So i woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy about a number of things. You know that awful sinking feeling you can get sometimes in the pit of your stomach when you even think about leaving the house? when you think about how much stuff there is do to just looming ahead, but not enough will to do it. I tend to go through phases where, for about a week or so i just can't lift myself out of bed and i find fault in everything in my life and things generally just seem 'too difficult'.
By nature I'm a pretty moody person, not only do my moods change quite regularly, they tend to be all consuming and I often take them out on (or inflict them upon) the people who are closest to me, even when they have nothing to do with the mood itself.
And when i say all consuming, I mean my whole body, mind and the way I react to situations are effected and as hard as I try to lift myself from the mood (if it be a shitty mood, sad, stressed whatever)it just won't happen. This gets pretty annoying when there's i really don't want to be in that mood, but there's nothing i can do, like i have no control over it at all.
HOWEVER, i have found something that brings me out of it, helps me think things through and realise if i'm being unreasonable (i can almost step back and separate myself from the things that are upsetting me and take an outsiders view and ask myself advice, after all, who knows me better than me?) and generally puts me in a much lighter frame of mind.
Pot. It never ever fails, and there are several people (my closest friends) who will back me up when I say that if i am in a shitty or depressed frame of mind, a small cone is all i need to lighten up. Now i hear you all say STOP! you're using it as a crutch blah di blah - and yes, i've thought that through - i definitely do think i've come to rely on it as an instant mood enhancer, however I don't think its in vain at all. I have come to some major realisations about mself and my behaviour and the way i deal with things and treat people sometimes. Realisations which have been a long time coming (to quote my mum there)
Like i said before, pot allows me to exist (if only for an hour or two at a time)in a world where only *I* exist. I had a cone before school today, something I have probably only done about 2 or 3 times in my life, but yeah, i was feeling crap and had a boring as hell tute on first, so it kind of motivated me to get there rather than me just tsyaing home in bed.. i'll admit it's probably not the most sensible habit to get into (asnd trust me when i say it's not going to become regular) but i just had a few things to sort through in my head, and the total isolation that mj can offer me is what i sometimes need to straighten myself out.
Without a doubt, by the time I got to school I was feeling cheery and confident and almost fully sorted about the shit going down with me.
I guess my concern is this; If it's all working fine for me, If i'm sorting through my problems, having these top realisations and learning stuff about myself, and have a definite escape from these stupid unsubstantiated phases of depression (strong word, i know)- should i be feeling guilty? So long as the cones don't interrupt my schoolwork (and so far they haven't) I'm fine with it.
Now, i'm ready for an onslaught of "you're going to have to learn do deal with things without assistance from drugs blah blah" and yes, you're right, I agree.. sort of. To those comments I ask you, what about the people who are prescribed Zoloft and Prozac etc. I guess in a way I am my own doctor and have found my own medicine. *giggle* by god did that sound corny!
Opinions please? Does anyone else use pot like this? Better still, does anyone use pot for medicinal purposes?
Cheers,
mona.
PS. Just so you know, I don't just say "oh i'll have a cone" if i'm feeling slightly irritable etc - it's only if i feel like i'm gonna have a hard time continuing my day in my current state of mind..
PPS. I know i'm a mod, and I know i should know better - but if this doesn't fit in this forum, then shoot me and move it
[This message has been edited by mona (edited 16 October 2000).]
By nature I'm a pretty moody person, not only do my moods change quite regularly, they tend to be all consuming and I often take them out on (or inflict them upon) the people who are closest to me, even when they have nothing to do with the mood itself.
And when i say all consuming, I mean my whole body, mind and the way I react to situations are effected and as hard as I try to lift myself from the mood (if it be a shitty mood, sad, stressed whatever)it just won't happen. This gets pretty annoying when there's i really don't want to be in that mood, but there's nothing i can do, like i have no control over it at all.
HOWEVER, i have found something that brings me out of it, helps me think things through and realise if i'm being unreasonable (i can almost step back and separate myself from the things that are upsetting me and take an outsiders view and ask myself advice, after all, who knows me better than me?) and generally puts me in a much lighter frame of mind.
Pot. It never ever fails, and there are several people (my closest friends) who will back me up when I say that if i am in a shitty or depressed frame of mind, a small cone is all i need to lighten up. Now i hear you all say STOP! you're using it as a crutch blah di blah - and yes, i've thought that through - i definitely do think i've come to rely on it as an instant mood enhancer, however I don't think its in vain at all. I have come to some major realisations about mself and my behaviour and the way i deal with things and treat people sometimes. Realisations which have been a long time coming (to quote my mum there)
Like i said before, pot allows me to exist (if only for an hour or two at a time)in a world where only *I* exist. I had a cone before school today, something I have probably only done about 2 or 3 times in my life, but yeah, i was feeling crap and had a boring as hell tute on first, so it kind of motivated me to get there rather than me just tsyaing home in bed.. i'll admit it's probably not the most sensible habit to get into (asnd trust me when i say it's not going to become regular) but i just had a few things to sort through in my head, and the total isolation that mj can offer me is what i sometimes need to straighten myself out.
Without a doubt, by the time I got to school I was feeling cheery and confident and almost fully sorted about the shit going down with me.
I guess my concern is this; If it's all working fine for me, If i'm sorting through my problems, having these top realisations and learning stuff about myself, and have a definite escape from these stupid unsubstantiated phases of depression (strong word, i know)- should i be feeling guilty? So long as the cones don't interrupt my schoolwork (and so far they haven't) I'm fine with it.
Now, i'm ready for an onslaught of "you're going to have to learn do deal with things without assistance from drugs blah blah" and yes, you're right, I agree.. sort of. To those comments I ask you, what about the people who are prescribed Zoloft and Prozac etc. I guess in a way I am my own doctor and have found my own medicine. *giggle* by god did that sound corny!
Opinions please? Does anyone else use pot like this? Better still, does anyone use pot for medicinal purposes?
Cheers,
mona.
PS. Just so you know, I don't just say "oh i'll have a cone" if i'm feeling slightly irritable etc - it's only if i feel like i'm gonna have a hard time continuing my day in my current state of mind..
PPS. I know i'm a mod, and I know i should know better - but if this doesn't fit in this forum, then shoot me and move it
[This message has been edited by mona (edited 16 October 2000).]
