KratZ
Bluelighter
MDMA,Weed,Coke,Speed - Experienced - A Bad X-perience
Hi Folks,
This is a long post, but i really need some advice/help. Maybe the story will interest some of you, or maybe it might relate to something youve experienced. Either way i'd be interested to see your responses...
I started taking drugs about 5-6 months ago and up until recently ive been out dropping at least twice a week, every week since then. Normally ill do between 2/4 a night. This in itself is fairly silly but ive been coping ok, plenty of vitamins and rest etc.
Last week i went out to Slinky on friday night, dropped 4 pills and went to an afterparty at my dealers place. When we got there we partied on all night and continued to take more drugs. It got to about 11am the next day and i counted up what i had done and it came to a total of:
10 1/2 pills (pink @'s)
2 lines of base
2 lines of coke
approx 12 spliffs 2 bongs
Didnt get any sleep that night, was up missioning about all day and went out again that night, only took 2 pills had a pretty bad evening didnt get home to sleep until 10am on sunday.
Woke up sunday evening feeling refreshed had a shower and went back into my room. It was empty. This was all i could think. I was alone with nobody around me. I couldnt stop thinking negative thoughts and i didnt want to be alone. So i called some of my friends up and we decided to meet up for a smoke to chill out.
Ony my way over to meet them my car broke down and i was very angry and annoyed so i left my car and got a taxi over to the house and i took some coke when i got there to cheer myself up. Had a smoke and everything was ok.
Got a couple of hours sleep and was woken by my mobile ringing. It was the garage, they had picked the car up and told me that someone had smashed the window and nicked all my stereo gear and cd's. That depressed me even more, didnt go to work and took some more base to keep myself going my mates cheered me up and things were cool.
Evening came and there was another party. Same story, took about 4 elephants and copious lines of coke/base. chilled out the next day and went back to work wednesday. Felt a bit depressed/tired on thursday but i went out anyway, took 1 armani and had the best night ive had in a long time. I was amazed at how euphoric it was.
Was fine on friday. Went to see Judge Jules at Slinky, took 3 armanis, the night was crap and i went back to a party. The girl ive been madly in love with but not realised for the past 5 years came with me and i had to sit and watch as one of my 'friends' pulled her, took more coke and base didnt get any sleep felt as low as i possibly could and thought maybe a bong would get me laughing again. Damn could i ever have been more wrong...
Took the bong. Sat back down and after about 5 minutes i felt very uneasy and my mouth dried right out. Had to get some water so i drank some water and went outside to get some fresh air. Mistake number 2.
As soon as i went outside i had what i can only explain as a "paranoia attack". Every single thing i did, before i was physically able to do it i had to think through in my head. But as soon as i started thinking about anything i could only think of the negative effects of what i wanted to do would have on me. Even thinking about walking around i could only think about the negative things, what if i fall over? what if someone sees me? Things like that. Its hard to explain.
I was scared.
I realised the only way this was going to stop was if i got back into the house and into bed to sleep it off. What if they think im a freak? What if im going crazy? What if i die? Was all i could think of.
Eventually i plucked up the courage(or maybe the drugs were wearing off) and went back into the house, sat down on the bed. relaxed a bit and the whole thing was over.
2 and a half hours spent stood in the garden and it was the most scary time i have EVER experienced. There arent words that can describe how i felt. I was still paranoid for the rest of the day but i was strong enough to sort of fight off the paranoid thoughts and realise that it was just the drugs talking.
I realise that the amount of drugs i took over the last week was rather stupid so i dont need any lectures.
The only reason i can see for me experienceing the paranoia attack is the number of chemicals combined with the mental stress i was suffering from watching the girl who im absolutely head over heels in love with being hit on by someone right in my face, coupled with the lack of sleep?
I know people will say "you need a break", "you need to see a doctor" but in reality most of the people i know are high every day and ive never seen anyone experience what i did...
i dont really have a question to ask anyone about it, i just needed to tell someone who would understand about what happened to me.
Thats my story, any thoughts would be interesting to read.
Thanks for your time.
