anyone was profoundly disappointing. No, it was even worse than that. I felt like Lady Molly had ridden me to within inches of the point of no return only to suddenly and inexplicably hop off and take a cab home. What a cold bitch.
My body and mind ached with this most unjust isolation. But I decided not to let these incredible feelings go completely to waste. So I went about writing down the names of as many people who are important to me as I could think of at the time, and then I wrote short descriptions of how and why each one is important. I messaged/emailed/texted some of these people to tell them how I felt right then. For others, I saved it until the next day or the next time I saw them. I didn't want what I was saying to be misconstrued as some mere late night drunken idiocy talk. Paradoxically, while I was feeling so emotionally sensitive and in-touch with myself, I also felt this sense of emotional dissociation - like I could step back from the way I felt about myself and others to see a greater and more objective picture, but really without losing touch with at least the knowledge of my own deepest feelings.
I was acutely aware of how I felt about others and in a very dynamic and complete way, and in that sense this experience was incredibly revelatory.
After my bit of writing, I just laid in bed listening to my favorite Coldplay, Bob Dylan, and Simon & Garfunkel for some time, writhing about in this multi-faceted and unprecedented pleasure, thinking about people and relationships and love and selflessness and such. I dosed off shortly after dawn. I felt absolutely fantastic the next day. In some ways, this experience - if indeed I did take MDMA - was what I had hoped for and expected, although in other ways I was disappointed (e.g. the extremely long time of several hours to come-up and so peaking after I had already made it home, the mildness of the experience in general compared with my expectations). I would love to take tentative-MDMA again. I feel like the introspection/reflection involved in this experience has been transformative for me, and I even feel like I'm now a better and more understanding person. A+.
A few notes
-I had taken 100mg tramadol and 1050mg carisoprodol about 12 hours prior to dosing.
-Maybe 20 hours after dosing I made love to this girl (20 hours too late…) I had been seeing on and off. Sweet jesus christ, NEVER have I experienced such an absolutely explosively powerful orgasm in my life. This effect seemed to wear off after a few more goes.
-I'm going to a huge dubstep show in about a month with a whole different crowd. I'm set to split 1g of purportedly top-notch molly powder with another friend throughout the night. I am incredibly excited. Even with crap E or whatever it was I took, being around other people, presumably especially if they too are rolling, would've been incredible. I can't wait for round 2.
x
My best mate and I were throwing back cheap rounds of cheap beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon!), chain-smoking Lucky Strikes, and appreciating the local wildlife around us. Our group of friends had largely split up by this point - the girls had gone to the dance floor to enjoy the DJ and the mediocre light show and the guys had gone off to talk to other people. So my mate went to get the two of us another round of drinks.
When he came back from the bar he didn't have any alcohol but he did have a big smile on his face. He gave me a pat on my shoulder and said so giddily, "I just scored some molly bro!" Damn did I become giddy myself! While we'd both dabbled in recreational drugs, neither of us had done E before. After a short pause, he then leaned in and said to me, "So, uh, how the fuck do we take this?" Haha
Some shady older gentleman sitting at the bar apparently had outright asked him if he wanted to buy some E. Hey, why not. So my mate bought us "half a gram." The substance was a very coarse light brown powder and came in a tiny ziplock bag. So we went to the bathroom with the goods where we just about split the substance 50/50 (supposedly ~200-250mg molly-containing-powder each).
For my part, I poured the "quarter gram" of powder into my mouth and spread it around under my tongue and along the inside of my cheeks to let it dissolve a bit. The taste was a very strange salty bitterness and very quickly it made my tongue delightfully numb. So we decided to walk around the dance floor, get some drinks, continue with the Luckies, and wait for things to kick in gear.
I was incredibly excited. I had always wanted to try E but never had both access and a good setting for it at the same time. I started chatting with another friend of mine and told him what I had just taken. He's a total straightedge - except for his heavy drinking habit... - and he went crazy on me - "You know ecstasy can kill people the first time they take it!? How much did you take?! Will I have to drive you home!? You're crazy man! Be careful!" Yea, I've got it under control mate. 8)
After patiently waiting for an hour and then an hour and a half and not feeling particularly altered, I started thinking about 1) how shady this seller was, 2) how cheap ".5g" was, 3) the fact that this molly was a strange brown powder or at least not a pressed pill, and 4) why I hadn't come up yet after what should've been a large enough dose even if the MDMA purity was crap. But whatever - aside from potentially being ripped off, I was having an enjoyable time with good friends. I mostly stopped drinking alcohol but kept smoking after dosing.
