MDMA and Starting an SSRI

[tgill6793]

Hey guys, basically had a massive birthday weekend and told myself that this would be my last bender for a long time.

I've been pretty hooked on valium (went through 250mg in 48 hours) and usually use it for the comedown which it is incredible for.

But i also feel like I've lost some of my spark and personality due to the heavy amount of MDMA/Ecstacy I've consumed in the past 8 months and more recently the high dosage of valium.

Its been at least once if not twice or three times per week.

I have been prescribed an SSRI - Citalopram and feel as though I do need to start taking it to get back to my old self (will start tomorrow).

However in saying this, I do have a very close friends birthday coming up on September 26th and wouldn't mind having maybe 3-4 pills because everyone will be on it.

What would be your opinions on this?

I feel as though I still am very addicted to Ecstacy/MD and even last night munched about 5 clean pills and 3 caps (not proud of it).

Really would appreciate some advice!!!!!

 

[adder]

I'm going to be honest with you here. If you really want to get your old self back, you need to mean it. In my experience with stimulants and empathogens even a single use may ruin all your progress. When you regularly use stimulants for a longer period of time, you really disrupt your neurotransmitters levels and it's not like your body is going to magically start producing dopamine, noradrenaline, or serotonin right away because you've just stopped using drugs. It doesn't work that way. Just as addiction results from repeated use, all processes in your body depend on stimuli, reactions, and feedback, so it takes a very long time for your body to get back to "normal". Releasers like MDMA or other stuff found in ecstasy pills affect neurotransmitters systems in more than just one way, they don't just release neurotransmitters. If it was that simple, then you'd just eat some food with precursors and your body would replenish neurotransmitters levels, and everything would be all right.

Also, your diazepam use doesn't positively impact your recovery. By making GABA more effective it slows down many processes in your body. Well, it doesn't really matter as much as the risk of an even worse addiction than your addiction to MDMA. I was addicted to benzodiazepines for 9 years and the withdrawal is so evil that very few things come close to this that could be described as hell on Earth, you don't want to go through that, if you do, then I'm sure you'll never truly be your old self, I know I'm not, these 9 years and the withdrawal have changed so many things about me that even though I'm slowly beginning to feel more like myself, I know I'm changed for good. Depersonalisation/derealisation is the worst, it's a very weird feeling out of this world when you look in the mirror and you feel disconnected from yourself. It affects your every day life in so many ways that feeling all right for 15 minutes is a difficult task. So if you're not physically addicted yet, you want to stop now, no matter how anxious and weak you may be feeling.

Be safe,
Cheers

 

[BlueBull]

Being on an SSRI will mute an MDMA roll almost completely. So apart from the fact that taking MDMA is not a good idea when you have some psychological issues you will not feel the MDMA at all as an SSRI blocks MDMA from releasing serotonin, essentially muting you roll. Apart from that adder already answered quite thoroughly.

Take care of your psychological issues first and make sure you are SSRI-free for a couple of months before you try to roll. If you do that it will make the next roll all the more magical because you are back at 100% and because the SSRI will have flushed out of your system

 

[hunter1]

Hey guys, basically had a massive birthday weekend and told myself that this would be my last bender for a long time.

I've been pretty hooked on valium (went through 250mg in 48 hours) and usually use it for the comedown which it is incredible for.

But i also feel like I've lost some of my spark and personality due to the heavy amount of MDMA/Ecstacy I've consumed in the past 8 months and more recently the high dosage of valium.

Its been at least once if not twice or three times per week.

I have been prescribed an SSRI - Citalopram and feel as though I do need to start taking it to get back to my old self (will start tomorrow).

However in saying this, I do have a very close friends birthday coming up on September 26th and wouldn't mind having maybe 3-4 pills because everyone will be on it.

What would be your opinions on this?

I feel as though I still am very addicted to Ecstacy/MD and even last night munched about 5 clean pills and 3 caps (not proud of it).

