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March forward, and fear not the thorns... March 2015 Gettin' & Stayin' Sober Thread

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Thats great captian that you managed to stop before loose her
She must be really special if she was a motivating factor in you getting clean
Papa- congrats on 12 days that is no easy task
I hate to say it but you have to do what is best for you right now
You are very delicate in the early stages of sobriety
If you feel like tour bf will drive you to relapse you should reconsider your relationship
If yoh do leave him i know you will be very sad but if you start using again you will also most likely not be happy
You have to make a big choice right now i know its hard but only you.know whats best for you
I hope you make the right decision
 
Congrats CH! :)

and yeah totach. The good thing is though, we don't live together. So we've been just kinda trying to get better separately. It's not so much a trigger being around him but when he messages me telling me he slipped, I'm like... ugh I guess I'm just a little disappointed, but i know it's every person for themselves when it comes to addiction. The most I can do is give support.... I hope when I see him on Thursday that he's been clean. We are supposed to go to a meeting together for the first time in forever.

~Verri
 
Verri, you were so supportive when I needed it back in August and September last year. You're one of the people who helped me make it to 7+ months. I never thought it would happen. It's only in the last month that I experienced a moment of pure joy for no reason. I've also become motivated again, and I'm starting to feel connections with people again. I can listen to people talk without thinking "shut up already."

I know you have it in you, because you've been there before. You helped me, and I'm sure many others. Good luck with your bf and the meeting!
 
Papaverium said:
Congrats CH! :)

and yeah totach. The good thing is though, we don't live together. So we've been just kinda trying to get better separately. It's not so much a trigger being around him but when he messages me telling me he slipped, I'm like... ugh I guess I'm just a little disappointed, but i know it's every person for themselves when it comes to addiction. The most I can do is give support.... I hope when I see him on Thursday that he's been clean. We are supposed to go to a meeting together for the first time in forever.

~Verri
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It is good to not be living with them if they have indeed relapsed.

How are you doing, still in withdrawal?

wanting said:
Verri, you were so supportive when I needed it back in August and September last year. You're one of the people who helped me make it to 7+ months. I never thought it would happen. It's only in the last month that I experienced a moment of pure joy for no reason. I've also become motivated again, and I'm starting to feel connections with people again. I can listen to people talk without thinking "shut up already."

I know you have it in you, because you've been there before. You helped me, and I'm sure many others. Good luck with your bf and the meeting!
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that's amazing, wanting! I had 7 months last year, before I relapsed. I have 5 months again now, and I'm glad to hear others are getting inspired and support from us. <3
 
You know how in NA they say that alcohol is a drug? I agree, of course, but does that mean if I drink that I am not considered sober according to their standards? I drink lightly/moderately, and still dabble in psychedelics. I consider myself sober because I no longer (over nine months now) take opiates or benzodiazepines (my problem drugs). You know, caffeine and nicotine are drugs too, and they turn a blind eye to those drugs during meetings. I have some problems with the program on a philosophical level, so it seems.
 
jackie jones said:
You know how in NA they say that alcohol is a drug? I agree, of course, but does that mean if I drink that I am not considered sober according to their standards? I drink lightly/moderately, and still dabble in psychedelics. I consider myself sober because I no longer (over nine months now) take opiates or benzodiazepines (my problem drugs). You know, caffeine and nicotine are drugs too, and they turn a blind eye to those drugs during meetings. I have some problems with the program on a philosophical level, so it seems.
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I don't really believe in NA or AA.

I think if you've given up your problem drugs, that's what counts.

I gave up needles, meth, heroin, all hard drugs.

All I use now are alcohol (rarely), cannabis (daily), salvia (rarely)

that's it. no other psychedelics even.

I have a problem with NA for being OK with nicotine usage. It's the most addictive drug!!!! What the fuck?
 
Captain.Heroin said:
It is good to not be living with them if they have indeed relapsed.

How are you doing, still in withdrawal?
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Not so badly anymore. Just got a lot of the sluggish "what should i do with my life" feeling, and it all hits me at once... all the stuff I have to do in the next 4 months, uggh i just makes me wanna relax and nod, just forget about it all its so stressful...but then that would be pointless. I need to make something of myself, I have to stop hating myself. As far as WD's go....Im past the cold-sweats and shakes. I still have the stupid insomniac sleep pattern.... I have a feeling I'm going to be depressed for a long time... and I dont think my bones and muscles will ever feel the same...... so stiff all the time... I need to do yoga... be healthy/... it just all seems like too much at once! then thats where i resort to my dark side, to cover the responsibilities and tell me I can wait til another day, but that was it! It was a trick!

Mark my words! March 12, 2015 is and forever will be the day I decided to quit Opiates!

And thank you all for the support! <3

~Verri
 
Seriously, CH. The NA meetings I attend takes a break midway so everyone can go outside and smoke. I am the only one who does not partake.

Good work on staying clean. I do not get doing salvia even on occasion, but hey... whatever turns you on.
 
Papaverium said:
Not so badly anymore. Just got a lot of the sluggish "what should i do with my life" feeling, and it all hits me at once... all the stuff I have to do in the next 4 months, uggh i just makes me wanna relax and nod, just forget about it all its so stressful...but then that would be pointless. I need to make something of myself, I have to stop hating myself. As far as WD's go....Im past the cold-sweats and shakes. I still have the stupid insomniac sleep pattern.... I have a feeling I'm going to be depressed for a long time... and I dont think my bones and muscles will ever feel the same...... so stiff all the time... I need to do yoga... be healthy/... it just all seems like too much at once! then thats where i resort to my dark side, to cover the responsibilities and tell me I can wait til another day, but that was it! It was a trick!