S
[ 29 August 2002: Message edited by: masheadatronic ]
Hi Folks,
This is a long post, but i really need some advice/help. Maybe the story will interest some of you, or maybe it might relate to something youve experienced. Either way i'd be interested to see your responses...
I started taking drugs about 5-6 months ago and up until recently ive been out dropping at least twice a week, every week since then. Normally ill do between 2/4 a night. This in itself is fairly silly but ive been coping ok, plenty of vitamins and rest etc.
Last week i went out to Slinky on friday night, dropped 4 pills and went to an afterparty at my dealers place. When we got there we partied on all night and continued to take more drugs. It got to about 11am the next day and i counted up what i had done and it came to a total of:
10 1/2 pills (pink @'s)
2 lines of base
2 lines of coke
approx 12 spliffs 2 bongs
Didnt get any sleep that night, was up missioning about all day and went out again that night, only took 2 pills had a pretty bad evening didnt get home to sleep until 10am on sunday.
Woke up sunday evening feeling refreshed had a shower and went back into my room. It was empty. This was all i could think. I was alone with nobody around me. I couldnt stop thinking negative thoughts and i didnt want to be alone. So i called some of my friends up and we decided to meet up for a smoke to chill out.
Ony my way over to meet them my car broke down and i was very angry and annoyed so i left my car and got a taxi over to the house and i took some coke when i got there to cheer myself up. Had a smoke and everything was ok.
Got a couple of hours sleep and was woken by my mobile ringing. It was the garage, they had picked the car up and told me that someone had smashed the window and nicked all my stereo gear and cd's. That depressed me even more, didnt go to work and took some more base to keep myself going my mates cheered me up and things were cool.
Evening came and there was another party. Same story, took about 4 elephants and copious lines of coke/base. chilled out the next day and went back to work wednesday. Felt a bit depressed/tired on thursday but i went out anyway, took 1 armani and had the best night ive had in a long time. I was amazed at how euphoric it was.
Was fine on friday. Went to see Judge Jules at Slinky, took 3 armanis, the night was crap and i went back to a party. The girl ive been madly in love with but not realised for the past 5 years came with me and i had to sit and watch as one of my 'friends' pulled her, took more coke and base didnt get any sleep felt as low as i possibly could and thought maybe a bong would get me laughing again. Damn could i ever have been more wrong...
Took the bong. Sat back down and after about 5 minutes i felt very uneasy and my mouth dried right out. Had to get some water so i drank some water and went outside to get some fresh air. Mistake number 2.
As soon as i went outside i had what i can only explain as a "paranoia attack". Every single thing i did, before i was physically able to do it i had to think through in my head. But as soon as i started thinking about anything i could only think of the negative effects of what i wanted to do would have on me. Even thinking about walking around i could only think about the negative things, what if i fall over? what if someone sees me? Things like that. Its hard to explain.
I was scared.
I realised the only way this was going to stop was if i got back into the house and into bed to sleep it off. What if they think im a freak? What if im going crazy? What if i die? Was all i could think of.
Eventually i plucked up the courage(or maybe the drugs were wearing off) and went back into the house, sat down on the bed. relaxed a bit and the whole thing was over.
2 and a half hours spent stood in the garden and it was the most scary time i have EVER experienced. There arent words that can describe how i felt. I was still paranoid for the rest of the day but i was strong enough to sort of fight off the paranoid thoughts and realise that it was just the drugs talking.
I realise that the amount of drugs i took over the last week was rather stupid so i dont need any lectures.
The only reason i can see for me experienceing the paranoia attack is the number of chemicals combined with the mental stress i was suffering from watching the girl who im absolutely head over heels in love with being hit on by someone right in my face, coupled with the lack of sleep?
I know people will say "you need a break", "you need to see a doctor" but in reality most of the people i know are high every day and ive never seen anyone experience what i did...
i dont really have a question to ask anyone about it, i just needed to tell someone who would understand about what happened to me.
Thats my story, any thoughts would be interesting to read.
Thanks for your time.
S
[ 29 August 2002: Message edited by: masheadatronic ]
