bdomihizayka
Bluelighter
“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.” - Burroughs
I was standing outback on my porch, chatting it up with my brother. I was randomly looking at the house next to ours, and that was the moment I knew something was not right.
At the instant I noticed myself staring at my neighbor's house, everything was intensely vivid around me. It was as if I could somehow feel my environment on some other level of consciousness that I was not usually attune to. It was completely overbearing... like the environment was visually popping vibrantly in my face. I felt like I had to throw up... but at the same time, I couldn't actually formulate the process in my head of getting to a bathroom. I stood there and somehow muttered to my brother that I was completely stoned and tripping out, and he let me know he was in the same place I was.
We enter my living room and sit on the sofa. No TV is on; no music. The stimulation was overwhelming. We just sit for about 10 minutes. In this time, thoughts are rushing through my head. I couldn't hold a thought for more than a second before new thoughts would flow through. I am going to try and describe this the best I can. Usually your emotions are postulated from a thought, correct? Well I was having thoughts so fast that I had no time to actually FEEL the thoughts, and my emotions would be delayed. For example, I would think the usual thought of Oh my god I am going to be stuck like this forever....and then my body reacts to that thought with a tight stomach and feeling of dread and anxiety maybe 15 seconds AFTER I had the thought, and I am already thinking about something else... it's really hard to describe.
I was heavily aware of the environment around me. I noticed every little sound. There was a fan on. It sounded like the ocean. I could hear our dog pattering around upstairs. It felt like I had super-human hearing, and it was very hard to tolerate with my racing thoughts. I closed my eyes and would get a falling feeling, like as if I were skydiving. It was not comfortable in the least.
Me and my brother would whisper to each other; because we thought people knew we were high, even though we were the only ones in the house besides our sister. We would keep on repeating back and forth to each other how high we were and how uncomfortable it was. Our conversation got stuck in some kind of time-warp, where at one point, we kept on repeating the same exact thing to each other, and I only found this out after the trip from my sister. We had blankets and pillows piled on top of us for 'comfort'. The paranoia was worse than any stimulant induced paranoia I have ever experienced. I thought someone was going to catch us, and so did my brother, in our own house, with nobody else in it besides my sister. She could give two fucks we were smoking marijuana, but at that time, we believed she could not know, for some reason or the other.
I also got this thought in my head that I was going to 'lose control'. I was scared I was going to kill myself, or someone else. I felt like ripping my clothes off and screaming and just stabbing myself with something sharp. It was EXTREMELY scarey and surreal.
I was that coyote in the desert, fully aware; fully psychotic.
We proceeded to go to my room and try and sleep it off, as it was becoming really overbearing. I was lying on my bed, and saw colors swirling around the posters of my room. I was completely tripping... much like a Sonata experience if you've ever had one. I was hearing things that were not there... people talking that were not there. It felt like Datura on some levels also, as feeling very delirious. I couldn't think straight enough to know whether or not what was real and what was not. I shot up and ordered my brother to take me to the hospital (yea yea yea laugh all you want
) and he looked at me and said he was about to ask me the same thing. Great.... no benzos or barbs on hand.... no seroquel... nothing to just knock me out from this hell. For the remainder of the trip, I lie in my bed, thoughts swirling, sounds whooshing, and colors spinning.
Me and my brother always bug out and even trip on marijuana (interestingly enough, we are not blood brothers), but this was totally different. We have no tolerance, and both take a couple puffs to become totally stoned, as we did here. The weed was from a source we always get our bud from, our neighbor. He maintains that the weed was not laced, and we even made him smoke the remainder of our blunt in front of us. He didn't bug out. We have not smoked since.
I was standing outback on my porch, chatting it up with my brother. I was randomly looking at the house next to ours, and that was the moment I knew something was not right.
At the instant I noticed myself staring at my neighbor's house, everything was intensely vivid around me. It was as if I could somehow feel my environment on some other level of consciousness that I was not usually attune to. It was completely overbearing... like the environment was visually popping vibrantly in my face. I felt like I had to throw up... but at the same time, I couldn't actually formulate the process in my head of getting to a bathroom. I stood there and somehow muttered to my brother that I was completely stoned and tripping out, and he let me know he was in the same place I was.
We enter my living room and sit on the sofa. No TV is on; no music. The stimulation was overwhelming. We just sit for about 10 minutes. In this time, thoughts are rushing through my head. I couldn't hold a thought for more than a second before new thoughts would flow through. I am going to try and describe this the best I can. Usually your emotions are postulated from a thought, correct? Well I was having thoughts so fast that I had no time to actually FEEL the thoughts, and my emotions would be delayed. For example, I would think the usual thought of Oh my god I am going to be stuck like this forever....and then my body reacts to that thought with a tight stomach and feeling of dread and anxiety maybe 15 seconds AFTER I had the thought, and I am already thinking about something else... it's really hard to describe.
I was heavily aware of the environment around me. I noticed every little sound. There was a fan on. It sounded like the ocean. I could hear our dog pattering around upstairs. It felt like I had super-human hearing, and it was very hard to tolerate with my racing thoughts. I closed my eyes and would get a falling feeling, like as if I were skydiving. It was not comfortable in the least.
Me and my brother would whisper to each other; because we thought people knew we were high, even though we were the only ones in the house besides our sister. We would keep on repeating back and forth to each other how high we were and how uncomfortable it was. Our conversation got stuck in some kind of time-warp, where at one point, we kept on repeating the same exact thing to each other, and I only found this out after the trip from my sister. We had blankets and pillows piled on top of us for 'comfort'. The paranoia was worse than any stimulant induced paranoia I have ever experienced. I thought someone was going to catch us, and so did my brother, in our own house, with nobody else in it besides my sister. She could give two fucks we were smoking marijuana, but at that time, we believed she could not know, for some reason or the other.
I also got this thought in my head that I was going to 'lose control'. I was scared I was going to kill myself, or someone else. I felt like ripping my clothes off and screaming and just stabbing myself with something sharp. It was EXTREMELY scarey and surreal.
I was that coyote in the desert, fully aware; fully psychotic.
We proceeded to go to my room and try and sleep it off, as it was becoming really overbearing. I was lying on my bed, and saw colors swirling around the posters of my room. I was completely tripping... much like a Sonata experience if you've ever had one. I was hearing things that were not there... people talking that were not there. It felt like Datura on some levels also, as feeling very delirious. I couldn't think straight enough to know whether or not what was real and what was not. I shot up and ordered my brother to take me to the hospital (yea yea yea laugh all you want
) and he looked at me and said he was about to ask me the same thing. Great.... no benzos or barbs on hand.... no seroquel... nothing to just knock me out from this hell. For the remainder of the trip, I lie in my bed, thoughts swirling, sounds whooshing, and colors spinning. Me and my brother always bug out and even trip on marijuana (interestingly enough, we are not blood brothers), but this was totally different. We have no tolerance, and both take a couple puffs to become totally stoned, as we did here. The weed was from a source we always get our bud from, our neighbor. He maintains that the weed was not laced, and we even made him smoke the remainder of our blunt in front of us. He didn't bug out. We have not smoked since.