Mark my words! March 12, 2015 is and forever will be the day I decided to quit Opiates!

And thank you all for the support! <3

~Verri
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of course Verri

that was my #1 stress source in early recovery. I had to get myself back on my feet fairly quickly, and it was terrifying to me.
 
jackie jones said:
Seriously, CH. The NA meetings I attend takes a break midway so everyone can go outside and smoke. I am the only one who does not partake.

Good work on staying clean. I do not get doing salvia even on occasion, but hey... whatever turns you on.
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wow man, I can imagine that because where I live I call it cancer row (to contrast with skid row and all the needle users, where I live is filled with black lunged people)

I am a huge fan of intense psychedelic experiences of all kinds, hence why I've always loved salvia. I even shoot for high doses with it, trying to get fully out of reality for a short while. *shrugs* different strokes I guess lol

I'm proud of you for not smoking cigs though man :) and keep up the great work, you're a real inspiration to me.
 
Coulda posted it in Words, but I felt It'd be appropriate here:

"A Word of Encouragement...

No matter how far you think you've dragged yourself down.
and created this hole, there is always still a way out.
It was easy falling in,
but now we have the force of gravity against us.
Winning,
And that force is Addiction.
She doesn't want us to succeed.
She doesn't want us to breathe.
She just needs, needs, and needs.
Draining your passionate dreams.

But we have intellectual minds that can solve problems....
Dig yourself some stairs! Evolve!
It takes longer to get out of the hole than when you climbed,,
but with enough effort, and pride,
you can do anything to which you set your mind.
Together we can climb these clay walls,
and revive what was once your all.
It simply takes time.

Time heals all wounds.

I believe it to be true.

Time, Patience, Understanding, and Love.

Without having these four elements,
life feels unbalanced,
and people like us try to mask it,
with substances that just make it worse...

Just say "no"....

Its one word that can save you from a life of hell.

I know it seems hard, but when it comes down to it,
"no" is a two letter word that takes a fraction of a second to say.....
In that fraction of a second, a Heroin addict got shot for ripping off his dealer.

All because he didn't say " no"

Just pass on and throw away everything that has to do with your demon
That's the first true step to quitting....
its emotional to throw away your toxic memories,
but its many times more liberating once you do release....
and you may have bad anxiety at first,
not knowing what to do once you have all this free time...

Use The time too heal your wounds.
Use Patience to give them strength
Use Understanding too know you're not alone..... and,
Use Love to see yourself for who you really are.

~Verri
 
I am at a strong +++ right now on mescaline. I was laying down for a few to get my head on straight, but my neck hurts and I have to move around. I will never give up traditional psychedelics. Salvia, however, the few times I have done it made me feel like I was in hell for three minutes. My worst acid trips were easier on my mind ;)
 
jackie jones said:
You know how in NA they say that alcohol is a drug? I agree, of course, but does that mean if I drink that I am not considered sober according to their standards? I drink lightly/moderately, and still dabble in psychedelics. I consider myself sober because I no longer (over nine months now) take opiates or benzodiazepines (my problem drugs). You know, caffeine and nicotine are drugs too, and they turn a blind eye to those drugs during meetings. I have some problems with the program on a philosophical level, so it seems.
Click to expand...


Hey jackie jones! Good to "see" you 'round here.:) I think you can define sober for yourself and still get a lot from the group support. Just make sure that the meetings you go to aren't dominated by AA/NA fundamentalists. There is always going to be a range of people with differing takes on the actual tenets of AA/NA but meetings can vary a lot in tone from one to the next, so find one that feels less stringent and goes more for the philosophy. I have problems with AA because of the dogmatism but don't have a single problem with the philosophy of the twelve steps--all good prescriptions for life in general IMO. Someday I hope psychedelic therapy (whether through a provider or whether it is a direct experience just with you) will be recognized as a very good option for people dealing with addiction.

Have you checked out Smart Recovery? Seems like you would really get something from that approach as it doesn't put an emphasis on abstinence.
 
"your mental age stops growing when you start using". Do you guys believe this? Because I started using at 24, though it took a couple years to become fully addicted.

I had more than a year 'clean' (just methadone which i tapered to nothing), but other than that I've been using most of that time. So am I mentally still 24 or so? Or is this one of those outdated concepts when it comes to addiction?
 
BlueSaffron said:
"your mental age stops growing when you start using". Do you guys believe this? Because I started using at 24, though it took a couple years to become fully addicted.

I had more than a year 'clean' (just methadone which i tapered to nothing), but other than that I've been using most of that time. So am I mentally still 24 or so? Or is this one of those outdated concepts when it comes to addiction?
Click to expand...

No I don't believe that. I just do believe I am a bit younger at heart in general. *shrugs*

thanks for sharing verii regarding the poetry

I post everything I write in Words so that I can fully express myself, and I encourage everyone to stop by there :)
 
Hey all, I feel like I've come to this thread a bit late in the game (just found it). I'm trying to make it four weeks opiate free. Right now I'm at 12 days. Yesterday I got smacked with some majorly bad family-related news and of course my thinking immediately went to heroin. I managed to get through last night OK, mostly thanks to lots of weed. But the issue that came up yesterday is only gonna get worse in the coming months. Any thoughts on how to keep clean when the shit really hits the fan?
 
Sad news. Made it 142 days and relapsed yesterday. ? so today we start the count over!! Day 1!!
 
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