Marijuana after a breakup (NOT AS A COPING TOOL!)

[transatlant]

Hi,
I'm generally a daily marijuana user and also on 20mg Lexapro (an SSRI) for depression and anxiety stemming from my childhood. i work on these issues with my therapist every week, and study psychology full time. essentially i have been working very hard for over a year to heal myself and become a kinder, more reliable, and more emotionally healthy person after a few years of very reckless drug use.
i was in a two year relationship with someone who was my best friend, and we lived together. we very frequently smoked weed together as well, but it was not harmful to our relationship. what WAS somewhat harmful (but outside of my control) was my inability to have sex, partially due to side effects from the lexapro, partially due to the trauma i was working through with my therapist which, unsurprisingly, does not make me spectacularly horny. however, i was trying, and things seemed great and like they were improving, when suddenly, a few days ago he coldly broke up with me, asked me to pack a bag, took my keys off me, and kicked me out, saying he'd load the rest of my stuff into his car, drop it at my parents house, and change the locks. i was and am pretty much in shock, and still, however pathetically, hope he will change his mind, although he has made it clear this will not happen. i am working on accepting this, calming myself, and allowing myself to grieve and cry and yell and all those fun breakup things. he made it seem like he broke up with me purely because of the sex issue. the next day we had spectacular sex and he changed his mind, saying he just didn't want a relationship. i guess i'm just confused because he has implied it's because of my issues, when i'm the one who is halfway through a degree, working part time, and working towards many personal goals. he is unemployed and gets money from his parents.
the thing is, i did not see this coming, am right in the middle of exams, am supposed to be going to amsterdam in a few months which i need $$$$ for, and now need to (in good time) find a new house. as this was happening i was pretty much at my limit with all this stuff and therapy too. i'm struggling alot here, both with acceptance and the general pain of rejection from someone you love, not to mention the shock and confusion at being kicked out of my home of 2 years, the only place i felt safe and secure.
since this has happened i have not smoked as i have been afraid it would not be a good idea. my question is - i miss smoking weed, not to get high or escape, but because it often relieves my anxiety and allows me to be objective about situations. but i'm scared that if i smoke i might panic and only be able to think of him. i'm in alot of emotional pain at the moment and don't want to do anything that is likely to make it worse - hence me posting here, in case anyone else has had a similar experience. can weed, used appropriately and in moderation, help one heal after a breakup? or is it a means of distraction that is ultimately not productive? does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share?
thankyou.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Cannabis can intensify feelings. It can make your bad feelings even worse, or improve them.
It's a gamble, but I think you should smoke.
As you know, it can give you another perspective. It can help heal.
It's productive even if it makes you feel worse, because you're actually feeling it and coming to terms with it instead of dulling it.
I say smoke up.

 

[Mel22]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it sucks.

I'd recommend giving yourself some sober time to go through and manage the range of emotions that you're going to feel. Breakups can be very rough, and being sober is by far the best way to accept and move on from things like this imo.

 

[josh.9]

I say take the cannabis, but smoking is SO bad for you. Look into vaporizing or maybe making a tincture. Much much healthier for you.

I often vape when I have a life issue that needs deep thinking about, like my last relationship. It helps ME to focus, as ordinarily I have 10 other things on my mind always.... (as I run my own business). So chronic helps me focus on the one problem and attempt to find a solution. It should be said that I don't take nearly as much as you though, I mainly use it for headaches / body pain, thinking out problems, sex (sometimes), and for the odd "nothing to do on Friday night" occurrences. Maybe cut it back a bit. Everything in moderation, ya?

I can say one thing for certain though, at least for me - when I blaze I do get very very horny, unless I'm sad or angry to begin with. If this is the case with your BF, and you're hot, that may be torture for him just to look at you and not be able to ravage you. Just a thought.

For you it may be different, ultimately you know yourself better than anyone. If it were me, knowing myself, I'd vape the weed and ponder about the scenario for a few hours. It would clear MY head.

 

[Disraeli_Beers]

Sex is an important part of most healthy relationships. Especially to young men. It could just be the lack of sex.

Did you go out of your way to take care of his needs? (BJs, ect) I know that if I had partner that was completely unwilling to address my sexual needs I would feel that they were being very insensitive...

 

[llama112]

It seems like you are smart enough to use weed in moderation. If you start using it daily and you stop going to work, studying, etc. THEN there is a problem. But if you stay on track, no problem. It CAN help you get through the breakup and there is nothing wrong with that!!
As for breakups ... breakups in general are hard. I'm VERY sorry that you have to go through this. It seems like you have your own life outside of this guy though (you work, you go to school, etc.). Some people do not have their own lives outside their significant other which can make breakups much more difficult. Stay focused on your school and your work!! Do you have many friends? It's really helpful to spend more time than usual with friends after a breakup.
Best of luck