Soon enough, almost 2 hours after dosing, the city started shutting down and I left with my group. I was driving and I felt pretty groovy but pretty sober. When we got to my car, I couldn't get the damn thing to start as for whatever reason the steering wheel had locked up. My friends were all toasted, I was panicking at the thought of being without a working car, and it was balls cold outside - well below freezing. At first nobody believed that I couldn't get the car started. Yea, haha, really funny. And then everyone tried to get the steering wheel unlocked and failed. Panic turned to an immense feeling of amusement and excitement. I think at that moment whatever was in that powder hit me. And just like that, the wheel unlocked and I started up the car. I put on some Nirvana and started on my way through the sleeping city and the light snow to drop my friends off at their places.
When I got home, things really seemed to take off. Listening to music - Coldplay, one of my favorites - felt like a genuinely profound emotional experience, moreso than I think I could ever experience sober. The sound had unquantifiably more depth to it. It felt like the music was bypassing my ears and pouring forcefully and directly into the core of my body and my soul. This was incredibly rejuvenating and I found that I was suddenly no longer fatigued from the long night out.
I started texting people at random and I went online searching for any signs of life. I felt this profound urge to just find somebody, anybody, to talk with. While I'm not a very touchy-feely person - probably because I don't take enough E - for the next hour or two I wanted absolutely nothing more in life than to find somebody or even some living thing to hold onto (sister's cats were uncooperative; living room poinsettia seemed unreasonable, if only hardly). Physical sensation was very heightened in general, but I felt this instinctive drive to really clutch onto things - again, ideally another living being - with my whole body. Chairs, blankets, pillows, cups of tea, my computer, my self, whatever. I would've loved to press up against some other warmth. I thought that a hot shower would demean this incredible experience.
Sadly, there was nobody to be found electronically let alone in person. It was very late at this point, 4 or 5am perhaps. Being in this state of euphoria and with such a drive to connect to other people only to be COMPLETELY deprived of any interaction with anyone was profoundly disappointing. No, it was even worse than that. I felt like Lady Molly had ridden me to within inches of the point of no return only to suddenly and inexplicably hop off and take a cab home. What a cold bitch.
My body and mind ached with this most unjust isolation. But I decided not to let these incredible feelings go completely to waste. So I went about writing down the names of as many people who are important to me as I could think of at the time, and then I wrote short descriptions of how and why each one is important. I messaged/emailed/texted some of these people to tell them how I felt right then. For others, I saved it until the next day or the next time I saw them. I didn't want what I was saying to be misconstrued as some mere late night drunken idiocy talk. Paradoxically, while I was feeling so emotionally sensitive and in-touch with myself, I also felt this sense of emotional dissociation - like I could step back from the way I felt about myself and others to see a greater and more objective picture, but really without losing touch with at least the knowledge of my own deepest feelings.
I was acutely aware of how I felt about others and in a very dynamic and complete way, and in that sense this experience was incredibly revelatory.
After my bit of writing, I just laid in bed listening to my favorite Coldplay, Bob Dylan, and Simon & Garfunkel for some time, writhing about in this multi-faceted and unprecedented pleasure, thinking about people and relationships and love and selflessness and such. I dosed off shortly after dawn. I felt absolutely fantastic the next day. In some ways, this experience - if indeed I did take MDMA - was what I had hoped for and expected, although in other ways I was disappointed (e.g. the extremely long time of several hours to come-up and so peaking after I had already made it home, the mildness of the experience in general compared with my expectations). I would love to take tentative-MDMA again. I feel like the introspection/reflection involved in this experience has been transformative for me, and I even feel like I'm now a better and more understanding person. A+.
A few notes
-I had taken 100mg tramadol and 1050mg carisoprodol about 12 hours prior to dosing.
-Maybe 20 hours after dosing I made love to this girl (20 hours too late…) I had been seeing on and off. Sweet jesus christ, NEVER have I experienced such an absolutely explosively powerful orgasm in my life. This effect seemed to wear off after a few more goes.
-I'm going to a huge dubstep show in about a month with a whole different crowd. I'm set to split 1g of purportedly top-notch molly powder with another friend throughout the night. I am incredibly excited. Even with crap E or whatever it was I took, being around other people, presumably especially if they too are rolling, would've been incredible. I can't wait for round 2.
x