Really would appreciate some advice!!!!!

What advice are looking for? What questions do you need answered that you don't already know the answer to?
Do you want us here to say; 'sure man, you've really been going overboard and your concerns for your long term mental health are very valid but SURE, we give you permission to have another night of smashing your brain chemistry in a months time because it's a good friends birthday...'.

Mate, there is always going to be a one last time and then I'm done in an abuse cycle... But be honest with yourself FFS. A friends birthday in a months time is an excuse. What's after that? NYE, after that your done? How many 'special occasions' will pop up before this birthday, New Years and after ect...?

You seem to be a smart educated guy. You know you are in big trouble here with regards to MD and diazepam. You can see where this is headed. My guess is that you can't believe how it's got to here

Realize this. You are still at a point in which you can get out of this without it having serious long term or lifelong implications for the rest of your life. That's the upside. The downside is that you're really at the end of being able to make this so. Yes, you can keep going like you have been and no, there's not going to be some magic sign or bad trip that's going to tell you when you've past the point of being able to get out mostly intact. There's not.
MDMA is a wonderful drug. It's a wonderful state to be in. For some of us though we want that state to never end and hence you end up in an abuse cycle with it. MDMA is perhaps the worst drug to use this way. Once per 3 months and you have a wonderful drug with minimum side effects that can teach you amazing things about yourself and connections with others.
Used in an abuse cycle; ie 3 times a week, once a week for a few months it becomes an entirely different drug.
Your past being able to use it responsibly. Whether or not your addicted to benzos yet I don't know.

Want advice? Really want it?

1. Cease MDMA use completely. Cease all other stimulant use too. Whether you need to tell yourself this it forever or for a very very long time... Up to you. I'd say 3-5 years minimum.

2. See a Pysch. Be completely honest with them about everything. ( don't let a GP prescribe antidepressants).

3. Depending on psych; start a course of antidepressants. Give them a go for a good 3 months before making any decisions on them.

4. Stop smoking pot and minimize or stop drinking too. So often leads to bad decisions and if you've been strong and you break after being on the piss... It's heartbreaking.

5. Eat healthy/ exercise

6. Keep busy; get back into the life you were living before all this

 

[ed081873]

I'd like to chime in on this one...9 years ago, I was addicted to xanax. They were being prescribed by my doctor for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) For a few years I took them as prescribed, NEVER abusing them at all and they worked well for me. Then, for whatever reason, I started abusing them in relatively larger doses more times per day than prescribed. I came clean with my doctor finally, and she was pissed! She ended up stopping my prescription, and gave me a bullshit 3 day taper after being on them for years! (a GOOD doctor would NEVER ever do a ridiculous taper like that I later found out) To make a long story short, the taper did not work and I ended up in the Emergency room. I was sent to the detox part of the hospital, and the withdrawal was absolutely the worst feeling in the world! I was both mentally and physically sick. Opiate withdrawl is not even close to Benzo withdrawal! I ended up by my own choice checking into rehab to rid myself of this withdrawal. With other medication administered by the rehab facility, I ended up freeing myself of this addiction. I was in the rehab for 8 days. YOU do NOT want to end up like I was, you can't beat benzo withdrawal by yourself as it is extremely dangerous (read up on the dangers) Before this event with xanax, I beat a pretty intense hydrocodone habit w/d myself. Benzo w/d is 100 times worse.

I have been there, this isn't something you can beat on your own! A doctor can get you on a proper taper program so you don't end up in the hospital or rehab like I was in! YOU just have to be straight upfront and honest with them for it to work though. You also have to stick with it too. Benzos are very dangerous. I can now proudly say that I have never taken another benzo since that day!
I share my story in hopes that it can help you and others.

