bodhisattvastokked
Bluelighter
(april 6, 2007) blue bacardi bat
i tried ecstasy for the first time last week thursday. i took it at 10am. for the first hour or so, i didn't feel anything other than the normal 'hype' anyone gets when they're excited. i thought i'd gotten some shitty stuff and was pretty pissed off.
about a half hour later, i was writing and looked up. right then, i knew it kicked in. everything just looked weird and i kept imagining things popping out in front of me. i knew it was all in my head, but the line between imagination and reality had become paper thin. i thought i had x-ray vision and could see my friend's bones and muscles. i knew it wasn't real, i somehow convinced myself that it was.
12pm: i was freaking the fuck out. i'd chosen the wrong environment to do it, where i could only sit in a seat and pay attention. i wanted to dance and just go crazy, but i couldn't. my friends are good people, they don't do drugs or anything, so i was the only one rolling. i felt so bad and guilty for doing it, that i started to hit my forehead against a concrete table. i told myself not to do this ever again. i couldn't pay attention or concentrate for the next 3 hours, so a few of my friends and i decided to go to mcdonalds and just chill there for a bit.
4pm: i started comming down. i kept hearing things as i walked home. i could hear music and people talking in there cars, even with their windows rolled up. i could hear their conversations, but i couldn't understand what they were saying. it was weird. i just went home and slept.
(april 13, 2007) green bacardi bat
yesterday afternoon, i bought two pills. i decided i'd go home and sleep so i could take one at night. this was my second time and i thought i'd take it at home by myself. so i took it at 11pm, and smoked weed while waiting for the come-up. at around 12:15am (april 14) i started to feel it. marijuana + ecstasy makes quite the experience.
i forgot that i was only feeling the come-up, which was amazing; so i started to dance in my room with the light off, holding my phone and ipod as my source of light. the lights danced with me. it only lasted 15 minutes until i decided to lay down. the closed eye visuals were amazing. silver designs twisting and clashing everywhere. kaleidoscope. and this was just the come up.
2am: i was so fucking high. i couldn't handle it. i called some people, not my close goodie friends, but friends that would understand. i couldn't be alone. i wanted it to stop. i'm not sure if it was because of the different color pill, or the fact that i smoked weed with it, but it was different from the first time.
i felt so guilty, and decided to call my best friend jesse, and confessed what i'd done. he's like a brother to me, and i know i hurt him so much the first time i tried ecstasy, but i took it again. i even called my mom and told her. fuckkkk. that was a mistake. she understands though, i guess it's an age thing that most people go through, but i don't even want to see or talk to her anymore. i feel like i crossed a line, and tried to make myself closer to her, when we're really not close, and probably shouldn't be. that was a dumbass choice on my part. the whole time that i was on the phone, i kept pushing my forehead onto my water bottle. again, with the red marks. does anyone else have some reaction dealing with their forhead when they roll?
theres so much more that went on, but i don't want to make this thread any longer than it already is.
i still have one pill left, i told jesse&my mom that i flushed it, but i didn't. i couldn't bring myself to do it. i feel like it would be a waste, and i'll just take maybe half next time.
whenever i'm on ecstasy, i wanna be off of it so bad; but when ever i'm off it, i wanna be on it so bad. is this addiction? i don't see how doing it twice could get me addicted, but what else could it be?
i tried ecstasy for the first time last week thursday. i took it at 10am. for the first hour or so, i didn't feel anything other than the normal 'hype' anyone gets when they're excited. i thought i'd gotten some shitty stuff and was pretty pissed off.
about a half hour later, i was writing and looked up. right then, i knew it kicked in. everything just looked weird and i kept imagining things popping out in front of me. i knew it was all in my head, but the line between imagination and reality had become paper thin. i thought i had x-ray vision and could see my friend's bones and muscles. i knew it wasn't real, i somehow convinced myself that it was.
12pm: i was freaking the fuck out. i'd chosen the wrong environment to do it, where i could only sit in a seat and pay attention. i wanted to dance and just go crazy, but i couldn't. my friends are good people, they don't do drugs or anything, so i was the only one rolling. i felt so bad and guilty for doing it, that i started to hit my forehead against a concrete table. i told myself not to do this ever again. i couldn't pay attention or concentrate for the next 3 hours, so a few of my friends and i decided to go to mcdonalds and just chill there for a bit.
4pm: i started comming down. i kept hearing things as i walked home. i could hear music and people talking in there cars, even with their windows rolled up. i could hear their conversations, but i couldn't understand what they were saying. it was weird. i just went home and slept.
(april 13, 2007) green bacardi bat
yesterday afternoon, i bought two pills. i decided i'd go home and sleep so i could take one at night. this was my second time and i thought i'd take it at home by myself. so i took it at 11pm, and smoked weed while waiting for the come-up. at around 12:15am (april 14) i started to feel it. marijuana + ecstasy makes quite the experience.
i forgot that i was only feeling the come-up, which was amazing; so i started to dance in my room with the light off, holding my phone and ipod as my source of light. the lights danced with me. it only lasted 15 minutes until i decided to lay down. the closed eye visuals were amazing. silver designs twisting and clashing everywhere. kaleidoscope. and this was just the come up.
2am: i was so fucking high. i couldn't handle it. i called some people, not my close goodie friends, but friends that would understand. i couldn't be alone. i wanted it to stop. i'm not sure if it was because of the different color pill, or the fact that i smoked weed with it, but it was different from the first time.
i felt so guilty, and decided to call my best friend jesse, and confessed what i'd done. he's like a brother to me, and i know i hurt him so much the first time i tried ecstasy, but i took it again. i even called my mom and told her. fuckkkk. that was a mistake. she understands though, i guess it's an age thing that most people go through, but i don't even want to see or talk to her anymore. i feel like i crossed a line, and tried to make myself closer to her, when we're really not close, and probably shouldn't be. that was a dumbass choice on my part. the whole time that i was on the phone, i kept pushing my forehead onto my water bottle. again, with the red marks. does anyone else have some reaction dealing with their forhead when they roll?
theres so much more that went on, but i don't want to make this thread any longer than it already is.
i still have one pill left, i told jesse&my mom that i flushed it, but i didn't. i couldn't bring myself to do it. i feel like it would be a waste, and i'll just take maybe half next time.
whenever i'm on ecstasy, i wanna be off of it so bad; but when ever i'm off it, i wanna be on it so bad. is this addiction? i don't see how doing it twice could get me addicted, but what else could it be?