 

[hunter1]

I'd like to chime in on this one...9 years ago, I was addicted to xanax. They were being prescribed by my doctor for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) For a few years I took them as prescribed, NEVER abusing them at all and they worked well for me. Then, for whatever reason, I started abusing them in relatively larger doses more times per day than prescribed. I came clean with my doctor finally, and she was pissed! She ended up stopping my prescription, and gave me a bullshit 3 day taper after being on them for years! (a GOOD doctor would NEVER ever do a ridiculous taper like that I later found out) To make a long story short, the taper did not work and I ended up in the Emergency room. I was sent to the detox part of the hospital, and the withdrawal was absolutely the worst feeling in the world! I was both mentally and physically sick. Opiate withdrawl is not even close to Benzo withdrawal! I ended up by my own choice checking into rehab to rid myself of this withdrawal. With other medication administered by the rehab facility, I ended up freeing myself of this addiction. I was in the rehab for 8 days. YOU do NOT want to end up like I was, you can't beat benzo withdrawal by yourself as it is extremely dangerous (read up on the dangers) Before this event with xanax, I beat a pretty intense hydrocodone habit w/d myself. Benzo w/d is 100 times worse.

I have been there, this isn't something you can beat on your own! A doctor can get you on a proper taper program so you don't end up in the hospital or rehab like I was in! YOU just have to be straight upfront and honest with them for it to work though. You also have to stick with it too. Benzos are very dangerous. I can now proudly say that I have never taken another benzo since that day!
I share my story in hopes that it can help you and others.

^ agree. Benzo addiction and widthdrawel is hell. They, especially alprazolam, are sneaky little addictive fuckers. I'm amazed with people who actually do take xannies as prescribed for any length of time. Just curious about a couple of things. How much xanax were you taking when you started to abuse it? what made you decide to go to detox and not switch to Diaz and taper slowly with that?
Having done my fair share of detoxes you do meet a lot there for benzos. Just even off xanax for 8-10 days, if you've been taking them a long time and then taken allot more for a while. You'd still have massive WD's after a detox unless your taking some valium...

 

[ed081873]

^ agree. Benzo addiction and widthdrawel is hell. They, especially alprazolam, are sneaky little addictive fuckers. I'm amazed with people who actually do take xannies as prescribed for any length of time. Just curious about a couple of things. How much xanax were you taking when you started to abuse it? what made you decide to go to detox and not switch to Diaz and taper slowly with that?
Having done my fair share of detoxes you do meet a lot there for benzos. Just even off xanax for 8-10 days, if you've been taking them a long time and then taken allot more for a while. You'd still have massive WD's after a detox unless your taking some valium...

I was taking 2mg per day prescribed, then because of a very stressful job, I started to increase from there until I was up to apprx. 5mg, maybe slightly more. I could not switch to any other benzo because once I told my doctor what was going on, I received a certified overnight letter saying that she was "Firing" me from her practice! I was told I broke the physician/patient 'contract' and included was a list of other doctors that my insurance would cover. I did not have access to any other benzo at all whether it be legally or from the "street". After 1 day, I could not take it anymore and called a friend and told them to get to my place ASAP and take me to the hospital! I couldn't even talk properly, was shaking big time, nausea, off balance, and every other symptom that comes along with the withdrawal of benzos.

Once at the hospital, I told them the whole truth, as I knew that was the only way they could help me. They immediately started giving me doses of Librium (I believe it has some benzo properties) every 1-2 hours while I was there. I was then transported to the rehab facility very willingly, where they continued with the Librium and added a few more meds, one being Wellbutrin. Long story short, I stayed in the rehab until my insurance would no longer pay for me to be there. After coming home, I still had the shakes but nothing like they were during the withdrawal. I kept taking the anti depressant, and after about another week or two in bed, they slowly went away. I still take the Wellbutrin to this day and it has helped me Greatly! That whole saga was one of the worst things to ever happen to me in my life! Opiate withdrawal is nothing compared to Benzo withdrawal as you can actually die from it. During opiate w/d, you may think you are going to die because it is horrible, but you will not. While some people don't give a lot of thought when they are abusing benzos, take it from me, YOU should!